TAS Caption Contest #24: Feeling a Little Frisky

[Rat Boy]

Quit with the gallows humor, because it's time for another caption contest. First, lets lead around...

For perhaps the most unusual celebrity dancing since Erin Andrews did it blindfolded, our winner is...

Spacelady 1: "I haven't had this much fun since I taught Buzz Aldrin how to dance."

Spacelady 2: "Well, based on his 'Dancing With the Stars' performance, I can see you did a 'great' job."

Seriously, I only saw a video of it on a sports blog. Stop looking at me like that. As for our next winner...

*JARRING CHORD*

SPOCK: Indeed Captain, the Spanish Inquisition was most unexpected.

And who would have thought that a picture of an anti-shrink ray pointed at Sulu would invoke so many dick jokes? Oh well, here's the best of the bunch...

Kirk: "Wait! Wait! Wait! I just found a computer file on an old twentieth-century vasectomy procedure that appears to be much less invasive!"

And we even got a Photoshop out of the deal...

SULU: Give it to me straight, Doc.
BONES: It's "Ken-Doll Crotch", dammit. And, Jim...there's no cure!

Congratulations to the winners! In this edition, we continue with the amorous theme. First, Spock gets assurance that his credit card bill will show "auto parts" instead of "lap dance." Second, Scotty nearly passes out from all the blood loss from all the scratches. And finally, Spock and Harry Mudd team up for a new spin-off buddy cop show. Have at and see you in three weeks:

 

[Rat Boy]

Chapel: "Is this some kind of bust?"

Spock: "Why yes it is."

Scotty: "M'Ress, please. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is spongy and bruised."

Spock: "My name is Pitt and your ass ain't talking your way out of this shit."

 

[cooleddie74]

CHRISTINE: HOLD me, Spock...hold me the way you did when we had the Sweeps crossover episode with He-Man...

SCOTTY: Now THAT'S what we Scottish lads back home call a REAL piece of tail!!

MUDD: Oh, I get it.

VERY funny for a non-emotional being, Mister Spock. ANOTHER fat butt joke.

Seriously, laddie buck...they're starting to hurt my feelings.

 

[cooleddie74]

CHRISTINE: It's not tri-dimensional chess, Spock...

But THIS is just as interesting a way to checkmate someone's queen, baby.

SPOCK: Agreed.

 

[Kirby]

Spock: 100 Quatloos for another lap dance?

 

[Maurice]

CHAPEL: Why won't you look me in the eye?
SPOCK: Because I'm blinded by your headlights.

SCOTTY: That reminds me, I need to dust.

SPOCK: Who are you?
MUDD: Harcort Fenton Mudd! Don't you recognize me?
SPOCK: Not in this drawing, no.

 

[Gil T.Azell]

Spock: "See this says one free lap dance, now work it bitch."

Scotty: "Aye that that’s what I call a piece of tail."

Spock: "Book em Danno."

 

[Amaris]

I'm using the 15% I saved by switching to GEICO to mitigate the cost of a head on collision. Any ideas on how to get in one?

Scotty: "Ye told me it was bifurcated!"
Sulu: "Oh my!"

The Ambiguously Gay Duo. Not Just for Superheroes.

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Thanks for the win, Rat Boy!

Spock: "Now, you watch the mirror and let me do all the work this time. You'll see: At the critical moment, you always make the cutest little squenchy-face!"

Scotty: "We need to talk, M'Ress. All this late-night cattin' around is wearin' me to a frazzle."

Mudd: "Hmm...the butt end of these phasers seem rather abbreviated."
Spock: "Pity the same cannot be said of you."

 

[Maurice]

SPOCK: This script for Star Trek XII will cost you more than a lap dance, Nurse.

SCOTTY: Me wee bairns...
M'RESS: "Wee" is the operrrrative word, small frrrry.

Harcort Filmation Mudd is such a glutton that even his phaser is fat.

 

[Rat Boy]

Spock: "Did they just make fun of my sawed-off? Am I going to have to bust a cap in someone's ass?"

 

[TigerOfDarkness]

M'Ress: Mrrr Scott - must you cough up your hairrr balls behind me?
Scott: Well it's your hair, lassie.

Chapel: Before we take this further, you'd better use "protection".
Spock holds up hand

Spock: And you say the traders who sold you the "Ultra-Safe" Vulcan condoms are in that building?
Mudd: That they are laddie.
Spock: Set phasers to kill.

 

[Ryan Thomas Riddle]

Spock: I'm sorry, Miss Chapel, but I like my women like I like my coffee--black.

Spock: There's this passage I got memorized. Ezekiel 25:17. "The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the iniquities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of the darkness, for he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know my name is The Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee."

 

[Maurice]

Spock: There's this passage I got memorized. Ezekiel 25:17. "The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the iniquities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of the darkness, for he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know my name is The Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee."

MUDD: Huh? You say something?

 

[Ryan Thomas Riddle]

Spock: Seez, we ain't in the prisoner-taking business. We in the Klingon-killing business.

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Scotty: "Och! I've ne'er felt so pussy-whipped in muh life!"

 

[Rat Boy]

Scotty: "Och! I've ne'er felt so pussy-whipped in muh life!"

Rest of the bridge crew: "Wah, wah."

 

[Nerys Myk]

After giving Scotty a concussion and whiplash, M'ress was instructed to keep her tail under control at all times.

 

[Nerys Myk]

Spock: I'm sorry, Miss Chapel, but I like my women like I like my coffee--black.

.

CHAPEL: Easy fix, we're animated.

 

[Rat Boy]

Uhura: "Tell me what you need."

Spock: "This order picked up from P.F. Chang's, for starters."