Starting a new job on Tuesday...

[Tiberius Jim]

...which should be an exciting occasion. However, this past week has been a tough one. The motorcycle group I ride with, a volunteer armed forces veteran support group, lost two of our members last week. They both passed within 2 days of each other, which was just brutal for everyone in the group. We're all like extended family and to lose one right after the other was tough.

Both men were in their 60's and had had previous health issues. The first, Ernie, went in to the hospital not feeling well. he was diagnosed with double pneumonia and didn't make it through the night. The second, Bob, had been recovering from a previous stroke when he suffered a series of them one night and it was too much for him.

While Ernie's funeral isn't until February 2nd, Bob's is on Tuesday. I have been asked to put together a video slideshow with music, which I am about to start working on. I would very much like to attend the service, but it does happen to coincide with my first day of the new job.

My question is...would it be wildly inappropriate to contact my new boss and request that we move my first day to the next day? I realize that whether or not that would be granted is up to my boss, and since I don't know him well yet I don't know that he would. I'm not sure if even asking for such a thing would be a bad mark on me from the beginning.

If I were in his position, I doubt I would have a problem with it. it's not like I'm asking for the day off to go to a party or something trivial. It's a funeral for someone I considered like family. That said, I still feel like even asking could be an unwise thing to do so early on in my employment.

Any opinions or suggestions are more than welcome. Thanks!

 

[auntiehill]

I think, under the circumstances, if you explain yourself politely and sincerely--and acknowledge that the situation is highly irregular--, the boss shouldn't have a problem with it. But mentally prepare yourself, just in case the boss can't or won't allow you the time off. There may be some scheduling conflicts involved where he HAS to have there on a certain day.

 

[Uncle Sol]

The best thing to do would be to explain the situation to your boss, perhaps with proof of the death and service on Tuesday.

 

[Tiberius Jim]

auntiehill, I had been thinking that may be possible. While I'd be disappointed, I would understand. My worry is even asking for the day to be moved, regardless if it is granted or not, could look bad. Granted it is, as you said, a very irregular situation, but I still have a worry that it could be a negative mark right out of the gate. So far they have been really positive and excited to bring me on, actually offering me the max salary for the position to get me. I would hate to do anything to tarnish that even if it is a justified reason.

 

[RoJoHen]

Unless your new boss is a horrible human being, you should be fine.

 

[auntiehill]

I wouldn't worry. Asking for a short delay BEFORE you even start, due to a funeral, isn't likely to create a bad impression.

 

[Tiberius Jim]

Well, I just got a text from the manager and he let know that all of my paperwork is complete and I am good to go, but it turns out that Tuesday is inventory day so he wants me to start Monday instead. Now I'm not sure if that means I am not needed as much on Tuesday, or if it's the opposite. I'm guessing it would be best to call and just discuss it with him. I am a little disappointed because I'd planned on having Monday available. My wife has a prenatal glucose test that day and I was hoping to go with her, but it's by no means a deal breaker.

I actually brought this topic up to my current boss and she told me that if she were in this position, she wouldn't ask for the day off and as a manager it would not sit well with her. A family member would be a different story but with it being "just a member of my group" she doesn't think that would be justifiable. So I'm not sure. I might just mention that the service is Tuesday and see where the conversation goes.

 

[KimMH]

I am sorry for your losses and wish you luck with the new job.

 

[Sector 7]

...which should be an exciting occasion. However, this past week has been a tough one. The motorcycle group I ride with, a volunteer armed forced veteran support group, lost two of our members last week. They both passed within 2 days of each other, which was just brutal for everyone in the group. We're all like extended family and to lose one right after the other was tough.

Both men were in their 60's and had had previous health issues. The first, Ernie, went in to the hospital not feeling well. he was diagnosed with double pneumonia and didn't make it through the night. The second, Bob, had been recovering from a previous stroke when he suffered a series of them one night and it was too much for him.

While Ernie's funeral isn't until February 2nd, Bob's is on Tuesday. I have been asked to put together a video slideshow with music, which I am about to start working on. I would very much like to attend the service, but it does happen to coincide with my first day of the new job.

My question is...would it be wildly inappropriate to contact my new boss and request that we move my first day to the next day? I realize that whether or not that would be granted is up to my boss, and since I don't know him well yet I don't know that he would. I'm not sure if even asking for such a thing would be a bad mark on me from the beginning.

If I were in his position, I doubt I would have a problem with it. it's not like I'm asking for the day off to go to a party or something trivial. It's a funeral for someone I considered like family. That said, I still feel like even asking could be an unwise thing to do so early on in my employment.

Any opinions or suggestions are more than welcome. Thanks!

I grieve for your loss. THANK YOU!!! For your service to those of us who are veterans. I live in the area of the W.G. (Bill) Hefner VA hospital. I see your brothers on the East Coast helping almost daily.

I think, under the circumstances, if you explain yourself politely and sincerely--and acknowledge that the situation is highly irregular--, the boss shouldn't have a problem with it. But mentally prepare yourself, just in case the boss can't or won't allow you the time off. There may be some scheduling conflicts involved where he HAS to have there on a certain day.

I agree. Unfortunately, in today's employment market you may not be able to attend. Morally, you should be able, but realistically it may not happen.

 

[Tiberius Jim]

Sector 7, thank you for your service. We see it as the least we can do to give back to those who have done so much more for us. Our motto, Never Again Will an American Warrior Be Scorned or Ignored is something we all take to heart, especially with our group being comprised of so many Vietnam vets.

Ive decided that it would probably be best to simply go ahead and work my scheduled days. Especially with my start date being moved up to Monday, it would just be an awkward conversation to have so early, with the chance of starting off with a bad impression. Would I be granted the day off to go? From what I know of my boss so far, yes. Would it start me off on the wrong foot, especially with the job being one in management where I would have people under me? Possibly, and I'd rather not take that risk. I will be able to honor our fallen brother by creating the video slideshow for him, which is a big help to his family. Since our other fallen member's services aren't until next month, I may be in a better position then to request a day off and will be able to at least attend his.

 

[Timby]

My question is...would it be wildly inappropriate to contact my new boss and request that we move my first day to the next day? I realize that whether or not that would be granted is up to my boss, and since I don't know him well yet I don't know that he would. I'm not sure if even asking for such a thing would be a bad mark on me from the beginning.

It would depend on the kind of employment. In an office situation, it's highly unlikely that anyone would raise an eyebrow. In a retail situation, the schedule is likely set well in advance and it would be highly inappropriate to request a change just because someone you know through a hobby died.

I'm sorry for your loss, and I can appreciate the sudden change, but "guy I ride motorcycles with" does not qualify as immediate or even extended family, and if I had someone already on the schedule and I were asked to shift their start date because of such an event, I would almost certainly refuse.

 

[Tora Ziyal]

My condolences to you, Flux. I think not asking to go to the funeral is a wise decision.

 

[Sector 7]

I'm sorry for your loss, and I can appreciate the sudden change, but "guy I ride motorcycles with" does not qualify as immediate or even extended family, and if I had someone already on the schedule and I were asked to shift their start date because of such an event, I would almost certainly refuse.

Ordinarily, I would agree with you, Timby. However, if you understood how much these men do for us veterans, I believe you would not feel that way.

Not only do they provide escort for veterans funerals [I see funerals where no one attends EXCEPT for these men, not even family members.] They help my brothers leave this world with dignity which some never received in this life. They often ride in parades to honor veterans, raise funds for veterans in need, as well as, spend their own money and time to do all this, in additions to having jobs and families of their own.

The comrades with whom I served are friends and family for life. We were willing to lay our lives down for each other... some did. The least an employer can do is let Flux attend his fallen comrade's funeral. Realistically, I know some would not.

 

[Tora Ziyal]

Right, and we're trying to be realistic here, so Flux doesn't get hurt.

I had a supervisor complain to my coworkers that I took too much time off when my father died. Worse, I have a friend who works retail who called out because his father had died overnight, and the manager told him he had to come to work that day.

Some employers give bereavement leave for immediate family members, but friends are much more complicated. I can understand, from the POV of management: it's much easier to abuse.

 

[RoJoHen]

Jesus. I'm so glad I don't work in a place like that. Many of my coworkers have had family members and friends die in the time that I've worked there, and we all rally around them and cover their shifts so they don't even have to think about it.

 

[Tora Ziyal]

Hopefully your experience is more typical!

 

[Locutus of Bored]

Well, I just got a text from the manager and he let know that all of my paperwork is complete and I am good to go, but it turns out that Tuesday is inventory day so he wants me to start Monday instead. Now I'm not sure if that means I am not needed as much on Tuesday, or if it's the opposite.

He probably wants to get you in and oriented the day before inventory because he and the other staff will be too busy on the day of to show you the ropes.

 

[Tiberius Jim]

^That's pretty much what it is, as I found out today.

Since my first day was moved up to today, I was able to chat with my boss. He actually took for out for lunch and we were able to talk about a few different topics, and that of my fallen riders did come up. I simply mentioned the fact that one of the funerals was tomorrow, and that it was too bad I wouldn't be able to make it. He told me that if I wanted to go and just come in later, he was fine with that. I thanked him and let him know why I hadn't just outright asked, what with it being my first few days on the job, and he understood. Being so new, I'm still more or less an "extra" person in the store while I do my training. One of his replies was, "Hey, you don't work for the Devil. "

I think it's a good sign for the future and also that I was able to gain the desired outcome without leaving a negative impression.

 

[Locutus of Bored]

That was nice of him. Glad everything worked out, and that this seems like a good work environment.

 

[Tora Ziyal]

Excellent!