- The script has some nice moments, but feels messy overall. There's too many ship-to-planet-to-ship relocations for the main characters; the episode would have benefited from a more streamlined approach to advancing the plot. [/QUOTE
I agree. But to me, as the writer, it was the editing, not the script. See below:
As it would happen, Kitumba was released right in the middle of a family tragedy so I actually didn't get to watch it until tonight. Here's my review:
In short - best Star Trek: Phase II episode since World Enough and Time. (WEAT still stands as the "bar" to me, and probably always will.) I had a couple issues with this one.
In detail:
- Visually, this episode is STUNNING. Far superior to anything Trek has put out to date: and yes, I also mean CBS and Paramount. That can be credited in large part to Tobias Richter of The Light Works and Pony Horton
https://www.facebook.com/pony.horton for the VFX work; Alex Ibrahim for the Photography; John Paladin
https://www.facebook.com/john.paladin.7 and the makeup crew, Burad Joh'aj and the rest of the set decoration crew; and the costume/wardrobe department. Kudos and thanks to all of you!
- the acting was amazing. James Cawley, John Kelly, Kim Stinger, John Carrigan
https://www.facebook.com/john.carrigan.775, and Anne Carrigan ramped it up a notch and really took control of their characters here. They WERE the best of Kirk, McCoy, Uhura, Kargh and Le'ak. I will seriously miss James in the role of Kirk - he made the character his own, and when I write it's his Kirk I hear and see in my mind. Kario Pereira Bailey
https://www.facebook.com/kario.pereirabailey, Pony Horton and Michele Specht brought their characters to 3 dimensional life and made the audience know exactly who they were. Damn fine job. The rest of the cast hit the mark as well. Except for Vic as "Malkthon". He came off as a two dimensional, snarling caricature. Maybe that's just because I am the writer and know that he turned several character-defining dialogues into "Kill them!". (Seriously?) (There might be a drinking game hidden here)
- I have to mention the set work of Jeff Mailhotte and Tony D and the prop work of everyone, including Bill Teegarden, and the fight choreography of John Carrigan. There were so many places where I thought "no fan film can pull this off". Well, they did, and did so spectacularly.
- The sound took me out a few times. Sometimes it was the mic. Sometimes it was the overpowering dramatic music punctuating a scene. I tend to think the latter is just TOS though. (admit it, when you watch TOS sometimes the campy music makes you cringe) Or maybe it was the over dramatic TOS music right after the over-acting guy snarled "Kill them!" again.
- The editing - uh - was cringe-worthy and diminished the episode. I'm sorry, but it did. I am not talking about the technical skill involved. It was seamless. I am talking about the choices - which may have been the editors, or may have been a producers. (In the past the rough edits were run by the writer, not in this case, and I apologize to the audience for that.) So here are my issues...in some cases the dialouge was clipped and shortened so much that it no longer made sense. For instance...I have no idea what "sanctuary" is and why they qualified for it...and I wrote the script. I saw a complaint somewhere that the E folks just keep beaming up and down from the planet and another that that part of the script was "messy" and I didn't understand it. Now I do. ALL of the "spy" and intrigue on the planet was cut out of the episode. Which means, people beaming down in secret and having to sneak their way to their goal and risking getting caught in doing so is completely gone. It was jarring to me. People just show up at Kargh's office or at the "dungeon." Kargh says he can sneak them into the palace...well, apparently it was quite easy because the next scene there they are, walking into the room. And then there is Kali. Really? Just like that? You can't really say that this was for time - because on line there is no worry about fitting into a standard running time period. It just ruined the latter part of the script to me and eliminated the suspense and, well, cheapened the danger the crew was in. Either the person in charge of the edit didn't get it or didn't like it. Either way, I think the audience missed out. (and you missed a bunch of John Carrigan's awesome fight choreography). I can't say that if the sneaking around and spying part of the episode as I (and JML) wrote it was put back in it would be any good - I just know the end feels rushed and I felt cheated.
Again, overall I think this episode is an amazing one - and highlights some of the best of Star Trek: Phase II. Thanks to everyone in the production crew - past and present - for the incredible amount of hard work and perserverance that it took to pull this off. (Four of our crew that participated in this episode have since died, so it's a fitting tribute to their work.)