The Old You

[RoJoHen]

I was at a wedding a couple weekends ago for two of my best friends. A very large portion of the guests were also my friends from college, as the groom and I hung out with the same group of people. I had an amazing time, the best time I have had in years, but I started thinking about why. I had spent years hanging out with these people in college; what was different this time around that made it so much more fun? The answer: I was sober.

Back in high school, while still somewhat awkward and uncomfortable in my own skin, I still managed to be incredibly optimistic and was able to have a lot of fun with whoever I was with. I never drank. Even if I was at a party where all my friends were drunk, I was the sober person in the group. It wasn't until college that I started drinking, and then it seemed that I was incapable of having fun without getting drunk. Not true, of course, but I always wanted to get drunk anyway.

At this wedding, I had a couple drinks in the beginning of the night with dinner, but as I ended up on the dance floor, I decided I didn't need to drink anymore. I was having so much fun that alcohol was completely unnecessary. It felt good, and I realized that I missed that aspect of myself. So from now on, though I will certainly not stop drinking from time to time, I am going to actively try to avoid it as much as I can, knowing that I can have a great time without it.

Are there aspects of your former self that you miss? Are you happier now than you used to be? Are you less happy? Or are you pretty much the same?

 

[TerokNor]

I find it great that you discovered what you did. Wish some people I know would discover that as well.

I still have everything I always had I´d say, but of course some things developed in this or that direction.
For example my old self was much more shy, than the self I am now, but I am still a little on the shy side in some situations.
Happier? Hmm... there were happy moments in the past and there are happy moments now. The happiest I think I was as a child playing. But I know much better now than as a teen for example what is important in life for myself, what I want, what makes me happy. So about that aspect of my now self I am quite happy, because it makes me much more content with what I have.

TerokNor

 

[Goji]

Personally, I've never been much of a drinker and though I'd certainly never deprive anyone who enjoys it of their fun, I've never thought it necessary to have a good time.

I've been out of college a couple years now and I haven't changed very much. Most of the changing that did happen occurred the last two years of school, and the aspects of my old self that I've lost I don't think I'd want back. I definitely think I'm better off now in almost every respect. Mostly that's the result of being older and having more experiences under my belt, so things that used to bother me or confuse me and cause me great trouble don't tend to anymore. In other words, I'm prematurely jaded and it allows me to be easy going about life's stupidity. I credit the year I spent teaching elementary school kids with this development.

 

[Amaris]

Using your same basic template, comparing myself now to a much younger me (say in this instance me from high school), at first impression, my younger self would likely be flabbergasted at who I am now. Devout Evangelical Christian to ardent atheist; upbeat, hardworking, ambitious optimist to an unemployed, depressed, pragmatist; healthy young man to one who requires four medications to regulate his blood pressure and blood sugar; a man 13 years older, but career and relationship wise, in the exact same place as his younger self, having never explored any of life's opportunities; I'm certain it would be quite a shock for him.

Hopefully he would see that the heart of who he is hasn't changed, but that would be difficult to get through and see when faced with so much, I guess the word would be "damage", maybe "deterioration". Still, an interesting thought, RoJoHen.

 

[RJDiogenes]

"I'm the same boy I used to be." - Steve Winwood.

The Arts & Sciences are my drugs, so I've never been much of a drinker. Although I find that the occasional bottle or two of Twisted Tea goes down real smooth.

The only thing I miss about my early life is time. I seem to have less and less of it as the years go by. I'm trying to figure out a way to rectify that, but I haven't had much luck....

 

[Sean Aaron]

I'd like to think I've mellowed a bit; I'm certainly in more robust physical shape, but otherwise not that different from my mid-university days. I'd like to think a younger me would feel pretty optimistic about the future given my relative good fortune over the past couple of decades since graduating.

 

[Deranged Nasat]

For myself, it's not so much the "old me" and "new me" as the me I am and the me I would have been. I try to keep alive a sense of the man I might have become had I not been pushed onto a different path, and I don't want to lose him or what he represents. Nor do I want to lose the boy I was. I have to accept, though, that the boy I was became the man I am, and that I need to be accepting of myself and the sum of my experience, rather than seeing my current self as a "poor man's me", or a shadow of what I could have been. So I try to integrate the current me with my projected idea of what I want to be/might have been. When I've made peace with what and who I am, and found a way to settle it alongside the "ghost me", I'll be able to make peace also with the boy I was. Either reintegrate him as well, or lay him to rest. I think I'm making progress; it's only in the last few years that I came to understand myself, and so could start the process of healing. Whether you realize it or not, many of you have been a great help to me, and I thank you.

I hope that little cloud of babble made some sense...

 

[LitmusDragon]

Good for you Rojo! I have also been thinking lately that I need to drink less. In fact I have a vague plan to go completely sober this weekend (gasp).

In answer to your question posed I tend to view the past a collection of misadventures that should not be repeated. I don't cast much of a romantic light on it at all.

"History is a nightmare from which I am trying to awaken." - James Joyce, Ulysses

Live for today, plan and build towards tomorrow. Remember the mistakes of the past, but try not to relive them. Take this advice with a grain of salt, I probably have no idea what I'm talking about.

"Everything looks bad if you remember it." - Homer Simpson

 

[iguana_tonante]

If you have no remorses, you have never fully lived. If you have no regrets, you have never fully dreamed.

(This pitiful platitude was brought to you by Wisdom of the Iguana, Inc. Available for Birthdays, Weddings, and Bar Mitzvahs.)

 

[maneth]

I'm certainly much happier in my late 30s than I was in my teens or even twenties. I have most of what I've always wanted from life now, a great husband and wonderful son, an interesting and challenging job and a house of our own. My only regret is I didn't find these things sooner, but better late than never and at least now I won't take what I have for granted.

 

[backstept]

who I am today, compared to who I was 15 years ago . . . I'm quite different.
In middleschool I had to deal with a bunch of things: my parents were in the process of divorce and were separated, I went from a christian private school to a rowdy public school, and of course puberty
I pretty much shut down . . . I was super quiet and had almost paranoid crippling shyness, mostly caused by being quite sheltered, raised on PBS and VBS :P then seemingly forced into public schools where kids were mean, they used swears! . . . rampant disrespect, doormat teachers etc . . . it was a big shock, coupled with my parents divorce
I pretty much tried to be Vulcan but for different reasons than why the Vulcans suppressed their emotions. While they turned to logic to save their culture from their baser instincts, I retreated to try to escape my life's problems (which really weren't too bad looking back on 'em)
Now, 15 years later, I was thinking to myself the other day that I'm finally recovered from the bullying at school and all that. I'm comfortable with strangers now, I used to have an almost crippling social anxiety. I used to think everyone was staring at me :P

I'm still a quiet, shy guy but that's because it's who I am . . . that won't change. Now I'm quiet because of who I am, not because I'm afraid of people.

 

[An Officer]

I also discovered I didn't need to drink to have fun. So I understand exactly what you mean. I found I enjoyed music a lot more with sober ears, and I'd missed that. I also enjoyed the taste of food more. You don't realise how regular drinking over time can dull your senses. After some days/weeks, all of my senses came alive, and I could achieve a level of concentration and multi-tasking that I was not able to do whilst I was a frequent drinker. I also find myself slightly more even tempered.

Aspects about my younger self that I miss... I used to be far more optimistic and easygoing than I am now. They do say ignorance is bliss though, and I really was ignorant about many things! Still am, no doubt.

Even though I'm not as giddy "happy" as I was in my early 20's, I am a little more sensitive, thoughtful, and not as selfish, after having taken a few short sharp knocks life had to offer. Sometimes I wish I still had a toothy grin 24/7, but I've acquired a lot of self-awareness and sense of responsibility that I wouldn't give up to have my ignorant bliss back.

It's difficult to be "happy" when you realise how much work you need to do to modify yourself and your life in order to improve your lot - and I'm talking about spiritual matters rather than material. I am far more serious than I used to be, and I worry more than I used to, quite often about others (which didn't used to happen too often ). I guess those are natural aspects of getting older, and understanding more about your surroundings.

Overall, I would say the current me is content rather than "happy", which is more permanent and satisfying, I think. I do miss the old me at times, but she had her time, and then she had to go to make way for a better, if less "fun", me. Change is the natural order of things, and I had better get used to it.

Sometimes, I do wish I was still the same girl who cared about nothing except the next party, the next drink, or whatever minor diversion seemed important at the time... but I know myself and others who depend on me would be the poorer for it. It's a weird life - I don't think I could have imagined the person I've turned out to be. I eagerly await the next chapter though, in which I hope to combine happiness, awareness, and peace in one comfy mix - informed bliss.

 

[Lindley]

I also discovered I didn't need to drink to have fun.

I still don't understand why drinking is perceived as fun to begin with. I've gotten drunk a few times, and it just seems more stressful to me than anything. You have to worry about how you're going to get home at the end of the night, for one thing.

You don't realise how regular drinking over time can dull your senses.

Well, it would have to. Alcohol tastes pretty awful in most forms. Dulling the taste buds seems like the only way your mouth could be convinced that it's a good thing....

 

[Mr Awe]

I never needed a drink to have a good time. That would definitely be a bad sign!

It's funny, my life has taken a meandering path from where I was to where I'm at now. It was largely unplanned but worked out very nicely. My younger self would look at where I'm at today and not really be surprised. It would seem fitting.

However, my younger self never would've guessed at the route I would've taken to get here! Life's funny!

Mr Awe

 

[An Officer]

After talking to a few people, I think different people have different responses to alcohol. Since you found it only stressful, I guess you are not one of the unlucky few who feel a sense of euphoria and ecstasy when they drink. In that case, you don't care what the hell it tastes like, you want only the feeling. And you are prepared to pay for it with a nasty hangover if necessary. It's really a compulsive drug to some people, rather than an accompaniment to food, or a social accessory. That aspect of alcohol is not taught enough to young people.

I do believe if the full ramifications of alcohol were taught in schools, we would have fewer adult habitual excessive drinkers. I never knew, for example, alcohol kills good bacteria in the mouth and gut, can cause gastritis, cause susceptibility to high blood pressure, raises testosterone levels, causes weight gain, poor sleep, and depression. And those are just the lighter effects.

What little pros there are, like the famed antioxidants in red wine, you can get double the antioxidants in a hot cup of cocoa. Even a cup of green tea is still higher than that of wine - cheaper, tastier, and without risk.

 

[RoJoHen]

I also discovered I didn't need to drink to have fun.

I still don't understand why drinking is perceived as fun to begin with. I've gotten drunk a few times, and it just seems more stressful to me than anything. You have to worry about how you're going to get home at the end of the night, for one thing.

You don't realise how regular drinking over time can dull your senses.

Well, it would have to. Alcohol tastes pretty awful in most forms. Dulling the taste buds seems like the only way your mouth could be convinced that it's a good thing....

Depends on what you're drinking. There are plenty of alcoholic beverages that I simply enjoy drinking because of the taste.

I never needed a drink to have a good time. That would definitely be a bad sign!

I never needed it to have a good time; I just got so used to drinking it when I was around my friends that it never really occurred to me that I could choose not to do it.

 

[Lindley]

Depends on what you're drinking. There are plenty of alcoholic beverages that I simply enjoy drinking because of the taste.

Well, I'm open to suggestions, but in general I've found that my liking for a drink is inversely propotional to how much I can taste the alcohol. If the drinks I like best are those in which I can't taste the bitterness at all, then why have alcohol in them in the first place?

 

[iguana_tonante]

Personally I don't associate the taste of alcohol with "bitter": it's a completely different sensation for me. But beyond personal preferences, I always felt that cheap alcohol tastes horrible, while high-quality stuff is usually a wonderful tasting experience.

I enjoy a wide range of wines, beers, and spirits, but everybody has different tastes, so what works for me won't necessarily work for you. So if you want to explore some new tastes in alcoholic beverages, my only advice is to allow yourself to try new things, and never be afraid to dish out a few more bucks for a better product.

 

[RJDiogenes]

Depends on what you're drinking. There are plenty of alcoholic beverages that I simply enjoy drinking because of the taste.

Well, I'm open to suggestions

Twisted Tea. You can't taste alcohol at all. There's another brand of hard tea, which I can't remember the name of right now, where you can taste the alcohol. It's not so good.

 

[LitmusDragon]

I love the taste of a good IPA. Not everyone does though.