This is why I don't even bother asking women out anymore!

[Aldo]

Aldo, You're complaining about having to live life and have common human experiences like everyone else instead of the world and people doing something special and treating you the way you'd prefer. What gives?

You're not wrong. I try so hard not to fall into the "The world owes me!" mentality, but every now and then I slip into that and have a hard time climbing out.

For the most part I feel I've done pretty good for myself, and enjoy the life I have made for myself. It's only on the "dating" front that I wish things could be different.

 

[Darth Duck]

Now the 19th Century reference, by that, does it give licence to not treat each other with decency, I find that odd? After all human being are more than just things or devices you pick and try on to see if they fit and discard if you don't, they / we deserve consideration, no?

Given the bad relationships I've been in and witnessed, we should be more willing to discard people.

 

[Gryffindorian]

I've been rejected a couple of times by women I liked and wanted to pursue a relationship with. So I decided to give up trying. And now I'm gay.

Well, bi actually. Seriously, Aldo. You can't let one or a hundred rejections discourage you. Just keep trying. You're young and you've got your whole life ahead of you. If you focus well enough on achieving a goal and work hard at it, you will get what you want. This is true in a lot of cases, like weight loss, saving money, completing a project, etc. That's life. The human spirit endures and perseveres. Qapla!

 

[Kestra]

Aldo, You're complaining about having to live life and have common human experiences like everyone else instead of the world and people doing something special and treating you the way you'd prefer. What gives?

You're not wrong. I try so hard not to fall into the "The world owes me!" mentality, but every now and then I slip into that and have a hard time climbing out.

For the most part I feel I've done pretty good for myself, and enjoy the life I have made for myself. It's only on the "dating" front that I wish things could be different.

If the rest of your life is going well, you're ahead of the game. I'm not going to say you should stop trying, but it's not unreasonable to have one part of your life that's not totally fulfilling. So by all means, keep asking women out. It just has to work once. But also work on having a fulfilling life apart from that.

 

[Vendikarr]

So I did something very unusual today, I actually asked someone out.

I had been crushing on this girl for about two or so weeks and I got to the point where I realized I could follow my usual path (crush on her forever and then when she disappears from my life I could be thinking "what if"), or I could just go for it...and what do I get in response?

"I have a rule, I don't date."

That's it, "I don't date." No kind of explanation as to why she doesn't date, not that one is needed, mind. But still, I would have felt better with a simple "I'm sorry, I'm not interested." Something a little more concrete.

I'm not mad, it just irritates me that every time I make an attempt, it blows up in my face.

At least I made an attempt, I guess that's something.

Your response should have been "What do you do?"

If she turned you down flat, there should be no problem asking.. she can't double turn you down.

 

[Vendikarr]

I've never understood the american practice of dating - let me see if I get this right? When you are dating, you can be seeing multiple partners right? Then when you are 'going steady' - you cut it down to one.

I don't think anyone's used the term "going steady" since the 60s, but yes, that's correct.

A woman spoke to me about being "exclusive." I guess that is the modern term for "going steady."

Anal is the Grand Slam. At least in my book.

Unfortunately, no one can be told what a Grand Slam is... you have to experience it for yourself.

Isn't a Grand Slam an all nighter.. then you get up in the morning and go to Denny's.

 

[Nick086]

I don't date, I'll ask if they want to do it and they do it.

 

[Squiggy]

I've never understood the american practice of dating - let me see if I get this right? When you are dating, you can be seeing multiple partners right? Then when you are 'going steady' - you cut it down to one.

If you're in high school, a 50s movie, or a whore...yes. I don't know too many people who date multiple people. There are about 4-5 levels of modern American dating.

1. Dating: Movies, dinner, etc.
2. Serious Dating: The same, but "love" is thrown in.
X. Living Together: Two people who love each other and like having easily accessible sex.
3. Engaged: Probably the same where you are.
4. Married: Certain death

 

[Tyberius]

Move to L.A. or Santa Monica. If this is Washington state where you live, this is part of the problem.

 

[Kestra]

I've never understood the american practice of dating - let me see if I get this right? When you are dating, you can be seeing multiple partners right? Then when you are 'going steady' - you cut it down to one.

If you're in high school, a 50s movie, or a whore...yes. I don't know too many people who date multiple people. There are about 4-5 levels of modern American dating.

1. Dating: Movies, dinner, etc.
2. Serious Dating: The same, but "love" is thrown in.
X. Living Together: Two people who love each other and like having easily accessible sex.
3. Engaged: Probably the same where you are.
4. Married: Certain death

I don't think it's that uncommon to date multiple people as an adult. I have friends who go out with different people. If it gets serious or they're really into just one, then they stop dating other people.

 

[MacLeod]

I've been rejected a couple of times by women I liked and wanted to pursue a relationship with. So I decided to give up trying. And now I'm gay.

Well, bi actually. Seriously, Aldo. You can't let one or a hundred rejections discourage you. Just keep trying. You're young and you've got your whole life ahead of you. If you focus well enough on achieving a goal and work hard at it, you will get what you want. This is true in a lot of cases, like weight loss, saving money, completing a project, etc. That's life. The human spirit endures and perseveres. Qapla!

That's easy said then done when it comes to being rejected, each rejection chips away at your resolve/perservance/spirit call it what you will.

Your mind generally says you've got to keep trying, whilst your heart after a certain point says why bother putting yourself through yet another rejection.

and yes I know the next time but not be a rejection. Sometimes though once you get one yes you get another yes. Perhaps that is because that one yes lifted your spirits and gave you that little bit of extra confidence.

 

[Yoda]

Yeah I don't think it's really appropriate to date multiple people at a time. I can see having a first date, not enjoying it and immediately moving onto a date with someone else, sure. But if you're interested enough in someone for that second date I think it's a bad idea to go out with someone else in between. Seems disrespectful at best.

 

[sidious618]

I've not known anyone who wasn't a gaping asshole that dated more than one person at once, usually without telling each "partner." Now there are open relationships but that's a bit different, I think.

I could never date more than one person but not out of respect issues but because it's fucking draining with just one person you have to see all the time.

 

[Kestra]

I don't think it's disrespectful if the other person doesn't think you're being exclusive. I'm talking about more casual relationships, not steady boyfriend/girlfriend type stuff.

 

[sidious618]

I don't think it's disrespectful if the other person doesn't think you're being exclusive. I'm talking about more casual relationships, not steady boyfriend/girlfriend type stuff.

I think that's kind of sleeping around but putting a nicer face on it. There's nothing wrong with that, as a matter of face I completely support it! Still sounds like a lot of work, though.

 

[Kestra]

Dating of any sort is a lot of work. In fact I haven't really gone out of my way to make friends since I moved because it's similar to dating in the level of work involved.

 

[sidious618]

Dating of any sort is a lot of work. In fact I haven't really gone out of my way to make friends since I moved because it's similar to dating in the level of work involved.

It can be. It's easier now with texting and facebook.

 

[Gryffindorian]

I've been rejected a couple of times by women I liked and wanted to pursue a relationship with. So I decided to give up trying. And now I'm gay.

Well, bi actually. Seriously, Aldo. You can't let one or a hundred rejections discourage you. Just keep trying. You're young and you've got your whole life ahead of you. If you focus well enough on achieving a goal and work hard at it, you will get what you want. This is true in a lot of cases, like weight loss, saving money, completing a project, etc. That's life. The human spirit endures and perseveres. Qapla!

That's easy said then done when it comes to being rejected, each rejection chips away at your resolve/perservance/spirit call it what you will.

Your mind generally says you've got to keep trying, whilst your heart after a certain point says why bother putting yourself through yet another rejection.

and yes I know the next time but not be a rejection. Sometimes though once you get one yes you get another yes. Perhaps that is because that one yes lifted your spirits and gave you that little bit of extra confidence.

I know what it's like and how it affects one's self-esteem. It's depressing, frustrating, disheartening and all that. But you don't just curl up and die! Life goes on.

Instead of focusing on getting a date or getting laid, guys should probably just take a different approach and try to meet women in a more social setting, e.g. Table for Six, volunteering, going to the gym, taking a class or cooking lessons, etc. No pressure, no expectations. If they meet women they like and get to know better, then that could be the start of something.

 

[Gaith]

Few people agree with me on this, but when asking someone out, getting turned down is a good thing. Without exception.

It is said that "the worst that can happen is they'll say 'no.'" I know from experience that isn't true. Women have laughed in my face, said things like "I'm insulted that you'd think I'd date a loser like you" and "that's my boyfriend over there. Leave me alone or I'll tell him to beat the shit out of you," and other things I don't care to mention; it's a long list. Still, it's a good thing.

If one turns down another's request for a date, it's really nothing personal. The prima facie reason is that we as humans can't choose who we're attracted to and who we're not attracted to. Beyond that, it takes more that mutual attraction for a relationship to work: compatible personalities and goals, similar interests, skill sets that complement each other... It's true that there are "plenty of fish in the sea," as it were, but compatibility is somewhat rare, and it's worth holding out for.

When someone turns down a date, it's usually because they realize that compatibility isn't there. While rejection hurts, and it may not seem like it at the time, they're actually doing you a favor. If they're not feeling it, but they say "yes" anyway, it will only cause bigger problems down the line.

Being turned down only means you're not what they're looking for. it doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you, or that you're not good enough. Even if a girl actually thinks you're not good enough, or actually tells you you're not good enough, she's still doing you a favor. I mean, would you really want to date such a complete bitch?

Verily, there is much wisdom in this post.

As for those things the women said to you... ... literally the first time I've heard of such responses.

 

[Tiberius]

So I did something very unusual today, I actually asked someone out.

I had been crushing on this girl for about two or so weeks and I got to the point where I realized I could follow my usual path (crush on her forever and then when she disappears from my life I could be thinking "what if"), or I could just go for it...and what do I get in response?

"I have a rule, I don't date."

That's it, "I don't date." No kind of explanation as to why she doesn't date, not that one is needed, mind. But still, I would have felt better with a simple "I'm sorry, I'm not interested." Something a little more concrete.

I'm not mad, it just irritates me that every time I make an attempt, it blows up in my face.

At least I made an attempt, I guess that's something.

The solution is...

PROPOSE!