Originally posted on fanfiction.net - Link.
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A Class of Their Own
“There, all done,” Tendi smiled sitting in the Repair Bay. “The last of the salvaged power cells have been cleaned, sealed and recharged to within operational parameters.”
“Great. Good job,” Rutherford said working inside an open panel of the dilapidated shuttlecraft sitting on support blocks. “I’ve almost finished polarizing the phaser emitter coupling for the pair of old pulse cannons Boimler and Mariner recently acquired. Now all we need to do is install the power cells and calibrate the prefire chambers before putting these babies through firing tests.”
“Yay!” Tendi cheered.
“Are you sure about this, guys?” Boimler asked while working alongside his friends. “I know we’re aiming to turn this old shuttlecraft into our own personal ‘hot rod’ but arming it with pulse cannons seems a bit much. Even the Cerritos’ regular shuttlecraft aren’t this well armed.”
“Which is exactly why we should do it,” Mariner stated wielding a hyperspanner. “We don’t want our ride to be like all the other lame shuttles out there. We wanna deck it out to the max and make it truly bada…”
“You know, I really hate that term,” Boimler interrupted while realigning a set of ODN relays. “It makes it seem like whatever’s being referred to is suffering from a severe case of hemorrhoids.”
“That explains why Lieutenant Commander Stevens is always using that term to describe himself,” Tendi noted. “And why he’s constantly coming to Sickbay to ask for a fresh application of nether bodily orifice cream.”
“Thanks a lot for that mental image,” Mariner drawled with a wince. “Ugh, just the thought of it is going to give me nightmares for weeks.”
“You won’t be the only one,” Boimler groaned.
“Sorry!” Tendi apologized sheepishly.
“Oh, that reminds me,” Rutherford said making a note on a padd. “We should purge the exhaust manifolds before testing the shuttlecraft’s impulse engines. Don’t want years of old accumulated EM residue and interstellar dust clogging up the ports.”
“Yet another mental image I could do without,” Mariner moaned. “Great, now I’m starting to associate a certain formerly cool slang term with suffering from severe hemorrhoids too. Thanks a lot, Boims!”
“Hey, don’t blame me,” Boimler defended. “It’s not my fault such graphic mental correlations are so catchy.”
“You know, it sure is nice to see this old, worn shuttlecraft get a new lease on life,” Tendi smoothly changed topics. “Instead of being perpetually kept in storage while waiting to be stripped and salvaged for spare parts.”
“I know what you mean,” Rutherford agreed patting the shuttlecraft’s partially rebuilt hull. “I bet this old girl’s seen a lot of light years. Just think of all the great stories she could tell.”
“Usually I’d make a sarcastic comment about the lameness of lamenting over an overgrown duranium box with engines, but this time I think you guys actually have a point,” Mariner admitted. “Shuttlecraft like this are too often ignored while doing all the real grunt work bigger, flashier and attention-grabbing starships can’t or won’t. They make delivery runs, conduct planetary surveys, transport away teams when transporters inconsistently can’t be used, the works. Shuttlecraft are the unsung, overlooked workhorses of Starfleet. Just like us.”
“That’s certainly a pleasantly surprising way to look at it,” Boimler remarked. “While I might enjoy serving on a starship’s bridge a little more than the average Starfleet officer…”
“A little?” Mariner gave him a look.
“…I have to admit, piloting a shuttlecraft is much more intimate,” Boimler continued ignoring Mariner’s comment. “Looking out at space through a viewport instead of a viewscreen just makes the entire exploratory experience feel more real. It’s the closest thing one can get to truly living free amongst the stars.”
“Hey, do you think humanity and other humanoid lifeforms will ever evolve the ability to live and travel through interstellar space without the need for starships or EV suits?” Rutherford asked.
“You mean like a Crystaline Entity, Gomtuu or the unknown space lifeform that destroyed the Rubidoux?” Tendi’s eyes marveled at the thought. “Oooo, that would be so cool!”
“It sure would,” Boimler smiled in wonder. “Imagine traveling from star to star as easily as one would power walk across a quad. We’d probably develop entirely new ways to sense and explore the galaxy too. All the old frontiers would be new again.”
“Gotta say, that would be pretty sweet,” Mariner admitted. “Except for the tiny problem of staying healthy and alive after being exposed to the cold, unforgiving vacuum of space. Humanoids aren’t built like a pod of space whales, ya know.”
“No, but if you think about it, humanoid bodies are somewhat analogous to self-contained starships,” Rutherford stated. “Our legs are like engines and propulsion systems. Our skin is like a hull. Our blood is like an EPS system. Our eyes, ears and nose are like sensors…”
“Our lungs and other internal organs are like a ship’s life support system,” Tendi added. “With the brain as the main computer and our hearts and digestive system like a ship’s warp core.”
“Exactly,” Rutherford smiled. “In many ways, we are starships.”
“Way to get philosophical about it, Ruthy,” Mariner quipped.
“We even have our own individual names and idiosyncrasies just like real starships too,” Boimler pointed out. “Which means there’s also an analogy between humanoids and different classes of starships. Hmmm, I wonder what starship class I’d be?”
“You?” Mariner raised an eyebrow while regarding Boimler for a second. “You’re like a Norway-class.”
“Really?” Boimler beamed hopefully. “You mean because I’m cool, cutting-edge and favored by many?”
“Nope, because of your similar service histories,” Mariner smirked. “Acting in a one-time background support role, briefly seen and then never heard of again.”
“Very funny,” Boimler glared at her. “And just which starship class do you see yourself as?”
“Moi?” Mariner smirked indicated herself. “Easy. I’m a Miranda-class. The original Miranda-class. And I’m not talking about the unimaginative missing roll bar or Soyuz-class variants, but the classic 23rd century type that’s stylish, deadly and beloved by all.”
“Really?” Rutherford thought for a moment. “I guess that fits Mariner in a way.”
“It certainly is apropos,” Boimler drawled. “Since they both have a history of going rogue and attacking other members of Starfleet.”
“Oooo, what about me?” Tendi asked eagerly while practically bouncing up and down. “What kind of starship am I like? A Nova-class? A Daedalus-class? Or maybe even an Olympic?”
“Na, you’re definitely an Oberth-class,” Mariner declared. “Cute, versatile and an iconic Starfleet mainstay.”
“Oooo, that’s even better!” Tendi squealed happily.
“Plus, you’re both practically harmless,” Mariner went on. “It’s not like anyone expects you or a ridiculously outgunned Oberth to punch way above your weight class.”
“I dunno. I think you’re seriously underestimating both Tendi’s and an Oberth’s capabilities,” Boimler said. “In a fight a skilled well-equipped Oberth could definitely pull off all kinds of cool, highly destructive abilities like causing feedback pulses, destabilizing resonance beams, creating gravity wells and other kinds of science-based space skills.”
“Yeah right,” Mariner snorted. “Like that could ever happen.”
“And Tendi can probably handle herself just fine too,” Boimler continued. “With a little work, she could turn out to be an expert weapon specialist and hand-to-hand combatant.”
“Uh, yeah. Sure,” Tendi laughed nervously. “Whatever you say.”
“I know what starship class I’d be,” Rutherford beamed proudly. “An Engineering-focused California-class!”
“Well, obviously,” Boimler nodded.
“Na, I think a Yeager-class fits Ruthy so much better,” Mariner said. “A hybrid techno mishmash some drunken weirdo threw together just for the heck of it.”
“That insulting, off-the-cuff depiction better defines you,” Boimler pointed out.
“Really?” Rutherford blinked for a moment. “Huh, on second thought, I guess being a Yeager-class would fit me pretty well.”
“Told ya,” Mariner smirked. “Besides, while you might be Lower Decks, you can definitely aim higher than being like a boring ol’ California-class.”
“What?” Her three offended fellow ensigns yelped. “Hey!”
“Whoa, calm down, guys. I’m just stating the obvious here,” Mariner defensively held up her hands. “I’m not trying to knock every California-class out there. I’m just stating facts. Compared to a shiny new Luna- or Sovereign-class, California-class ships just don’t have the same pizazz.”
“Well, maybe,” Boimler admitted reluctantly.
“And you have to admit, California-class ships do look pretty weird,” Mariner went on. “They’re basically what you’d get if a Miranda-class, a Nebula-class and a Steamrunner-class had a baby. A male baby whose overgrown nacelles sagged to the extreme once it hit puberty…”
“O-kay, I think that’s enough comparing us to starships,” A blushing Rutherford quickly cut Mariner off. “Let’s get back to working on the shuttlecraft before it ends up looking like a flying waste extraction unit from 20th century Earth.”
“Oh, please. Like anyone would ever launch a ship which looked like that,” Mariner snorted. “Even the cracked eggheads at Starfleet’s Advanced Design Bureau aren’t that dumb! That’s about as likely as them building and naming a new ship class after Boims.”
“Hey!” Boimler yelped in indignation.
“Oh wow! That would be so cool!” Tendi chirped excitedly. “Maybe we’ll all have ship classes named after ourselves someday. I can see it all now,” She smiled and quickly jumped to her feet. “Here comes the U.S.S. Tendi, the first ship of new Tendi-class: the fastest, most beloved class in the fleet!”
“I don’t know about that,” Rutherford said getting to his feet as well. “The Tendi-class may be fast and cute, but there’s no way she can beat the prototype for the dedicated Engineering-focused Rutherford-class.”
“Wanna bet?” Tendi grinned before running off. “Here we go! Engage warp factor nine!”
“Oh yeah?” Rutherford smiled chasing after her. “Let’s see you maintain a steady cruising speed of warp nine point five!”
“Hey, come on you guys. Quit playing around,” Boimler called out while watching his two friends laugh and race each other around the Repair Bay. “At this rate we’ll never get this old shuttlecraft operational.”
“Aw, what’s the matter, Boims? I thought you liked comparing ourselves to different classes of starships,” Mariner said teasingly. “With that kind of stick-in-the-coolant attitude, the future warp core-less Boimler-class will never come to be.”
“It would still be better than the heaven-forbid Mariner-class,” Boimler shot back. “Which would probably be nothing more than a flying weapons platform that’s only good for attacking other members of Starfleet along with shooting herself in the hull!”
“Let’s see your hull stand up to this!” Mariner warned brandishing an engineering tool. “En garde!”
“Ha! Bring it on!” Boimler shot back as he and Mariner began dueling each other with hyperspanners. “I’ve been taking holodeck fencing lessons from Captain Sulu himself! Your ship’s weapon systems don’t stand a chance against me!”
“We’ll see about that!” Mariner declared launching herself at him. “Charge!”
“Mariner! What the heck has gotten into you this time?” Captain Freeman suddenly strode into the Repair Bay. “Care to explain why my Captain’s yacht is now covered with sparkly neon racing stripes and dynametric tail fins…what in the world…?”
“Wheeeeee! Just look at the Tendi-class engines go!” Tendi giggled zipping around room. “They’re up to warp nine point six…nine point seven…nine point eight…!”
“Uh oh, the Rutherford-class is running low on deuterium,” Rutherford panted pausing to order a bowl of pudding from a stripped-down replicator. “Ah, sensors now detect a concentrated fuel source dead ahead. Let’s open up the ram scoop and collect as much highly enriched fuel as possible!”
“Aha! Got you now, sucker!” Mariner whooped tackling Boimler to the floor. “Let’s see how the glass-hulled Boimler-class handles this! Set tractor beams to tickle!”
“No! Stop…hahahahaha!” Boimler cried as he was mercilessly tickled by Mariner. “Hahaha…my…my shields are down…hahaha! My hull’s structural integrity field is collapsing…hahaha! Containment fields are collapsing…hahaha…help!”
“Yeah! This’ll teach ya for punching way above your weight class!” Mariner cackled maniacally. “Whaddya think of the vaunted Mariner-class now?”
“I think some starship classes should never see the light of day,” Freeman groaned doing an immediate about-face and quickly leaving the Repair Bay. “Along with certain looney bin escapees masquerading as atypical Starfleet ensigns!”
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Disclaimer: I do not own Star Trek: Lower Decks.
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A Class of Their Own
“There, all done,” Tendi smiled sitting in the Repair Bay. “The last of the salvaged power cells have been cleaned, sealed and recharged to within operational parameters.”
“Great. Good job,” Rutherford said working inside an open panel of the dilapidated shuttlecraft sitting on support blocks. “I’ve almost finished polarizing the phaser emitter coupling for the pair of old pulse cannons Boimler and Mariner recently acquired. Now all we need to do is install the power cells and calibrate the prefire chambers before putting these babies through firing tests.”
“Yay!” Tendi cheered.
“Are you sure about this, guys?” Boimler asked while working alongside his friends. “I know we’re aiming to turn this old shuttlecraft into our own personal ‘hot rod’ but arming it with pulse cannons seems a bit much. Even the Cerritos’ regular shuttlecraft aren’t this well armed.”
“Which is exactly why we should do it,” Mariner stated wielding a hyperspanner. “We don’t want our ride to be like all the other lame shuttles out there. We wanna deck it out to the max and make it truly bada…”
“You know, I really hate that term,” Boimler interrupted while realigning a set of ODN relays. “It makes it seem like whatever’s being referred to is suffering from a severe case of hemorrhoids.”
“That explains why Lieutenant Commander Stevens is always using that term to describe himself,” Tendi noted. “And why he’s constantly coming to Sickbay to ask for a fresh application of nether bodily orifice cream.”
“Thanks a lot for that mental image,” Mariner drawled with a wince. “Ugh, just the thought of it is going to give me nightmares for weeks.”
“You won’t be the only one,” Boimler groaned.
“Sorry!” Tendi apologized sheepishly.
“Oh, that reminds me,” Rutherford said making a note on a padd. “We should purge the exhaust manifolds before testing the shuttlecraft’s impulse engines. Don’t want years of old accumulated EM residue and interstellar dust clogging up the ports.”
“Yet another mental image I could do without,” Mariner moaned. “Great, now I’m starting to associate a certain formerly cool slang term with suffering from severe hemorrhoids too. Thanks a lot, Boims!”
“Hey, don’t blame me,” Boimler defended. “It’s not my fault such graphic mental correlations are so catchy.”
“You know, it sure is nice to see this old, worn shuttlecraft get a new lease on life,” Tendi smoothly changed topics. “Instead of being perpetually kept in storage while waiting to be stripped and salvaged for spare parts.”
“I know what you mean,” Rutherford agreed patting the shuttlecraft’s partially rebuilt hull. “I bet this old girl’s seen a lot of light years. Just think of all the great stories she could tell.”
“Usually I’d make a sarcastic comment about the lameness of lamenting over an overgrown duranium box with engines, but this time I think you guys actually have a point,” Mariner admitted. “Shuttlecraft like this are too often ignored while doing all the real grunt work bigger, flashier and attention-grabbing starships can’t or won’t. They make delivery runs, conduct planetary surveys, transport away teams when transporters inconsistently can’t be used, the works. Shuttlecraft are the unsung, overlooked workhorses of Starfleet. Just like us.”
“That’s certainly a pleasantly surprising way to look at it,” Boimler remarked. “While I might enjoy serving on a starship’s bridge a little more than the average Starfleet officer…”
“A little?” Mariner gave him a look.
“…I have to admit, piloting a shuttlecraft is much more intimate,” Boimler continued ignoring Mariner’s comment. “Looking out at space through a viewport instead of a viewscreen just makes the entire exploratory experience feel more real. It’s the closest thing one can get to truly living free amongst the stars.”
“Hey, do you think humanity and other humanoid lifeforms will ever evolve the ability to live and travel through interstellar space without the need for starships or EV suits?” Rutherford asked.
“You mean like a Crystaline Entity, Gomtuu or the unknown space lifeform that destroyed the Rubidoux?” Tendi’s eyes marveled at the thought. “Oooo, that would be so cool!”
“It sure would,” Boimler smiled in wonder. “Imagine traveling from star to star as easily as one would power walk across a quad. We’d probably develop entirely new ways to sense and explore the galaxy too. All the old frontiers would be new again.”
“Gotta say, that would be pretty sweet,” Mariner admitted. “Except for the tiny problem of staying healthy and alive after being exposed to the cold, unforgiving vacuum of space. Humanoids aren’t built like a pod of space whales, ya know.”
“No, but if you think about it, humanoid bodies are somewhat analogous to self-contained starships,” Rutherford stated. “Our legs are like engines and propulsion systems. Our skin is like a hull. Our blood is like an EPS system. Our eyes, ears and nose are like sensors…”
“Our lungs and other internal organs are like a ship’s life support system,” Tendi added. “With the brain as the main computer and our hearts and digestive system like a ship’s warp core.”
“Exactly,” Rutherford smiled. “In many ways, we are starships.”
“Way to get philosophical about it, Ruthy,” Mariner quipped.
“We even have our own individual names and idiosyncrasies just like real starships too,” Boimler pointed out. “Which means there’s also an analogy between humanoids and different classes of starships. Hmmm, I wonder what starship class I’d be?”
“You?” Mariner raised an eyebrow while regarding Boimler for a second. “You’re like a Norway-class.”
“Really?” Boimler beamed hopefully. “You mean because I’m cool, cutting-edge and favored by many?”
“Nope, because of your similar service histories,” Mariner smirked. “Acting in a one-time background support role, briefly seen and then never heard of again.”
“Very funny,” Boimler glared at her. “And just which starship class do you see yourself as?”
“Moi?” Mariner smirked indicated herself. “Easy. I’m a Miranda-class. The original Miranda-class. And I’m not talking about the unimaginative missing roll bar or Soyuz-class variants, but the classic 23rd century type that’s stylish, deadly and beloved by all.”
“Really?” Rutherford thought for a moment. “I guess that fits Mariner in a way.”
“It certainly is apropos,” Boimler drawled. “Since they both have a history of going rogue and attacking other members of Starfleet.”
“Oooo, what about me?” Tendi asked eagerly while practically bouncing up and down. “What kind of starship am I like? A Nova-class? A Daedalus-class? Or maybe even an Olympic?”
“Na, you’re definitely an Oberth-class,” Mariner declared. “Cute, versatile and an iconic Starfleet mainstay.”
“Oooo, that’s even better!” Tendi squealed happily.
“Plus, you’re both practically harmless,” Mariner went on. “It’s not like anyone expects you or a ridiculously outgunned Oberth to punch way above your weight class.”
“I dunno. I think you’re seriously underestimating both Tendi’s and an Oberth’s capabilities,” Boimler said. “In a fight a skilled well-equipped Oberth could definitely pull off all kinds of cool, highly destructive abilities like causing feedback pulses, destabilizing resonance beams, creating gravity wells and other kinds of science-based space skills.”
“Yeah right,” Mariner snorted. “Like that could ever happen.”
“And Tendi can probably handle herself just fine too,” Boimler continued. “With a little work, she could turn out to be an expert weapon specialist and hand-to-hand combatant.”
“Uh, yeah. Sure,” Tendi laughed nervously. “Whatever you say.”
“I know what starship class I’d be,” Rutherford beamed proudly. “An Engineering-focused California-class!”
“Well, obviously,” Boimler nodded.
“Na, I think a Yeager-class fits Ruthy so much better,” Mariner said. “A hybrid techno mishmash some drunken weirdo threw together just for the heck of it.”
“That insulting, off-the-cuff depiction better defines you,” Boimler pointed out.
“Really?” Rutherford blinked for a moment. “Huh, on second thought, I guess being a Yeager-class would fit me pretty well.”
“Told ya,” Mariner smirked. “Besides, while you might be Lower Decks, you can definitely aim higher than being like a boring ol’ California-class.”
“What?” Her three offended fellow ensigns yelped. “Hey!”
“Whoa, calm down, guys. I’m just stating the obvious here,” Mariner defensively held up her hands. “I’m not trying to knock every California-class out there. I’m just stating facts. Compared to a shiny new Luna- or Sovereign-class, California-class ships just don’t have the same pizazz.”
“Well, maybe,” Boimler admitted reluctantly.
“And you have to admit, California-class ships do look pretty weird,” Mariner went on. “They’re basically what you’d get if a Miranda-class, a Nebula-class and a Steamrunner-class had a baby. A male baby whose overgrown nacelles sagged to the extreme once it hit puberty…”
“O-kay, I think that’s enough comparing us to starships,” A blushing Rutherford quickly cut Mariner off. “Let’s get back to working on the shuttlecraft before it ends up looking like a flying waste extraction unit from 20th century Earth.”
“Oh, please. Like anyone would ever launch a ship which looked like that,” Mariner snorted. “Even the cracked eggheads at Starfleet’s Advanced Design Bureau aren’t that dumb! That’s about as likely as them building and naming a new ship class after Boims.”
“Hey!” Boimler yelped in indignation.
“Oh wow! That would be so cool!” Tendi chirped excitedly. “Maybe we’ll all have ship classes named after ourselves someday. I can see it all now,” She smiled and quickly jumped to her feet. “Here comes the U.S.S. Tendi, the first ship of new Tendi-class: the fastest, most beloved class in the fleet!”
“I don’t know about that,” Rutherford said getting to his feet as well. “The Tendi-class may be fast and cute, but there’s no way she can beat the prototype for the dedicated Engineering-focused Rutherford-class.”
“Wanna bet?” Tendi grinned before running off. “Here we go! Engage warp factor nine!”
“Oh yeah?” Rutherford smiled chasing after her. “Let’s see you maintain a steady cruising speed of warp nine point five!”
“Hey, come on you guys. Quit playing around,” Boimler called out while watching his two friends laugh and race each other around the Repair Bay. “At this rate we’ll never get this old shuttlecraft operational.”
“Aw, what’s the matter, Boims? I thought you liked comparing ourselves to different classes of starships,” Mariner said teasingly. “With that kind of stick-in-the-coolant attitude, the future warp core-less Boimler-class will never come to be.”
“It would still be better than the heaven-forbid Mariner-class,” Boimler shot back. “Which would probably be nothing more than a flying weapons platform that’s only good for attacking other members of Starfleet along with shooting herself in the hull!”
“Let’s see your hull stand up to this!” Mariner warned brandishing an engineering tool. “En garde!”
“Ha! Bring it on!” Boimler shot back as he and Mariner began dueling each other with hyperspanners. “I’ve been taking holodeck fencing lessons from Captain Sulu himself! Your ship’s weapon systems don’t stand a chance against me!”
“We’ll see about that!” Mariner declared launching herself at him. “Charge!”
“Mariner! What the heck has gotten into you this time?” Captain Freeman suddenly strode into the Repair Bay. “Care to explain why my Captain’s yacht is now covered with sparkly neon racing stripes and dynametric tail fins…what in the world…?”
“Wheeeeee! Just look at the Tendi-class engines go!” Tendi giggled zipping around room. “They’re up to warp nine point six…nine point seven…nine point eight…!”
“Uh oh, the Rutherford-class is running low on deuterium,” Rutherford panted pausing to order a bowl of pudding from a stripped-down replicator. “Ah, sensors now detect a concentrated fuel source dead ahead. Let’s open up the ram scoop and collect as much highly enriched fuel as possible!”
“Aha! Got you now, sucker!” Mariner whooped tackling Boimler to the floor. “Let’s see how the glass-hulled Boimler-class handles this! Set tractor beams to tickle!”
“No! Stop…hahahahaha!” Boimler cried as he was mercilessly tickled by Mariner. “Hahaha…my…my shields are down…hahaha! My hull’s structural integrity field is collapsing…hahaha! Containment fields are collapsing…hahaha…help!”
“Yeah! This’ll teach ya for punching way above your weight class!” Mariner cackled maniacally. “Whaddya think of the vaunted Mariner-class now?”
“I think some starship classes should never see the light of day,” Freeman groaned doing an immediate about-face and quickly leaving the Repair Bay. “Along with certain looney bin escapees masquerading as atypical Starfleet ensigns!”
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Disclaimer: I do not own Star Trek: Lower Decks.
