TNG Caption This #156 - "Safety First"

[The Laughing Vulcan]

Geordi: "My Precioouuusssss"
Amanda: "One PADD to rule them all, One PADD to find them, One PADD to bring them all and in the darkness bind them"

Data's brain: Subroutine 116B56 Code Delta X6777D777###346 REM: Facial Expression in event of pre-op transexual dance partner.

 

[Captain Crow]

Data, flat and unemotional: You all best cover your eyes as to not be blinded by my fity dolla' grillz.

 

[Ryan Thomas Riddle]

This is Data.
Data is happy.
That's 'cause Data tried Enzyte, the one daily tablet for natural android enhancement.
Now Data's fully functional, with a big boost of confidence, and a very happy Mrs. on the holodeck.

If you have an andriod erection that lasts for more than four hours, please see the Chief Engineer on deck 36.

 

[Daneel]

DATA (thinking): Okay, just keep smiling... Don't look at her uni-brow... Or the huge mole on the tip of her nose... Just keep smiling... Dammit, this is the last time I agree to be Geordi's wingman.

AMANDA: "So you're sure my cousin Nancy is going to be alright with your friend Data? And that they're going to have a good time?"

GEORDI: "Sure baby, just like I promised! Now, are you ready for our date?"

AMANDA: "Yeah, I guess so --"

GEORDI: "Great! You go wait in the forward section of the shuttle, and I'll be with you in a minute." >She goes. Geordi discreetly puts a six-pack and box of condoms in the back compartment and closes the door.< "Okay, let's roll!"

 

[jep]

LaForge: "And this control makes him walk... see?"

Amanda: "This seems an awful lot like what happened to..."

LaForge: "No, no no!! , This isn't like "Spock's Brain"!!! Do you see Spock anywhere? And look at my damn control pad!!! Does it look like the primitive POS that Dr. McCoy used?"

Amanda: "Well.... no."

LaForge: "Thank you!!! Now watch this... when I push this button it will make Riker give Worf's ass a right proper goosing."

 

[Shatmandu]

Geordi: "No, my Visor doesn't have an x-ray setting ..."
Amanda: "I'm a Q. Right now, I'm looking through your eyes at my own nipples."

Data: "Computer, remove holodeck safety protocols, authorization Data K-113. Me and this broad is gonna throw down ..."

 

[cooleddie74]

AMANDA:"Where's your bathroom?"

GEORDI:"Don't have one. Been using an old coffee can behind that stack of containers since I first came aboard."

HOLO DANCE PARTNER:"You dance divinely...for a psychotic albino with severe mood swings, I mean!"

 

[cooleddie74]

GEORDI:"Can...can I help you, Miss Rogers?"

AMANDA:"That depends. You into jungle fever?"

 

[Shatmandu]

Geordi: "Then stop reading my mind."
Amanda: "Then stop thinking about me sitting on your face."
Geordi: "Then stop reading my mind."
Amanda: "Then stop thinking about me sitting on your face."
Geordi: "Then stop reading my mind."
Amanda: "Then stop thinking about me sitting on your face."
Geordi: "Then stop reading my mind."
Amanda: "Then stop thinking about me sitting on your face."

Amanda: "For the shuttlecraft, I'll drop a barrel on aaaaanyone you want ..."
Geordi: "Hmm. Riker was a dick on Farpoint ..."

 

[cooleddie74]

AMANDA:"...and then I turned seventeen, left home and came out here to pursue a science career."

GEORDI:"Fascinating. So...are you gonna take your top off now? Or...has this all been one long, droning tease?"

 

[Nerys Myk]

Geordi: "No, my Visor doesn't have an x-ray setting ..."
Amanda: "I'm a Q. Right now, I'm looking through your eyes at my own nipples."

Geordi: "Does that turn you on?"

 

[Shatmandu]

Geordi: "But you can't go back. You'll screw up the old saying."

 

[Triskelion]

Geordi: Want me to wait here while you go throw on a few more layers?
Amanda: Would you mind?
Geordi: <muttering>Why don't you replicate a banner that says "VIRGIN" while you're at it.
Amanda: What was that?
Geordi: I said I need to replicate a spanner to fix the verteron matrix
Amanda: Oh.
Geordi: - in my pants. D'oh!

 

[Alrik]

Amanda: "A hundred credits and I'll let you see them both. A hundred fifty and you can even give 'em a squeeze."

Geordi: "Let me check my balance here, I'm not sure if I can come up with that much."

Amanda: "Have fun in the Holodeck then."

Geordi: "WAIT, Wait, wait. Okay, a hundred fifty it is."

 

[jep]

Positronic Pimp: "Pimp get crazy when one his hos be working the stroll freelance.... A pimp start throwing shit... like this heavy ass container!"

 

[jep]

LaForge:

But I never knew love before
'Til you walked through my door
I've had other lips
I've sailed a thousand ships
But no matter where I go
You're the one for me baby this I know, 'cause it's

True love
You're the one I'm dreaming of
Your heart fits me like a glove
And I'm gonna be True Q, baby I love you


Amanda: "Sing that again, and I turn you into a Ferengi."

 

[cooleddie74]

GEORDI:"You know, Amanda...

a lot of Starfleet-themed pornos have started out JUST like this conversation."

(*Cheesy synthesizer music blares up*)

 

[Mistral]

Geordi: "I'm telling you, I don't know who pointed the crew quarters security camera at your shower!" *pause* "Stop looking at me like that! I'm blind, why would I do it?"

 

[cooleddie74]

AMANDA:"The ladies' room anywhere around here, Commander?

I've got a crap on deck that could choke a Nimbus stallion!"

 

[Triskelion]

Crewman in blue: <texting> OMG y r cmdrs REEMER and LOLFART takn so lng??? 5 min job now 30, thx 2 new brbie dl. They r tird of servc ea. other???