TNG Caption This #214: The Picard!

[LeadHead]

Good evening Ladies and Gents! Apologies for posting this new one so late, just another busy Friday for yours truly.

First up to the plate, we have the "Action Hero Haircut" Award, going to....

Geordi: "Sure, it looks good now, but what about when I'm rolling under a blast door?"

Next up, we have the "Danger, Gomtu, Puns!" Award going to...

Tam Elbrun's attempt at stand-up comedy was a real Groener.

in the third position on the lineup we have the "Defending the honor of the girl you like whose married to someone else" Award, going to...

LaForge: Bitch, you did NOT just call LEAH BRAHM's WORK DERIVATIVE!
Data: Easy, my man. I got this.

Batting cleanup, we have the "Insert Name Here, signed Jean-Luc Picard" award, going to...

WORF: The Captain wants to know if you want anything special in the letters he'll be sending to your parents.

Pinch Hitting, we have the "Okay, that closes one plot hole" Award, going to...

Crusher - I'm afraid you've both contracted a very rare space disease. I can give you a hypospray to cure it, but you'll still suffer the symptoms for the next day or so. The symptoms are bloating and an aged appearance.
Riker - Well make it quick Doc, I need to go to the holodeck and think over this Pegasus thing.

Worf: I have called this meeting because all of you have been spending too much time looking at yourselves in the mirror. Curious, the captain was supposed to be here...

Congratulations to all of our winners, and many thanks to all of our contestants! Now, the next few contests I'm planning on having them center on a character in general, so why not start with the Captain?

 

[LeadHead]

Picard: Yup, I'm your God. Thought I'd have hair didn't ya?

Picard: Wait, Number One, he might become a recurring character. Oooo maybe not.

By the later half of the series Patrick Stewart just stood still during action scenes, hoping nobody would notice.

Data: Heading for Shuttlebay 2.

Picard: Which one is that?

Data: Crap! I was hoping you knew!

Picards attempt to cook dinner for the crew had disastrous results.

 

[BlobVanDam]

Patrick Stewart - Ah Mr Braga, this is what I think of your script. Killing off Kirk, yeah that's gonna happen.....

Patrick Stewart - No, hold off for a minute Frakes, and let's listen to his idea. Did he mention the Borg? This one actually might not suck.

Picard - Don't change the channel, I was watching that. It's called "Girls Gone Warp". I think you'll like it.

 

[Nerys Myk]

JJ ABRAMS (o.s.): Annnnd cut.

PICARD: Stand down Mister Riker. Laser pointers are fun till you put someone's eye out.

CONN: Get your hands off of my chair before I turn around and slap you!

 

[Finn]

Wesley: (very groggy, mumbling) Captain...what did you do to me...

Picard: Ogawa! He's coming around!

Ogawa: Shit, I'll give him something before Beverly shows up....

Riker: Damn...No Deanna boobs jiggling.

Data: I can see the quarters she wanted from here. I wish she was still around, walking around in there....

Small children of the Enterprise: Ohhhh!

A small boy: *raises hand*

Picard: *smiles* Nathan

Nathan: Are you Gandalf?

Picard: *chuckle* No

A little chubby Bolian girl: Dr Xavier?

 

[TigerOfDarkness]

Picard: Force-fields up full, lock phasers on target.
Riker: Noooooooo, bellaaaayyyy that phaasserrr ooorrderrrr
...

The photocopier failed to meet the demand for signed photos...

 

[LeadHead]

Alien: Am I alive?

Picard: Not for long. Mister Worf.

Worf: Aye Sir.

 

[Nerys Myk]

ALIEN: Dude, wear a hat or something the glare off your head is killing me!

 

[Herkimer Jitty]

Not Picard: "Yo, Being of Light here. Count Iblis is evil as fuck."

Picard: (Sigh) "Again with the Romulans..."

Picard: "Thank god, after 12 days in this can, I need to take wicked piss. I miss our old shuttlecraft."

Emeril Picard: "BAM! Kicked it up a notch!"

Picard: "Wait, Numbah One. This is my favorite part."

 

[Isis]

Picard: "I hate getting stuck behind these big starships. You can't see a thing, and we're liable to be here all afternoon."

 

[Isis]

Picard decided that from now on he'd better stick with store-bought gifts.

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Picard: "James T. Kirk, I can't hear the sound of how awesome you are over the sound of how awesome I am!"

Picard: "No, Will, don't fire! Although he may be a deranged, megalomaniacal criminal now, he was once a great and noble man! He deserves better than to be dispatched by that tiny little pussified weapon!"

 

[Nerys Myk]

DATA: I fail to find the humor in the way the ship slows down but then as we approach, it speeds up.

 

[Isis]

Picard: "Will, don't be so fast in pulling the trigger. Lwaxana still owes me a sh*tload of money."

 

[Vassa]

Well Mr. Crusher you had quite the busy day...






Hubbel: Helm not responding Sir! It's been disabled.
Riker: Damn Wesley!





Picard: Ensign Crusher you will cease evasive maneuvers immediately.
Data: Damn Wesley!!



Beverly(off-screen): Jean-Luc be careful that is one of Wes' experiments!
Picard: Damn Wesley!!



Picard: No Will, just stun him! If you kill him he won't learn nothing!
Riker: Damn!

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Picard: Don't change the channel yet, Numbah One. I want to see what Snooki is up to this week.

 

[T'Girl]

Picard: "He's coming around doctor, will he remember any of this?"
Crusher: "Nothing Captain, we can safely return him to the twenty-first century."
Abrams: "Lens flare."

Conn: Helm is not responding
Riker: Collision course
Picard: All hand to escape pods
Data: Oh man, this is so Takei

.

 

[LeadHead]

Picard: Good work, Number One. Your biceps have gotten stronger since the last caption contest.

 

[Gil T.Azell]

Picard: (Thinking) Mento's and Romulan Ale is not a good idea.

 

[Finn]

Riker: Damn it, Remmick! What are you investigating? Am I being investigated?

Picard: Hold on, Number One. Remmick, what's going on.

Remmick: We are investigating TATV