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50th Anniversary Viewing (Part 2)
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Love, American Style
"Love and the Big Top / Love and the Locksmith / Love and the Odd Couples / Love and the Unwedding"
Originally aired November 16, 1973
In "Love and the Odd Couples," a harried divorce judge (Alex Dreier) finds himself with an unwanted challenge...a pair of couples, Mr. and Mrs. Sommers (Marty Brill and Karen Morrow) and Mr. and Mrs. Posniak (Ron Masak and Jackie Joseph) who want to get an amicable "double divorce" so that they can swap spouses, as Mr. Sommers is in love with Mrs. Posniak and Mr. Brill is in love with Mrs. Sommers. The judge finds himself buried in paperwork as the couples try to outdo each other in offering each other valued possessions. His Honor ultimately grants the divorce, and later finds himself conducting the civil weddings of the swapped Sommerses and Posniaks. He thinks this job will be easier, until Mr. Sommers, having briefly found himself a bachelor, tries to back out of the arrangement, causing the couples to fight. Things turn around when the former Mrs. Posniak takes an interest in the judge, causing him to have the bailiff (John Wheeler) call his wife so he can arrange a quick divorce of his own.
In "Love and the Unwedding," Mrs. Gellar (Jeff Donnell) arrives at the hippie pad that her daughter, Ursula (Jennifer Salt) shares with Randy Hollingshead (Michael Burns) for the titular occasion--a nontraditional ceremony that won't involve any legal paperwork. Mrs. Gellar, a widow, meets Randy's father, Peter (Steve Dunne), a widower. The ceremony commences with Ursula and Randy exchanging patches from their jeans; following which the Maharishi Friedman (Ronald Feinberg) delivers a blessing in Sanskrit--which, because Sanskrit isn't a spoken language, is silent (but mouthed). The Maharishi later returns to the apartment bearing an unwanted gift--a marriage certificate, as (possessing a mail-order doctorate in divinity) he filed the marriage with the county clerk. The couple go to see a divorce lawyer (Abe Vigoda)--who's aimilarly taken aback to the judge in the previous segment at the prospect of this couple wanting an amicable legal separation without any of the usual fighting, child support, or alimony. When the couple learns that this could take as long as a year anyway, they call another gathering at their apartment to have an undivorce. This is a mixed blessing for Mrs. Gellar, who's pleased that her daughter is actually legally married. When fliratations with Mr. Hollingshead resume, the Maharishi announces that he's silently married them as well.
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Super Friends
"The Ultra Beam"
Originally aired November 17, 1973
iTunes said:
A [blue jet] emitting an ultra-beam has been extracting tiny electrical particles called quarks, turning the gold remaining in the earth into a worthless residual metal. The Super Friends tour various mining regions hoping to find an answer to this phenomenon when they see the mysterious blue jet and the ultra-beam.
A pair of characters named Hank and Ben (Alden and Casey), sporting gold and black jumpsuits that look like a Trek command tunic on top, pilot a blue jet over the greatest gold-producing country in the world. Thinking that they're doing the world a favor, they use the jet to project a blue ray that extracts quarks from gold ore underground, turning the gold into worthless minerals.
Soon various structures begin weakening--a blackboard where Marvin was doing a pre-Bart Simpson shatters; a skyscraper under construction threatens to collapse because of a weakened beam; and a dam threatens to burst open. Superman takes care of the skyscraper, getting the "It's a bird, it's a plane" routine from onlookers; while Aquaman, who mysteriously disappeared last episode, is unable to replace a block in the dam that came loose from weakened cement or force open the spillway gate that's been jammed shut by other collapsing blocks...thus spelling doom for the residents of the valley below. In Marvin's classroom, following a demonstration for the audience in which Wonder Dog uses his voice to shatter a glass, the Dynamic Duo and JSF deduce that earth vibrations could have broken the blackboard. Wonder Woman helps to repair a power line that isn't at the North Pole. In another gold-bearing region, Hank and Ben (the latter of whom bounces around on spring-bottomed shoes) strike again with the titular ray.
The Caped Crusaders and JSF consult Director Wimple of the Seismographic Bureau (Soule), following which Wendy and Marvin examine the records for the areas affected, determining that there were no tremors involved. Examining samples of the affected items at the Hall of Justice, the Super Friends determine that decomposition affected each of them, and decide to check the areas where the raw materials were mined.
Hank and Ben express how, without greed over gold, people will turn to other pursuits to improve the quality of life. At a lab, the Super Friends perform spectrography on the ore from the mines and quarries that the affected materials came from to determine that the key raw materials, like iron and copper, are almost absent, and assume that the jet and its beam are responsible. Hank and Ben visit the Seismographic Bureau, distracting the director and JSF long enough to sabotage the getigraph with a magnet.
The graph produces false readings that send Superman and the Ghost of Aquaman on wild goose chases while the jet strikes in other areas. The device is checked; Wonder Dog plays charades to help the director and JSF deduce that the two strange visitors earlier may have been responsible for its malfunction; and the magnet is found and removed. Getting another reading, the JSF ride out to check it for themselves before alerting the Super Friends. They find Hank and Ben's factory, with the blue jet inside. The scientists begin to explain their process and decide to get the JSF out of the way by taking them for a ride on the jet. When asked, the scientists explain how the weakening of other minerals is a side-effect of vibrations caused by the beam.
When Wendy and Marvin don't report back to the bureau, the director calls the Super Friends. The Dynamic Duo visit the factory to be met by a secretary (apparently Alberoni) who tells them that everything's top secret, and decide to go back to the bureau to locate the blue jet. The jet is doing its thing someplace other than the North Pole when Wonder Woman approaches in her jet and pursues it. (The mic that she hails them with isn't invisible, though it's part of the jet.) The jet is flown to do its thing over underwater caverns where Fort Knox's gold supply is temporarily being held for safekeeping. Wonder Woman blocks the beam with a heat shield emitted from her jet. After Superman arrives to take over and the beam affects him, he borrows a reflecting mirror from an observatory; while Aquaman is unavailable to summon his aquatic friends to stand guard over the gold. Superman blocks the beam emitter with the mirror and the jet returns to its base, where the Dynamic Duo, Wonder Woman, and JSF try to talk sense into the scientists; during which the quarks in the materials that the scientists constructed prove to be unstable, all turning back into gold, which can be returned to its rightful owners. (It seems like they must have affected a much greater bulk than the relatively few rocks we see on display.)
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Star Trek
"The Terratin Incident"
Originally aired November 17, 1973
Wiki said:
While observing a burnt-out supernova, the USS Enterprise picks up a strange message transmitted in a two-hundred-year-old code.
Captain's log, stardate 5577.3: We are approaching the remains of the burned-out supernova Arachna. Requested update survey will begin with measurements of its radiation and volume expansion.
As they begin to map, Uhura picks up a signal from a planet in the Cepheus system. It's coded in Intersat, which has been out of use for two centuries, with the word Terratin being repeated. The
Enterprise approached the planet, which has a crystalline surface and volcanic activity. A ray focused by a dish on the planet bombards the ship, which, among other effects, fractures the dilithium crystals. Then it's noticed that the crew are starting to gradually contract/shrink.
Captain's log, stardate 5577.5: Our limited-power attempt to escape the planet's gravity has failed. Undefined wave bombardment continues, resulting in a contraction of our bodies, or an expansion of the ship, by a factor of 0.3.
At first the crew are still functional, but begin to experience difficulty using controls.
Note that sickbay now carries alien test animals specifically to indicate changes in the environment. Spock calculates that the crew will stop shrinking when they reach approximately 1/16 of an inch tall. Kirk decides to beam down to the planet alone.
Captain's log, supplemental: There is one last measure we can take to try and stop the bombardment of the lethal spiroid wave. There must be some intelligence behind it. I'm going to attempt direct communication by beaming down to the planet's surface. We have no reason to expect success, but our height is little more than two inches, and even this action will be beyond us in fifteen minutes' time.
Spock rigs a special miniature communicator for Kirk, and the engineering crew pull the transporter sliders by heaving threads attached to them. Foreshadowed in a bit of speculation of Spock's, Kirk finds on the planet that the transporter's memory has returned him to normal size. Kirk comes upon a miniature city before, as arranged, the transporter automatically returns him. He finds that the crew have reached their minimum size, and learns that bridge personnel have been beamed away. Kirk hails the city on the planet and threatens them with a demonstration of the ship's phaser fire.
Interesting that TAS dates the transporter back to early interstellar colonization. And at this point, assume that all new male character voices are Doohan unless I specify otherwise.
Captain's log, supplemental: The Lilliputian city is to be taken to Verdanis and relocated on a fertile and well-watered plain. Then we'll be able to call the Terratin incident closed.
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Emergency!
"Inheritance Tax"
Originally aired November 17, 1973
IMDb said:
An elderly woman that Roy and John treated the previous year dies and remembers them in her will.
The paramedics are on patrol (presumably cruising back to the station after a job) when they're called to assist with a child who's trapped in a car that's crashed with power lines on it, the street now flooded by a knocked-over hydrant. The paramedics lift the lines clear with a rope so the boy can get out safely. Back at the station, Roy asks Johnny if he remembers an old lady they rescued from a fire about a year and a half ago, and is starting to tell Johnny about a letter they received when they're assigned a call from an investment company secretary named Margaret (Marion Ross, whose signature role goes to series later this TV season). Margaret's boss, Mr. Winthrop (Warren Berlinger), is fretfully working the phones despite having already started to show signs of a heart attack. He begins to have another seizure after the paramedics arrive, and they prepare to take him to the hospital.
Winthrop (pointing to his stock monitor): Are you crazy!?! I'm sitting on 50,000 contracts of cocoa! Do you know what that means!?!
Roy (looking at the heart monitor): No, sir, but we know what this means...
Winthrop continues to verbally protest while he's loaded onto the ambulance. At Rampart, Brackett tries to firmly, gently talk him into making some adjustments to his lifestyle, though he continues to resist, arguing in favor of the needs of his fast-moving trade. He tries to continue working after he's put into coronary care, demanding a couple of telephones. Brackett has to go in and turn down the gentleness, and has the patient sedated, which he tries to resist.
In the corridor at Rampart, a boy named Steve (uncredited Jarrod Johnson) approaches Early to ask to buy a bandage for his friend Pete (uncredited Mike McHenry), and the doctor encourages him to bring his friend in. After Early bandages Pete's injured knee, the doctor gets in a little soft recruiting, letting the boys take turns using his stethoscope. In the coffee room, Early advises Kel and Dix about their problematic patient's mindset.
Back at the station, Johnny gets worked up when he learns what the letter's about, though Roy tries not to read too much into what it means to be heirs to her estate. Later, while they're maintaining the squad, Johnny starts talking about the things he'd like to get with the assumed fortune, including a boat. Then the paramedics are called to a food stand to see to a teenager who's ill after having eaten nineteen hamburgers in a contest...which the paramedics learn he lost, another, skinnier teen proudly declaring that he ate twenty. After the loser has recovered, Brackett receives a visit from Margaret, who wants to know how Winthrop's doing. (At this point he's been fighting off the sedative, but has finally fallen into a depressive sleep following the closing of the market.) She's more receptive as Brackett sits her down for a talk in his office about how they can try to help her boss.
Margaret: Mister Winthrop is a very stubborn man.
Brackett: So am I.
At the station, the other firefighters have learned about the will. While Roy and Johnny are insisting that nothing will be different, Chet starts trying to guilt them into springing for a new TV and furniture for the station. Then the paramedics are visited by a lawyer named Marshall (Michael Fox), who holds them in suspense for a bit before informing them that the estate is worth $1,211,000. Before he can get into the deductions, the station and other units are called to a fire at a backlot paint factory. The place is named Acme, so I assume that a super-genius coyote must be responsible. The paramedics see to a rescued worker while the firefighters get to work on dousing the blaze, which is causing multiple explosions, with a barrage of high-pressure hosing.
At Rampart, Margaret is brought in to see Winthrop, who's feeling much better after a night's sleep...and after having learned that the cocoa he was prevented from selling has gone up, making him a fortune. He tries to talk Brackett into making a stock investment. In the corridor, Johnny figures that he and Roy will need to pay half the inheritance in taxes, which will still leave them each a quarter of a million dollars. Back at the station, they sit down with Mr. Marshall, from whom they learn that there's a third heir--Mrs. Rosenthal's cat--and that Rosenthal had various large debts that have to be seen to, including one against her house, one for being the guarantor on a large, defaulted loan, and one for legal action resulting from an auto accident. The paramedics are informed that after the anticipated federal taxes, more taxes from the state, and lawyer and court fees, they'll be receiving $37.50...to be divided between the two of them...whereas the cat has $15,000 set aside for its welfare. While the paramedics are reeling from this, they're called to assist a victim who's having difficulty breathing. The episode closes with them driving off, so no, I haven't a clue how that one turned out.
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The Bob Newhart Show
"I'm Okay, You're Okay, So What's Wrong?"
Originally aired November 17, 1973
Wiki said:
Fearing that their marriage has lost its spark, Bob and Emily go to a marriage counselor (Katherine Helmond).
It's fakely snowy in Chicago as Bob returns home to find Emily lying depressed in the dark. He takes a chair and starts to go to work on her, only for Emily to unload on him about her frustrations with the regularity of Bob's routine. At the office the next day, Bob learns that his habits--such as which suit he wears each day--are predictable to Carol as well; and Jerry suggests that Bob and Emily go to a marriage counselor. Returning home that evening, Bob finds that Emily's out and has a talk with Howard, who's noticed how Emily's been moving around the furniture in the apartment.
Howard: Lois used to move the furniture when she got depressed. One day she got so depressed, she moved the furniture clear across town...and moved in with it!
Emily returns, seemingly in a much better mood and having booked her and Bob a trip to San Francisco that weekend (while acknowledging her fear of flying). Emily's show of positivity breaks down when Bob says that the trip is too soon. Bob volunteers to let Emily express her frustration by hitting him...and comes to regret it.
As the Hartleys discuss their issue in bed, Marilyn (Mariette Hartley's never-returning character) is referenced, and Emily agrees to Jerry's suggestion, booking them an appointment to see a Dr. A. J. Webster (Helmond), who's distracted by symptoms of a bad cold, while Bob and the audience are distracted by her over-decorated office, which looks like a honeymoon suite. After a brief description of their issue, Webster--afraid that she's not going to be able to hold up for long--has them go straight into a role-reversal exercise, with Emily acting out the part of Bob coming home and Bob playing Emily...while Bob chafes at having to play patient to another therapist. When Webster has Bob walk out the door, Emily correctly predicts that he won't be coming back in.
When Emily later returns home from school, Bob reveals that he's booked an immediate trip to New Orleans, having even called Emily in at the school. The shoe's on the other foot as Emily's the one who frets about how they can't fly off at a moment's notice...but the Hartleys leave nonetheless.
When Bob comes home from work in the coda, Emily mocks Bob role-reversing as her, which involved him describing the virtues of his dependability.
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She seems to have escaped it all unscathed.
Apparently she went with Nixon to San Clemente after he resigned.
I don't understand why Comrade Eliseev found this to be necessary. It could have escalated seriously.
Yeah, I had to wonder why he'd use a suicide tactic on a spy plane.
Classic. "Young man, give me that knife."
A better-known bit of Cheech & Chong for me...I don't have this, but I'll probably get it.
Not their best, but not bad.
This one's been in my shuffle for a while. Nothing remarkable.
Not their best, but, hey, it's The Who.
The first of those underwhelming single tracks that makes me hesitant about investing in the album.
Not his best, but a very pleasant sound.
Also in the shuffle for a while. Like you say, pleasant.
Squiggy is sitting in the corner with his head in his hands.
Squiggy should be putting on his white suit and black shirt and getting out on the dance floor...disco has arrived.
Coincidentally, my story in this year's Arkham Bazaar anthology is "Ambergris Morning." It's not a common word.
I had to look it up.
