TNG Caption This! 242: Ready, Steady, Go!

[LeadHead]

Good Saturday to everyone! Hope that you're all doing well. Lets get started!

First up to the plate, we have the "Life's tough sometimes" Award, going to:

Q: "Stop sulking Jean Luc."
Picard: "I'm not sulking."
Q: "Yes you are. What is it?"
Picard: "You never want to cuddle afterwards."

Next, we have the "Impressive Abilities" Award, going to:

WORF: Report to the High Council: Have sucessfully exploded a tribble using my mind. Now need to work on distance.

Next, we have the "Futuristic Technology Run Amok" Award, going to:

The Blowjob Steerage System was only popular with a small percentage of the crew...

Next, we have the "Lucky Data" Award, going to:

After having the emotion chip during the whole away mission with Wesley, at his return on the ship Data went straight to Geordi to remove it

Next, we have the "Don't quit your day job, Jean-Luc" Award, going to:

Picard: "Ah number one. At last after many years of exhaustive research I can finally prove my hypothesis that extraterrestrials really suck at doing pottery!"

Our Photoshop Award goes to:

Poor Worf. That soft fuzzy feeling he felt on his face a couple of nights ago was a "Rabbid Face-hugger". And then today, what he thought was a bit of gagh indigestion turned out to be...

Q: "Bet you'll never choose 'Dare' again!"

Thanks to all who participated and congrats to all of our winners!

Some news, I'm thinking of creating some new awards, maybe having a rotating Special Award, besides just the Klingon Belly Laugh. I always like to get input from you all, so if you have any suggestions of a new Award, please send me a PM. I'm eager to hear them!

Enjoy!

 

[LeadHead]

Moments later, Lwaxana blew up Betazed.

Security: Our orders are shoot to kill. The Captain will work out a cover story later.

Riker didn't want to hear Barclay's theories on how to communicate with Voyager either.

Worf: "Free Byron." What does that mean Ensign Lyta?

Guinan: And as you can see, when the U.S.S. Incompotent spilled food coloring into space, this is what happened.

 

[Holdfast]

LWAXANA: Oh don't worry, Mr Woof, I'm sure I can teleport you into a tux for my ball, just by pressing this button.

In that moment, Wesley suddenly understood what Tasha must have gone through with the rape gangs.

BARCLAY: Three little maids from school are we...
RIKER: ... pert as a schoolgirl well can be...
LA FORGE: I am NOT doing this.

Her two lazy eyes were a really disconcerting trait in a security officer pointing a loading weapon.

GUINAN: I told you my outfit changes colour to match the external environment.

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Thanks for the win!

Lwaxana: "Mr. Woof, that crewman you assigned to assist me is insufferable! I want him fired immediately! Oh, wait, here's the 'Fire' button right here!"

Irate Crewman #1: "Keep looking! The little puke can't hide forever!"
Wesley (thinking): "Jeez, it was just a little Photoshop joke!"

Guinan: "You might want to remind the captain, while he's making announcements to the crew that everything is completely normal and there's nothing out of the ordinary to be concerned about, that we have a big, f***ing window down here."

 

[Mysterion]

GUINAN: Don't be too hasty, Data. We can learn a lot from the Jell-O Nebula here.

 

[Ln X]

Lwaxana: Mr Woof-
Worf: That is Worf madam.
Lwaxana: Worf whatever, how do I launch the torpedo at captain Maxwell's ship?
Worf: Why do you ask?
Lwaxana: I sensed that Maxwell was attracted to Picard, you know... I don't want any competition, plus Picard is bisexual-just don't tell him I said that!

Weasley knew the game was up when he broke Starfleet rules about putting on weight, the double chin was a dead give away.

Mr Barclay: Blah blah blah optronics blah blah generator matrix blah blah-
Riker: Mr Barclay I am tired of your whining, either you get my holosuite program running or I'll-
Geordi: Now hold on a minute commander! You can't boss Barclay around like that, other I'll tell the captain about the program where you and Worf jump into a hot tub and make out-
Riker: Alright, alright! Keep your voice down!

Ship's security had to be called out when Riker started chasing Troi around the ship, it was to their greatest horror that they had the misfortune of seeing Riker butt naked, reaking of Lynx spray-on deodorant.

Data: Guinan I am at a loss, I gave her love, I made her happy, and special, in every way... And yet she still left me.
Guinan: (sighs) Data you have much to learn about making a woman happy if you get my drift.
Data: But Guinan I am trained in multiple techniques.
Guinan: Hate to break it to you, but you are the only person in the universe with zero mojo.
Data: Mojo?
Guinan: You see my point? You're clueness, you have as much skill as a Vulcan monk!

 

[Nerys Myk]

DATA: It looks like Counselor Troi is taking the Transporter Operator's Test again.

GUINAN: I hear she's going for a Pilot's Certification next.

 

[Isis]

Worf: "Well, I can see where Deanna got her driving skills."

The treatment for Barclay's case of 'jazz hands' was only half successful.

The umpteenth remake of "Charlie's Angels" was no better than the previous remakes.

Data: "It's magnificent."

Guinan: "What's magnificent?"

Data: "The View."

Guinan: "Oh, I agree, especially that Goldberg woman."

Data (to self): "Huh?"

 

[Captain Crow]

Lwaxana: Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! Francis! Look! Look!

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Lwaxana: Mr. Woof! Is this the Pinkie Pie Launcher?

 

[Gary7]

Thanks for the selection, Leadhead.

Lwaxana: "Oh look Mr. Woof, I see your booty call light is flashing!"

Wesley: (whispering) "OK, practical joke taken too far. Never, never again."

Security guard #1: "Man, if we ever find that kid, I'm going to string him up like a hog."
Security guard #2: "You've gotta admit it though, he was pretty clever using those nanites to create a working replica of your girlfriend."
Security guard #1: "Yeah, but it's what he did with 'it' that really steams me."

Barclay: "Now keep pressing your thumbs into the console, concentrating carefully, and then repeat this phrase about a dozen times: There's no place like home."
LaForge: (thinking) I can't believe he's falling for this...

Worf was proud. Not only did he get selected for the cover of next month's "Phasers and Photons", he got the dead center position.

Guinan: "You're kidding me, right? That's really called the Placenta Nebula?"

 

[boco]

Dexter(off screen): Don't touch that button!

 

[boco]

Dexter(off screen): Don't touch that button!

 

[Mojochi]

Lwaxana: My ass! It says right here that he's in the damn holodeck again!

Security Officer #1: Well, I don't see him down here either, but it smells like somebody took a shit

When Riker was drowzy, even Barclay could get a smack in without him knowing it

The peculiar thing was, when the turbolift opened, naked Riker was on their left & Naked Troi was on their right

Guinan: I'd appreciate you mentioning to the captain that I didn't get to be hundreds of years old by hanging around during shit like this

 

[The Laughing Vulcan]

Lwaxana: "Mr Woof, will you please tell me where Captain Picard is?"
Worf: "Madam, I am not authorised to divulge that information. I suggest you ask the ship's computer."
Lwaxana: "I did, it keeps saying it's classified information. I may as well just talk to myself."

Guard 1: "How hard can it be to find one teenager?"
Guard 2: "We've been looking for half an hour now, you got any bright ideas?"
Guard 1: "We go back, get a tricorder, set it to scan for BO, and acne medication."
Guard 2: "Now that's a plan."

Riker: "Um... no... How's it go again?"
Barclay: "Very simple, Commander. E Plebnista..."
Riker: "Why do I have to memorise this?"
LaForge: "It is America Day. As the highest ranking American aboard, you have to lead the celebration."
Riker: "I'm Canadian."
LaForge: "You're from Alaska!"
Riker: "Today I'm Canadian."

The day that Lwaxana Troi finally caught Captain Picard, there was nothing that security could do...

Guinan: "I'm telling you, I saw the starship Reliant out there."
Data: "Improbable."

 

[Gary7]

Lwaxana: "Oh, would you look at that pretty red flashing light! I simply must touch it."
Worf: "Noooooooooooo!"

 

[Gary7]

Data: "Intriguing, is it not? The Teletubby Nebula."
Guinan: "I don't know... I've got a very bad feeling about this."
Data: "Well then you are in luck. These creatures are known to alleviate that very problem."

 

[Finn]

Geordi: *over the comm* Before I forget to tell you, don't touch the Iconian gateway in Science Lab four. Something went wrong with our adjustments yesterday. It seems to send people to weird universes. I encountered a guy who called me Kunta something. All right, I'm off to Risa. Stay safe, kid.

 

[Gary7]

Data: "I get a kind of warm comforting feeling from them, like knowing somebody really cares."
Guinan: "That emotion chip of yours has got to go!"

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Teenage Jack Bauer: "Drop the lunch money! Drop it NOW!!!"