Star Trek: My Faa Fiction?

[RaymondJames]

and like always my keyboard dint help me and i hit the wrong letter at 3:30 in the moring
Well I am rather new to the trek BBS boards and I don't do fan fiction but when I was 16 in 2006 I agve it a shot with Trek. So here is the first one I did (the only one I have typed sorry. This is like one of 5, 6 is started. All togather hand written they are well into the triple digits as far as page count. These take place in the late 24th century and the later ones in the start of the 25th, anyway here is number one which was done in early 2006.

http://raymondjamescenter.tripod.com/id3.html

 

[smeos]

Egads, man. Rule of thumb: you have to start a new paragraph every time a new person speaks. Otherwise it's unreadable.

 

[Mistral]

Egads, man. Rule of thumb: you have to start a new paragraph every time a new person speaks. Otherwise it's unreadable.

and don't forget those pesky little marks-"""""""""

 

[RaymondJames]

if someone wouldn't mind re formating it, take a shot

 

[hellsgate]

I'd love it if you'd type it up in Microsoft Word & e-mail it as an attachment to my anthology. trekfan1975@yahoo.com

I'll do up a header/banner in MS Paint for it, edit any obvious mistakes, & illustrate it with ship graphics from Bridge Commander Files' & B.C. Central Universe Forums, etc.

In the first few paragraphs, I noticed a few things that bug me.

Guinan's a quiet sort. She wouldn't give away her position to an obviously aggressive enemy away team, especially after a security alert. She'd duck behind the bar, power-up her sawed-off phaser rifle & listen to whatever was being said. She'd defend herself & her ship, but she wouldn't yell "NOW!!", she'd just fire on the intruders & hit the Romulans in Ten Forward.

Or she'd take a cue from Picard & use a primitive projectile weapon especially if the Borg aren't immediately aware of it & prepared to protect themselves from it with those personal deflector screens.

Nog would likely freak out & use his sidearm or probably take a hit from the Romulan/Borg joint away team before getting-off a shot of his own, narrowly missing the enemy until he finally got one or two by dumb-luck.

 

[hellsgate]

I would've arranged for the enemy "task force" to be a bit less brazen. The Dominion War tore apart most of the Alpha & Beta Quadrant, making the construction of an alliance battle group while being 'discrete' quite a bit more difficult.

I would've mentioned a secret headquarters in a nebula with a mafia-like meeting between each of the "players" involved before launching their offensive. They'd more or less take Starfleet off-guard & cause the Federation's makeshift battle group to lose quite a few of its' assets before finally confronting the Borg-Cardassian-Klingon-Romulan alliance and fighting a delaying battle until more ships can be diverted to the area.

The thing I don't like about most beginner fan fiction is that there's rarely Federation ship-losses, the enemy gets the pasting but Starfleet comes-out smelling like a rose. Don't commit more than a handful of enemy ships to the initial battle, as you want a stealthy approach before dealing a death-strike.

The Cardassians & Klingons will want to guage their Federation counterparts' ability to fight back before deciding on a final best-possible-use-of-assets. Build suspense before deciding on where, when & how to confront Starfleet.

 

[hellsgate]

What is "The G.P." in the Mirror Universe? I'd make the U.S.S. Enterprise-F a Legacy-Class starship designed by Galen of SFM Forums.

 

[hellsgate]

Oh, & is this "Borg-Cardassian-Klingon-Romulan Alliance" from the Mirror Universe, too?

 

[RaymondJames]

nothings from a mirrior universe, antoher universe or alternate time line yes, but i din't really want to bring anything known to be in the mirror universe shown on tv. I accpreciate the little suggestions. when I get back from vacation I will do some work, send some things.

 

[hellsgate]

I've already copied & pasted your story from the Tripod website, edited much of it in Microsoft Word & inserted graphics. I should be able to link the document here in the next week or so.

 

[hellsgate]

FINISHED the first story but time ran out before I could upload the word document to one of my yahoo groups & set-up a link from the FILES area to here. Second, I'm working on editing the second "Destiny" story called "Awakening".

 

[hellsgate]

Here's the link to the fully edited (graphics included) version of "Star Trek: Shadows Of The Empire" & "Star Trek: Agincourt", both by Robert Shaffer.

http://f1.grp.yahoofs.com/v1/MLqQSD...Fan Fics - Other Authors. /Agincourt_Edit.doc

http://f1.grp.yahoofs.com/v1/MLqQSF...J7A/Fan Fics - Other Authors. /ST_Shadows.doc