Stupid Things People Say

[Tiberius Jim]

Okay, I got this call today, and I just can''t wrap my head around it.

Customer: Hi, what time do you guys close?

Me: We're actually open 24 hours.

Customer: oh, okay. What your number there?

Me: Our...telephone number or our fax number?

Customer: Telephone

Me: *give him the number*

Customer: Okay, thanks. *click*

I just don't get it. How were we speaking on the phone if he did not already have our phone number? Even if he found our number through a cell phone app or some sort of auto dial thing that still doesn't explain it.

I always seem to get people who can't seem to comprehend what it means when we say we're open 24 hours.

Me: We're actually open 24 hours

Customer: So like...that means I can come in whenever?

Me: Yep, it sure does

Customer: Even, like, at 4 in the morning.

Me *thinking: well, that is one of the 24 hours* Yep.

Customer: Wow...okay thanks.

They will also frequently act as if they think that since the store is open for 24 hours that we all work for 24 hours.

It's about 10am

Me: We're actually open 24 hours

Customer: Oh you poor dear, you're here that late?

Me: Well, not myself personally. We all work regular 8 hour shifts. We have a night crew who works 10pm to 7am.

Customer: Oh my, I can't believe they work you all such long hours.

Me: *sigh*

 

[Trekker4747]

In this thread did I tell about the person with the 75 ounces of meat?

Customer asked for 75 ounces of hamburger, I re-affrmed this with her by saying, "Seventy-five ounces?" With the emphasis on that ounces. I always repeat the order back just to ensure I heard it right, so this wasn't a special case.

She shook her head yes and said, "Yep." So I did the calculation came up with the 4.68 pounds she was asking for and when she saw me put that much on the scale she said something like, "What are you doing? That's way too much, I only need point-seven-five."

I was like, "Oh, you want three-quarters of a pound! Sorry."

She said something like "Yeah! Seventy five ounces."

I don't quite remeber what happened next, it didn't include me explaining to her how the crazy Imperial system works, probably mostly some muttering and stammering.

For what it is worth, the woman was a white, American, who seemed well-off and was in her late 50s/early 60s.

 

[Major Chord]

I work for a country club, down in the locker room. I have encountered numerous flavors of stupidity down there.

One member came up to me during a tournament, angry at me because a guest used his locker. He didn't take anything...just used it to store his gym bag. I asked him if he locked the locker, he said "No, I never do. Why is this guy's stuff in here?" I mean, I can understand he was pissed that someone used the locker...but when he doesn't even bother to lock it, how can I be expected to stop someone else from using it?

I had a guest come up to me during the very same tournament, and give us his shoes to be leaned before he went out. We weren't very busy, so we cleaned them, while he watched and handed them back to him. He took the shoes, came back 5 minutes later, telling us that we gave him the wrong shoes. He said they didn't fit right, and that he wanted his own shoes back. We told him, that those were his shoes, that he watched us clean them. He still denied they were his, but then decided to use them for the tourney, because he had no other shoes to wear. comes back in, drops them off at the shoe-desk, and says "Thanks for letting me use these fellas. They fit fine, but they're still not my shoes. Try and look around for them, okay?"

He's been back in several times looking for his shoes...each time we show him the pair he originally gave us, but he still denies they're his.

 

[Mistral]

Dear God, how did the shoe guy drive himself home? He sounds like that Steven Wright gag:

"I came home the other day to find someone had broken into my apt, stolen all of my stuff, and replaced it with exact duplicates!"

 

[BrotherBenny]

I used to call places to see if they were open. If they answered the phone I would just ask what time they closed and asked my query if I had one.

 

[Marc]

I had a guest come up to me during the very same tournament, and give us his shoes to be leaned before he went out. We weren't very busy, so we cleaned them, while he watched and handed them back to him. He took the shoes, came back 5 minutes later, telling us that we gave him the wrong shoes. He said they didn't fit right, and that he wanted his own shoes back. We told him, that those were his shoes, that he watched us clean them. He still denied they were his, but then decided to use them for the tourney, because he had no other shoes to wear. comes back in, drops them off at the shoe-desk, and says "Thanks for letting me use these fellas. They fit fine, but they're still not my shoes. Try and look around for them, okay?"

He's been back in several times looking for his shoes...each time we show him the pair he originally gave us, but he still denies they're his.

Maybe he picked the wrong shoes up previously and so while you gave him the same shoes back he'd given you, they weren't his shoes because he'd picked the wrong ones elsewhere.

 

[Trekker4747]

I had a guest come up to me during the very same tournament, and give us his shoes to be leaned before he went out. We weren't very busy, so we cleaned them, while he watched and handed them back to him. He took the shoes, came back 5 minutes later, telling us that we gave him the wrong shoes. He said they didn't fit right, and that he wanted his own shoes back. We told him, that those were his shoes, that he watched us clean them. He still denied they were his, but then decided to use them for the tourney, because he had no other shoes to wear. comes back in, drops them off at the shoe-desk, and says "Thanks for letting me use these fellas. They fit fine, but they're still not my shoes. Try and look around for them, okay?"

He's been back in several times looking for his shoes...each time we show him the pair he originally gave us, but he still denies they're his.

Maybe he picked the wrong shoes up previously and so while you gave him the same shoes back he'd given you, they weren't his shoes because he'd picked the wrong ones elsewhere.

He was still standing there as the shoes he handed over were washed as he watched. He gave the shoes over watched them ge cleaned and then brought back to him. So even if they weren't "his shoes" they were the shoes he handed over.

 

[Nerdius Maximus]

Oh, the stories I could tell of the "good folk" of Oklahoma --

During the 2008 Presidential campaign, every goober with access to a telephone would call the local afternoon talk radio show and utter some of the following profound statements:
"Ah think thayut that Barrack Bin Ladin feller iz th' anntee Cry-st. He don't worship Gawd like a good Criss-chun. Th' bah-bull talks'bout tha end uv dayz and he's gonna take us down if'n he'z Prez'dint."

"Mitt Romney ain't a Christian. Ah'm sure he's a nice man and all, but since he practices a heathen religion Ah cain't vote fer him."

A lady where I once worked was absolutely convinced that the airbags in her car would deploy if she slammed hard on the brakes.

I worked at Braum's when I was 18 or so, and every single day someone would ask "Which one's bigger, the 1/3 pound or the 1/6?" Most of the time they'd just order the 1/6 because they assumed it was bigger. You know, 6 being higher than 3.

 

[Australis]

Saying stupid things?

Well, I'm hammered right now, so give me time...