TNG Caption This #155 - "Twist and Shout"
- Thread starter cultcross
- Start date
Barclay: "I got this shit under control."
Reg was angry enough to hit someone-but he couldn't remember how to make a proper fist.
Barclay practices his Vulcan handjob technique.
Barclay: It's not good when the screen turns blue is it?
O'brien, pretending to cough: Dipshit!
Barclay was so tired of listening to O'brien with his Mr. Microphone that he beamed it out of his hand and into space.
O'brien: I wish Keiko would give me a proper bj like this instead of biting it like it's a chew toy.
Barclay: That's why I like holodeck women, you can program them not to have teeth.
Counselor Troi: Reg, next time you want to play the "Rock em Sock 'em Robots" holoprogram, leave the safety protocols on.
Barclay: Sorry sir, only the string was beamed out into space.
O'Brien: Damn tooth!
Barclay: I swear I'll pay you just give me a little more time.
Pimpbot 5000 Data: If I do not be geting my moneys soon I am going to insert my pimp cane into your rectal cavity.
Holo Boxing.
No matter how addicted you are to a holodeck...ALWAYS a bad idea.
MILES:"Good job, moron.
You just turned the transporter into a bread maker."
"DAMN FINE TIME for Worf's prune juice to hit my system!!"
Barclay realized that playing the role of Nero in his no holoprogram was not the best idea.
Having the USS Kelvin shoved up your ass can be uncomfortable.
Barclay's newest hobby--putting together model cars--lasted a record 8.2 seconds before ending in disaster.
With his hands super-glued into fists and mere minutes remaining until his shift began, the panicked man devised a plan that has become known as the other Barclay Maneuver . . .
*transporter sound*
"Barclay! What did you do?"
"Er, nothing, sir? Er, I suppose I may have accidentally bumped the transporter controls accidentally. Entirely accidentally. Sir."
" . . . Barclay, are those my hands you're wearing?"
"Ummm . . . no?"
Barclay: See Chief, I can take a Viagra and use my stiffy to work the console.
[O'brien throws up in his mouth]
Last edited:
Sir, I know you don't like Keiko's cooking, but don't you think beaming the contents of your stomach into the main deflector is a bit much?
First Reg couldn't hold it in any longer...
Then he beamed it out into deep space...widest angle of dispersion.
Barclay: "Look at all the porn!"
O'Brien: "Err..."
Barclay: "Terrabytes and terrabytes of it!"
O'Brien: "Yeah, yeah. I know."
Barclay: "Andorian menage-a-quatres. Naughty admirals. Horta orgies. Nausicaan lesbian geishas. Cardassian neck tri..."
O'Brien: "Look! You try sitting alone in this damn closet-sized room every day waiting for the one or two times a month someone actually has to beam somewhere!"
Barclay: "...I see."
O'Brien: "Good."
Barclay: "I was just going to ask if I could make some copies."
O'Brien: "Sure, go ahead."
``I yam what I yam and that's all what I yam! ... Uhm ... if ... you think that .. isn't ... going to be too inconvenient ... for everyone ... that is ... I mean ... uh ... er ... maybe I should just go back to my quarters ... if ... that's okay.''
``Miles ... it says here we're not in this episode.''
``It always says that. Just swap some gibberish with me about tachyon emissions and transporter interference and they'll put us in.''
Barkley tried to hold his gas but fails and tried to act casual in the conversation to not lead Obrien on
O'Brien: <thinking> Oh my god what is that SMELL?
[
LL COOLJ really loud in his quarter as Barkley plays his wii Virtual Boxing.
Don't call it a comeback
I been here for years
Rockin' my peers
Puttin' suckers in fear
Makin' the tears rain down like a monsoon
Listen to the bass go boom
Explosion, overpowerin'
Over the competition, I'm towerin'
Records shock
When I drop these lyrics
That'll make you call the cops
Don't you dare stare
You betta move
Don't ever compare me to the rest
They'll all get sliced and diced
Competition's payin' the price
(CHORUS)
I'm gonna knock you out
Mama said knock you out
I'm gonna knock you out
Mama said knock you out
I'm gonna knock you out
Mama said knock you out
I'm gonna knock you out
Mama said knock you out
Don't you call this no regular jam
I'm gonna rock this land
I'm gonna take this itty-bitty world by storm
And I'm just getting warm
Just like Mohammad Ali, they called him Cassius
Watch me bash this beat like a skull
Dontcha know I gotta beef wit'
Why don't you rip with me, the maniac psycho
Cuz when I pull out my jammy, get ready cuz it might go
Blauh!
How do you like me now?
The reverand will not allow
you to get wit' Mr. Smith don't risk
Listen to my gear shift.
I'm blastin', outlastin'
Colors like shaft, so you could say I'm shaftin'
Old English fill my mind and I came up with this funky rhyme
(REPEAT CHORUS)
Shadow boxin' when I heard you on the radio
I just don't know
What made them forget that I was raw
But now I gotta new toy
I'm going insane
Frontin' the hurricane
Releasin' pain
Lettin' you know
You can't gain or maintain
Unless you say my name
Rippin'
Killin'
Diggin' and drillin' a hole
Well I'll pass your goal
(REPEAT CHORUS)
Shotgun blasts are heard
When I rip and kill at will
The man of the hour, tower of power
I will devour
I'm gonna tie you up and let you understand
That I'm not your average man
When I gotta jammy in my hand
Damn
Ooh
Listen to the way I slay your crew
Damnit
Damnit
Damnit
Damnit
Destruction, terror and mayhem
Pass me a .... I'll slay him
Farmers (WHAT)
Farmers (WHAT)
Ready? (READY)
I think I'm gonna bomb a town
Don't you never, ever
Pull my lever
'Cause I explode
And my nine is easy to load
I gotta thank God
'Cause he gave me this chance to rock
Hard... knock you out
(REPEAT CHORUS)
LL COOLJ really loud in his quarter as Barkley plays his wii Virtual Boxing.
Don't call it a comeback
I been here for years
Rockin' my peers
Puttin' suckers in fear
Makin' the tears rain down like a monsoon
Listen to the bass go boom
Explosion, overpowerin'
Over the competition, I'm towerin'
Records shock
When I drop these lyrics
That'll make you call the cops
Don't you dare stare
You betta move
Don't ever compare me to the rest
They'll all get sliced and diced
Competition's payin' the price
(CHORUS)
I'm gonna knock you out
Mama said knock you out
I'm gonna knock you out
Mama said knock you out
I'm gonna knock you out
Mama said knock you out
I'm gonna knock you out
Mama said knock you out
Don't you call this no regular jam
I'm gonna rock this land
I'm gonna take this itty-bitty world by storm
And I'm just getting warm
Just like Mohammad Ali, they called him Cassius
Watch me bash this beat like a skull
Dontcha know I gotta beef wit'
Why don't you rip with me, the maniac psycho
Cuz when I pull out my jammy, get ready cuz it might go
Blauh!
How do you like me now?
The reverand will not allow
you to get wit' Mr. Smith don't risk
Listen to my gear shift.
I'm blastin', outlastin'
Colors like shaft, so you could say I'm shaftin'
Old English fill my mind and I came up with this funky rhyme
(REPEAT CHORUS)
Shadow boxin' when I heard you on the radio
I just don't know
What made them forget that I was raw
But now I gotta new toy
I'm going insane
Frontin' the hurricane
Releasin' pain
Lettin' you know
You can't gain or maintain
Unless you say my name
Rippin'
Killin'
Diggin' and drillin' a hole
Well I'll pass your goal
(REPEAT CHORUS)
Shotgun blasts are heard
When I rip and kill at will
The man of the hour, tower of power
I will devour
I'm gonna tie you up and let you understand
That I'm not your average man
When I gotta jammy in my hand
Damn
Ooh
Listen to the way I slay your crew
Damnit
Damnit
Damnit
Damnit
Destruction, terror and mayhem
Pass me a .... I'll slay him
Farmers (WHAT)
Farmers (WHAT)
Ready? (READY)
I think I'm gonna bomb a town
Don't you never, ever
Pull my lever
'Cause I explode
And my nine is easy to load
I gotta thank God
'Cause he gave me this chance to rock
Hard... knock you out
(REPEAT CHORUS)
Barclay: Chief, that uh, "minstrel boy" song - can't you do something else for karaoke night?
O'Brien: LAND OF SONG SANG THE WARRIOR BARD - Huh?
Counselor Troi: Computer, delete all holoprogram references to something called "Jerry Springer".