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Things I've learned from watching TV and films...

trekkiedane

Admiral
Admiral
Some things I've learned about space travel from watching sci-fi movies:

On any spacecraft, it's easier and cheaper to cancel out the inertia of engine thrust and generate gravity artificially, just so that your spacecraft can move horizontally like an ocean liner, than it is to simply use the engine thrust to create gravity via inertia and have the spacecraft move vertically like a Saturn V.

When a spacecraft is fatally crippled, it will list to one side and "sink" like a ship or a crashing aeroplane even in the microgravity of deep space.

Spacecraft which use centrifuges or rotating arms to generate artificial gravity still have gravity in the non-rotating sections. Such spacecraft also do not experience inertia when applying engine thrust.

Artificial gravity does not penetrate the spacecraft's hull, so any artificially generated gravitational field is the exact shape of the vessel, regardless of how irregular its shape is.

Despite the fact that our primitive Earthly naval forces have guns on their ships that can fire over the horizon and strike targets hundreds of miles away, the space-going battlecruisers of advanced civilisations must come within a stone's throw of each other before battle can be joined. Said battlecruisers possess sensors that can detect a single organism on a planet a million miles distant, but cannot detect an enemy battlecruiser until they can visibly see it through the bridge windows.

The sound of weapons fire and engine noise travels in a vacuum, but the human voice does not.

All computer or systems consoles on any spacecraft are fitted with high explosives designed to blow the operator across the room in the event of even a minor systems malfunction.

Spacecraft captains are so used to all ships moving in the same flat plane in space that an attack by an enemy spacecraft not travelling in the same plane will take them completely by surprise.

Isaac Newton was wrong about inertia. A spacecraft must keep its engines on thrust in order to keep moving; it will stop as soon as the engines are deactivated.

Spacecraft require noisy and glaring engine thrust to move, but can hover over a planet-side city in the full grip of the planet's gravitational field without making a sound and without any visible exhaust or disturbance of the atmosphere.

Docking bays the size of a major sports stadium can be fully pressurised within a fraction of a second of the doors closing, with no air noise and without disturbing so much as a piece of paper on the floor.

There is no such thing as a manually operated door aboard a spacecraft.

A spacecraft's hull must be several feet thick, but can have huge bay windows half a centimetre thick capable of containing the thousands of tons of air pressure pushing against them as well as blocking the hard radiation from outside.

Spacecraft hulls must not be smooth. They must be covered with patches, blocks, extrusions, tanks and pipes exposed to space where they can be efficiently damaged by micrometeorites and enemy fire.

Spacecraft energy shields can stop incoming missiles and weapons fire, but cannot stop a small fighter craft from flying in close and strafing the shit out of all the aforementioned delicate surface installations.

Although space is by definition at a premium aboard a spacecraft, every corridor must have inward-sloping, space-wasting walls to make it look edgy and futuristic.

The critical central controls aboard any spacecraft must not be located on the usual consoles. Instead, they must be buried deep in the guts of the vessel, accessible only via miles of air ducts, precipitous drops and/or protected by flamethrowers, smashing blocks and whirling blades.

Safety rails on balconies and platforms hundreds of feet high are simply not necessary. But safety rails on a walkway 12 inches above the bridge floor are essential.

Relativity is bullshit. Even travelling at sublight speeds close to that of light, a ship's crew can communicate with ground control and other ships in real time without any time dilation.

Ships' crews can communicate with people on planets hundreds of light-years away without any time lag, but even travelling at FTL speeds the ship will take weeks to get there. Teleporters can beam people across space, but no teleporter can transport people over light-years using the same method as instantaneous communication over such distances.

Even the worst FTL drive malfunction will never cause any time-dilation or time displacement effects on its crew with respect to the rest of the universe.

All intership audiovisual communications systems are automatically compatible with those of all other alien races, even those the protagonists have never encountered before.

It takes only minutes to learn the language of a new alien race in a first-contact situation. Conversely, universal translation devices can always instantly decipher any new alien language, with absolutely no information about the language's phonemes, lexicon, syntax, idioms, grammar or sentence structure.

Nearly all lifeforms have identical and compatible atmospheric, ecological, temperature, biochemical, gravitational and nutritional requirements, regardless of how different their homeworlds and solar systems may be to ours. Such requirements always match those of humans. Those few races that don't are so rare as to require clumsy and inefficient survival mechanisms, regardless of the technological advancement of any other race they are in contact with.

All intelligent lifeforms are about the same size as we are. No intelligent alien is less than half the size or more than twice the size of a human being.

Nobody in space ever needs to use the toilet.


What have you learned?
 
but real space physics is boring

Not at all both 2001 and 2010 and Space Odyssey: Voyage To The Planets were quite exiting!

The only thing I don't remember ever having seen n the screen is a 'real physics' space battle -boy, I wish someone would do that on film!
 
"If you don't like your job, you don't quit. You just go in every day and do it really half-assed. It's the American way!" -Homer Simpson
 
I really liked Space Odyssey - Voyage to the Planets. It used semi-real physics to scare the hell out of you, like when the astronaut decided to do a Venus walk. I was on the edge of my seat.
 
^Yeah, that was a really well made docu-drama :bolian:

Whenever you break into someone's computer to steal some data it'll fit perfectly onto the USB-drive you brought!
 
Cars are prone to explode-when wrecked, shot and sometimes just because.

Detectives are clever, intelligent and insightful. Police in uniform are complete sheep and will follow anybody, good or bad, without thinking. They are also lousy drivers and terrible shots.

Waitresses in roadside diners always notice everything and usually have an attitude. Unless they like you, in which case they give you free pie.

Soldiers fall into two categories:bullet-proof heroes and meatshields.

Gunshots only leave gory wounds about 50% of the time. The rest of the time they leave no traces of blood whatsoever.

If you go off on your own, at night, in the dark after a terrible murder has occurred, you are dead. You just don't know it yet.

If you are mistakenly blamed for any serious crime you can survive a fall/jump from heights that would kill anyone else.

Any car can be hotwired in seconds.

As long as he gets his guy(or kills him) a cop can mow down civilians, destroy property and catch just about anything on fire without repercussions.

If you drive up on a sidewalk a flower stand or vegetable/fruit cart will be in your way. Don't worry-you can drive right through it without impairing vehicle performance.

Smashing a bottle on someone's head will only knock them out-it will never fracture their skull and kill them.

Any bullet wound that isn't in the chest or head can be immediately fixed by tying a strip of cloth around the wound. Gun caliber doesn't matter.

In a bar fight no chair is as strong as the back of a man its swung at.
 
^
As long as he gets his guy(or kills him) a cop can mow down civilians, destroy property and catch just about anything on fire without repercussions.
Tonight on *cop show*: they catch the guy...
Next four seasons on *cop show*: the legal aftermath...


It takes less than two seconds for a computer -any computer!- to boot.
 
Terrorists, being very considerate people, will always rig the ticking bomb with a big fat red LED display telling the hero how long he has to defuse the bomb.

Very considerate terrorists (such as those featured in 24) put LED displays on everything, including suicide vests.

Infrared gun target dots are visible to the naked eye.
 
Terrorists, being very considerate people, will always rig the ticking bomb with a big fat red LED display telling the hero how long he has to defuse the bomb.

Very considerate terrorists (such as those featured in 24) put LED displays on everything, including suicide vests.

Infrared gun target dots are visible to the naked eye.

I love your latest avatar! :cool::cool::cool::cool::cool:
And I can't believe I forgot the targeting sights!
 
* when driving a car it's perfectly safe and normal to spend more time looking at whoever's in the passenger / back seat(s) than at the road. You'll never hit anything - unless it's convenient for the plot.

* when driving, it's necessary to regularly twist the steering wheel from side to side - even on a straight bit of road.

* when a car is behind you for more than 20-30 seconds, it's not simply going the same way you are; it's following you.

* you can always get a parking spot whenever you want one - often right in front of the building you want to visit. Such buildings are never subject to any sort of parking regulations.

* all beds have special L-shaped bedding which reaches armpit level on a woman but only waist level on the man in the bed with her. And however incredible the sex is / was, the bedding rarely moves from the people or the bed, and the people rarely remove all their clothes.

* women wake up with perfect hair and makeup. Men wake up without five o'clock shadow. No one wakes up with morning breath.

* people always stand right next to the door or telephone so they can answer it the moment it rings.

* a week's grocery shopping for any size family can fit in two shopping bags. Alternatively, people always buy two bags of groceries every time they go shopping.

* anyone can work out how to operate an alien spacecraft within a few minutes of boarding it.

* however badly a spaceship is damaged in battle, the artificial gravity never fails.

* a spacecraft cannot be fired upon - even with the most sophisticated weapons - unless it's in visual range.
 
No matter how fat you run and how slow the maniac shambles...he will always catch you. Always.

Any non-fatal gunshot is an inconvenience at best.

6 shooters can hold any amount of ammo between 6 and 100 depending on the needs of the firefight.

The villain's gun will always jam if he has the hero dead in his sights.

EVERYTHING can explode. Cars, buildings, hotdog carts...everything.
 
When a spacecraft is fatally crippled, it will list to one side and "sink" like a ship or a crashing aeroplane even in the microgravity of deep space.

If it's venting atmosphere or other stored gases or fuel it will indeed - well, not sink, but roll and tumble, so list - just ask Jim Lovell
 
Being struck a strong enough blow on the head can induce amnesia. This amnesia, however, does not involve any real head trauma or brain damage of any kind. In addition, although the victim forgets all memories of the details of his own personal life and the people he/she once knew, all their other motor skills and facilities of general knowledge remain unimpaired. This amnesia can be cured with no ill effects of any kind simply by receiving a blow on the head identical in strength to the one that caused the amnesia in the first place, in spite of the fact that such a blow, by all laws of logic and reason, should cause even further impairment of one's mind.
 
  • People always snore when they fall asleep or when they are sleeping.
  • Doors, most prominently the ones on cars, are never locked.
  • Car windows are almost always cranked down, even if the car is being parked for the night.
  • Space helmets always have lights on the inside, thus the occupant of that helmet can see his or her reflection, unless one uses the Anti-Glare version for 50 quatloos more.
  • Almost every interaction with a computer, despite whatever ridiculous OS, makes a sound.
  • Layouts, be it of towns, street or buildings, are always animated, even though the one member of whatever crew hasn't been shown spending any time with an animation software.
  • Fist fights are ridiculously loud. Carlo Pedersoli and Mario Girotti are one example.
  • Space has only two axes. There is no up or down, only left, right, forwards and backwards.
  • No one is deaf after shooting multiple rounds with a gun or being in one of those nice neighbourhood firefights with the new kids from the block.
 
A silenced firearm makes little or no sound.

"Semi-automatic" is just there for looks. A clip holds enough rounds fire on automatic indefinitely.

Highly educated people usually speak with poor grammar.

On the other hand, you're "average Joe" can quote any line form any piece of classic literature at any time as long as it conveniently fits the situation.

If you work a $10/hour job you can still afford an apartment in Manhattan. And the typical middle-class family lives in a 4500 sq/ft house complete with a state of the art kitchen.

You can find anything on the internet with a few mouse clicks.

Thunder is the fanfare for the impending rain.

If you can't walk away from a 20 foot fall, you're not a real man.

You can use a cell phone in any place at any time except when your life depends on it.
 
If there are two cars on a road with at least one main character in each car, there will be an accident.
 
* in general, computer mice either don't exist or have no function. A keyboard is almost always all that is necessary to open and operate any programme on any computer.

* no one finishes a cup of tea or coffee.

* no one locks their car or wears a seat belt.
 
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