TNG Caption This #226: Hello, Welcome

[LeadHead]

Hello there ladies and gentlemen. A great week and a lot of Wesley bashing! Lets begin!

First up to the plate, we have the "Method Acting" Award, going to:

Director: Gates, this isn't that hard a scene. Why do you keep asking for another take?

Next, the "Really bad assignments" Award goes to:

Wesley's quarters were so dirty that poor O'Brien--who drew the short straw--had to wear a wet suit to clean them.

Next, we have the "Sex Education" Award going to:

Wes: "Is that sex?"
Data: "No Mr. Crusher. Commander Riker simply made one too many "hide the salami" jokes and Counselor Troi is now attempting to hide the "salami" in the food waste disposal unit.

Next, the "When ya gotta go, ya gotta go" Award goes to:

Picard: Well, Wes, the bad news is the natives won't allow us to leave without performing a ritual sacrifice on one crewmember.
Wes: And the good news?
Picard: We've decided that crewmember is... oh, it's not important Wes, just take a nap.

Next, the "All those channels and nothing worth watching" Award goes to:

Wesley: Hiya, folks! Welcome to the Kids' Power Hour! Today I'll be showing you how to take over engineering and shut down a warp core!
Picard: ...change it.
Worf: It's this or Lieutenant Yar's "Yoga for Seniors" session, sir.

Our Photoshop award goes to:

Wesley: I am Wesley of Borg. Resistance is futile....

Beverly: "The Stock Market!!??"

*SLAP*

"I told you to put it all in gold!"

Many thanks to all of our contestants and congratulations to all of our winners! It's been a fantastic run in the Character Contests, and later on today, I'll be starting up the...

The Showdown has begun! Please vote!

And now, New Contest!

Happy posting!

 

[LeadHead]

Picard: When we said "Fire" we meant the torpedoes, not to put the National Geographic Channel on screen.

Troi: What's that?

La Forge: The 900th Hull breach caused in the crash of the Enterprise.

Worf: Is that Lilac?

Riker: Congrats, now that we're done with the Wesley contest, you're now the brunt of all our anger.

Riker: Captain, you're holding the rifle wrong...

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Picard: "Mr. Worf, one brief chorus of 'It's a Hot Time in the Old Town Tonight' was...acceptable. But you're on your fifth chorus now, and it's a bit much."

 

[Smellincoffee]

Picard: That was a bit sloppy, Mr. Worf.
Worf: Sorry, sir.
Picard: And generally we do it once on each cheek, not...full on the lips. With tongue.

 

[Mistral]

Picard: "Who set the ship on fi-"

Riker: "Tasha."

 

[Mistral]

Picard: "I can't believe you kissed me!"

Worf: "I've been practicing on my hand for weeks. I thought I had my technique perfected."

 

[Mr Silver]

Picard: Requires 4 AA batteries?!...This isn't a phaser!
Riker: (thinking) Of course it isn't a phaser, its a used Klingon marital aid, its just too funny to let him keep examining it though!

 

[Nerys Myk]

WORF: Sir, the fire in Ten-Forward seems to have spread to the rest of the primary hull!

PICARD and RIKER (together): Ya think?

TROI: Looks like your date wasn't sick after all, she's down there making out with Crewman Smith!

WORF: Yep, thats from a Targ all right.

PICARD: Wait...what??!!!

KLINGON: Your species is even weaker than I expected.

RIKER: I can't...

KLINGON: You can't even speak. What?

RIKER: I got your gu.. Um, could you twist a little to the left?

ANNOUNCER: And with the new extention, the Dustbuster 3000 its even easier to use in those hard to reach places!!!!

 

[Isis]

Klingon: "No exceptions. As a licensed therapist, I can tell you the only way to break your Spacebook addiction is to go completely cold turkey."

 

[Isis]

Picard: "Lwaxana's done it again."

Riker: "Done what, Sir?"

Picard: "Sent me a gift that I don't have a clue in hell what it is!"

 

[Herkimer Jitty]

Worf: "Sir, there's a problem."

Riker: "A problem? What is it?"

Worf: "It's when something goes awry, but that's not important right now."

Troi: "Over there!"

Geordi: "Oh yeah, looks like the optronic post-neutrino dynamo was depolarized by a quantum antiproton crossfeed spillover."

Troi: "Not up there. Down there."

Geordi clears his throat uncomfortably.

Worf: "What... did we just do?"

Picard: "I have no idea, Mr. Worf, but it was wonderful."

Riker: "You're a mildly-injured and somewhat-winded man, Apgar! A MILDLY-INJURED AND SOMEWHAT-WINDED MAN!"

Picard: "It can't possibly be a weapon, Number One. It's far too ergonomically sound."

 

[Skywalker]

Riker: "Mr. Worf...fire."
Picard: "Oh, well played, Number One!"

Troi: "There he is! That's the cameraman who said I should have worn a skirt for this shot!"

Picard: "Alright, who's the moron that decided there wouldn't be any Kleenex in the 24th century?"

 

[Captain Crow]

Picard: How long do I have to hold this thing?

Riker: Untill the glue dries.

Picard, doing a bad Jamie Hyneman impression: This week on Mythbusters...

Picard, doing a bad Dr. Zoidberg impression: My name isn't Slick. It's Zoidberg! JOHN! FUCKING! ZOIDBERG!!

 

[Cakemixo]

Picard: Gesundheit, Worf.
Worf: Sorry, sir.

 

[Isis]

Troi's timing was atrocious on occasion...like the time she wore her new counselor uniform with the uneven neckline during a Red Alert.

Picard: "I don't know why I'm finding this difficult. Uri Geller makes it look so easy."

 

[Holdfast]

PICARD: "We're on fire Mr Worf. It will NOT buff right out..."

GEORDI: Pointing's no use, Counsellor; my visor's on the blink.

PICARD: Damn it, Wesley!

The Enterprise Swing Dance Contest Winners.

PICARD: Yes, Number One, it is set on overload, and no, I can't remember how to stop it.

 

[The Laughing Vulcan]

Worf: "Judging by the moronic dickhead prevalence, we've arrived in London, August 2011."

Picard: "Set phasers to kill. Aim for a hoodie."

 

[Captain Crow]

Worf: Bitch, next time you best be givin' me all my monies or I'll use my ring hand!

 

[Mojochi]

Picard: Overreact much Worf? It was just a docking request from Lwaxana

Troi: I'm pretty sure that whatever that thing over there is, it needs to be fixed.

Geordi: Yes....Commander

Worf: I'd appreciate it if you popped it yourself next time, Sir

Riker performed the dishonorable Nuht-Sa'Ch maneuver

Picard: I like my old flute better

 

[Nerys Myk]

PICARD: Which end does the beam come out of?