The Whale Probe Incident: What Would the Other Captains Have Done?

[BillofIzar]

Captain Archer would swing around dramatically and declare, "They set us up!"...
Captain Riker would fly into it at Warp 13...
Captain Koloth would call it a Denebian Slime Devil...
Captain Kurn would lure it into a sun...
Captain Sulu would turn 'er into the probe...
Captain Ransom would break it down into energy cubes...

 

[Maurice]

• Captain Needa would lose it and "apologize" with his life
• Captain Nemo would let it kill everyone
• Captain Crunch would prove that his cereal stays crunchy even in global climate collapse
• Captain Kangaroo would call Tom Terrific and the Mighty Manfred to save the day
• Captain Planet would use all the water to Green the planet
• Captain Ahab would follow it around the Horn, and around the Norway maelstrom, and around perdition's flames before he gave it up!

 

[Nerys Myk]

I don't know what Captain Kor would do, but I know it will be glorious!

 

[Ssosmcin]

The Voyage (to the Bottom of the Sea) Home:

If this would take place where it rightly belongs, under the sea, the SSRN Seaview would be more than enough to handle it. The probe would send one, and only one, Whaleman to rampage slowly through the corridors of the submarine. Seven men (four non dialog roles) would attack it one by one; "Kelly" "Peters" and "Simpson" would be killed, while Kowalski, Patterson and Chief Sharkey barely escape with their lives. Riley would stand back and shout "man, dig that fish!"

After 48 minutes of this, Admiral Nelson would sigh wearily and, in a mood, go to his lab to rig up a sonic refractor which would make the Whaleman blow up. Then Captain Crane would have the guys in the reactor room shoot a charge through the hull which would make the probe blow up.

Who needs time travel?

 

[T'Girl]

Captain Smith would ram the Titanic into the Probe's side.


.

 

[pengbuzz]

Captain Crunch would pour milk on it.

Captain Kangaroo would drop ping-pong balls on it.

Captain Caveman would bash it with his club.

 

[Noname Given]

Archer - Daniels would show up with a couple of whales.

Picard - He'd learn to speak Humpback Whale language and negotiate reparations (after a LONG Conference Room scene).

Sisko - He'd make a deal with the Wormhole 'prophet' aliens and get the Probe pulled into the Wormhole.

Janeway - She and 7of9 would find a way to just plain deactivate/blow the probe up.

 

[CosmicQuestion]

Yoda would turn around and say

"See, I too a humpback be."

The two would become close friends and the probe would began training in the ways of the jedi.

 

[Trekker4747]

Archer: Would bitch and moan indecisively, play with his dog, get upset, watch some friggin' water polo and finally ask T'Pol for a solution. Grudgingly.

Picard: Deanna would detect the probe's intentions through her telepathy and then Data and Geordi would work out a way to communicate with the probe, tell it what happened to the whales on Earth and then give it a big speech how humans have changed and grown since wiping out an entire species.

Sisko: Find a way to rig the Defiant to shield itself from the probe's power-sucking properties and then blow the shit out of it.

Janeway: Deflector dish and Borg nanoprobes. The Doctor would sing a song about it and Kim would say "Yes captain!" at some point. Maybe.

Kirk (if he had the Enterprise): Communicated with it on all channels and talk the probe into destroying itself.

 

[Nowhere Man]

If it's TNG era, you can bet some tachyon pulse will be involved. Picard could go into the nexus and get Kirk, then Kirk and Riker can pretend to be whales, hey o. Maybe they could finally put Wesley to use and he could annoy the probe to death.

I think Sisko could just beat the shit out of it.

Maybe Janeway could pour coffee on it and short it out.

Archer, I'm sure he will ask for advice from Tupac,I mean Tuvok, I mean T'Pol. He will then ignore that advice and do whatever him and Trip come up with and he will personally have to do it himself as T'Pol is left in charge of the ship. Malcom will bitch about not getting to blow up enough stuff and Travis will have one line. In the end it will all be a holodeck program made up by NuKirk to see how to handle the probe situation. Ironically, he will decide to travel back to 1986 and bring two whales to the future. Upon their return, the two universes merge into one and the Prime Universe is restored. Kirk then travels to Romulus and kills Nero's parents.

 

[Kirby]

Janeway would wait until the probe destroyed Earth and then hit the reset button to before the probe showed up and then do something else.