Things you can’t STAND about Trek novels

[Greg Cox]

Oh yes...please please please be kind to us voice actors and avoid unpronouncable names or names that are too long. A pronunciation guide is really helpful.

I still remember Anthony Stewart Head stumbling over "Puyallup" in the audio version of one of my Khan novels. Which is a real town in Washington state that, in his defense, tends to trip up anyone who didn't grow up in the vicinity.

But, yes, when it comes to Trek novels, submitting a pronunciation guide is now pretty much standard operating procedure.

 

[David Weller]

I still remember Anthony Stewart Head stumbling over "Puyallup" in the audio version of one of my Khan novels. Which is a real town in Washington state that, in his defense, tends to trip up anyone who didn't grow up in the vicinity.

But, yes, when it comes to Trek novels, submitting a pronunciation guide is now pretty much standard operating procedure.

I remember many years ago reading a comment by Jack Kirby.

A reader asked him how to pronounce ‘Darkseid’. Kirby said he pronounced it ‘Darkside’ but then went on to say that it didn’t really matter how you pronounced it.

 

[Therin of Andor]

People routinely mispronounce my last name. Correcting it has become second nature after 50 years.......

I was astounded to learn, a few years ago, that my older cousin, his wife and offspring all now mispronounce our surname, McLean, as "Mc Lane" and not "Mc Leen" (as my family - and his own parents - have always said it), by choice. He was a barrister for many years and judges always mispronounced the name, even when corrected - so he changed the way he said it to save arguments!

 

[JonnyQuest037]

I remember many years ago reading a comment by Jack Kirby.

A reader asked him how to pronounce ‘Darkseid’. Kirby said he pronounced it ‘Darkside’ but then went on to say that it didn’t really matter how you pronounced it.

But "Dark-seed" sounds so dumb.

I was astounded to learn, a few years ago, that my older cousin, his wife and offspring all now mispronounce our surname, McLean, as "Mc Lane" and not "Mc Leen" (as my family - and his own parents - have always said it), by choice. He was a barrister for many years and judges always mispronounced the name, even when corrected - so he changed the way he said it to save arguments!

Stephen Colbert decided to change to reinvent himself when he went to college and started pronouncing his last name as "Col-BEAR" instead of "Col-BERT." One time he had his own brother as a guest on The Colbert Report and as a final question, asked him "Col-BEAR or Col-BERT?" When his brother answered "Col-BERT," Colbert replied, "I'll see you in Hell."

 

[Starbreaker]

1. The generic prologue that takes place on alien planet with characters I have no attachment to talking about weird things that only happen on their planet before the Enterprise swoops in.

2. Kirsten Beyer has a thing about writing [insert character]'s eyes widened. I looked at my Voyager ebooks and I'm pretty sure it's said a couple hundred times throughout the series. Just a minor nitpick, but it's the most recent one I could think of.

3. Trade disputes between two planets or two warring factions on one planet or some kind of battle over medical supplies. It's just boring to me.

 

[thribs]

1. The generic prologue that takes place on alien planet with characters I have no attachment to talking about weird things that only happen on their planet before the Enterprise swoops in.

I agree about that. That is pretty common in the novels.

 

[Stevil2001]

I still remember Anthony Stewart Head stumbling over "Puyallup" in the audio version of one of my Khan novels. Which is a real town in Washington state that, in his defense, tends to trip up anyone who didn't grow up in the vicinity.

But, yes, when it comes to Trek novels, submitting a pronunciation guide is now pretty much standard operating procedure.

Too bad this didn't happen in Big Finish's Prometheus audiobooks. Still can't get over Keeko O'Brien and the Yem'Hadar.

 

[KRAD]

Thanks for that! I think I would have been one of the many to get it wrong, as I've always figured it was "de-can-DEE-do."

You and everyone else. *sigh*

 

[David cgc]

Stephen Colbert decided to change to reinvent himself when he went to college and started pronouncing his last name as "Col-BEAR" instead of "Col-BERT." One time he had his own brother as a guest on The Colbert Report and as a final question, asked him "Col-BEAR or Col-BERT?" When his brother answered "Col-BERT," Colbert replied, "I'll see you in Hell."

He also played on it a bit, like if he ever was muttering to himself "Get it together, Colbert" or something, he'd pronounce the "T." And while it wasn't part of a bit and was a natural slip, he got so excited when he was video-conferencing the International Space Station, he slipped into his South Carolina accent (the bit at about 4:25).

 

[Silvercrest]

Though, there may be cases where maybe people should be compelled to use their real name as a means of limiting just how free they feel they are to express their opinions.

Yes! Instead of issuing infractions or bans, force them to post under their real name!

I still remember Anthony Stewart Head stumbling over "Puyallup" in the audio version of one of my Khan novels. Which is a real town in Washington state that, in his defense, tends to trip up anyone who didn't grow up in the vicinity.

<grumble grumble mutter gripe "All them @#$% outsiders">

 

[JD]

As they say on Twitter, I was "today" years old when it occurred to me that, while I normally see "OT" used to mean "off-topic," "on-topic" has the exact same initials.

My mind has just been blown.

^ Related to that, two old Spider-Man anthologies that I have stories in were recently released on audio. One reader pronounced my name right, the other did not.

Oh, and for the record, it's "de-CAN-di-do."

Is do, doe as in a female deer or do as in to take an action?

 

[KRAD]

^ A female deer.

 

[Enterprise1701]

Yes! Instead of issuing infractions or bans, force them to post under their real name!

Plot twist: comedian parents genuinely named one of our members "John Doe".

 

[Steve Roby]

1. The generic prologue that takes place on alien planet with characters I have no attachment to talking about weird things that only happen on their planet before the Enterprise swoops in.

And especially the ones where the characters speak overly formal English and contrived “alien” terminology.

“I fear, Bud’m’nch, that it will be many spins of the home world around the day star before we know whether the sky stone from space will impact our world.” “Indeed, Lady Ftang, the physics knowledgers have not yet completed their calculations, but surely you worry overmuch. Is not it said that the Way of the Golden Splurd’zanger will lead us out of fear and trepidation?” “Were it only so,” Ftang chuckled, her green and indigo tresses rippling in the seasonal crongla breeze that made its way through the president’s open balcony, bearing the welcome scent of gfoo flowers and wozzum berries.

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

^ A female deer.

Doe, a deer I shot last month
Ray, the guy who pumps my gas
Me and him got in a fight
Fa is where I kicked his ass...

 

[FreddyE]

Oh...and too political stories...or chapter long diplomatic round table discussions. Or minute overly long scenery descriptions that would fit into "The Name Of The Rose" (in which there is a description about someone opening a window that is multiple pages long).

 

[Laura Cynthia Chambers]

When it becomes patently obvious what somebody is really talking about in their story (political controversy of the day/alien stand-in for unpopular person) and everybody seems to lecture on the topic rather heavy-handedly.

I will admit, however, that this probably bothers me more when said argument is the opposite opinion of mine. That I am aware of that is encouraging, I gather.

Aside from that, gratuitous (ahem) romance, cursing etc, are annoying. I much prefer "swore under his breath", "bit back a curse" "let loose a stream of curses", and the like. Characters can be said to have done/almost done something, but we don't need to be fully aware of it in living color.

 

[Krupp]

I felt a little that when Star Trek went out of regular TV and movie production some of the setups became a bit... repetitive. Like, how many times have we had a TNG novel involving Worf having to, gulp, go out on a spacewalk and feel quesy or beam over to a ship in his environmental suit? In the shows everyone beams everywhere and there’s oxygen to breath. Every second novel seemed to involve the EV suits. Amusingly it was made out in FC that going out in them was unusual, given the way Picard asked Worf how well he remembered his training.

Every book we seemed to have some of the same old tropes. On again off again boyfriend is concerned for girlfriend on away mission. Picards unusually sensitive hearing as he listens to the sounds of his ship he knows so well. Geordi misses his best friend Data. René falls asleep on Picards lap / snoring in the corner. (Incidentally, was Beverly criminally under used in latter books?). The last 2 TNG books weirdly had a shuttlecraft cut apart to be used as an energy source. Feels like an ideas session for the same point used twice without checking before stories were too far along to re-engineer. Things just felt a bit stale at times, I have a word count to reach in my contract so let’s pad out the usual amount. Not all books all of the time.

I’ve mentioned before that the universe shattering events of the latter novelverse wore thin. Even if Destiny is one of the best novel series ever, it came a few years after the Genesis Wave and we’ve just had galaxy shattering event after event, bracketed as we know in the onscreen media by the dominion war and the Romulan supernova.

Wolf 359 was supposed to have been a big deal, and we know the scope of the dominion war versus any conflict we’d seen previously. Man, the galactic population of the novelverse must be in some state of collective shock and weariness. I felt that adventures where the stakes were big - like in Available Light - were good but the 9/11 followed by world war 2 followed by JFK in Dallas followed by world war 2 again in the space of such a short period was kinda weird, particularly considering that in-universe we know that for example the cold wars between the federation, Romulans and Klingons had stayed fairly cold followed by a period of lots of peace and stability following Praxis and even the likes of the Cardassian war were relatively small beer. But suddenly all of this planet crushing.