I have posted this in another thread but it's because i can't find the one entitled "How J.J. burnt my beloved." I heard somewhere we should all just relax and that this is just a TV show.
I know, thats totally what i said!
Anyway that slick little man who has apparently appointed himself King Of Cult (here in refered too as JJ or Him) has killed my show, he killed it dead.
Because....
While argumants can be made that not all of these are plot holes they are all things that stuck out like a sore thumb in the middle of a trek movie. I am entitling this post "What JJ did wrong" I hope he considers this spec of dust on the information highway an open letter to him and his peeps.
1) NOKIA!!!!! Are you screwing with me? Product placement in a trek movie! In a world where captilist ideals have been rejected for mutual co-operation! WTF!!!!!!!
2) BUDWEISER!!!! See above
3) Red Matter? Red Matter? using a theasaurus I can translate this too "red stuff." Don't even get me started on the inherint nonsense this lax crappy piece of writing painted all over this movie. (Sometimes it's a time tunnel, sometimes it's a blackhole, sometimes it's a massive ball of gloop you need a tiny bit of too do the job, so why the hell did they put gallons of it in that tiny little spinny ship? Why not build the seat ontop of crates of TNT? Perhaps the warp core should come in one of those handy, easily breakable glass boxes for fire alarms!!! Arghhh you got me started)
4) Vulcans bullying Spock? isn't bullying based on emtion? Fear of whats different, hatred of whats different. Instead of smashing his pointy eared little head in why didn't he just point out that there attempt too "elicit an emotional response" was a freaking "emotional response"
5) A Vulcan child using the word "whore" wow classy, intellectual puppets of the federation huh? What happened to galactic mutual co-operation et al?
6) Why do the nacelles that generate a "warp field" to displace them into another layer of space where they can beat the old e=mc2 deal, have giant big glowy thrusters on the back, mm good for marshmellows and totally safe I swear.
7) Kirk is God. Not even God gets promoted from Cadet to Captain of the flagship based on one mission he wasn't cleared to go on and in the middle of a freakin' cheating enquiry god damn it!
8)The engineer who had to be killed to be replaced by Scotty had the charges. kind of a numb skull plan on Pike's behalf to send three guys to blow something up and not give them all freakin' explosives.
9) Red stuff? Seriously your sh****ing me.
10) his reward for some 109 years of federation service is to be trapped in a parellel universe, and in the past at the beginning of his own career? What do you have against Spock?
J.J. NOTE THIS WELL.
11) Jesus what is that thing following Scotty? We don't do Ewoks
J.J. NOTE THIS WELL.
12) Surely an intellect like Spocks has come to terms with the theory that altering the timeline creates parallel universes, so why is he so into the idea immediately?
13) A freakin supernova threatened the galaxy and destroyed romulus? Baring in Mind nothing was said about it being overly huge, or mega special, this would be the same phenomenon that Voyager witnessed at close distance three times in two days? This common enough galactic phenomenon is suddenly freakin' Armageddon?
14) when said Mega disaster happens Spock says "I'll fix it" to the romulans the the vastly more powerful romulan star empire kicks back and waits for an elderly Vulcan in a tiny ship to save there planet? What about that mega fleet of warbirds you guys had a few centuries ago? ever think about maybe, I dunno, EVACUATING THE PLANET NIMROD?
15) In a car described as a classic and restored in loving detail, a frikken data terminal and mobile communications terminal? Made by Nokia? QUIT SELLING ME STUFF
16) Theres an Orion Female/most likely slave girl at starfleet academy. Yeah that seems hugely likely.
Thats what i remember after one viewing on thursday 7th may. I'm terrified to see it again because i know I'll remeber/see more of this god awful wrongness.
I have to say I liked the movie. Had he not called it Star Trek I wouldn't be here. Convenient plot devices, lousy with technobabble, this I accept. However I feel that with this franchise "re-boot" he booted the ineffable quality known as Heart right out of my god damn show. Nice try, but next time call it Cool Looking Space Stuff by J.J. you raving ego maniac.
J.J. Abrahams Star Trek? i don't remember him dressing like a bike cop and pulling over execs to get them too even look at the script for "The Cage."
LONG MAY THE RODDENBERRY BE REMEMBERED!