He failed.
“Is there a problem Mister Ellison?” The man from the videotapes asked him.
James Ellison pushed all of his weight against the makeshift cane that he’d constructed from the remains of the leg assembly of the endoskeleton that they’d destroyed over a year ago. The question from Kyle Reese had pulled him from his memories of days when he still thought the war was winnable to the cold reality of today.
“Why would there be a problem?” He asked the man who would become John’s father.
“You didn’t say anything for a long while and looked like you were pretty out of it,” Kyle answered frankly.
Ellison looked at the young man still seated at the table, “Just remembering someone from my youth.” He breathed heavily for a second from the strain and then focused back on Kyle Reese, “Could you excuse us please Kyle?”
“I think that I should be here,” Kyle challenged his request. “There’s a lot to do before we get started and we need to come up with a strategy to go after these survivors. We need their support in the battle of Topanga.”
“Please, Mister Reese, this is important,” was the answer that James gave. “I wouldn’t ask if it weren’t important. Please.”
Kyle looked between the two for a moment and relented, “Alright. John I’ll be in the staging grounds planning the assault if you need me for anything before you and your team leave.”
“Thanks,” Connor answered, “but I’ll be fine. Good luck with your mission, Kyle.”
“You need the luck a lot more than I do,” answered the younger Reese. “I’m just playing armchair quarterback here; you’re the one doing the hard work. So good luck.”
“Thanks,” John felt like he was repeating himself. He watched as his father left the room and, once the doors were closed, he focused his attention on the girl and the man. Mister Ellison looked like he was pretty happy to see that John was back after all these years, but the girl was a different story. The girl looked like she could kill him where he stood without a second thought. Was Ellison sure she wasn’t a skinjob?
Connor grinned, “I bet you never thought you’d see me again did you.”
“I always had a sinking suspicion that I would,” Ellison kept leaning on the assembly. “In a world where intelligent machines have taken over I don’t think anything’s impossible anymore. Plus a little bird kept telling me that you’d be back one day.” He hobbled toward him with the cane, “John Connor, the prophesized leader of the human resistance against Skynet. The leader of a scrappy young band of rebels and a Luke Skywalker type as I once described you in reports.” He smiled brightly (showing the wear on his older face as every line became a crevice), “You look great; just like when I last saw you in that subbasement.” He laughed cheerfully, “As for me well nature took its course with me and kicked my ass a few times over. Even I’m amazed that I’m still alive from time to time so I’m sure you’re shocked.”
“I am actually. I hadn’t expected to find you ever again after what happened at Zeira Corporation and with everything that’s gone wrong over the years. To be honest I didn’t expect for anyone else other than Kyle’s group to be alive quite anymore.” He slid some hair away from his brow, “We thought we were the only ones left.”
“There aren’t many of us,” Ellison relayed sadly. “I’m sorry John.”
John looked at him puzzled, “What do you have to be sorry for? You did your best.”
“I failed,” was how he answered. “I vowed to your mother when I last saw her that I’d have an army ready for you when you got back, but I never truly believed that it was true and I couldn’t build an army for you because of everything that happened in 2018. The military survived under a General Ashdown’s supervision. He launched an offensive against Skynet that failed miserably and gave away almost 70% of the last human outposts. His war decimated our troops and he nearly got us all killed. We tried to build your forces,” he looked at Savannah, “we both did, but we failed horribly. I failed you and I failed your mother’s last wishes.”
“You didn’t fail me,” the destined leader answered him. “You did what you could against extreme circumstances that were impossible for anyone to deal with. You held out longer than most others could ever hope to against superior numbers and the odds being far from in your favor. Most importantly you survived this war. Survival is more important than anything and that includes building an army. We survived and that’s the best any of us could ever hope for.” He paused as if replaying Ellison’s words inside his head, “You said that you failed my mother? Mister Ellison why didn’t she lead the fight and why didn’t she build the army for me? Why’d she pass the buck off to you in one of the most important missions of her life?” That wasn’t the Sarah Connor that John had grown up under. That sounded nothing like the woman that he respected and hoped to develop even half the skills and courage of.
The older man considered his words carefully before he finally spoke, “Sarah asked me to take over the reigns for her after the bombs fell on top of us. She wanted me and Savannah to go on and to fight the war while she did her own part on her own terms like always. I’m sorry to tell you John that the last time I saw your mom was the evening of Judgment Day.” Ellison wondered how far to go with it and decided it was time for the truth to come out – not even Savannah knew what had happened to Sarah. “Sarah had been sick for a while before Judgment Day came. One morning about a month before J Day she snuck over the border to meet with a doctor that we’d become familiar with the services of. She’d been losing weight, fatigued, and she never felt right anymore. He diagnosed her with leukemia in the end stages. When Judgment Day came Sarah only had, at most, a couple of weeks left before she’d succumb to it. She took a pistol and headed out on her own to live her last days on her terms.”
“I’m sorry John,” he truly was, “But your mother is dead. She lived her life fighting the machines, but she lost the war for her own body to a combatant that she could never defeat: the decay of our own selves.”
Despite everything John Connor took the revelation pretty well. He’d long assumed that his mother was dead and that she’d died during this pointless war, but he never knew just how it’d happened. Now though he knew the truth about how his mother left the war and the Earth and he wished it’d been on her own terms (much like she’d lived her life). She’d left the war behind after her own body failed to support her anymore. She left this mortal coil because of the ravages of genetics and not the war that she’d sworn her life to fight. A part of him hoped that she was at peace but, in all honesty, John knew that his mother was spinning in her grave at the way it’d happened. He knew her far too well.
Then he noticed that the girl behind Ellison, Savannah Weaver, was taking it harder than he ever would. Streams of tears were coming from her eyes yet she remained a statue at Ellison’s side. Machines could cry, he’d seen Cameron cry once, but he knew now that Savannah was as human as he was. John walked up to her and looked at her for a moment like a General would inspect one of his troops. He realized that she’d stiffened herself trying to hold it all inside. John simply brushed one of her tears away with his thumb.
“You know my mother, if she were here, would probably be yelling at you for showing a weakness like that,” he pointed out to Savannah, “but, deep down, she’d be crying too. My mother knew the value of each human life and she would mourn just like you are. She’d probably do it was a cigarette and a bottle of Jack, which is probably why she died the way that she did, but everybody’s different. You go on and keep crying if it helps you to mourn her loss.”
“Thank you General Connor,” Savannah answered using the title that he didn’t deserve in this reality. “I stand ready for your orders and to give my life in service of humanity in the war against the machines.”
Despite her choice of words John couldn’t help but grin. There was that title again: General John Connor the leader of the Human Resistance against Skynet. A title he never wanted, didn’t feel he deserved, yet always seemed to find its way back to him. That was Future John’s rank, not the present’s honor. He looked her in the eyes and spoke his piece, “Let’s hope that it doesn’t come to that. There’s been far too much death already as it is.”
“The question is,” the former FBI Agent interrupted him, “what’s our next move? By all rights you should be leading this group. You’re the man that leads humanity out of this Dark Age and back to salvation. It’s history.”
“You know I never really wanted that job,” again he was being honest with them and with himself, “and over the last few years since I arrived I’ve wondered how the great General John Connor would handle being in this world. You know what I realized? That John doesn’t exist here. Yet, nevertheless, he does because I exist. This isn’t the war that my mother prepared me for; this isn’t the battle that I was destined to fight. Yet, in many ways, they’re exactly the same right down to the people I deal with each and every day of my life.”
Savannah nearly cried out, “But you’re John Connor!”
“I know who I am,” he answered, “my mother’s drilled it into my head so many times that I can’t remember them all. For now, though, I’m going to be a dutiful little soldier and keep running things from the sidelines; making suggestions and recommendations to Kyle to let him lead the war.”
“That isn’t what your mother wanted!” Savannah yelled at him. “She wanted us to lead the human race out of this and to beat Skynet once and for all!”
John looked at the girl he’d rescued the day that his uncle was killed, “Just like my mother to have a Plan B waiting in the wings. Why isn’t she leading the Resistance anyway? A charismatic leader could probably have beaten that Ashdown fellow at his own game.”
“They had trouble taking my orders because of my age,” Weaver admitted bitterly. “They didn’t care about my training or my experience. They saw me as a little girl and that was enough for them to brush me aside. I wished then that they would’ve listened and I wish now that they really had. You have no idea how hard it is for me not to knock you on your ass right now!”
“You’re the daughter my mother always wanted,” teased Connor. “I’m not going to sit on the sidelines forever, Savannah, far from it. Right now though we need to consolidate our forces and we need to make arrangements with the Cyborg Resistance so that they can help us at Topanga. They were crucial in the last timeline.”
Ellison shifted his weight on his walking stick, “The what?”
“You know it best as John Henry,” he answered remembering the name of Cameron’s murderer as well as his own. “Weaver told me that John Henry was sent here to build his own army to fight Skynet; his Cyborg Resistance. Where is he?”
“We’ve never found him,” Ellison was shocked to hear the name of his old project. “You’re the first one that stepped into that time machine that’s come out of it that I know of. There is no Cyborg Resistance; there’s just Skynet.”
That was the first that John hadn’t expected to hear. He’d always believed that it’d simply been that he’d never heard from them because they were worried that someone would shoot first and ask questions later (which was probably why Weaver disappeared in the first place when they arrived). If Ellison – in a sense John Henry’s father – hadn’t been contacted, though, maybe he wasn’t here. Maybe the transport failed and he’s lost in time somewhere? Cameron I’m so sorry. What did he do to you?
“You mean that you’ve never heard from him at all?” He felt sick to his stomach. Things just got a lot more complicated, “What about Catherine Weaver? Have you heard from her?”
“My mother?” Savannah questioned with warmth in her voice. “My mother’s here?”
“In a sense - the machine that had replaced your mother came forward with me on that day. I haven’t seen her since I arrived here,” John paced the room rubbing his forehead. “Have you seen either of them?”
“No,” the Commander answered. “We haven’t seen either her or John Henry. John there is no Cyborg Resistance. There’s only us.”
It couldn’t be. It just couldn’t. Connor had another question – another possibility that could shed some light on this whole ghastly affair. He spoke quickly, “Do you have a benefactor?”
“A what?” Savannah didn’t understand.
“Have you been finding documents, plans, computer disks, anything that gives you information about Skynet or the machines?” John asked quickly again. “Anything like that? Ever?” Please God let them say yes!
“Every once in a while we do,” Ellison answered again. “We never knew where they came from though. I always assumed that it was from a machine that had turned like Weaver had.”
John rubbed his stubble covered face, “What if our benefactors are those two? What if they’re giving us what we need to survive? What if they have a Resistance and we just don’t know about it?”
“Entirely possible I’d say,” suggested Ellison. “If there is a Cyborg Resistance they’d probably want us to win just as badly as we want it. They’d give us the materials we needed to do it too probably. We have been finding a lot of weapons laying about lately.”
“Maybe even a bit more,” John pointed something out. “Remember when we were going after John Henry and Cameron? Do you remember what Catherine Weaver told my mother? She said that I’d save the world but that I’d need John Henry to help me do it. I always wondered what she meant, but now I know.”
“What did she mean?” Savannah asked as John walked toward the door.
Connor looked at the girl, “She meant I’m going to have to find John Henry to get that answer. Mister Ellison I’m going to bring those survivors back to you to give you that army. Keep the home fires burning for us would you?”
“You got it,” Ellison smiled, “And good luck.”
John stood by the door for a moment, “I’d never admit this but I don’t believe in luck; though I appreciate the sentiment. Besides you don’t need to have any luck when you have a destiny now do you?”
“I see your point,” James looked between him and Savannah, “good hunting.”
John nodded and left the room leaving Savannah and Ellison behind. James collapsed backward into the chair that he’d been using only moments prior and just stared at the closed door. Savannah placed a comforting hand on his shoulder and he clasped his hand around it. “That was harder than I expected.”
“You’ve done very well,” Savannah said softly, “The less he knows the better off he’ll be.”
“But there’s so much,” Ellison pointed out, “so much that he can help us with. I hope that he only realizes the truth about just how important he is to us. That he accepts destiny.”
“He will soon enough,” Savannah said soothingly. “If you’ll excuse me though I want to keep an eye on him and the teams as they go to the Enterprise. I don’t entirely trust any of them, now John Connor more than ever.”
Ellison looked up at his daughter, “Good luck.”
“Thank you,” she walked away, “Fortunately I believe in it and know we’re going to need every ounce of it that we can get.”