Suggest a new passing line that would deepen an episode

[Sisko_is_my_captain]

Suggest a casual line or two that would improve or deepen an existing episode, or just improve characterization a little. Add your new line in bold.

Voyager: Hunters
Alpha Hirogen: "I won't share prey with the others! These two must be the only relics. Prepare them. I'll be in the tannery."


Trek 2009:
Young Kirk: "Is there a problem officer?"
Traffic cop: "Citizen...what is your name?"
Young Kirk: "My name is James Tiberius Kirk...<cocky grin> Who the hell are you?"

 

[F. King Daniel]

The cut line from Spock in The Motion Picture about people always imagining God in their own image would have tied the movie together perfectly.

 

[Finn]

Suggest a casual line or two that would improve or deepen an existing episode, or just improve characterization a little. Add your new line in bold.

Voyager: Hunters
Alpha Hirogen: "I won't share prey with the others! These two must be the only relics. Prepare them. I'll be in the tannery."


Trek 2009:
Young Kirk: "Is there a problem officer?"
Traffic cop: "Citizen...what is your name?"
Young Kirk: "My name is James Tiberius Kirk...<cocky grin> Who the hell are you?"

The first one is unnecessary and would lessen the impact the props had. The second one probably would be cited as one of the more cringeworthy lines in trek if used.

 

[FederationHistorian]

ENT: Divergence
Antaak: I doubt my superiors will allow me to remain in my position. They are already talking about closing the empire off from outsiders indefinitely. I’ll need to find a new specialty. Perhaps, cranial reconstruction.

ENT: These are the Voyages
Reed: Well, what’s the point? The ship will be joining the mothball fleet next week.
Trip: The engine just hasn’t been the same since our war with the Romulan Empire, even after repairs at drydock. I pretty much built this engine. I plan to take care of it as long as I can.

PIC: Mercy
Agent Wells: So, a couple of things. Wiping out humanity? Be good to circle back to that. And, I had said clinic searched <shows off badge> . I’d also like to add that your friend along with several other prisoners were then broken out of a bus en route to a Sanctuary District and the FBI spent the past couple of days rounding everyone that was freed, except him.

Star Trek Into Darkness
<Kirk dies>
Spock: KHAN! You genetically engineered bastard…you…killed my friend.

 

[Oddish]

Agent Wells: So, a couple of things. Wiping out humanity? Be good to circle back to that. And, I had said clinic searched <shows off badge> . I’d also like to add that your friend along with several other prisoners were then broken out of a bus en route to a Sanctuary District and the FBI spent the past couple of days rounding everyone that was freed, except him.

Alas, you'd still have butterflies, because you'd have so many FBI agents in different locations. And in any case,

Spoiler

the timeline is beyond repair because they added a person to it... that isn't a butterfly flapping its wings, it's a frickin' 747 flying by.

 

[Orphalesion]

From what I've seen adding lines to a script and make them sound good on screen is quite tricky, and something entirely different from adding lines to a written book or story.
Since film and TV are visual media as well a line too much can easily turn a whole scene cringeworthy, as seen in this thread already.

 

[Qonundrum]

There'd be a few in TOS, especially when Kirk berates someone (Kirk was the original Marty Stu...)

But this one gets me all the time:

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It doesn't get more ridiculous as far as examples go. Wait for about 3 minutes 15 seconds until Spock's inquiry about "Shall we turn off the tractor beam?" -as well as counting the clock as to how long they keep the tractor beam running, it also reaffirms the need for Kirk to be the ultimate controller and everything has to be asked. Which makes sense to do at times, but is it really good for a starship to keep beaming that tractor beam through orbit and hope no meteroid floats into it? That'd be a real thrill... Maybe Spock was being partially facetious; it's hard to tell, but by this time in the series he's affectless and emotionless. Or supposed to be.

 

[Finn]

ENT: Divergence
Antaak: I doubt my superiors will allow me to remain in my position. They are already talking about closing the empire off from outsiders indefinitely. I’ll need to find a new specialty. Perhaps, cranial reconstruction.

Why?

ENT: These are the Voyages
Reed: Well, what’s the point? The ship will be joining the mothball fleet next week.
Trip: The engine just hasn’t been the same since our war with the Romulan Empire, even after repairs at drydock. I pretty much built this engine. I plan to take care of it as long as I can.

Too much. Less is more.

PIC: Mercy
Agent Wells: So, a couple of things. Wiping out humanity? Be good to circle back to that. And, I had said clinic searched <shows off badge> . I’d also like to add that your friend along with several other prisoners were then broken out of a bus en route to a Sanctuary District and the FBI spent the past couple of days rounding everyone that was freed, except him.

Too much, and I don't see how that would "deepen" a dialogue.

Star Trek Into Darkness
<Kirk dies>
Spock: KHAN! You genetically engineered bastard…you…killed my friend.

Does this mean you were joking?

 

[1001001]

All the ones I can think of are dirty…

 

[Finn]

All the ones I can think of are dirty…

Sub Rosa?

 

[1001001]

Sub Rosa?

Pretty much any episode.

 

[Richard S. Ta]

Typical fan mentality that deepening an episode equates to explaining continuity niggles.

 

[Oddish]

Some of us do better with inconsistencies than others.

 

[FederationHistorian]

Why?

Why not? It helps sets up TOS, like the rest of S4 was doing. It resolves the ENT Klingon arc. And is a nice reference to the line outsiders in the DS9 episode, like the Augment virus arc was.

Too much. Less is more.

Or, it works with the ENT part of the plot and gives a reason why the Rigel pirates catch up to the NX-01, leading Trip to do what he did. It doesn’t sweep under the rug the participation of the NX-01 is that war (you know, a major event in their time), and makes for an interesting parallel for Riker’s Pegasus story that was also tied to Romulans.

Too much, and I don't see how that would "deepen" a dialogue.

Maybe because after Picard is thinking how they (i.e. La Sirena crew) might be responsible for scrubbing the Europa mission and creating the Confederation timeline, it shows Agent Wells aka Not Ducane indirectly help them out to complete their mission in his investigation of the La Sirena crew. A major butterfly event like that can’t just go on unresolved. Picard even says he needs the help of Agent Wells in the episode. Certainly this would have helped to set that up?

Plus, the thread is about deepening an episode. not deepening a dialogue.

Does this mean you were joking?

If it was going to rip off the TOS movies, why not TSFS and suggest NuKhan was Spock’s Kruge? ST’09 already had the KHAAANN! moment with Nero anyways.

Are you having a laugh?

Typical fan mentality that deepening an episode equates to explaining continuity niggles.

Typical fan post that would rather critique about "continuity niggles" than actually contribute.

 

[FederationHistorian]

I’ll suggest a couple more to get the thread back on track.

ENT: Borderland
Soong: There never used to be Orions in this sector. Must have expanded their range of operation. I always knew this day would come. They're quite aggressive when it comes to economic expansion and eliminating their competition. It’s a shame. They really liked your science officer.

PIC: Assimilation
Rios: So, to be clear, wake a queen who could kill us all, beam from a ship with no power, and find a Watcher who may or may not exist.
Picard: That's it, Rios.
Rios: Yes, sir.
Picard: Oh, could you check the historical database, to see if we can find the divergence there? Or any hints thereof before we leave the ship?

 

[Qonundrum]

The last line of "The Corbomite Maneuver" would change rather a lot of the story's tone and message, if - after the crew left - Balok called for his ship's surgeon to prepare the dissection table for Bailey. (The character growth Bailey - first name Beetle - had was actually pretty cool, as was the reveal and tone from then onward, and I loved the ending and adventures-to-be for Bailey at face value as both species would learn about each other. That's pretty cool. But if The First Federation wasn't as advanced as claimed... )

Bonus as the episode already hints at it, for those who adore playing with headcanon:

BALOK [OC]: And trespassed into our star systems. This is Balok, Commander of the flagship Fesarius of the First Federation. Your vessel, obviously the product of a primitive and savage civilisation, having ignored a warning buoy and having then destroyed it, has demonstrated your intention is not peaceful. We are now considering the disposition of your ship and the life aboard.​

Zoiks, jinkies, and holy carp, Balok is Q's brother's father's nephew's cousin's current roommate's streetwalker!

 

[Oddish]

Any Voyager episode, 4th season or so:
JANEWAY (voice): "Captain's log, Stardate We have been in negotiations with the Zahl, a friendly Delta Quadrant species who use matter-antimatter technology similar to our own. We have managed to trade for a pallet of photonic cores compatible with our own weapons technology, allowing us to replenish our nearly depleted supply of torpedoes."

 

[Sisko_is_my_captain]

Any Voyager episode, 4th season or so:
JANEWAY (voice): "Captain's log, Stardate We have been in negotiations with the Zahl, a friendly Delta Quadrant species who use matter-antimatter technology similar to our own. We have managed to trade for a pallet of photonic cores compatible with our own weapons technology, allowing us to replenish our nearly depleted supply of torpedoes."

Likewise, at any point in season two: "B'Elanna has just completed work on our new vehicle replicator facilities. And it's a good thing, too - we were starting to run low on shuttles."


EMH: I'm sorry, Captain, but I cannot perform the surgical separation. I am a physician, and a physician must do no harm. I will not take Mister Tuvix's life against his will.
JANEWAY: Very well, Doctor. Please step aside.
EMH: (steps between Janeway and Tuvix) No. I'm sorry Captain, I cannot allow you to murder my patient. I must ask you to leave my sickbay imme-.
JANEWAY: Computer, deactivate EMH.
(Janeway goes to Kim, who is holding a hypospray.)
JANEWAY: I assume this is the radioisotope.
(Kim gives it to her.)
JANEWAY: Please sit down on this biobed.
(Tuvix sits. Janeway looks straight into his eyes and administers the hypo. Then she goes to the medical transporter console.)
TUVIX: (quietly) You know this is murder, Kathryn.
JANEWAY: (quietly) Maybe. (More loudly) Locking surgical targeting scanners onto the isotope probe. Initiating separation sequence. Energising.
(Kim clearly can't bring himself to look at Tuvix)
(As Tuvix is beamed away, two figures are beamed in, both wearing command gold uniforms.)
KES: Neelix!
NEELIX: Hello, sweeting.
(Neelix and Kes kiss.)
TUVOK: Greetings, Captain.
JANEWAY: Mister Tuvok. Mister Neelix. It's good to have you back.
(We stay with Janeway as she goes out into the corridor and pauses a moment before walking away.)

 

[Oddish]

Thumbs up to both of those!

 

[Sisko_is_my_captain]

VOY: The Disease

KIM: Captain, I am not sick. I didn't disobey your orders because I'm under some alien influence. I disobeyed your orders because Tal and I are in love, and it's not right for you to keep us apart!
JANEWAY: Listen to yourself. You don't sound anything like the Harry Kim I know.
KIM: Good. I have served on this ship for five years and said, yes, ma'am to every one of your orders. But not this time.
JANEWAY: You're willing to risk your rank, your career, over this?
KIM: My rank?! You mean this single damned pip I've had on my collar for five years?! Are you kidding me?
Janeway blanches and stammers something incoherent about regulations.
Kim steps back and collects himself for a moment.
KIM: Have you ever been in love, Captain?
JANEWAY: Your point?