Things I've learned from watching TV and films...

[Mike Farley]

I have learned the fat people like myself must either be comedians or a talk to people in diners about painful gas and bloating. Religious people, such as myself, must all be fanatical zealots, without compassion or mercy, until we completely lose our faith in said religion.

Realizing this, I must now start posting frequently in Misc about my painful gas, and how it was written about in the Bible. If anyone objects to this, I will either use my comedic powers to drive them away, or I will undergo some spirtual quest to rid the world of your evil.

Don't worry, because movies have taught us that the fat, funny guy always gets the ultra-hot woman.

 

[MetalPants]

^^^But what if I'm the fat gassy guy?

 

[Mike Farley]

Ridicule and mockery. Sorry, Rules Of The Silver Screen,

 

[Admiral Buzzkill]

Chairs are made of a remarkable wood that is strong enough to hold the weight of an adult but shatters into harmless splinters when used to slam someone over the head. Said head-clubbing generally results in some head-shaking and a staggering step or two before returing the attack.

Also, if you shield your face with your arms you can leap through glass windows in an emergency without cutting yourself at all.

 

[Gepard]

In this bit's defense (and, yeah, I've done it too), what's the alternative? If you don't throw in "Krotus," it sounds way too Earth-centric and contemporary. Viewers are bound to wonder, "What? This is the future. How come all of Kirk's references are three hundred years old? Nothing important happened after the twentieth century? And aren't there any famous aliens? Kirk has no respect for alien cultures!"

Well, you could mix up the order of references, so it's not just "real person, real person, alien;" e.g. "You'll be remembered along with Sarek of Vulcan, Abraham Lincoln, Gorkon and Mon Mothma." Or be daring and use a list of entirely made-up characters and trust that the audience will figure out what you're doing based on context. I think the objection is seeing it done basically the same way every single time.

 

[Silvercrest]

Chairs are made of a remarkable wood that is strong enough to hold the weight of an adult but shatters into harmless splinters when used to slam someone over the head.

I wonder if the same chairs could protect you from bullets as noted upthread.

 

[Nardpuncher]

If there's a thunderstorm...it's always right over the place where the main characters are as the time between the lightning and the thunder is usually under one second.

 

[cultcross]

^ And all rain is accompanied by thunder and lightning.

 

[Agent Richard07]

Everyone on TV has a pompadour. I don't think I've seen anyone in real life with a pompadour.

 

[Agent Richard07]

When you turn into an old man, you develop a southern accent.