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The New Dax - Cooperative Writing DISCUSSION

And...as to your question, ares93...as I said, I'll start hammering out my tale as soon as your storyline is laid out.

Still...I'm stuck on one thing:

I need an idea on exactly who was fighting the Aventine. I think we have down that Julian was infiltrating the enemy ship, as a super-spy.

My current concept: perhaps it's a Breen ship...possibly a rogue crew, if we want to avoid a "war". Julian's suit cloaks his human life signs...and allows him to communicate with Ezri, without being overheard.

Still...I need some idea as to the circumstances of the attack. Is the Aventine patroling the border between the Federation and the Breen Confederacy? Or is the enemy ship conducting a strike into UFP space?

Anyway...during the attack, Sam Bowers is on the Bridge in command, and Simon is with Ezri in the Infirmary, as she's going through labor. The pounding the ship is taking is making it even more difficult for her....

Julian tries to sabotage the weapons systems of the enemy, to stop the attack--but he comes to realize it'll take far too long. Thus, his only choice is to sabotage the warp core, to destroy the ship completely--and him with it.

Just after she gives birth to Sulira, Ezri feels Julian's death. Her heart stops in that same moment...she weakly tightens her hold on her daughter, as if desperate to not leave her alone...and dies.

hmm, i'm thinking so sort of pirate ship. well, no pirate per se, but a ship without any loyalties. could be any race, breen as well. like the one picard infiltrated in TNG except a hell of a lot powerful. it should be able to bring a vesta class ship to its knees.

so Bashir is working for SFI infiltrating the ship. i think we can go for that, also how he dies destroying the ship. a very good idea. also ezris death scenes in pretty much hammered out. how she feels julians death.

now my take:
as she dies, almost at the same moment, the USS Hood arrives and renders assistance to the Aventine. Valon beams over, enters sickbay and comes to realize that he was too late. and instead of handing over Sulira to whatever child protective services the federation has, he took her to the Sisko's as he knows there isnt anyone better suited to care for her but them.
 
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So I guess it's sort of established that Trills have some sort of telepathic abilities? I like that, Ezri sensing Julian's death makes that 'scene' very poignant.
As for Galrisan, well...I can't think of many actors as massive as those Orions that we see in Enterprise, but I see your point. And you're right about Valon and Sulira, not sure why they'd be talking over a video feed. And if you guys don't do anything with Galrisan, I have an idea for him that I'm tweaking so I will write some more with him.
Pirates indeed...maybe an Orion Syndicate ship? Not exactly pirates but close enough.
 
So I guess it's sort of established that Trills have some sort of telepathic abilities?

Not exactly. I kinda want to keep it vague...but if it is that, it's extremely limited. The only reason it's "in" Ezri is because of her intense bond with Julian.

I like that, Ezri sensing Julian's death makes that 'scene' very poignant.

Yep...and also, the fact that she doesn't want to leave her newborn daughter, but there's nothing she can do....

As for Galrisan, well...I can't think of many actors as massive as those Orions that we see in Enterprise, but I see your point. And you're right about Valon and Sulira, not sure why they'd be talking over a video feed. And if you guys don't do anything with Galrisan, I have an idea for him that I'm tweaking so I will write some more with him.

Well, I have nothing for him...I'll love to see what you come up with! :)

Pirates indeed...maybe an Orion Syndicate ship? Not exactly pirates but close enough.

Well, the reason I was thinking Breen was so that Julian would be able to be a mole undetected. Of course, he could be disguised as a rogue Breen among the pirates....
 
And...as to your question, ares93...as I said, I'll start hammering out my tale as soon as your storyline is laid out.

Still...I'm stuck on one thing:

I need an idea on exactly who was fighting the Aventine. I think we have down that Julian was infiltrating the enemy ship, as a super-spy.

My current concept: perhaps it's a Breen ship...possibly a rogue crew, if we want to avoid a "war". Julian's suit cloaks his human life signs...and allows him to communicate with Ezri, without being overheard.

Still...I need some idea as to the circumstances of the attack. Is the Aventine patroling the border between the Federation and the Breen Confederacy? Or is the enemy ship conducting a strike into UFP space?

Anyway...during the attack, Sam Bowers is on the Bridge in command, and Simon is with Ezri in the Infirmary, as she's going through labor. The pounding the ship is taking is making it even more difficult for her....

Julian tries to sabotage the weapons systems of the enemy, to stop the attack--but he comes to realize it'll take far too long. Thus, his only choice is to sabotage the warp core, to destroy the ship completely--and him with it.

Just after she gives birth to Sulira, Ezri feels Julian's death. Her heart stops in that same moment...she weakly tightens her hold on her daughter, as if desperate to not leave her alone...and dies.

hmm, i'm thinking so sort of pirate ship. well, no pirate per se, but a ship without any loyalties. could be any race, breen as well. like the one picard infiltrated in TNG except a hell of a lot powerful. it should be able to bring a vesta class ship to its knees.

Absolutely!

so Bashir is working for SFI infiltrating the ship. i think we can go for that, also how he dies destroying the ship. a very good idea. also ezris death scenes in pretty much hammered out. how she feels julians death.

Thanks. :)

now my take:
as she dies, almost at the same moment, the USS Hood arrives and renders assistance to the Aventine. Valon beams over, enters sickbay and comes to realize that he was too late. and instead of handing over Sulira to whatever child protective services the federation has, he took her to the Sisko's as he knows there isnt anyone better suited to care for her but them.

Very good!

Now...here's an idea for a character arc. Feel free to denounce this, if you don't like it--it's just an idea, but--

I was thinking...Sulira slowly forms a relationship with Jack Donovan. This would cause some nice conflict with her newfound "father", Perjon...would shun the modern stereotype of "The Pretty Girl Falling For The Nice Guy" (again, Jack, Perjon, and Valon are more hard-core "macho" tough guys :mallory:)...and she could cause him to face his own "soft spots"....

I dunno...are the ranks too far apart for that?
 
So I guess it's sort of established that Trills have some sort of telepathic abilities?

Not exactly. I kinda want to keep it vague...but if it is that, it's extremely limited. The only reason it's "in" Ezri is because of her intense bond with Julian.
the symbionts are telepathic. not the humanoid trills. but if it somehow "rubbed off" on ezri, it would explain her "bond". it would also explain why Perjon tries to bury ezris memories since Dax was the catalyst in the "bond". making ezris memories stronger than the rest.

Now...here's an idea for a character arc. Feel free to denounce this, if you don't like it--it's just an idea, but--

I was thinking...Sulira slowly forms a relationship with Jack Donovan. This would cause some nice conflict with her newfound "father", Perjon...would shun the modern stereotype of "The Pretty Girl Falling For The Nice Guy" (again, Jack, Perjon, and Valon are more hard-core "macho" tough guys :mallory:)...and she could cause him to face his own "soft spots"....

I dunno...are the ranks too far apart for that?

hmm, interesting. i like it. i wonder, when Dax finally accepts her. (i'd like him to be a bit reluctant at first. Trill tradition and all.) how would he react with having a guy who more or less hates him, date his "daughter".

you know how every father i a jerk to their daughter's boyfriend to test their character. like "you're-not-good-enough-for-her" but kicked into high gear.

and the ranks... dunno. i believe we settled on Jack getting a battlefield commission to lieutenant from... dunno, chief petty officer maybe?. he was a noncom at least.
 
Aight here's the first part of the ending. i made it loose enough to mold the continuing story.

EDIT: formatting issues... Office for Mac is not my friend...

By the 25th century, interspecies relationships were a common occurrence. Therefore a marriage between a Vulcan and a Boslic didn’t raise any eyebrows. But there were things, small annoyances, if you will, that you had to look out for. Like the difference is Boslic and Vulcan biology. It was common knowledge that Vulcans needed little actual sleep. The Boslic species on the other hand needed ten hours at a bare minimum every day to function. But twelve- thirteen hours was more common. That in turn led Valon to spend most of the night working in the next room in order to not wake his wife. This time, it was the list of newly assigned officers that needed his attention. At first glance, they were only young, inexperienced, ensigns from the latest batch of cadets that graduated. But on a closer look, he noticed a name he hadn’t seen or heard in a very, very long time, Sulira Sisko…

Usually Kelsara could sleep through a warp core breach, but she also had an acute sense of when the red alert klaxons would sound. And just as she had anticipated, the Trafalgar went to red alert a few seconds after she woke up. Apparently something important had happened, something that needed Alpha shifts attention.

Kelsara was already out the door by the time Valon had gathered himself. That simple name had impacted him harder that he had anticipated. “You coming?” she smiled before disappearing in the hallway. In too big of a rush to notice her husbands state of mind.

Chief engineer Kelsara Raitar’s place was just there, engineering. So, as usual, Valon headed alone towards the bridge. Most officers disapproved with having the captain’s family or relatives aboard. It created a conflict of interest. But Valon was the type of man you just didn’t dare to confront. He wasn’t threatening, but he carried himself with a certain sternness. Most people would just call it commanding presence, but there was something else, something his wife probably didn’t know either.

The bridge could only be described as organized chaos as Valon stepped out of the turbolift. “Report!” he barked. Obviously annoyed.

Commander Dax was standing with his back towards Valon, reading something on a padd. Then, as he considered himself finished with his task, he took his seat next to Valon.

He leaned closer and smiled. “One minute and three seconds. Not bad, Captain. I think you just beat Ensign M’orads record.” He handed the padd to Valon. “You have a good crew, sir. The slowest clocked on two minuets flat. Quite a bit faster than regulation.”

Valon briefly glanced at the padd. “Good.” He said flatly. “But next time give me a heads up, Dax. I’d like to know what’s happening on my own ship. – What’s our ETA?”

Dax nodded to Davis. “Twenty-two minutes, Captain.” The helmsman replied without looking at his console. Either he had just checked or he knew it without needing his console. Valon decided to refrain from theorizing and leaned back in his chair.

“But captain,” Dax said mockingly. “If you know when we have our drills. Isn’t that cheating?”

“I suppose it is, Dax.” Valon reluctantly admitted. “On the other hand, as the captain, I must know about everything that happens aboard my ship. Come to think of it. Did you have a chance to review the list of replacements?”

“Indeed I did. I found some very good candidates for the assistant chief engineer position. Other than that they are mostly newly graduated office…”

“Captain!” Donovan called out. “We’re receiving a priority one transmission from Starfleet Command. Your eyes only sir.”

The message I’ve been waiting for, he mused. “Very well, I’ll take it in my ready room. – Dax, you have the bridge.”

Upon Dax’s nod, Valon continued to his ready room and disappeared behind the closing silver doors only moments later. He sat down in front of his terminal and entered his authorization code.

“Valon of Shikahr recognized. Rank: Captain, Commanding officer USS Trafalgar.” The computers female voice responded flatly. Moments later, the Starfleet logo was replaced by the face of an elderly, gray haired woman.

“Admiral Alasera. I was expecting Admiral Necheyev.” Valon said a bit surprised. The elderly half Human, half Vulcan Admiral was almost considered a hero aboard the Trafalgar. Her words, ‘Travel to every star in the universe and return with their secrets’ decorated the Trafalgar’s dedication plaque. Jennifer T’Cha Alasera was indeed a celebrity, much to her annoyance.

“I sorry I’m not bringing any good news, Valon. But this can’t wait. I’m sure you know that we’ve been planning a rather covert operation for quite some time now. Well now its time for you to know the specifics.” She picked up a padd from her desk. The wide view camera on her terminal revealed it to be a padd issued by the Palais del la Concorde. “As you may or may now know. Twenty four days ago we detected a massive energy spike near a Romulan outpost matching the exact frequency of the Khitomer Cloaking device.”

“The one Donatra gave us?” Valon inquired.

“Yes the very same. As you know, the cloak disappeared over ten years ago and we have yet to recover it. However, three days ago, the USS Campbell responded to a Breen distress call and recovered hull fragments of two distinctively different ships. Both Federation in design.”

“Federation? As you suggesting we were behind the attacks on the outposts? Rogue officers? That hasn’t happened in nearly fifteen years. Disturbing thought, isn’t it?”

She shook her head. “Indeed its is. But I don’t believe we did it. This was discussed for a long time and we have reason to believe that Section 31 was behind the attacks. To what end, we still don’t know. To be frank, we’re still not sure its Section 31, but the possibility alone makes it a priority. We have enough to worry about with the Klingons. We don’t need the Typhon Pact breathing down our necks as well.”

“Agents probably remained. But I was under the impression that Section 31 as an organization was crippled by the Borg invasion of -81.” Valon said scratching his head in confusion.

“So were we. If this indeed is Section 31, it appears that they have used the last thirty years secretly rebuilding their powerbase. Your job is to investigate and confirm. We need to know what the hell is going on. A package I waiting for you on Cardassia, at the following coordinates. Should be able to push you in the right direction.”

“What are we transporting?” Valon asked. Usually he knew better that to ask, but this time he couldn’t resist.

Alasera’s response could be described as cryptic as best. “Its more of a whom you are transporting.”

“Aye, ma’am.” He nodded respectively. Taking her cryptic response as a polite way of saying, ‘none of your business’. “I’ll take care of it.” He reached for the terminal to end the connection but Alasera addressed him again.

“Valon…”

“Yes?”

“I’m telling you this as a friend, not your superior. Try to capture someone alive for once. We need the information. Don’t blow every ship out of the sky.”

Valon cracked a wide, and very un-vulcan smile. “I’ll pass that along to my tactical officer. He’s the guilty one.” He dropped the padd, lifted his right hand and made the V-shaped Vulcan salute.
“Peace and long life, Jennifer.”

The admiral returned the salute. “Live long and prosper, Valon.” Then her face disappeared and was replaced by the Federation seal.

With the Admiral’s transmission severed. He had time to think. “What the hell have I gotten myself into…” Valon said to himself.
 
Aight here's the first part of the ending. i made it loose enough to mold the continuing story.

EDIT: formatting issues... Office for Mac is not my friend...

Okay. Here's my editing. It's mostly grammar (I'll boldface those)--the more apparent edits I'll discuss in brackets, [like this]:

By the 25th century, interspecies relationships were a common occurrence. Therefore a marriage between a Vulcan and a Boslic didn’t raise any eyebrows. But there were things, small annoyances, if you will, that you had to look out for. Like the difference is Boslic and Vulcan biology. It was common knowledge that Vulcans needed little actual sleep. The Boslic species on the other hand needed ten hours at a bare minimum every day to function. But twelve- thirteen hours was more common.

That in turn led Valon to spend most of the night working in the next room in order to not wake his wife. This time, it was the list of newly assigned officers that needed his attention. At first glance, they were only young, inexperienced, ensigns from the latest batch of cadets that graduated. But on a closer look, he noticed a name he hadn’t seen or heard in a very, very long time.

Sulira Sisko. [New paragraph for emphasis, so it'll register with the reader more.]

Valon froze at the name. For this moment, his control slipped--to the point that he did not react to the klaxons of red alert status. [This is for more of a "flow" with the following action.]

Usually Kelsara could sleep through a warp core breach, but she also had an acute sense of when the red alert klaxons would sound. And just as she had anticipated, the Trafalgar went to red alert a few seconds after she woke up. Apparently something important had happened, something that needed Alpha shifts attention. [I'm not sure if you need this paragraph. It jumps to Kelsara's point of view, but the story then jumps back to Valon. Perhaps--]

He barely noticed Kelsara rushing out of their bedroom. Usually she could sleep through a warp core breach, but he knew she also had an acute sense of when the red alert klaxons would sound.

Thus, she was already out the door by the time Valon had gathered himself. That simple name had impacted him harder that he had anticipated.

“You coming?” she smiled before disappearing in the hallway, clearly in too big of a rush to notice her husbands state of mind.

Valon rose to his feet, driving the name, and the emotions it brought with it, to the back of his mind.

Chief engineer Kelsara Raitar’s place was just there, engineering. So, as usual, Valon headed alone towards the bridge. Most officers disapproved with having the captain’s family or relatives aboard. It created a conflict of interest. But Valon was the type of man one didn’t dare to confront. He didn't consider himself threatening, but he always carried himself with a certain sternness. Most people would just call it commanding presence, but Valon liked to think there was something else, something his wife probably didn’t know either. [This is for consistancy in Point Of View.]

The bridge could only be described as organized chaos as Valon stepped out of the turbolift. “Report!” he barked, allowing his annoyance to express itself in his voice.

Commander Dax was standing with his back towards Valon, reading something on a padd. Then, as he clearly considered himself finished with his task, he took his seat next to Valon.

He leaned closer and smiled. “One minute and three seconds. Not bad, Captain. I think you just beat Ensign M’orads record.” He handed the padd to Valon. “You have a good crew, sir. The slowest clocked on two minutes flat. Quite a bit faster than regulation.”

Valon briefly glanced at the padd. “Good.” He said flatly. “But next time give me a heads up, Dax. I’d like to know what’s happening on my own ship. – What’s our ETA?”

Dax nodded to Davis. “Twenty-two minutes, Captain.” The helmsman replied without looking at his console. Either he had just checked or he knew it without needing his console. Valon decided to refrain from theorizing and leaned back in his chair.

“But captain,” Dax said mockingly. “If you know when we have our drills...isn’t that cheating?”

“I suppose it is, Dax.” Valon reluctantly admitted. “On the other hand, as the captain, I must know about everything that happens aboard my ship. Come to think of it. Did you have a chance to review the list of replacements?”

“Indeed I did. I found some very good candidates for the assistant chief engineer position. Other than that they are mostly newly graduated office--” [Interuption is indicated by a dash.]

“Captain!” Donovan called out. “We’re receiving a priority one transmission from Starfleet Command. Your eyes only sir.”

The message I’ve been waiting for, he mused. “Very well, I’ll take it in my ready room. – Dax, you have the bridge.” [Inner thoughts are typically indicated by itallics.]

Upon Dax’s nod, Valon continued to his ready room, the silver doors closing behind him only moments later. He sat down in front of his terminal and entered his authorization code.

“Valon of Shikahr recognized. Rank: Captain, Commanding officer USS Trafalgar.” The computers female voice responded flatly. Moments later, the Starfleet logo was replaced by the face of an elderly, gray haired woman.

“Admiral Alasera. I was expecting Admiral Necheyev.” Valon said, a bit surprised. The elderly half Human, half Vulcan Admiral was almost considered a hero aboard the Trafalgar. Her words, ‘Travel to every star in the universe and return with their secrets’ decorated the Trafalgar’s dedication plaque. Jennifer T’Cha Alasera was indeed a celebrity, much to her annoyance.

“I sorry I’m not bringing any good news, Valon. But this can’t wait. I’m sure you know that we’ve been planning a rather covert operation for quite some time now. Well now its time for you to know the specifics.” She picked up a padd from her desk. The wide view camera on her terminal revealed it to be a padd issued by the Palais del la Concorde. “As you may or may now know, twenty-four days ago we detected a massive energy spike near a Romulan outpost matching the exact frequency of the Khitomer Cloaking device.”

“The one Donatra gave us?” Valon inquired.

“Yes, the very same. As you know, the cloak disappeared over ten years ago, and we have yet to recover it. However, three days ago, the USS Campbell responded to a Breen distress call and recovered hull fragments of two distinctively different ships. Both Federation in design.”

“Federation? As you suggesting we were behind the attacks on the outposts? Rogue officers? That hasn’t happened in nearly fifteen years. Disturbing thought, isn’t it?”

“Indeed its is." She shook her head. "But I don’t believe we did it. This was discussed for a long time and we have reason to believe that Section 31 was behind the attacks. To what end, we still don’t know. To be frank, we’re still not sure its Section 31, but the possibility alone makes it a priority. We have enough to worry about with the Klingons. We don’t need the Typhon Pact breathing down our necks as well.”

“I was under the impression that Section 31 as an organization was crippled by the Borg invasion of -81.” Valon said scratching his head in confusion.

“So were we. But it has always been theorized that a great deal of their agents probably survived--as you know, I am sure."

Valon nodded. "Of course."

"If this indeed is Section 31, it appears that they have used the last thirty years secretly rebuilding their powerbase. Your job is to investigate and confirm. We need to know what the hell is going on. There is a package waiting for you on Cardassia, at the following coordinates. Should be able to push you in the right direction.”

“What are we transporting?” Valon asked. Usually he knew better that to ask, but this time he couldn’t resist.

Alasera’s response could be described as cryptic as best. “It's more of a whom you are transporting.”

Valon nodded respectively, taking her cryptic response as a polite way of saying, ‘none of your business’. “As you wish, ma’am. I’ll take care of it.” He reached for the terminal to end the connection but Alasera addressed him again.

“Valon…”

“Yes?”

“I’m telling you this as a friend, not your superior. Try to capture someone alive for once. We need the information. Don’t blow every ship out of the sky.”

Valon's eyebrow shot up, as he cracked a wide, and very un-vulcan smile. “I’ll pass that along to my tactical officer. He’s the guilty one.” He dropped the padd, lifted his right hand and made the V-shaped Vulcan salute.
“Peace and long life, Jennifer.”

The admiral returned the salute. “Live long and prosper, Valon.” Then her face disappeared and was replaced by the Federation seal.

With the Admiral’s transmission severed, Valon had time to think. But all he could do was lean back in his seat, and mutter to himself.“What the hell have I gotten myself into…”

Great scene! I assume, of course, you'll inject in the scene with Perjon some references to the new Dax's arc in this pilot episode? :)
 
Aight here's the first part of the ending. i made it loose enough to mold the continuing story.

EDIT: formatting issues... Office for Mac is not my friend...

Okay. Here's my editing. It's mostly grammar (I'll boldface those)--the more apparent edits I'll discuss in brackets, [like this]:

By the 25th century, interspecies relationships were a common occurrence. Therefore a marriage between a Vulcan and a Boslic didn’t raise any eyebrows. But there were things, small annoyances, if you will, that you had to look out for. Like the difference is Boslic and Vulcan biology. It was common knowledge that Vulcans needed little actual sleep. The Boslic species on the other hand needed ten hours at a bare minimum every day to function. But twelve- thirteen hours was more common.

That in turn led Valon to spend most of the night working in the next room in order to not wake his wife. This time, it was the list of newly assigned officers that needed his attention. At first glance, they were only young, inexperienced, ensigns from the latest batch of cadets that graduated. But on a closer look, he noticed a name he hadn’t seen or heard in a very, very long time.

Sulira Sisko. [New paragraph for emphasis, so it'll register with the reader more.]

Valon froze at the name. For this moment, his control slipped--to the point that he did not react to the klaxons of red alert status. [This is for more of a "flow" with the following action.]

Usually Kelsara could sleep through a warp core breach, but she also had an acute sense of when the red alert klaxons would sound. And just as she had anticipated, the Trafalgar went to red alert a few seconds after she woke up. Apparently something important had happened, something that needed Alpha shifts attention. [I'm not sure if you need this paragraph. It jumps to Kelsara's point of view, but the story then jumps back to Valon. Perhaps--]

He barely noticed Kelsara rushing out of their bedroom. Usually she could sleep through a warp core breach, but he knew she also had an acute sense of when the red alert klaxons would sound.

Thus, she was already out the door by the time Valon had gathered himself. That simple name had impacted him harder that he had anticipated.

“You coming?” she smiled before disappearing in the hallway, clearly in too big of a rush to notice her husbands state of mind.

Valon rose to his feet, driving the name, and the emotions it brought with it, to the back of his mind.

Chief engineer Kelsara Raitar’s place was just there, engineering. So, as usual, Valon headed alone towards the bridge. Most officers disapproved with having the captain’s family or relatives aboard. It created a conflict of interest. But Valon was the type of man one didn’t dare to confront. He didn't consider himself threatening, but he always carried himself with a certain sternness. Most people would just call it commanding presence, but Valon liked to think there was something else, something his wife probably didn’t know either. [This is for consistancy in Point Of View.]

The bridge could only be described as organized chaos as Valon stepped out of the turbolift. “Report!” he barked, allowing his annoyance to express itself in his voice.

Commander Dax was standing with his back towards Valon, reading something on a padd. Then, as he clearly considered himself finished with his task, he took his seat next to Valon.

He leaned closer and smiled. “One minute and three seconds. Not bad, Captain. I think you just beat Ensign M’orads record.” He handed the padd to Valon. “You have a good crew, sir. The slowest clocked on two minutes flat. Quite a bit faster than regulation.”

Valon briefly glanced at the padd. “Good.” He said flatly. “But next time give me a heads up, Dax. I’d like to know what’s happening on my own ship. – What’s our ETA?”

Dax nodded to Davis. “Twenty-two minutes, Captain.” The helmsman replied without looking at his console. Either he had just checked or he knew it without needing his console. Valon decided to refrain from theorizing and leaned back in his chair.

“But captain,” Dax said mockingly. “If you know when we have our drills...isn’t that cheating?”

“I suppose it is, Dax.” Valon reluctantly admitted. “On the other hand, as the captain, I must know about everything that happens aboard my ship. Come to think of it. Did you have a chance to review the list of replacements?”

“Indeed I did. I found some very good candidates for the assistant chief engineer position. Other than that they are mostly newly graduated office--” [Interuption is indicated by a dash.]

“Captain!” Donovan called out. “We’re receiving a priority one transmission from Starfleet Command. Your eyes only sir.”

The message I’ve been waiting for, he mused. “Very well, I’ll take it in my ready room. – Dax, you have the bridge.” [Inner thoughts are typically indicated by itallics.]

Upon Dax’s nod, Valon continued to his ready room, the silver doors closing behind him only moments later. He sat down in front of his terminal and entered his authorization code.

“Valon of Shikahr recognized. Rank: Captain, Commanding officer USS Trafalgar.” The computers female voice responded flatly. Moments later, the Starfleet logo was replaced by the face of an elderly, gray haired woman.

“Admiral Alasera. I was expecting Admiral Necheyev.” Valon said, a bit surprised. The elderly half Human, half Vulcan Admiral was almost considered a hero aboard the Trafalgar. Her words, ‘Travel to every star in the universe and return with their secrets’ decorated the Trafalgar’s dedication plaque. Jennifer T’Cha Alasera was indeed a celebrity, much to her annoyance.

“I sorry I’m not bringing any good news, Valon. But this can’t wait. I’m sure you know that we’ve been planning a rather covert operation for quite some time now. Well now its time for you to know the specifics.” She picked up a padd from her desk. The wide view camera on her terminal revealed it to be a padd issued by the Palais del la Concorde. “As you may or may now know, twenty-four days ago we detected a massive energy spike near a Romulan outpost matching the exact frequency of the Khitomer Cloaking device.”

“The one Donatra gave us?” Valon inquired.

“Yes, the very same. As you know, the cloak disappeared over ten years ago, and we have yet to recover it. However, three days ago, the USS Campbell responded to a Breen distress call and recovered hull fragments of two distinctively different ships. Both Federation in design.”

“Federation? As you suggesting we were behind the attacks on the outposts? Rogue officers? That hasn’t happened in nearly fifteen years. Disturbing thought, isn’t it?”

“Indeed its is." She shook her head. "But I don’t believe we did it. This was discussed for a long time and we have reason to believe that Section 31 was behind the attacks. To what end, we still don’t know. To be frank, we’re still not sure its Section 31, but the possibility alone makes it a priority. We have enough to worry about with the Klingons. We don’t need the Typhon Pact breathing down our necks as well.”

“I was under the impression that Section 31 as an organization was crippled by the Borg invasion of -81.” Valon said scratching his head in confusion.

“So were we. But it has always been theorized that a great deal of their agents probably survived--as you know, I am sure."

Valon nodded. "Of course."

"If this indeed is Section 31, it appears that they have used the last thirty years secretly rebuilding their powerbase. Your job is to investigate and confirm. We need to know what the hell is going on. There is a package waiting for you on Cardassia, at the following coordinates. Should be able to push you in the right direction.”

“What are we transporting?” Valon asked. Usually he knew better that to ask, but this time he couldn’t resist.

Alasera’s response could be described as cryptic as best. “It's more of a whom you are transporting.”

Valon nodded respectively, taking her cryptic response as a polite way of saying, ‘none of your business’. “As you wish, ma’am. I’ll take care of it.” He reached for the terminal to end the connection but Alasera addressed him again.

“Valon…”

“Yes?”

“I’m telling you this as a friend, not your superior. Try to capture someone alive for once. We need the information. Don’t blow every ship out of the sky.”

Valon's eyebrow shot up, as he cracked a wide, and very un-vulcan smile. “I’ll pass that along to my tactical officer. He’s the guilty one.” He dropped the padd, lifted his right hand and made the V-shaped Vulcan salute.
“Peace and long life, Jennifer.”

The admiral returned the salute. “Live long and prosper, Valon.” Then her face disappeared and was replaced by the Federation seal.

With the Admiral’s transmission severed, Valon had time to think. But all he could do was lean back in his seat, and mutter to himself.“What the hell have I gotten myself into…”
i have no clue why, but bold, italic and underline doesnt seem to work for me as you might have noticed. anyway thanks for the corrections. i'll implement them in a moment

Great scene! I assume, of course, you'll inject in the scene with Perjon some references to the new Dax's arc in this pilot episode? :)

actually, i was thinking... (dangerous i know:lol:) the package could be Galrisan. Smuggler and a mercenary. i'm sure he has insight into the area. so it is in part 2 of the ending dax will have a mayor role. part three is the scene with sulira i mentioned earlier. but its not coming along very well so i might scrap it it alltogether. the scene would me more meaningful if it was Dax who spoke to her.
 
"One minute and three seconds." Now THAT sounds like Dax. :) That was great. Sorry I haven't been on in a while, I've been away from home. Anyways...

Sulira:
A relationship with Donovan could be very interesting...another huge source of friction between Jack and Perjon. Jack thinks Perjon should mind his own business (which is probably true) and Perjon now has the irrational urge to strangle Donovan. :) I like it.

Ezri:
A small amount of telepathy would explain how the zhi'an'tara works. Maybe the Trill Guardians have a rare genetic abnormality that gives them a small amount of telepathy and Ezri has just enough of it to form a 'bond' with Julian but not enough to be noticeable in any other situation. I like it.

Galrisan:
Heck yes! Galrisan being the 'package' is a great idea. (Although for a moment I thought maybe it would be Garak...which would be awesome but then again he'd be pretty old if still alive.) I'm picturing Galrisan becoming a sort of anti-hero foil/nemesis/mirror image/ally of Perjon.

Oh and I had another thought...about reassociation. The Symbiosis Commission might be upset that Dax is reconnecting with 'his' daughter but if they make a fuss about it, in the end they'd have no leg to stand on since Reassociation is first of all usually concerned with romantic relationships. 2nd it is to prevent the symbiont from having the same experiences over and over again, and Dax never had any sort of relationship with Sulira so it's a moot point. Just my thoughts.
 
Galrisan...awesome.

Okay, I think you two will have to hammer out what will happen with him on the second ep, so I can run with it, and work in the character arc of Sulira-Ezri-Perjon.
 
"One minute and three seconds." Now THAT sounds like Dax. :) That was great. Sorry I haven't been on in a while, I've been away from home. Anyways...
merci :)

Sulira:
A relationship with Donovan could be very interesting...another huge source of friction between Jack and Perjon. Jack thinks Perjon should mind his own business (which is probably true) and Perjon now has the irrational urge to strangle Donovan. :) I like it.

Ezri:
A small amount of telepathy would explain how the zhi'an'tara works. Maybe the Trill Guardians have a rare genetic abnormality that gives them a small amount of telepathy and Ezri has just enough of it to form a 'bond' with Julian but not enough to be noticeable in any other situation. I like it.

Galrisan:
Heck yes! Galrisan being the 'package' is a great idea. (Although for a moment I thought maybe it would be Garak...which would be awesome but then again he'd be pretty old if still alive.) I'm picturing Galrisan becoming a sort of anti-hero foil/nemesis/mirror image/ally of Perjon.
very, well if approved in will get to work.

Oh and I had another thought...about reassociation. The Symbiosis Commission might be upset that Dax is reconnecting with 'his' daughter but if they make a fuss about it, in the end they'd have no leg to stand on since Reassociation is first of all usually concerned with romantic relationships. 2nd it is to prevent the symbiont from having the same experiences over and over again, and Dax never had any sort of relationship with Sulira so it's a moot point. Just my thoughts.

i could so see them going for that. reluctantly, but its a very good argument.


Galrisan...awesome.

Okay, I think you two will have to hammer out what will happen with him on the second ep, so I can run with it, and work in the character arc of Sulira-Ezri-Perjon.


so you have not yet written anything? cause i tried writing the story in a way for it to fit with your part we discussed earlier. anyway, didnt really give ep02 much though. always considered it your domain. either way, i'll just go where the story takes me then.
 
Well, to be honest, I wasn't sure if there was a particular direction you wanted to go with the guy. Also...I kinda have to know the whole story of ep 1, so I can pick up from there. Remember, Peter David wasn't given Q & A, while he was writing Before Dishonor....

Now, here are some more thoughts on my ep--how I plan to end it:

Once Sulira and Perjon have finally accepted each other--perhaps something to do with the events concerning Galrisan--the emotional ending is Ezri interacting with her daughter.

See...Perjon, with memories of an engineer, creates a holo-program which he kinda "controls". Sulira enters the holodeck, and interacts with a hologram of Ezri.

Perjon is in another room, and the "conjured" Ezri is effectively the controller, so that she really is talking to Sulira, telling her everything she feels, how proud she is of her...how much she regrets not being able to watch her grow....

Think the Christopher Reeve Superman films--particularly the first one. In the Fortress of Solitude scenes, Superman interacts with a hologram of his real father, Jor-El, which had been programmed with all of his memories, knowledge, and personality.

A touching moment in that film is when "Jor-El" remarks about how much he wishes he could hold his son in his arms. The hologram's voice chokes up, as he says, "My son..." Superman extends his arms, as if trying to give his father the next best thing....

Now, of course, in Trek, the holograms are more solid...so Ezri can get her wish. :)
 
Well, to be honest, I wasn't sure if there was a particular direction you wanted to go with the guy. Also...I kinda have to know the whole story of ep 1, so I can pick up from there. Remember, Peter David wasn't given Q & A, while he was writing Before Dishonor....
ah, all right. i get cracking then.

Now, here are some more thoughts on my ep--how I plan to end it:

Once Sulira and Perjon have finally accepted each other--perhaps something to do with the events concerning Galrisan--the emotional ending is Ezri interacting with her daughter.

See...Perjon, with memories of an engineer, creates a holo-program which he kinda "controls". Sulira enters the holodeck, and interacts with a hologram of Ezri.

Perjon is in another room, and the "conjured" Ezri is effectively the controller, so that she really is talking to Sulira, telling her everything she feels, how proud she is of her...how much she regrets not being able to watch her grow....

Think the Christopher Reeve Superman films--particularly the first one. In the Fortress of Solitude scenes, Superman interacts with a hologram of his real father, Jor-El, which had been programmed with all of his memories, knowledge, and personality.

A touching moment in that film is when "Jor-El" remarks about how much he wishes he could hold his son in his arms. The hologram's voice chokes up, as he says, "My son..." Superman extends his arms, as if trying to give his father the next best thing....

Now, of course, in Trek, the holograms are more solid...so Ezri can get her wish. :)

hmm, i dunno. liked the ghost whisperer angle more. i've seen the movie you speak of and although its a very touching scene, i was never very fond of it. well, i truly don't know.

what do you think about a zhin'thara instead? (or how the hell they spell it.) i did that in one of my fanfics. and although it was a bit more complicated since i had two joined trills, i'd like to think it turned out quite well.

that way Perjon can interact with her as well. not to mention Valon, who blames himself for not arriving in time to save her and Julian.
 
Hmm...interesting idea, Rushbo. Not what I had pictured but it works. I'd like eventually...
for the relationship to be between Perjon and Sulira, with Perjon not just acting as a conduit for Ezri. Ezri's role is important but to be fair, she's not there anymore. As part of his 'growth' I think Perjon will have to discover that he can enjoy the memories and things he's learned from the past hosts without 'becoming' that person. I'm not against the idea of Ezri interacting with Sulira but in my opinion that can't last forever and eventually Perjon and Sulira will accept each other for what they are, and connect not just because of Ezri but because of their personalities. Does that make sense to you?

My only opinion for Galrisan is that he has to be awesome. Which, judging by what I've read of your writing, is a given. :) I'm picturing him as a somewhat sarcastic wisecracker, definitely a 'criminal' but still somewhat of a good guy. By the way Rushbo, what do you think of Mike Dopud as Galrisan?

Now for my ep...
All I know for now is that Romulans will be involved. The Romulan Commander that allowed Davis to escape will meet him again and explain herself and...that's about it. I was hoping to write some scenes with Galrisan but I'll wait to see what you do, Rushbo, before making that decision. I'll work on Perjon and Sulira continuing their friendship as well.
 
Now, here are some more thoughts on my ep--how I plan to end it:

Once Sulira and Perjon have finally accepted each other--perhaps something to do with the events concerning Galrisan--the emotional ending is Ezri interacting with her daughter.

See...Perjon, with memories of an engineer, creates a holo-program which he kinda "controls". Sulira enters the holodeck, and interacts with a hologram of Ezri.

Perjon is in another room, and the "conjured" Ezri is effectively the controller, so that she really is talking to Sulira, telling her everything she feels, how proud she is of her...how much she regrets not being able to watch her grow....

Think the Christopher Reeve Superman films--particularly the first one. In the Fortress of Solitude scenes, Superman interacts with a hologram of his real father, Jor-El, which had been programmed with all of his memories, knowledge, and personality.

A touching moment in that film is when "Jor-El" remarks about how much he wishes he could hold his son in his arms. The hologram's voice chokes up, as he says, "My son..." Superman extends his arms, as if trying to give his father the next best thing....

Now, of course, in Trek, the holograms are more solid...so Ezri can get her wish. :)

hmm, i dunno. liked the ghost whisperer angle more. i've seen the movie you speak of and although its a very touching scene, i was never very fond of it. well, i truly don't know.

what do you think about a zhin'thara instead? (or how the hell they spell it.) i did that in one of my fanfics. and although it was a bit more complicated since i had two joined trills, i'd like to think it turned out quite well.

that way Perjon can interact with her as well. not to mention Valon, who blames himself for not arriving in time to save her and Julian.

Well...I think we could do that afterwards...but I really feel we owe it to Ezri so she can physically say goodbye. Besides, remember in that ritual, the others can't see Ezri herself.

After my ep, we could then have Perjon do the "Ghost Whisperer" thing. While I was toying with the idea...it seems a bit complicated--not to mention tedious--to have Ezri say something, and then have Perjon report to those two on what she said.

Anyhow...I could easily have Valon in the holodeck, too.

But I see your point on it...so as I said, I'll make it a one-time thing.
 
Hmm...interesting idea, Rushbo. Not what I had pictured but it works. I'd like eventually...
for the relationship to be between Perjon and Sulira, with Perjon not just acting as a conduit for Ezri. Ezri's role is important but to be fair, she's not there anymore. As part of his 'growth' I think Perjon will have to discover that he can enjoy the memories and things he's learned from the past hosts without 'becoming' that person. I'm not against the idea of Ezri interacting with Sulira but in my opinion that can't last forever and eventually Perjon and Sulira will accept each other for what they are, and connect not just because of Ezri but because of their personalities. Does that make sense to you?

Absolutely. My thoughts exactly. :)

My only opinion for Galrisan is that he has to be awesome. Which, judging by what I've read of your writing, is a given. :) I'm picturing him as a somewhat sarcastic wisecracker, definitely a 'criminal' but still somewhat of a good guy. By the way Rushbo, what do you think of Mike Dopud as Galrisan?

Pretty good! I love that--and yes, I could REALLY run with that!

Now for my ep...
All I know for now is that Romulans will be involved. The Romulan Commander that allowed Davis to escape will meet him again and explain herself and...that's about it. I was hoping to write some scenes with Galrisan but I'll wait to see what you do, Rushbo, before making that decision. I'll work on Perjon and Sulira continuing their friendship as well.

Sure thing. So you'll do ep three? :)
 
Well...I think we could do that afterwards...but I really feel we owe it to Ezri so she can physically say goodbye. Besides, remember in that ritual, the others can't see Ezri herself.

indeed. however in a situation that emotional i dont think it really matters if its her body as long its her consciousness. just take the communication stones from stargate as an example. from someone else's POW its the same thing.

After my ep, we could then have Perjon do the "Ghost Whisperer" thing. While I was toying with the idea...it seems a bit complicated--not to mention tedious--to have Ezri say something, and then have Perjon report to those two on what she said.

Anyhow...I could easily have Valon in the holodeck, too.

But I see your point on it...so as I said, I'll make it a one-time thing.

yes, you have a very good point there. its probably a pain to do on paper. hey, its up to you. i'm sure you can do it very well either way. it was merely an idea.
 
Hmm...interesting idea, Rushbo. Not what I had pictured but it works. I'd like eventually...
for the relationship to be between Perjon and Sulira, with Perjon not just acting as a conduit for Ezri. Ezri's role is important but to be fair, she's not there anymore. As part of his 'growth' I think Perjon will have to discover that he can enjoy the memories and things he's learned from the past hosts without 'becoming' that person. I'm not against the idea of Ezri interacting with Sulira but in my opinion that can't last forever and eventually Perjon and Sulira will accept each other for what they are, and connect not just because of Ezri but because of their personalities. Does that make sense to you?

Absolutely. My thoughts exactly. :)

My only opinion for Galrisan is that he has to be awesome. Which, judging by what I've read of your writing, is a given. :) I'm picturing him as a somewhat sarcastic wisecracker, definitely a 'criminal' but still somewhat of a good guy. By the way Rushbo, what do you think of Mike Dopud as Galrisan?
Pretty good! I love that--and yes, I could REALLY run with that!

Now for my ep...
All I know for now is that Romulans will be involved. The Romulan Commander that allowed Davis to escape will meet him again and explain herself and...that's about it. I was hoping to write some scenes with Galrisan but I'll wait to see what you do, Rushbo, before making that decision. I'll work on Perjon and Sulira continuing their friendship as well.
Sure thing. So you'll do ep three? :)

Yeah, I'll do number three.
 
Yeah, I'll do number three.

the character sketch you posted earlier? cant wait, sound like a great story.


EDIT: one thing i forgot. i decided to give the november challenge a go. i have two major ideas, one of them is with Valon. Way before the Trafalgar, in 2383. (unrelated to TND. alternate timeline/reality/whatever.) but its one thing i've had on my mind for quite some time now. i hinted that Valon had bit of a dark background in the last part i posted but Rushbo edited away the meaning. no matter, once i've hammered out the story i'll post it here as well.
 
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