This is my first thread: Do a Nemesis Rewrite.

[bintak]

Most bad movies can be fixed in the script. By the time you start shooting, it is usually too late to save it.

So let's slingshot around the sun to year 2000 and try to save the Nemesis movie with some time travel and a story rewrite.

What would you do, if you were brought in to craft the rewrite of the original script?

 

[ScottDS]

This is just stream of consciousness on my part - I did not put any previous thought into it. Among other things...

-I would actually use the opening of the script - scenes in a lab, gene splicing, DNA work, a young boy being examined by Romulan scientists/politicians

-I would have used a different method of execution for the Senate - when the movie came out I remember someone asked "Why did they wait to call security until after that green ray dissipated instead of before when the device was just starting to open?" ...perhaps a suicide bombing of some kind (something that is relevant today)

-The above two scenes take place before the credits - for the credits, I would do a powers-of-ten push into Earth (like the movie Contact but in reverse) featuring Goldsmith's unedited theme for the film... at the time, someone on this forum suggested sweeping epic shots of the Alaskan tundra with a glimpse of a humpback whale in the ocean... I never forgot that image

-More guest stars at the wedding.... Wesley NOT in a Starfleet uniform (I know they explained this in one of the "A Time To..." books)... I know Picard and Crusher rekindle their romance in the TNG relaunch books but I would have hinted at that at the wedding... seeing Riker and Troi getting married, old feelings, and all that... Picard and Crusher would get a nice little dialogue scene on the dance floor (this could be a set up for later when Data dies and Crusher could console Picard who realizes he should start taking advantage of what years he has left now that one of his officers and best friends gave his life for him)... Admiral Janeway would shuttle in to brief Picard about the Romulus mission (thus negating the need for her scene later) and she would NOT mention the Borg and the Son'a, as if the Enterprise didn't have any missions in between films

-I would keep the deleted scene with Picard and Data on the Enterprise

I know some of this might sound cliched but I'm not applying a filter to it ...more to come later

P.S. I am keeping the same general plot from the finished film: Shinzon, a human clone created by Romulans, who has been cast aside, recognized as a kindred spirit by the Remans, overthrows the Romulan government that abandoned him, and wants answers from the only other person who might be able to help him, Captain Picard...

 

[tomalak301]

If there was a movie I wanted Nimoy to do a cameo in, it would have been Nemesis. Bring back him, Crosby as Sela, and that's really have a romulan story dealing with reunification. It would have been great.

 

[Newspaper Taxi]

Hmm...What if Shinzon was the same age as Picard, and was played by Picard? He's a talented actor so I'm sure he could pull off a fiercely different character for Shinzon's part -- maybe give him some Romulan ears, too, to denote the difference. Then at the end when Shinzon 'climbs' the sword to be face to face with Picard it would almost be Picard looking into his own face.

I would have also kept the deleted scene that follows the wedding showing how sad Picard is at this point in his life with so many of the Enterprise crew leaving. Maybe touch on that again at the end of the film.

 

[CorporalClegg]

The only foreseeable way to fix Nemesis is to take every single copy in existance and put them on a rocket ship, point it at the sun, and hit ignition.

Anything less than that is a quantum waste of time.

 

[Herkimer Jitty]

But then you end up with a situation like in Futurama's Where No Fan Has Gone Before. I wouldn't want to meet an energy being who worships Nemesis.

 

[CorporalClegg]

 

[bintak]

I just read Facer's annotated "Nemesis".

I can't believe how bad that script reads from the page, when you take out all of Facer's comments and balloons and just read it clean.

HOW did that garbage make it past rewrite and final review for shooting approval?

 

[CuttingEdge100]

I don't know exactly what I would do except junk the whole basic story and start fresh...

 

[Solariabsg25]

The first thing I would do is reduce the size and power of the Scimitar slightly, the way she's written is way too powerful for any Trek ship.

Make Shinzon slightly more likable, bring more of his tragic background to the fore. Khan worked because at the end of the day he was forged by a tragedy on Ceti Alpha V that left him burning with rage against Kirk - a vibe I never got with Shinzon against Picard.

Leave out B4 completely - let Data's sacrifice be a true death, not with a possible "out" for future movies.

 

[bintak]

I don't know exactly what I would do except junk the whole basic story and start fresh...

I was thinking along the lines of a Federation story where we could use the hologram miners slavery issue as a setup for a rebellion.

Now there is a story premise that you could develop.

 

[cardinal biggles]

I don't know exactly what I would do except junk the whole basic story and start fresh...

Yeah, pretty much nuke it from orbit, just to be sure.

 

[CuttingEdge100]

cardinal biggles,

Yeah, pretty much nuke it from orbit, just to be sure.

I think that's a little bit over the top...

 

[sbk1234]

Get rid of B4. We've seen the Data lookalike before. Cliche'.
Leave in the bit with Data and Picard after the wedding.
Leave in the bit at the end with Commander Madden, the new first officer.
More real Romulans, and not just Remans.
Get rid of that whole silliness with the Argo.
Get rid of all the other bad stuff.

 

[cardinal biggles]

cardinal biggles,

Yeah, pretty much nuke it from orbit, just to be sure.

I think that's a little bit over the top...

No, over the top would be to feed the script to an elephant, collect the elephant's droppings, kill the elephant (just in case it caught something contagious from the script), set fire to both the elephant and the droppings, load the ashes into the warhead of a nuclear missile, and fire that missile into the Sun.

 

[ancient]

All that suck might turn the sun into a black hole though.

Couldn't resist that one...

 

[cardinal biggles]

Alternately, you could fire the missile into a black hole, and the hole would turn into a sun.

 

[Plecostomus]

1) More actual character development at the beginning. Horray for R and D, maybe touch on any devlopments between P and C... and explain what's up with Wes being there and in uniform.

2) The destruction of the Romulan Senate has to be redone. I doubt security would be that lax. Maybe nuke it from orbit with the Scimitar and devastate the Romulan capital?

3) Janeway can stay but her comments about the last two movies have to go. Make it seem like more time has elapsed.

4) The scene on the planet where they recover B4... Ok the Argo can stay but do away with the chase scene. Maybe show the scooter/dunebuggy as having some actual scientific equipment.

5) Shinzon's condition. Do away with that. It was just silly to want to steal Picard's blood.... Don't they have artificial blood by then? Maybe transfuse Picard's blood slowly while replacing it with replacment synthectic blood in a controlled procedure? Nahh, just do away with this.

6) Shinzon's sudden quarrel with Earth. His beef should have been with Romulas. The Enterprise nearly paying the ultimate price hig above a long-time Enemy's homeworld would have been poetic, and fitting the true nature of Trek IMHO. I mean, the E-C went down saving Klingons and look where that led.

7) The final battle with the Romulan warbirds... Yes we KNOW the Scimitar is tough but we don't need it to wipe the floor with two throw-away ships. It would have been better if a Romulan and a Starfleet ship worked together to bring down the Scimitar. Keep the ramming scene for #8.

8) The boarding action, Since we're doing away with the whole need to abduct Picard we can finally see the vaunted Starfleet Marines in action. They board to take the ship down from within, and discover a doomsday device aimed at the Romulan homeworld.

9) Data, being quick of hands and full of Science beams over to deactivate it but he cannot and the only thing he can do is take control of the Scimtar and move it out of orbit where the Very Bad Thing dissaipates harmlessly (and he dies) while the Enterprise is in a decaying orbit.

10) Two Starfleet ships followed by half the Romulan fleet arive and tractor the E-E to a higher orbit saving the day.

*shrug* What do I know? I just like epic battles with a sprinkling of character development here and there.

 

[sbk1234]

This isn't actually a re-write idea, but hire a director who actually knows something about Star Trek and cares about the quality.

 

[Kronos]

Get rid of the Remans, never before had we heard that the Romulans and Remans were separate people, and then on top of pulling a slave race out of their butts they made them look like a big lots Halloween costume.

Dump the "destroy Earth plot" come on, that's like "get moose and squirrel"