TNG Caption This! 258: It's how you look at it.
- Thread starter LeadHead
- Start date
Picard: Mr. Worf, this isn't what I meant when I said "Engage the Klingon ship." You see, this is just a viewscreen.
Picard (thinking): Crap. When I'm dead, my hair will look exactly like his.
"It's Kinect, you don't need a control pad sir."
"This is why CD players were banned from Starship bridges."
Picard: "Commander Sonak really suffered in that transporter accident. I heard that they had to reconstitute him like a plate of potato buds."
Worf: "That is not Commander Sonak. That is a member of Starfleet, Turkey."
Picard: "You knew that I had to get you back for calling me a 'turkey'."
Worf: "Human holidays are not honorable!"
Yay, the leaky roof is fixed!
Many thanks to everyone who participated and congrats to all of our winners!
And now, I have prepared a new contest for you! I hope you enjoy it!
My name is Data, and I'm an alcoholic.
Hi, Data.
It'll be a lot better once we add the soundtrack. Trust me.
Dammit, Q told me he was sterile!
Next week on When Tribbles Go Bad.
Thank you, I'm very honored to be chosen to be the first Ambassador to the Imaginarians, an invisible and mute alien race.
Many thanks to everyone who participated and congrats to all of our winners!
And now, I have prepared a new contest for you! I hope you enjoy it!
My name is Data, and I'm an alcoholic.
Hi, Data.
It'll be a lot better once we add the soundtrack. Trust me.
Dammit, Q told me he was sterile!
Next week on When Tribbles Go Bad.
Thank you, I'm very honored to be chosen to be the first Ambassador to the Imaginarians, an invisible and mute alien race.
Thanks for the win LeadHead!
Data: Do you want to hear some more poems?
Crowd: NOOOO!
Picard: Mr Worf, there are many things that make a man come out of his closet... But Klingon ships is NOT ONE OF THEM!
Beverly: Ugh... I still feel sick after last night!
Troi: What happened?
Beverly: Dated the captain of course, worse night ever! The sex was horrible! He seemed more interested in my naval than anything else and it's still aching!
Body: Help me!
Worf: Sir the body... It's talking to us!
Picard: I know that damn it! Shoot it, shoot it! It's a zombie!
Picard: (thinking) Just act normal... Place the glass a little lower... Got to hide that boner... Oh no! She's staring at me again! Christ what do I do? Captain's can't fraternize with their... Stuff it! I have to talk to her! What do I say? What if it goes beyond conversation? Help! I'm out of practice!!! Yes just stay here... Smile a bit and keep that boner hidden!
Data: Do you want to hear some more poems?
Crowd: NOOOO!
Picard: Mr Worf, there are many things that make a man come out of his closet... But Klingon ships is NOT ONE OF THEM!
Beverly: Ugh... I still feel sick after last night!
Troi: What happened?
Beverly: Dated the captain of course, worse night ever! The sex was horrible! He seemed more interested in my naval than anything else and it's still aching!
Body: Help me!
Worf: Sir the body... It's talking to us!
Picard: I know that damn it! Shoot it, shoot it! It's a zombie!
Picard: (thinking) Just act normal... Place the glass a little lower... Got to hide that boner... Oh no! She's staring at me again! Christ what do I do? Captain's can't fraternize with their... Stuff it! I have to talk to her! What do I say? What if it goes beyond conversation? Help! I'm out of practice!!! Yes just stay here... Smile a bit and keep that boner hidden!
Picard: "Yes, it's Captain Pike. And he really wigged out this time."
Worf: "It's a shame when they go like that."
Picard: "Bring your light a bit closer. Mine isn't quite adequate."
Worf: "Everyone says that The Empire is in decline. Then why do Klingons have better flashlights than these?"
Stewart: "Yes, we're filming now! Get your ass to Hair and Makeup and then get over here to the soundstage!"
Thanks ftw.
Once word had gotten out about Data's "Multiple techniques" a great many members of the crew had taken to "just dropping by" on a Saturday night.
Worf: I'm not upgrading to the Blu Ray of TMP till the Director's Cut comes out, it's much better paced. See how instead of having to sit through the destruction of three Klingon ships it's now just one?
Sirtis: Maurice Hurley just got re-hired.
Worf: According to the ship's log it's a time travel vessel from the future, apparently this is how you'll look in Star Trek: Nemesis.
Riker: Heheheheh, he doesn't know we switched his champagne for piss.
Once word had gotten out about Data's "Multiple techniques" a great many members of the crew had taken to "just dropping by" on a Saturday night.
Worf: I'm not upgrading to the Blu Ray of TMP till the Director's Cut comes out, it's much better paced. See how instead of having to sit through the destruction of three Klingon ships it's now just one?
Sirtis: Maurice Hurley just got re-hired.
Worf: According to the ship's log it's a time travel vessel from the future, apparently this is how you'll look in Star Trek: Nemesis.
Riker: Heheheheh, he doesn't know we switched his champagne for piss.
Picard: "There's no middle ground, Mr. Worf. Everyone either loves it or they hate it!"
Audience: Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!
Jerry: Thanks and welcome back. Our topic today, "I've been dating your evil android brother." Now, Data, you've been dating Lt. D'Sora for a while now. Lt. D'Sora has something she wants to tell you...Lt.?
Lt. D'Sora: I've been seeing your brother, Lore, behind your back.
Data: I do not understand, though I do not have optic sensors behind my back, I am 99% positive that it would be impossible for you to see Lore behind my back without my knowledge.
Jerry: Well, to answer that, Data, we have your brother backstge!
Lore: Surprised to see me brother?
Data: I am incapable of expressing an emotion such as surprise. However, even if I were, the cliched format of this program, as well as the high probability of a fight after the reveal would indicate that this was the most likely scenario. Furthermore, the episode is entitled, "I've been dating your evil android brother," which Mr. Springer just finished stating as we returned from commercial break.
Jerry: thinking to himself--I was defrosted from cyrogenic suspension for this?
Worf: It only has 3 million light years on it. Apparently, its previous owner was a grandmother who only used it for regular trips to Boreth. Its got a few dings in it, but it's nothing I can't fix-up.
Picard: Oh, Worf, isn't it a little early for you to have a Klingon midlife crisis?
Worf: If you were any other man, I'd...ow, my hip!
Troi: Beverly! Are you okay?
Crusher: I'm not sure. Leadhead is off this week and asked me to judge a contest. After reading those last two captions, I'm feeling sick. I mean, come on. "Jerry Springer" and a "midlife crisis" jokes, is this the best this poster can do? Excuse me, I'm going to be sick.
Picard: Oh no, not Max! Worf, he was my best friend in high school!
Worf: Sir, do you realize that the mortality rate among your friends is astonishingly high?
Picard: Now that you mention it, it is kind of odd. Anyway, Lt., be a friend and lend me a hand.
Worf: I'd rather not...SIR.
Picard: Damn Worf and his, "All of Captain Picard's friends end up dead," theory. It really makes mingling at a party difficult when everyone is convinced they'll end up killed in gruesome ways if they befriend me.
Similar threads
- Sticky
- Locked
