The Vulcan, A serial high-space adventure

[Will The Serious]

Variety - William Shatner: My Trip to Space Filled Me with 'Overwhelming Sadness'

"cold, dark, black emptiness"

I very much appreciate the critique and suggestions. I think my prologue needs some work, and I did toy with the idea of making some hint or reference to the original words of Kirk in TOS prologue. But I don't want to deal with a quote from another author's work. Maybe a small tweek would suffice, "cold, black, emptiness", or just "black emptiness of Space." I want to give a little more description of the Vulcan and her crews' circumstances, to get the reader up to speed on who the crew and ship are, and what they are doing, but I don't want it to be more than two short paragraph.

---

"We see across vast expanses to impossibly distant worlds. We look out into Space and witness the beginning of the Universe, the birth of planets, and the death of stars. Civilization turns to Space for knowledge, adventure, and hope. Space, cold, black, and empty, is also deadly, a wall to growth and progress. It holds our past and our future.

Forced to flee life on their planets, this is where Vulcan and her crew live, work and explore. Join Vulcan and her twenty crew from different and distant worlds, who have been brought together on a quest to find refuge, wonder, and friendship, in the greatest frontier."

---

I did not make the paragraph break at "Space..." because this spot seemed more natural to a spoken narration. I'll be happy to discuss any weaknesses in my decisions further.

-Will

 

[Robert Bruce Scott]

Looks good to me, but you might want to pare it down a little. It needed the break primarily for cadence.

Instead of thinking about it logically, read it aloud and listen to how it sounds. If it has a good cadence and a good rhythm, that will be what takes it from good to epic.

I like how you adapted Shatner's comment.

 

[Bynar0110]

Glad to see you're posting fanfics again. I enjoy reading it a lot.

 

[Will The Serious]

I've been wondering when you would pick up this story again.

It has been very difficult finding the time lately. My business requires weekends away at craft fairs and weekdays building stock. Plus, my daughter just got married this Summer in our gardens, so I've had to do a lot of weeding and deck building. The wedding party needed a deck to stand on at the edge of our pond while the guests needed one to sit on to watch. Then, of course, my wife decided she wanted an above ground pool, since they are pretty cheap, but it has to have a deck around it, as well.

I'm about 2/3rds through episode 9. Actually got a whole scene written a couple of days ago.

-Will

 

[Robert Bruce Scott]

Life has a tendency to do that. I've been continuing the Star Beagle Adventures series, but I'm stuck at the beginning of Episode 20.

 

[Will The Serious]

Here's an excerpt. I just wrote this the other day.

Episode 9 - Red Dwarves and White Giants
-
The helmetted pilot, in the cockpit of a space fighter, eyes shielded with a 3-D heads-up viewer, grips the starboard and port joysticks for control of the racing A-class interdictor.

“Bogies incoming. I count six J-one-twenty-sevens,” the pilot calls out into his comm. He juks the controls into a banking elevator maneuver to intercept.

“I see them, Red Leader.” a second pilot, with similar headgear on, answers back while scanning the star seeded blackness for the enemy squadron from her own A-class. “I will take them from minus 90, if you can distract them for ninety-eight seconds.”

The two A-class fighters Veer away from each other, the first, climbing towards the incoming squadron, the second descending and banking to port. The six enemy fighters spread out and target the first fighter.

“I've got target-lock alarms going off here, Green,” Red calls out while reaching to switch shields to full forward. The cockpit is beeping frantically with six target-lock alarms. The A-class rocks with the first impact.

“Shields damaged," shouts the pilot. "Deploying Photaic-Holo flares.”

“Roger, Red. Almost on them,” comes Green's reply over the comm.

The first A-class ship is the intersecting point for five more tracking torpedoes close behind the first ordinance to detonate on the forward shields. From a port behind the cockpit canopy, a series of solid light images are formed that mimic the A-class fighter but fly off in curving vectors to either side. The lead torpedo explodes on the forward shields while torpedoes 3, 4, 5, and 6 split off to follow the holographic ships racing away.

A new alarm blares inside the cockpit and a computer voice announces, “Warning, forward shields have failed! Warning, forward shields have failed!…”

“I'm hit, Green. Where the Hell are you? Can't take anoth…”

Over the comm there's a loud, “WhooHeee!”

In the cockpit of the second A-class, the female pilot makes first contact, strafing the underside of the nearest two of the six enemy fighters. Her aim splits to flare off the collapsing ventral shields of the two fighters until the weaker lower shields implode and her phasers gouge into the power plants of both ships. They explode while she rockets upward between them. She jams both joysticks into a roll and takes aim at ship number three, quickly bringing both port and starboard phasers to bear. Together they overwhelm the lateral shielding and soon another enemy joins the first two in a gyrating ball of plasma and fire.

The three remaining fighters break off pursuit of Red's A-class and bank and roll to engage with Green.

“I have your back, Red. But it would be good if you helped a little,” calls the female voice. Green flicks a switch and a tiny mine launches right into the bow of enemy number four, just as it swings into firing position to her stern. The explosion takes the pursuer out.

Green swivels her head around trying to spot the remaining two and sees enemy number five just as it strafes past above her. Disruptor discharge blows Green's dorsal shielding to pieces and her cockpit reverberates with the same warning and alarms that had plagued Red's first encounter.

Red chuckles, watching that third enemy attack Green from above. “Oh, that's not good.” He triggers his weapons and burns a hole in the aft shields of fighter number five, but it gets away in a light cloud of trailing smoke.

“I guess I can finish your job, Red, but you should…” Green flips into a high speed course change onto the fifth fighter's tail and triggers a discharge of her twin phasers as she's talking. Her taunt is disrupted and her aim is thrown off when a second disruptor sears her starboard flank. The fifth fighter catches the front of Green's phaser beam but doesn't explode. Instead, the enemy J-127 tumbles out of control, engines blown offline, but intact. The phaser energy is jerked off target, and fails to destroy the fighter.

“Red Leader, Red Leader, get that… bogie off my tail.”

Green's engine compartment booms and smoke filters into the cockpit. She slams her control sticks back and forth with no response. “I'm hit. I'm hit. I have no control. My engine is on fire.”

The sixth fighter lines up behind Green's injured ship again.

Red zooms up from below and strafes the last fighting enemy a second too late. Green's ship explodes in that last fighter's final strafe a moment before it too explodes when Red triggers a photon torpedo at point blank range. Red goes into a backwards tumble as he pulls into a steep climb away. His ventral shields save him before his computer announces, “Warning, ventral shields lost, hull integrity is failing. ...
-
Coming soon to a theater or forum near you.

Hope you enjoyed.

-Will

 

[Bynar0110]

Here's an excerpt. I just wrote this the other day.

-
The helmetted pilot, in the cockpit of a space fighter, eyes shielded with a 3-D heads-up viewer, grips the starboard and port joysticks for control of the racing A-class interdictor.

“Bogies incoming. I count six J-one-twenty-sevens,” the pilot calls out into his comm. He juks the controls into a banking elevator maneuver to intercept.

“I see them, Red Leader.” a second pilot, with similar headgear on, answers back while scanning the star seeded blackness for the enemy squadron from her own A-class. “I will take them from minus 90, if you can distract them for ninety-eight seconds.”

The two A-class fighters Veer away from each other, the first, climbing towards the incoming squadron, the second descending and banking to port. The six enemy fighters spread out and target the first fighter.

“I've got target-lock alarms going off here, Green,” Red calls out while reaching to switch shields to full forward. The cockpit is beeping frantically with six target-lock alarms. The A-class rocks with the first impact.

“Shields damaged," shouts the pilot. "Deploying Photaic-Holo flares.”

“Roger, Red. Almost on them,” comes Green's reply over the comm.

The first A-class ship is the intersecting point for five more tracking torpedoes close behind the first ordinance to detonate on the forward shields. From a port behind the cockpit canopy, a series of solid light images are formed that mimic the A-class fighter but fly off in curving vectors to either side. The lead torpedo explodes on the forward shields while torpedoes 3, 4, 5, and 6 split off to follow the holographic ships racing away.

A new alarm blares inside the cockpit and a computer voice announces, “Warning, forward shields have failed! Warning, forward shields have failed!…”

“I'm hit, Green. Where the Hell are you? Can't take anoth…”

Over the comm there's a loud, “WhooHeee!”

In the cockpit of the second A-class, the female pilot makes first contact, strafing the underside of the nearest two of the six enemy fighters. Her aim splits to flare off the collapsing ventral shields of the two fighters until the weaker lower shields implode and her phasers gouge into the power plants of both ships. They explode while she rockets upward between them. She jams both joysticks into a roll and takes aim at ship number three, quickly bringing both port and starboard phasers to bear. Together they overwhelm the lateral shielding and soon another enemy joins the first two in a gyrating ball of plasma and fire.

The three remaining fighters break off pursuit of Red's A-class and bank and roll to engage with Green.

“I have your back, Red. But it would be good if you helped a little,” calls the female voice. Green flicks a switch and a tiny mine launches right into the bow of enemy number four, just as it swings into firing position to her stern. The explosion takes the pursuer out.

Green swivels her head around trying to spot the remaining two and sees enemy number five just as it strafes past above her. Disruptor discharge blows Green's dorsal shielding to pieces and her cockpit reverberates with the same warning and alarms that had plagued Red's first encounter.

Red chuckles, watching that third enemy attack Green from above. “Oh, that's not good.” He triggers his weapons and burns a hole in the aft shields of fighter number five, but it gets away in a light cloud of trailing smoke.

“I guess I can finish your job, Red, but you should…” Green flips into a high speed course change onto the fifth fighter's tail and triggers a discharge of her twin phasers as she's talking. Her taunt is disrupted and her aim is thrown off when a second disruptor sears her starboard flank. The fifth fighter catches the front of Green's phaser beam but doesn't explode. Instead, the enemy J-127 tumbles out of control, engines blown offline, but intact. The phaser energy is jerked off target, and fails to destroy the fighter.

“Red Leader, Red Leader, get that… bogie off my tail.”

Green's engine compartment booms and smoke filters into the cockpit. She slams her control sticks back and forth with no response. “I'm hit. I'm hit. I have no control. My engine is on fire.”

The sixth fighter lines up behind Green's injured ship again.

Red zooms up from below and strafes the last fighting enemy a second too late. Green's ship explodes in that last fighter's final strafe a moment before it too explodes when Red triggers a photon torpedo at point blank range. Red goes into a backwards tumble as he pulls into a steep climb away. His ventral shields save him before his computer announces, “Warning, ventral shields lost, hull integrity is failing. ...
-
Coming soon to a theater or forum near you.

Hope you enjoyed.

-Will

Looking forward to seeing the full chapter.