The Epic DS9 "Miss" Universe Pageant--Cardassia!

[PSGarak]

We've chosen our favorite DS9 character, but now (you can thank or blame DevilEyes for this, depending on your POV) it's time for the pageant to end all pageants, the one, the only Deep Space Nine "Miss" Universe Pageant! Our field of brave competitors come from all across the known galaxy. World by world, quadrant by quadrant, they will compete to win your hearts, your minds, and of course, your votes. When the dust settles, one victor will come from each world or sector to compete for the ultimate prize, the "Miss" Universe Deep Space Nine crown!

Please welcome our brave, enthusiastic, and charismatic Cardassian competitors for the title of Miss Cardassian Union! One vote per person only. Within five days time, we will have our first "Miss" Universe competitor and move on to the next race/planet/sector to compete for the coveted slot. You will be relieved to know there is no swimsuit competition in this pageant. All of our competitors agreed it's a sexist relic of the past.

Competitor #1: Miss Lakat, Gul Skrain Dukat. Dukat is six feet tall, enjoys the sound of her own voice more than anything in the world and will be rendering a ten minute monologue on her greatness for our talent portion of the competition.

Competitor # 2: Miss Kanar Fest 2373, Legate Corat Damar. Damar is 5' 10" tall, loves kanar, and will be downing an entire bottle of it in less than ten minutes to demonstrate her unique talent.

Competitor #3: Miss Traditional Cardassia,Gul Sigol Rusot. Rusot is 6' tall and wants nothing more than the return of Cardassia to its former glory. We're not sure why, but she has requested the assistance of Major Kira Nerys for her talent portion of the competition. Highly irregular...

Competitor #4, Miss New Cardassia, Legate Tekeny Ghemor. Ghemor has told us that it is not the height of the (wo)man that is important but the measure of her deeds. Well said, Legate. She longs to see a democratic Cardassia and for her talent portion of the show intends to deliver a monologue to that effect.

Competitor #5 Miss Gallitep, Aamin Marritza. Marritza is 5'11" and bravely came forward to admit to her plastic surgery. It almost disqualified her from the competition, save for the fact that the judges deemed she was more attractive pre-surgery and therefore did not improve her standing. She will flawlessly balance an account book in disarray as her impressive talent.

Competitor # 6: Miss Terious. We don't know much about Miss Terious. She claims to be a gardener from Cardassia City, and though her face seems oddly familiar, we just can't place it. She must also be a magician, for she has said for her talent portion of the competition she intends to make Miss DS9 Favorite disappear.

Competitor #7: Miss DS9 Favorite, Elim Garak. Garak is 5'10" and still flush from her recent win. She likes sewing and gardening. For her talent portion of the competition, she says she will expose Miss Terious' true identity. This sounds like a cutthroat competition!

Now that you've met the lovely ladies, it's time for you to click those keyboards and vote!

 

[Michael]

Ha, wonderful! Good work on the photomanips.

But it's no contest, Elim Garak is the most beautiful lady.

 

[Crimea River]

XD This is amazing. I cracked up IRL. Voted~

 

[kes7]

I hit the "new posts" button and look at the treat I get!

This is hilarious.

And Elim is for sure the prettiest of that group.

 

[Cuhl]

My God, what a hideous display! Can I write in "none of the above"?

 

[Nerys Ghemor]

Oh my God, that's disturbing!

The scariest part is that Garak actually looks halfway female!

So as much as I hate to vote for him, I'm afraid I must.

 

[Deranged Nasat]

PSGarak, those are all fantastic!

I believe I must vote for Miss DS9 Favourite, although Miss Lakat is a close second...

 

[DevilEyes]

Miss Terious! LMAO

While all the ladies in the pageant are beautiful in their own unique ways (and I am especially impressed with the matronly look of Miss New Cardassia), the loveliness of Miss DS9 Favorite is undeniable. It is a great improvement over the last time we saw her - at the occasion of her recent win. Maybe it was indeed the lightning and the crying because of the stolen lipstick incident.

​

Based on the pictures submitted earlier, I would have rather given the crown to Miss Kanar - who looked like a very as people like to call it, handsome lady - attractively healthy and strong, but no less feminine for it.

But Miss DS9 favorite has really shone in this latest pageant, and looks to be a clear winner! Although I am a little surprised that she is competing, since she maintains that beauty, like truth and treason, is in the eye of the beholder.

 

[apenpaap]

Those are awesome, PSGarak, but Miss DS9 Favourite is the best.

 

[PSGarak]

The pageant has a surprising early favorite, but it's still far too early to predict a win! There is always the chance that Miss Terious will make good on her threat and make our popular Miss DS9 Favorite disappear, but not if her identity is exposed first. Nor should we ever underestimate the power of a good monologue or the benefits of treachery and age. As Gul Rusot says, don't forget well applied lipstick. Hmm, a clue from the last competition, perhaps?

(I'm so glad you guys found these funny and enjoyed them. I'm still learning how to do photo manips. Miss Terious gave me caniptions, but I laughed so hard making them I was still laughing when I went to bed. And Cuhl, if you think this field of competitors is hideous, wait until you see the next ones up. They're breaking my brain.)

 

[Cuhl]

And Cuhl, if you think this field of competitors is hideous, wait until you see the next ones up. They're breaking my brain.)

I think I'm going to go sell my monitor, just to make absolutely sure I don't get a glimpse of the next batch.

 

[PSGarak]

I think I'm going to go sell my monitor, just to make absolutely sure I don't get a glimpse of the next batch.

A wise move. They'd just break it anyway!

 

[Myasishchev]

You have given me a stroke. I want the left side of my motor control back.

 

[DevilEyes]

I think the only thing I would change is give Miss Lakat a makeover, I'm not sure she's fulfilled her full potential. I think she's not the type to be subtle with the makeup, so if my Photoshop skills didn't suck as much as they do, I'd put a lot of eyeliner and mascara, dark lipstrick, fake eyelashes, and go into the full vamp/dominatrix mode. I'm not sure which look would be the best - Louise Brooks? Marlene Dietrich? Or even go for something a bit bolder - a real Goth look a la Siouxsie Sioux, or maybe Patricia Morrison?

 

[PSGarak]

Perhaps this should have come with a health warning?

You could be onto something, DevilEyes. If Miss Lakat's standing doesn't improve, perhaps she'll return as one of our hostesses of the final pageant with a...new and improved look.

 

[Nerys Ghemor]

You know what's funny? Just a random observation about Miss New Cardassia (and I say this with the utmost affection, of course).

Why do I get the feeling she hails from Tennessee or somewhere in the American South?

 

[PSGarak]

You know what's funny? Just a random observation about Miss New Cardassia (and I say this with the utmost affection, of course).

Why do I get the feeling she hails from Tennessee or somewhere in the American South?

It has to be the big hair!

 

[DevilEyes]

Perhaps this should have come with a health warning?

You could be onto something, DevilEyes. If Miss Lakat's standing doesn't improve, perhaps she'll return as one of our hostesses of the final pageant with a...new and improved look.

I wouldn't be surprised if she has a few more tricks up her sleeve. That's one determined girl who doesn't accept defeat easily!

BTW, apparently she has had some success, despite not getting any votes from the jury: as I've been informed, her statuesque figure and slimness has gotten her offers from several modeling agencies. However, it seems that she has decided that this job is just not for her - after she was told that models are required to shut up and not talk. Unfortunately, that's the one thing this talented lady has never been able to do!

 

[apenpaap]

Maybe letting the best two ladies go on to the next round instead of just the best one is a good idea.

 

[PSGarak]

BTW, apparently she has had some success, despite not getting any votes from the jury: as I've been informed, her statuesque figure and slimness has gotten her offers from several modeling agencies. However, it seems that she has decided that this job is just not for her - after she was told that models are required to shut up and not talk. Unfortunately, that's the one thing this talented lady has never been able to do!

Isn't that the truth!! Perhaps she can be a spokesperson instead, or get a job as a feedcaster, her face plastered all over billions of Cardassian viewscreens, talking non-stop about the glories of the Union.

Maybe letting the best two ladies go on to the next round instead of just the best one is a good idea.

Ah, but there are so many other races and planets eager to compete! I'm sure we haven't seen the last of the ladies, although I don't know where Gul Rusot got off to with Kira. She said something about a prop malfunction. Has anyone seen the Major?