The worst job application ever?

[Pingfah]

Afternoon everyone. I was having a bit of a clear out the other day and I came across this inside an old folder, it brought back a chuckle so I thought i'd share it with you.

This is a genuine job application letter we received back when I worked at a legal publishing company in 2000. I've scrubbed out the names and URLs as the URLs are still there, and I was easily able to track this guy down and find out what he is doing now just by his name. I found several other outrageously arrogant online CVs and profiles over the last 9 years which confirmed to me that this was not as I had long suspected a joke application.

I honestly have no idea what this guy was thinking, or how on earth he thought this was going to get him a job with us, and judging by the current state of his CV his attitude hasn't served him very well over the years, but here it is...

 

[StolenThunder]

Bizarre. You hired him and gave him lots of zeros yes?

 

[pheonix]

I don't see how that is arrogant. I was thinking of using that for my next application...

 

[DiSiLLUSiON]

Why didn't you simply give him lots of zeroes? $ 00000,- is what he asked for, after all. Then again, hiring someone could actually be detrimental to your other colleagues; so he ends up costing you money instead of earning it.

 

[Holdfast]

Afternoon everyone. I was having a bit of a clear out the other day and I came across this inside an old folder, it brought back a chuckle so I thought i'd share it with you.

This is a genuine job application letter we received back when I worked at a legal publishing company in 2000. I've scrubbed out the names and URLs as the URLs are still there, and I was easily able to track this guy down and find out what he is doing now just by his name. I found several other outrageously arrogant online CVs and profiles over the last 9 years which confirmed to me that this was not as I had long suspected a joke application.

I honestly have no idea what this guy was thinking, or how on earth he thought this was going to get him a job with us, and judging by the current state of his CV his attitude hasn't served him very well over the years, but here it is...

There needs to be a Word Template for this.

 

[AstroSmurf]

^ No there doesn't.

Part of my current job is to act as the HR and I can safely say that this application would have been dropped in my "no way in hell" folder. But it sounds like someone was attempting to be funny so they would be noticed and failed miserably.

And if you ignore the absurdity of the letter, the nonsensical sentence structure and haphazard grammar would also be an automatic turn off for me. This dude might display a "substantial set of skills" but writing the English language is not one of them, something I find necessary when putting together a website.

 

[Pingfah]

I'd love to share his URLs with you all, because he is a fucking appalling web designer even by year 2000 standards when all websites were shit

But I think that would be unfair.

 

[Holdfast]

And if you ignore the absurdity of the letter, the nonsensical sentence structure and haphazard grammar would also be an automatic turn off for me. This dude might display a "substantial set of skills" but writing the English language is not one of them...

What do you expect from Guardian readers?

 

[Triskelion]

Just what does he think the range of salary is for a position like that?
10,000/year
100,000/year
1,000,000/year

- All some arbitrary decision made by an HR manager on the basis of a cover letter?

I'm always advising my business students to avoid this brand of "honesty" in their interviewing process. Or holding that conscientiousness is conditional.

Why do you want this job?
I want to earn money.

Why should we hire you?
I'm a hard worker and a team player.

What are your weaknesses?
I'm a perfectionist.

Why did you leave your last job?
I wanted more money.

What position do you want?
A high salary position.

Well I'm sold!

 

[jamestyler]

I'd love to share his URLs with you all, because he is a fucking appalling web designer even by year 2000 standards when all websites were shit

But I think that would be unfair.

...this wasn't signed JF Tyler by any chance?

I'm the laziest designer in the world - if it's worse than my work, he deserves to be banned from the internet.

 

[sidious618]

I think you should've hired him.

 

[CorporalClegg]

You should have asked him in for an interview just to see what he's like.


And to give him a false sense of hope...

 

[Braindeer]

Now I see why I'm not getting anywhere with my applications! I need to write more like this guy!

My other half is a librarian...he got an application for a job the other day where the applicant had spelt "library" wrong...

 

[nevermore]

^I agree. Not bringing him in was a real missed for-shits-and-giggles opportunity.

 

[Trekker4747]

The guy is a Republican!



Ok, that should be in handbooks labled as "How NOT to write a cover letter!"

I think there's a whole list of reasons why.