TNG Caption This #210: Don't Let Go

[LeadHead]

Happy Friday Everyone! Glad to have the chance to put this up a little earlier than normal this time around, so lets get right to it.

First, the "Ultimate Headache" Award goes to:

So my Mom is coming on board, with her twin sister.

Next, the tag-team "2364 Chevrolet Galaxy" Award goes to:

Conn: "'Space poop'?"
Ops: "Look, I don't write the sensor returns! I just read 'em!"

Conn: "All I know is that it always happens right after we get the Enterprise washed."

Next, the "Leave me alone, I'm on my break!" Award goes to:

Worf (thinking): Hmmmmm. Maybe with a Romulan warbird powering up forward weapons I should be at my console instead of chatting up Riker... Nah.

Next, the "Revenge of the Q" Award goes to:

Q (O.S.): Don't bet on it, Picard.

A klaxon blares.

Computer: Warning! Fire-suppression system activated. Force field envelopment in five seconds, three, two, one.

And now, the "Problems that are common to Cat owners" Award goes to:

Geordie: "How in the hell?"

Miles: "I don't know sir, it was up there when I came in."

Geordie: "Data?"

Data: "I must admit, my training of Spot has not been entirely successful. Bad kitty."

Next, the Multi-Cap Award goes to:

Rick Berman: "Dammit, who put out their cigar on the model of the ship?"

Patrick Stewart:"...."

Our Photoshop Award goes to:

PICARD: Then on morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas...

How he got in my pajamas, I'll never know.

Picard: Have you done the monthly senior staff evalutation yet?

Troi: Yes. Riker is sleeping with more women than lately. Data got into online dating. Geordi keeps sening Dr. Brahms Facebook friend requests. Worf has been having too much bloodwine lately and he have been coming on to our female Vulcan crewmembers, asking them if they were Romulan spies. Beverly is running a Baywatch holoprogram, with both you and Jack as the lead lifeguards.

Picard: *facepalm*

Congrats to all our winners and thanks to all those who participated, now on with the new contest!

Off we go!

 

[LeadHead]

Crusher: I'm sorry, you're not Wesley's father.

Picard: Oh Thank god! I mean, that's so sad Beverly.

Picard: Tasha! You're Back!

Riker shoots her with his phaser

Riker: What? It was gonna happen sooner or later.

Troi: How's this for therapy?

Picard: Is he still under Warranty?

Riker: I think there may be a problem with the Inertial Dampeners...

Worf: Ya think?!

 

[Distorted Humor]

Thanks for the win!

Crusher: I asked for a episode to be about me, they are going to call is Sub Rosa

Picard: I seen that script, what next, we go to warp 10, turn into newts, and have puppies?

Riker - What was that scream?

Worf - I was just showing Crusher how to attract a mate, he needs all the help he can get!

I know what you're thinking. "Did he fire six shots or only five?" Well, to tell you the truth, in all this excitement I kind of lost track myself. But being as this is a Mark 44 Phaser, the most powerful hand weapon in the federation, and would Vaporize your head clear off, you've got to ask yourself one question: Do I feel lucky? Well, do ya, punk?

Laforge: Anyone know where the powercord is?

Riker: I need a V8 juice from the replicators.

Worf: Does that have prune juice in it?

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Thanks for the co-win, LeadHead...and for teaming me with one of my favorite fellow captioneers, too!

Picard: "Jesus Christ, Worf! If you're going to sneeze that loudly, how about a little warning first?!"

LaForge: "See there, Doc? Data put himself in harm's way and got himself injured out of loyalty to us! A very human trait, wouldn't you say? Still think he's just a machine?"
Pulaski (thinking): "I wonder if I slipped a slice of bread into his mouth if it would automatically pop up when it was done toasting."

Picard: "Doesn't it bother you that about half the crew assume you and I are sleeping together?"
Crusher: "Does it bother you that the other half think you're sleeping with Riker?"

 

[CorporalCaptain]

Thanks for the win, LeadHead!

Beverly: Are you watching the new triple-X parody, or are you just happy to see me?

 

[Nerys Myk]

PICARD: You squat on the table and I'm underneath....

PICARD: Mister Worf!!! Please put your trousers back on!

WES: Gee Worf, that was even easier than they said. You do suck at fighting.

PULASKI: He dead, Jean.

DE KELLEY (O.S.) Come on!!!!!

RIKER: First one to Troi's quarters gets to marry her in a feature film!!!!

 

[Bob Karo]

Picard: Dammit woman! We know you don't like the man, but really....

Pulaski: It was an accident! I swear! I didn't mean to retire him, not really.

LaForge: MURDERER! It's called murder!

 

[Subcommander R.]

Crusher: Jean Luc, the desk is made of glass. You're not hiding anything.

Crewman (OS): I just said I thought the skants looked awesome...

Worf thought he was doomed until he noticed his adversary merely possessed a dustbuster.

Picard: I knew I should have gotten the iPhone, it was that damn Wesley who sold me on Android.

The final leg of the Enterprise Triathlon proved even more grueling than imagined, but Riker's years of practice at running from angry fathers wielding phaser rifles had prepared him well.

 

[Skywalker]

Pulaski: "He's dead, Jean-Luc."
Picard: "Ehh, it just doesn't have the same ring to it."
Geordi: "Captain, she's givin' it all she's got!"
Picard: "I appreciate the effort, Mr. La Forge, but you are no Scotty."

 

[Finn]

Thanks for the win!

Pulaski: What's going on?
Data: She wanted some fun in here. This is how Tasha wanted....
Picard: That's enough!....

Riker: I'm impressed!
Worf: That we still can't find the Reman Viceroy?
Riker: That someone was able to make it appear as if we were still on the E-D in our old uniforms.

 

[Isis]

LaForge: "He just couldn't take it."

Picard: "Pulaski, what possessed you to give an android a colonoscopy?"

 

[CorporalCaptain]

Troi: If you don't take this dustbuster and clean up this mess right now, I'll never wear my Tal Shiar uniform for you ever again!

 

[Finn]

 

[Supernuke]

An image from the lost film Star Trek: Inception has finally been leaked to the public.

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Worf: "Son of a bitch, stop crowding me!"
Riker: "Eat wall, sucker!"

 

[T'Girl]

Pulaski: "He's dead, Jean-Luc."
Picard: "Ehh, it just doesn't have the same ring to it."
Geordi: "Captain, she's givin' it all she's got!"
Picard: "I appreciate the effort, Mr. La Forge, but you are no Scotty."

Picard: "Right, anyway I believe I'll shag this comely young guest star on that conveniently placed console."

Pulaski: "And you're no Jim Kirk."

Troi (intercom): "Hard to port."

Worf: "Commander, about the duty roster"

Troi (intercom): "Hard to starboard."

Riker: "Yes Mister Worf."

Troi (intercom): "Hard to port."

Worf: "You seemed to have place Councilor Troi at the helm yet again."

Troi (intercom): "Hard to starboard."

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

"I don't believe you heard me, Mr. Worf. I said I would like to talk to you about Amway."

Riker: It's just a jump to the left...and then a step to the right. Put your hands on your hips, and bring your knees in tight. But it's the pelvic thrust that really drives you in say-ay-ay-ay-ane...

Worf (interrupting): Do NOT say it, Commander.

Riker: "Let's do the time Worf again!!"

Worf:

 

[UssGlenn]

thanks for the win

LaForge: "I would suggest Ctrl+Alt+Delete but you don't want to know where his Delete key is."

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Geordi: You mean...

Pulaski: I'm afraid so. Data's entire lower body has disappeared, along with your left leg.

 

[Captain Crow]

Picard: Mr. Worf! Quit throwing Jujubes at the back of my head!

Troi: Phaser set to gorch pop.

Geordi: I'll turn him on.

Pulaski: No, I'll do it. [sexy voice] Hey there Mr. Sexy Metal Man. I'm a dirty girl and I'm going to take off all my clothes and rub an ice cube all over my...

Geordi: I meant turn him on as in flipping his power switch to on.

Pulaski, sheepishly: Oh.

Picard: I think I just threw up in my mouth a little.

Riker, out of breath: Running Spock... made this... look... so easy.