TAS Caption Contest #30: He's Just Not That Into You

[Rat Boy]

Running a bit behind today, but, let's get this new caption contest kicked off with...

For short fuses, our winner is...

Spock: "Yes. Very funny. Now whoever's been fucking with my viewer can stop. It's fucking childish."

Kirk giggles

For putting the doohickey in the thingamjig backwards, our winner is...

SCOTTY: Repairs complete Captain, artificial gravity is back on..... shite!

For jumping the gun, our winner is...

McCoy: Excuse me, I planning a romantic moment.

Security: I know, you're under arrest.

For disappointments, our winner is...

Much to Sulu's disappointment, Arex's third leg really was just a third leg.

Our Photoshop winner...

This week in Unnecessary Censorship: September 21, 1974 edition.

And our recasting winners...

1974:

...

Announcer: "In this episode, the part of Captain Kirk is played by Jack Lord's toupee."
SULU: I think I'm going to be sick...

2010:

Announcer: "In this episode, the part of Captain Kirk is played by Rod Blagojevich's toupee."

Congratulations to the winners. I'll let you folks get started right away and I'll see you in three weeks:

 

[Rat Boy]

Fake Winston: "Calamari for dinner? Uh...you know, I'm a little sick right now; you go on without me."

Fake Winston: "Ugh, I should shape shift into a woman just to give this room a woman's touch."

Redshirt: "Oh, Christ, he's humping the ship again."

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Alien: "Oh, I just know I'm going to hate myself in the morning."

"Yes, I suppose taking your hand and placing it on my leg does seem a bit creepy. So...do you like creepy?"

Redshirt: "Heh! Colt 45! Works every time!"

 

[Nerys Myk]

ALIEN: I hope this is the female of the species.

You've never heard of Robert Goulet? Trust me, I was big in the 20th Century.

SCOTTY: Wheeee!!!!! I'm Superman!!!!!

RED SHIRT: Is this guy ever sober?

 

[Captain Crow]

Scotty: I'm safe!

Red Shirt Ron: No your not. In fact your not even close. Home plate is about four hundred yards that way.

Scotty: BOGUS FRAT!!!!

 

[Ryan Thomas Riddle]

Winston: Come on, baby...I didn't grow this fine porn 'stache for looks alone.

Another ship's Christmas party, and yet another conquest for Captain Kirk.

Ensign: Chief, you stick it up in the air, somebody might just take you up on the offer.
Scotty: Why'd you think I keep doing it, laddie?

 

[Deranged Nasat]

Vendorian: "Nooo! Why, cruel world, whhhhyyyy??!! Was the sweet union of venom tentacles and human orifice just not meant to be?!"

"The gravity's back to normal now, sir. You're not on the ceiling anymore. That contest's over"

"Y'fool, laddie - these things never change over. I'll be stuck here for weeks".

 

[Maurice]

GIRL: Carter...something's wrong. You've changed.
VENDORIAN WINSTON: Oh, honey, I feel faaaaabulous!
GIRL: SOB!

VENDORIAN: For the last time, it's Vendorian, not Bend-o'er-ian

 

[TeaKirk]

Kirk: I've heard of Hentai Tentacle Rape, but this is not what I expected

 

[Capt_Pickirk]

Tentacle Hentai continues well into the 23rd century

Winston: Let me show you the ancient ritual known as a handjob

Redshirt: Scotty's dead! That means I won't get killed off!

Scotty: That's what you think

 

[Leathco]

REDSHIRT: Aw crap. Scotty found the Glory Hole!

WINSTON: Now really, does that feel like a sweatsock to you?

Alright Shatner, this is your punishment for Tekwar.

 

[Captain Crow]

Red Shirt Ron: How did you get yourself caught in the pool drain like that?

Scotty: Never you mind.

 

[Nerys Myk]

ALIEN (straining): Ever think about a diet there, Jimbo?

 

[Mistral]

Redshirt #1 "Well? I'm waiting..."

Redshirt #2 "Just hold on! I know I left that dildo in here somewhere!"

 

[Maurice]

VENDORIAN AS WINSTON: Separate beds? But...
ANNE: It's Saturday morning, honey.

VENDORIAN: "Separate beds," my non-existent ass!

SCOTTY: We can share the deck, laddie.
VENDORIAN AS REDSHIRT: Er, "separate beds" applies to decks, sir.

 

[Rat Boy]

Winston: "MEANWHILE...UNDERNEATH MY PANTS...!"

 

[The Squire of Gothos]

Vendorian; <shuffles to bed, pauses, looks up>
Head on the shelf; "Hey, don't mind me, I only ever watch".

 

[Nerys Myk]

VENDORIAN: Wow, Kirk defeated and beheaded Darksied! He's good, real good!

 

[Rat Boy]

McCoy (off camera): "And don't forget to change the bed pan."

Nurse Vendorian: "Yes, Doctor." *irritated sigh*

 

[Isis]

Smooth Talking Guy: "You won't be sorry. I'm a starship captain, a brain surgeon, and I have a million credits in my bank account."

Yeoman: "Yes, but can you get tickets to the Jets game?"

Kirk (to self): "When I ordered fresh calamari, this wasn't quite what I had in mind."