TNG Caption This #143 - "Threads"
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Riker: "Data, we found this on the surface below. We're not sure what it is; do you think you can give it a try?"
Data: "With pleasure, sir."
A
Amaris
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And by popular demand, although I must admit to not really understanding the joke...
Data was disappointed to learn that no, no one would do it for Randolph Scott.
If you've ever watched Blazing Saddles you would recognize it. Randolph Scott was a legendary for acting as lead man in American westerns. The point of this is that Blazing Saddles is an American western spoof by Mel Brooks (a comedic genius IMO), where the lead character, a black Sheriff (played by Cleavon Little) tries to get the (very racist) townsfolk to assist him in saving their town from being stolen by Hedley Lamarr, the Mayor's devious assistant. The townspeople refuse, and Cleavon Little's character "Bart" replies, "You'd do it for Randolph Scott", to which people take off their hats and you hear a choir sing "Randolph Scott!".
I chose this caption because Data is an unfamiliar foreigner who is pale white in a western city, and is not so well received by the townspeople.
If you can imagine Data saying "You would do it for Randolph Scott" and then read my caption, it might work better.
I know explaining takes away the joke, but my God it's one of my favorite lines in the movie.
J.
That's pretty good, I'm glad i cave so easily to public pressure to give you a win 
I have noticed the popularity of the toy "Slinky" and am attempting to duplicate its success, sir.
What is it, Data?
I call it the "Skullerang", sir. You throw it and it comes back to you by homing in on your head.
Isn't that a little dangerous?
Almost certainly fatal for non-androids, sir.
Can I try it?
- That would be inadvisable, sir.
Why?
I have not perfected the aiming mechanism yet, sir.
Well let me know when you do.
Yes sir.
What is it, Doctor??
The Captain's been reading law professors again!
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RIKER:"HEY...WAIT!!!
Dammit, Data, that was my last tube of pipe cleaner! Now what am I gonna make the Talent Show figurines of the senior officers from?!"
GAS-X
Strong relief for the worst cases of plomeek backup
Ever since his encounter with the strange alien ship that emitted a musical series of porn synthesizer tones, Commander Data felt compelled to recreate the shape of a penis everywhere he went.
"WOW.
An android that can bend sculpting clay in half. Hey...lemme introduce you to the Academy physics professor who can add two plus two!"
"...able to bend steel in his bare hands. And who, disguised as the android, Data, fights a never-ending battle..."
Atavachron
- I've performed this exercise eight hours a day for a month and I've yet to see any ascertainable enhancement, Commander.
- Well, Troi wants her busterciser back.
Geordi, thinking: 400 cubic meters of atmosphere exiting through an opening of 37 square meters exerts a pressure of 1.4 pounds per square inch on the human body. It takes approximately 1000 kilocalories of energy per pound of muscle mass resistance to overcome the force of -
Beverly, thinking: Oops, I told him to hyperventilate. I hope he doesn't die. Deep breath now.
"Frankly, Data, I think QVC ripped you off."
GEORDI:"Note to Captain.
Fix or replace screen door in Cargo Bay Two."
Commander Data once and for all proves a centuries-old urban legend from Earth when he and Will Riker stumble on a case of ancient Twinkies.
GEORDI:"We gotta stop coming to Weird Al video shoots, Doc..."
Data: "Perhaps you should see Doctor Crusher about your memory. This is the 37th time this year that..."
Riker: "Data, just shut up and tell me where the clitoris is again."
RIKER:"Oh NO!!!
That was my last foam rubber gag penis!!"
Starfleet's air conditioning goes to 11.
This is why Geordi won't let you on Reading Rainbow.
Geordi, thinking: She thinks I can't see the methane.
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