These are difficult times for Star Trek fans. Especially straight Star Trek fans.
For over forty years, we have been treated to Star Trek as it was meant to be: gay-free.
Look back over every episode and movie. Except for that TNG episode where Riker almost hooked up with a hermaphrodite, there is almost no reference to the gays.
This is the way that the Great Creator Gene Roddenberry intended Star Trek to be. Not only was Star Trek totally heterosexual on screen, but Mr. Roddenberry demonstrated an extreme preference for heterosexuality off-screen by hooking up with every woman he could find (e.g. Nurse Chapel, Uhura, Number One, Lwaxana Troi, etc.)
So along comes J.J. Abrams, on his platform of "HOPE" and "CHANGE," and what does he do? He turns Star Trek into an aggressively anti-heterosexual propaganda piece.
As many of you now know, New Spock recently announced that he is gay (http://www.trekbbs.com/showthread.php?t=149242)
This is an insult to Star Trek fans everywhere. As we all know, the REAL Spock was never gay. There were several women which he almost hooked up with over the years, but never quite did, which is clear proof that he was straight.
But wait, it gets worse.
The original cast of Star Trek was made up of a bunch of straight dudes and one chick. After many long years of space travel, these dudes are clearly going to be horny and want to hook up with the hot chick (think: the Smurfs and Smurfette).
So what does Abrams do? He takes Gay Spock and hooks him up with Uhura, thereby cock-blocking all of the other straight dudes in the crew. This is a blatant F.U. to the real (straight) Star Trek fans in the audience. How is any straight dude going to get any action when they are cock-blocked by Gay Spock? And Gay Spock is super-strong, so he can kick their asses if they even try to make a play for Uhura.
I know what some of you new (gay) Star Trek fans are thinking...
"What about Sulu on the Original Series? He was gay, right?"
Wrong!
George Takei had the decency to wait until after Star Trek was over to announce that he was gay. The statute of limitations had passed. Legally, TOS Sulu was not gay.
New (gay) Spock made the announcement that he is gay in-between Star Trek movies. Abrams' version of Star Trek is still in progress. This makes New Spock being gay canon. There is nothing we can do about it now. Nothing. (Unless he later admits that this was some sort of evil/alternate universe Spock who came out of the closet.)
But wait, there's more...
When George Takei came out of the closet, it made a lot of real (straight) Star Trek fans very uncomfortable. Yes, we know that TOS Sulu is not legally gay (see analysis above). But even so, we started to distance ourselves from the character. We got uncomfortable watching him running around, shirtless, pointing his little sword in everyone's face.
So what does Abrams do? He makes New Sulu straight! What the fuck are we supposed to do with this information? The never-really-gay but still tainted TOS Sulu, who we mentally pushed into the background like a crazy uncle, is now super-straight and shoved into our heterosexual faces! Do we accept him as our own, or push him away? Does embracing the new Sulu makes us guilty of repressed homosexual urges, whether we admit to them or not? This is incredibly awkward. (Think: Star-Bellied Sneetches)
Also, Kirk always gets the ladies. Always.
But not in the new Abrams-verse!
Just when Kirk is about to hook up with a green hottie, what happens? Uhura comes in and cock-blocks him! Is it because Uhura is jealous and wants Kirk for herself? No, she is already dating Gay Spock! So not only is Uhura making herself unavailable to the heterosexuals, she also goes one step further and actively tries to prevent heterosexuals from getting together.
Suddenly, heterosexuality is some sort of bizarre perversion, which should be prevented at all costs!
Lastly, there was only one natural heterosexual relationship presented in the movie: George and Winona Kirk. How do we know it was natural and normal? Because God had blessed them with a child. And what does Abrams do to teach these straight characters a lesson? He sends George to a violent death to "punish him for his heterosexual sins." (Same thing happened with Sarek and Amanda: Amanda had to die!) And then poor Winona Kirk is left to raise a heterosexual son who is later going to be cock-blocked at every turn by Gay Spock and/or his hot girlfriend Uhura.
What have you done to us, J.J. Abrams?
Or, should I say J.J. Gay-brams?
For over forty years, we have been treated to Star Trek as it was meant to be: gay-free.
Look back over every episode and movie. Except for that TNG episode where Riker almost hooked up with a hermaphrodite, there is almost no reference to the gays.
This is the way that the Great Creator Gene Roddenberry intended Star Trek to be. Not only was Star Trek totally heterosexual on screen, but Mr. Roddenberry demonstrated an extreme preference for heterosexuality off-screen by hooking up with every woman he could find (e.g. Nurse Chapel, Uhura, Number One, Lwaxana Troi, etc.)
So along comes J.J. Abrams, on his platform of "HOPE" and "CHANGE," and what does he do? He turns Star Trek into an aggressively anti-heterosexual propaganda piece.
As many of you now know, New Spock recently announced that he is gay (http://www.trekbbs.com/showthread.php?t=149242)
This is an insult to Star Trek fans everywhere. As we all know, the REAL Spock was never gay. There were several women which he almost hooked up with over the years, but never quite did, which is clear proof that he was straight.
But wait, it gets worse.
The original cast of Star Trek was made up of a bunch of straight dudes and one chick. After many long years of space travel, these dudes are clearly going to be horny and want to hook up with the hot chick (think: the Smurfs and Smurfette).
So what does Abrams do? He takes Gay Spock and hooks him up with Uhura, thereby cock-blocking all of the other straight dudes in the crew. This is a blatant F.U. to the real (straight) Star Trek fans in the audience. How is any straight dude going to get any action when they are cock-blocked by Gay Spock? And Gay Spock is super-strong, so he can kick their asses if they even try to make a play for Uhura.
I know what some of you new (gay) Star Trek fans are thinking...
"What about Sulu on the Original Series? He was gay, right?"
Wrong!
George Takei had the decency to wait until after Star Trek was over to announce that he was gay. The statute of limitations had passed. Legally, TOS Sulu was not gay.
New (gay) Spock made the announcement that he is gay in-between Star Trek movies. Abrams' version of Star Trek is still in progress. This makes New Spock being gay canon. There is nothing we can do about it now. Nothing. (Unless he later admits that this was some sort of evil/alternate universe Spock who came out of the closet.)
But wait, there's more...
When George Takei came out of the closet, it made a lot of real (straight) Star Trek fans very uncomfortable. Yes, we know that TOS Sulu is not legally gay (see analysis above). But even so, we started to distance ourselves from the character. We got uncomfortable watching him running around, shirtless, pointing his little sword in everyone's face.
So what does Abrams do? He makes New Sulu straight! What the fuck are we supposed to do with this information? The never-really-gay but still tainted TOS Sulu, who we mentally pushed into the background like a crazy uncle, is now super-straight and shoved into our heterosexual faces! Do we accept him as our own, or push him away? Does embracing the new Sulu makes us guilty of repressed homosexual urges, whether we admit to them or not? This is incredibly awkward. (Think: Star-Bellied Sneetches)
Also, Kirk always gets the ladies. Always.
But not in the new Abrams-verse!
Just when Kirk is about to hook up with a green hottie, what happens? Uhura comes in and cock-blocks him! Is it because Uhura is jealous and wants Kirk for herself? No, she is already dating Gay Spock! So not only is Uhura making herself unavailable to the heterosexuals, she also goes one step further and actively tries to prevent heterosexuals from getting together.
Suddenly, heterosexuality is some sort of bizarre perversion, which should be prevented at all costs!
Lastly, there was only one natural heterosexual relationship presented in the movie: George and Winona Kirk. How do we know it was natural and normal? Because God had blessed them with a child. And what does Abrams do to teach these straight characters a lesson? He sends George to a violent death to "punish him for his heterosexual sins." (Same thing happened with Sarek and Amanda: Amanda had to die!) And then poor Winona Kirk is left to raise a heterosexual son who is later going to be cock-blocked at every turn by Gay Spock and/or his hot girlfriend Uhura.
What have you done to us, J.J. Abrams?
Or, should I say J.J. Gay-brams?
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