The Therapy Thread

[Thespeckledkiwi]

Thanks for making this thread AstroSmurf.

And I apologize if this is going to be long but here goes;

I'm sorry. I know that doesn't mean much to many people here but I am. I am really sorry. I have tried to find help, multiple, multiple times. And I guess I didn't put too much effort into it, or maybe it's my paranoid side but I've made progress this time. I'm working hard because I'm scared. I am scared of what is to come next. I'm scared because every time I am in the right place, I manage to screw it up. I'm scared because every time we think I have something beat, something new comes along. I'm scared because I am afraid they will tell me that I have a tumor or that do to my medical conditions I'm pretty much screwed out of a long life.

I hate being manic depressed because my manic phases are more or less me being drunk without the hangover (not fun mind you) and my depressed phases are like balancing on the edge of a blade and I'm trying not to fall.

I know I'm a terrible person. I don't care about that. I know I have hurt a lot of people too, and I'm sorry. I can't say much more than that but I'm sorry.

But I've been trying hard lately to try and fix my issues. Fighting something like this takes a lot of my energy and my power. And I screw up. And I keep screwing up. And I'm going to keep screwing up until I figure it out. And I know it's going to piss people off. And I know people are going to be mad at me.

Fine, be mad at me. I don't care anymore.

I know I'm not popular on these boards. I don't care. I just like to 'people' watch on these boards as much as I like to people watch in real life. It's a fascinating aspect of life.

So thank you.

 

[AstroSmurf]

^ Well I am certainly not mad at you. I never have been.

And did it ever occur to you that it is alright to be scared, that it is alright to screw up? We ALL are like that to some varying degree. Some of us just hide it better than others (like myself) and some don't. Either way, we are all human and fallible so don't be so hard yourself. We all deal with things in our own way and in our own time. There are no rules about it.

As for screwing up a good thing, you don't have the market cornered there. I think I have a big piece of that all to myself. A decent boyfriend? I will most likely freak out and send him running. In good health? I will somehow manage to screw my sugar up and send my body into a downward spiral that ends in the emergency room. Financially secure? Give me a few minutes, a dream of a better job and a quickly written resignation and I am sleeping in my car and eating at a friend's house. Believe me, screwing up is something all of us can do without any help so join the party! We have cake!

And here is a wonderful quote that I think will do you some good... “Everything we do is a choice. We make choices and we live with the consequences. If someone gets hurt along the way we ask for forgiveness. It's the best anyone can do.” ~ Ned, Pushing Daisies

And I want you to remember, friends are the ones that allow you to be who you need to be without judgment. They are also the ones that pick you up when you need it. They are also the ones who kick you in the ass when you need that too. But you have to let them so let them.

 

[Thespeckledkiwi]

Apparently I also get hit on by guys. A lot. And girls O_o...I have this weird aura that makes me a magnet for weird girls and guys.

*hugs Astro* I wish you luck Astro

I would write more but I'm tired.

 

[The Boy Who Cried Worf]

Thanks for making this thread AstroSmurf.

And I apologize if this is going to be long but here goes;

I'm sorry. I know that doesn't mean much to many people here but I am. I am really sorry. I have tried to find help, multiple, multiple times. And I guess I didn't put too much effort into it, or maybe it's my paranoid side but I've made progress this time. I'm working hard because I'm scared. I am scared of what is to come next. I'm scared because every time I am in the right place, I manage to screw it up. I'm scared because every time we think I have something beat, something new comes along. I'm scared because I am afraid they will tell me that I have a tumor or that do to my medical conditions I'm pretty much screwed out of a long life.

I hate being manic depressed because my manic phases are more or less me being drunk without the hangover (not fun mind you) and my depressed phases are like balancing on the edge of a blade and I'm trying not to fall.

I know I'm a terrible person. I don't care about that. I know I have hurt a lot of people too, and I'm sorry. I can't say much more than that but I'm sorry.

But I've been trying hard lately to try and fix my issues. Fighting something like this takes a lot of my energy and my power. And I screw up. And I keep screwing up. And I'm going to keep screwing up until I figure it out. And I know it's going to piss people off. And I know people are going to be mad at me.

Fine, be mad at me. I don't care anymore.

I know I'm not popular on these boards. I don't care. I just like to 'people' watch on these boards as much as I like to people watch in real life. It's a fascinating aspect of life.

So thank you.

Are you taking your meds every day? I know when my girlfriend calls me all frazzled and cranky 9 times out of 10 she hasn't been taking her meds. If I don't take mine about a day and a half later I start getting that serotonin jolt and I feel like killing people.

 

[Thespeckledkiwi]

I don't take medication because they can't find the right dosage and...>.> There was other complications.

 

[The Boy Who Cried Worf]

I don't take medication because they can't find the right dosage and...>.> There was other complications.

I feel like asking you a ton of questions, but that is just because I am a nosy person who has been on a ton of psychiatric drugs and also I am studying to be a pharmacy technician. I am sure you've been through the whole thing before and you don't need another person bugging you about this and that. Good luck and we're here for you.