Strangest Rejections....

[Australis]

John is over rated. And a dick.

THANK YOU! I've thought this for years, but was never certain if it was just me. 'Imagine' is a good song, even great, but that's about it (I'm excluding Beatles stuff, that's a synergy thing).

No strange rejections, but wow, did I get sick of the phrase "I just want to be your friend" when I was a teenager. If someone said that to me now, my resposne would be, "sorry, not enough, I have friends already". Not nice, but that phrase has really worn out its welcome with me.

 

[Timewalker]

John is over rated. And a dick.

THANK YOU! I've thought this for years, but was never certain if it was just me. 'Imagine' is a good song, even great, but that's about it (I'm excluding Beatles stuff, that's a synergy thing).

No strange rejections, but wow, did I get sick of the phrase "I just want to be your friend" when I was a teenager. If someone said that to me now, my resposne would be, "sorry, not enough, I have friends already". Not nice, but that phrase has really worn out its welcome with me.

So you're opposed to having friends you don't already have? No new ones, ever?

I think it's a positive thing when people who feel they're not meant to be a couple can at least be friends. The guy I mentioned who got "born again" later wrote to me that he'd gone to a different college and met someone. That was many years ago and I wish him well, no matter what he believes now and who he's with.

 

[Australis]

Hmm, better clarify. If you've gone to a woman, poured your heart out and told her you think she's special and you want to have a significant relationship with her, and get that line, o hell no. I have a lot of female friends who I am good friends with, and it was never going to be that kind of relationship, and that's perfectly normal. When I pursued someone for something special and got that, it hurt like a bastard.

That was, of course, then, I don't expect romantic entanglements any more. I have had two women literally say to me, "hey, if you ever leave your wife..." but that's a different thing.

 

[sttngfan1701d]

It took me until 28 to finally realize that I was done with the whole "let's just be friends" thing with women I like. I have many female friends that I'm "just friends" with...I have enough. If I pursue a woman, it's for romantic purposes. Now, some women do want to become friends first and go from there. But as for me, I'm done with that. If I get a hint of the friendzone, I'm gone. I don't waste my time. I wasted a sizable chunk of my 20's on a few women I genuinely fell for that I thought wanted to "go slow" but were in fact friendzoning me. So, never again.

 

[Kestra]

I don't think there's anything wrong with someone saying they just want to be friends. Yes, it will hurt because it's a rejection in some form. There's also nothing wrong with not immediately being able to be friends, though I'd question the maturity of someone who frequently encountered this situation and was never able to settle for friendship.

 

[TEACAKE'S PLEATHER DOME]

But there's no point hanging around in a friendship for years hoping they will suddenly fall for you, which is something people often get sucked into particularly when younger. If you're in that situation you have to either forcibly change your feelings for the person or drop the friendship for your own emotional health and for a chance at finding someone who does fall for you.

 

[Timewalker]

It took me until 28 to finally realize that I was done with the whole "let's just be friends" thing with women I like. I have many female friends that I'm "just friends" with...I have enough. If I pursue a woman, it's for romantic purposes. Now, some women do want to become friends first and go from there. But as for me, I'm done with that. If I get a hint of the friendzone, I'm gone. I don't waste my time. I wasted a sizable chunk of my 20's on a few women I genuinely fell for that I thought wanted to "go slow" but were in fact friendzoning me. So, never again.

That sounds bizarre. It's like you see a woman you find attractive, introduce yourself, and expect her to go from being a stranger to being a romantic partner with a high probability of becoming your wife, and completely leave out the part of the relationship that involves being friends. Stranger --> wife/living common-law reminds me all too much of hearing guys say that they want to find a girlfriend, but they talk about it in the same way as if they're going out to buy a new car or piece of computer equipment.

 

[Kestra]

But there's no point hanging around in a friendship for years hoping they will suddenly fall for you, which is something people often get sucked into particularly when younger. If you're in that situation you have to either forcibly change your feelings for the person or drop the friendship for your own emotional health and for a chance at finding someone who does fall for you.

Well yeah, and I think this expectation is always wrong and why the friendzone thing is so stupid. If you're friends, you're friends, but you can't actually expect that it will turn into something else.

 

[sttngfan1701d]

Well yeah, and I think this expectation is always wrong and why the friendzone thing is so stupid. If you're friends, you're friends, but you can't actually expect that it will turn into something else.

....Except when it does, and you have three separate friends who are now married or engaged to prove it, like I do. I naturally looked at them and went "It happens!"

And one girl I did stupidly pursue for years? She had an ex-boyfriend who she friendzoned for 3 years before that before she "started to see him differently." (her words).

You have....hope that it'll happen to you too. Except when it doesn't. So that's why I don't stay friends with women I have a romantic interest in if that's all they want.

 

[Kestra]

....Except when it does, and you have three separate friends who are now married or engaged to prove it, like I do. I naturally looked at them and went "It happens!"

And one girl I did stupidly pursue for years? She had an ex-boyfriend who she friendzoned for 3 years before that before she "started to see him differently." (her words).

You have....hope that it'll happen to you too. Except when it doesn't. So that's why I don't stay friends with women I have a romantic interest in if that's all they want.

It's one thing to acknowledge that it can happen and it's an entirely different thing to expect it to happen. Though I agree that if you are absolutely not interested in pursuing a friendship, then it's best to remove yourself from a situation.

 

[thumbtack]

I was once rejected by a girl who said she could see the dagger sticking out of my back, and that she was fairly certain someone had put it there for a very good reason.

 

[Ramicus]

http://dilbert.com/dyn/str_strip/00...0/000000/10000/8000/400/18456/18456.strip.gif

 

[Mr Awe]

Maybe I spent too much time with women, but this is not strange. At first it might seem superficial, but it isn't. Yes, everyone can get a tattoo, but not everyone actually does. Having a tattoo is NOT just like wearing a blue shirt. And then it depends on the type of tattoo as well. It's not only the visual that turns her on, it's the type of person that gets a tattoo.

There's not one type of person who gets a tatoo, pretty much the full spectrum of people get tatoos.

My guess is that it's not even the real reason for the rejection in the OPs case.

Mr Awe

 

[Mr Awe]

but were in fact friendzoning me. So, never again.

This whole idea that the "friend zone" thing is an insult cracks me up. It's a fact of life, no one is going to find everyone attractive. In fact, I'd argue that generally speaking, the majority of people you meet aren't going to be heads over heels about you. Most people will just want to be friends with you. Just a fact of life.

I get probably more than my share of female attention, but it's certainly not something that I expect from any given lady! If they just want to be friends, that should be fine!

And, if your *real* complaint is about a long drawn out process where you thought you had a chance at a romantic relationship but actually you didn't, well that's your own fault. You need to get better at communication and telling her how you feel. That sorts out the situation much more quickly.

Mr Awe

 

[Robert Maxwell]

I've never had a female friend upset with me because I "friendzoned" her. And given that most of my friends are women, it's not realistic that I could be romantically interested (much less involved) with all of them.

I think it's just a thing with some guys who maybe don't have many female friends in the first place, so every one they meet is a potential mate, and they don't like it when she shuts them down by wanting to be "just friends."

But, you know, they should get over it.

 

[DonIago]

I'm more irked by people who act like they have an interest, whether it be friendship or more-than, and never follow-up...i.e. they were just "being polite".

I don't consider it either polite or a white lie to act like you want to be involved with me in any capacity when you don't, since I'll actually waste time and energy thinking about you. If you're not interested, there's plenty of polite ways of saying so without actually lying...at least in that manner.

 

[Kestra]

How are they showing interest? People often misinterpret my friendliness for something more.

 

[DonIago]

Don't do this...
"We should definitely hang out again soon."
"I'll call you." <--- Granted these days it seems like everyone knows that's just a line, but still...
"I had a great time!"
"I like you but my friends didn't really like you." <--- Yes, I actually got that one once upon a time.

Do this...
"Hey, thanks for meeting up with me, but I don't really think we'd work as friends. Sorry about that."
"I'm flattered that you're into me, but I don't feel the same way. I'm very sorry about that."
"We can meet up again if you want to...but I really don't think this will work out. Here's my number, but please don't get your hopes up."

There's a lot to be said for being apologetic (or at least acting the part) and showing that while you may not be interested in pursuing anything with the person, the fact that you're probably hurting them with your words at least matters to you a little bit.

 

[Kestra]

Oh, I was speaking to wanting friendship but not wanting more. I think that's a difficult distinction to make because the other person often assumes different intentions. It's also possible that in some situations, the interest was sincere but then faded or they had more interest in someone else. Circumstances can change.

 

[Mr Awe]

How are they showing interest? People often misinterpret my friendliness for something more.

Studies have shown that men on average are less able to pick up on non-verbal cues and less able to detect emotions via facial expressions. I don't think (usually) that it's woman leading men on, just that women are being friendly and men can misinterpret that.

At least that's what I've seen.

Mr Awe