I don't think it's so much that rape/abuse shouldn't be brought up. It's how often and for what reasons they're brought up that could be the problem.
Anyway, this theory seems to be speaking more about the undignified deaths of powerful female heroes, and how they're only used to further the stories of the male ("real") heroes. This isn't really about abuse. I would again say that VOY, the TV show, doesn't really have this problem. The PB books absolutely do.
Thing is, the real story of *any* death is the impact it has on the living. Doesn't matter if it's a glorious death in battle or a quiet death at home.
Yeah, that is true. But how often is the one who dies a female? And how often is it that that death is the turning point for some male hero? Someone noted that "Full Circle," much as I think it's accurate to the characters, falls into this pretty nicely.
Chakotay goes bananas after Kathryn dies. He drinks, becomes withdrawn, throws Voyager headlong into danger, and basically changes the whole direction of his life. Kathryn, the main character of the TV series, was fridged for some Chakotay character development. Beyer, (who clearly liked the characters) had to work with what she had been given, of course, but the whole story still became a bit of a stereotype. The female hero is out of the picture, and room is made for the real heroes. B'Elanna also spends most of the time stuck in a shuttle playing Mom while Tom plays First Officer and does all the "real work."
Well, granted, I'm a female and my sweetie was a male, but I would argue that being widowed was a turning point in my life--and yes, in a positive way.
I don't think that the experience of death is a particularly male or female thing. We all change when we lose a loved one.
ETA: I'd estimate that the one who dies is female roughly 50 percent of the time...