Zuko-Fan-Girl: I'm sorry, but I couldn't get the battle scene right, so I decided to forgo it.
“I rehearsed my will like a lesson to be learned by heart; I educated my aggression, aimed it at whatever was around me; I had to struggle against everything: my salvation depended on no one but myself.”
-Andre Gide
Suki sat in the mess hall of the starship Enterprise, staring around at the scene around her. Her men, bewildered at first by the sights surrounding them, had been decontaminated, and, after a change in dress, wearing the same uniform she now wore, were all sitting in the mess hall, crowded around the tables, eating with clear gusto the food that had been prepared for them. She smiled, happiness filling her at the sight of Kyoshi Warriors filling platters of food from the banquet table that had been set out and going to the table and talking endlessly with their comrades. Judging by the way they were eating their food, it was the best they’d had in months.
Which isn’t surprising, Suki thought to herself. That prison slop is disgusting, considering I had
to live on it myself for a time, I can personally attest to that. She noticed there was someone missing from the crowd of Kyoshi Warriors. After a few moments of scanning the crowd, she realized that Ty Lee was missing. She had seemed eager to join in with the rest of the men, but, now that she thought of it, she couldn’t remember seeing the younger woman, her executive officer, enter the mess hall at all.
Funny, she thought to herself, anger bubbling up. I thought I ordered everyone to come here so they wouldn’t get themselves into trouble. Where could she have gone? Sighing, she got up and walked over to one of the Kyoshi Warriors closest to the door. Michiko Kurosawa had apparently served as Ty Lee’s executive officer during her period in command of the Kyoshi Warriors, and would probably know where her wayward superior had gone off to.
“Nakagawa,” she said when she walked over to the group of young women. Instantly, they stood up, snapping to attention.
Pleased as ever to see that Ty Lee had maintained at least a basic level of discipline in the prison, she smiled and ordered them to stand at ease.
“I just want to see if you know where Commander Lee went off to,” she said.
After a few moments of stares among the young women, Nakagawa said, a concerned look on her face, “I don’t know, ma’am. I didn’t see her leave. Though I did here her mentioning her desire to check out a place on the ship called the ‘sweet spot?’”
“Ah,” Suki said, nodding in understanding. The sweet spot was the name for the spot on the ship between the artificial gravity generator and the bow plate, where the gravity canceled out and reversed. “I understand.” A place like the sweet spot would naturally be a place someone like Ty Lee, acrobat as she was, would visit. “Carry on.” With that, Suki left the room and walked down the corridor and into the turbolift. As the turbolift hummed, traveling to the spot where she could easily take the maintenance shafts to the sweet spot, she began to wonder just what was going on with Ty Lee. She’d been…moody and distracted since the end of the battle. Of course, she wasn’t entirely sure that an element of brooding wasn’t normal for Ty Lee, as fighting on the opposite sides and only encountering her once to boot didn’t give you a lot on the person. She’d had a knack for knowing when there was a problem with one of her people, however, and her instincts were telling her something was wrong. It was her duty as the commanding officer to ensure that all her people were fit for duty, so she was going to see what was wrong and what she could do to help.
That and the fact that I’m pretty sure it has something to do with Azula, she thought to herself. There haven’t been many people around here who haven’t had all the significant events in their lives revolve around her in some way. Some, longer than others. Though I don’t understand why Ty Lee and Mai stayed with Azula even though they both clearly hated her. What hold over those women did she have? Why didn’t they just walk away? It was something that had gnawed at her ever since she first received the revelation that Ty Lee had changed. That she’d at last broken ties with Azula, ties that, if the entity that had taken Ty Lee’s form was to be believed, and she had no reason to doubt her veracity, should have been broken a long time ago.
The turbolift door opened and Suki stepped out into the corridor. As she walked through the corridors of the starship, she noticed that the dozen or so Starfleet crewmembers on that deck, walking through the corridors as they set about on their myriad of tasks, paid no more attention to her than they did to anyone else. The idea was somewhat off-putting though vaguely comforting in a way. She had genuinely become a member of the crew. It was that acceptance that led to no one paying her any attention when she walked over to the small circular door on that deck that led to the vast network of maintenance crawlways, throughout the ships. There was a similar door on the deck she’d just left but that was the one closest to the “sweet spot.” Opening it she began her climb through the service crawlways of the starship Enterprise. After she crawled through what seemed like the hundredth crawlspace and reached the top of the one hundred and fiftieth ladder, she finally found herself facing the small, burnished metal door that hid her destination. Crawling over, she was about to open the door when she heard; faint though it was, the unmistakable sound of sobbing. Concern washing over her for her newfound friend, she slapped the entrance panel. The door slid aside with a groan and she stared up into a large cylindrical space. The sobbing was clear now, the sounds of a woman’s anguish reverberated through the room clear as a bell. She peaked her head out of the hatch to look around, and there she was. Ty Lee crouched on the ‘ceiling’, actually the bow bottom side of the bow plating, as though she was standing on the floor in the normal gravity environment of the rest of the ship, crying her eyes out.
“Ty Lee,” Suki said. Abruptly, the other woman’s tears ceased and she looked down at her, a sense of shock in her tear-glistened eyes.
“Captain,” Ty Lee said, addressing her by her title. “What are you doing here?”
“Finding out where you were?” Suki said, the annoyance at what was going on softened by the fact that she seemed to be in genuine emotional turmoil. “I gave you an order to stick to the mess hall until you and the rest were fully briefed on the ship.”
“I’m sorry, Captain,” Ty Lee said, shoving herself off the ‘ceiling’ and allowing herself to float back to the floor. “It won’t happen again.”
“What’s wrong, Ty Lee?” Suki asked, sighing.
“It’s everything that’s gone on in the last few hours,” Ty Lee said, shaking her head. “A few hours ago, I was banking everything on a last-ditch plan to secure our own freedom, a plan that had very little chance of success no matter how well I planned it. And, in the metaphorical blink of an eye, I find myself free due to outside help, and not only that, forgiven for everything I’ve done, when I can’t even forgive myself, and I don’t know when I ever can.”
“That day will never come,” Suki said authoritatively. “Somewhere inside you, you knew what you were doing was wrong. There was a voice that screamed at you, begged you to stop what you were doing, but you saw no way out. You felt you had no choice; you had to do what you did. So you started convincing yourself that the people you hurt deserved their pain, you turned a blind eye to that pain and that suffering, and squelched the voice that was telling you it was wrong.” The emotional memories of her own foul acts, committed against the wrong target, tore through her at the moment, and she came close to breaking down herself, before she pulled herself back
“My entire life I’ve known Azula,” Ty Lee said to her, her voice haunted, using the opportunity to get her past with Azula off her chest. “And my entire life I’ve been her pawn, her plaything. Even when we were as young as five she learned that she could break someone through a combination of punishment and reward. I was a nice girl in my crèche days, whenever Mai or Azula asked something of me I would do it. Whenever I didn’t do something like get her a glass of water because it was naptime or I bungled and poured her cranapple juice, or demonstrated a skill she lacked, she would…discipline me. Not on the spot, no. Never on the spot, at least when we were younger. At the time, she was quick to figure out that in the presence of adults, she would be disciplined herself so she waited. During playground time she would ‘accidentally’ burn me. Whenever we weren’t in the presence of adults, she would ‘discipline’ me on the spot.” She gave a derisive smirk, “I once did a perfect handstand, and she shoved me to the ground, and probably would’ve pummeled me if Mai and Zuko hadn’t been there.”
Suki sympathized with her onetime enemy, but she still didn’t understand something, “If Azula really was that horrible, why did you wait until she was about to kill Mai before cutting ties with her? From what Zuko’s told me, Mai apparently had cut her ties with Azula when she saw her reaction to Ozai burning him during that Agni Kai. It would’ve been a simple matter to just up and leave in the middle of then night once, and never come back. Or fake your deaths and head to Ba Sing Se.” Suki regretted her words, the moment she said them. If Azula was willing to hurt them personally, she was more than willing to hurt their families to keep them in line.
It was something Ty Lee wasted no time pointing out. All pretense of rank forgotten she fixed an angry glare, a glare filled with, not hate, but just pure disbelieving anger at a stupid question, on Suki and said, the tears in her eyes almost dried, “If that bitch was willing to hurt us, she wouldn’t hesitate to hurt our families.” She gave another derisive smirk, “You know, Mai and I actually considered doing that, once. But there was one thing holding me back.”
“You’re families,” Suki said quickly, feeling like an idiot for bringing up something so blindingly obvious. “It was a stupid quest-,”
“You know Mai has a little brother right?”Ty Lee said, smoothly overriding her.
“No,” Suki said genuinely.
“She does,” Ty Lee said nodding. “Cute boy named Tom-Tom. An infant. She would’ve had no compunction against ordering his death, she would’ve carried it out herself, and she would’ve done it entirely out of pure spite. I also have siblings that could be at risk, I have eight sisters. The youngest is Talla, a girl of five. Dead ringer for me at that age. She would’ve died a painful death, purely out of spite. Spite, and the fact that that… thing, takes enjoyment out of inflicting pain.” Neither one of us could stand leaving knowing that innocent people, children, were going to die to punish us and to slake that damned and damnable woman’s desires for blood.” The anger in her voice suddenly died, the rage disappearing from her face and she said, her voice hollow once more. “I’m sorry,” she said, “I shouldn’t have done that.”
“It’s okay,” Suki said, putting her hand on Ty’s shoulder. “It was a stupid question.”
“Something that didn’t happen isn’t the worst thing, though,” Ty Lee said, her voice hollow. “The worse thing she did, the thing that kept me from openly defying her to her face, was done to me. That is what really kills me. I was a coward. I could’ve killed Azula any number of times over the years. I could’ve rid mankind of a mortal threat, and I didn’t. Because I was a coward, because I was afraid of a repeat of that dark day.”
Chapter Twelve
“I rehearsed my will like a lesson to be learned by heart; I educated my aggression, aimed it at whatever was around me; I had to struggle against everything: my salvation depended on no one but myself.”
-Andre Gide
Suki sat in the mess hall of the starship Enterprise, staring around at the scene around her. Her men, bewildered at first by the sights surrounding them, had been decontaminated, and, after a change in dress, wearing the same uniform she now wore, were all sitting in the mess hall, crowded around the tables, eating with clear gusto the food that had been prepared for them. She smiled, happiness filling her at the sight of Kyoshi Warriors filling platters of food from the banquet table that had been set out and going to the table and talking endlessly with their comrades. Judging by the way they were eating their food, it was the best they’d had in months.
Which isn’t surprising, Suki thought to herself. That prison slop is disgusting, considering I had
to live on it myself for a time, I can personally attest to that. She noticed there was someone missing from the crowd of Kyoshi Warriors. After a few moments of scanning the crowd, she realized that Ty Lee was missing. She had seemed eager to join in with the rest of the men, but, now that she thought of it, she couldn’t remember seeing the younger woman, her executive officer, enter the mess hall at all.
Funny, she thought to herself, anger bubbling up. I thought I ordered everyone to come here so they wouldn’t get themselves into trouble. Where could she have gone? Sighing, she got up and walked over to one of the Kyoshi Warriors closest to the door. Michiko Kurosawa had apparently served as Ty Lee’s executive officer during her period in command of the Kyoshi Warriors, and would probably know where her wayward superior had gone off to.
“Nakagawa,” she said when she walked over to the group of young women. Instantly, they stood up, snapping to attention.
Pleased as ever to see that Ty Lee had maintained at least a basic level of discipline in the prison, she smiled and ordered them to stand at ease.
“I just want to see if you know where Commander Lee went off to,” she said.
After a few moments of stares among the young women, Nakagawa said, a concerned look on her face, “I don’t know, ma’am. I didn’t see her leave. Though I did here her mentioning her desire to check out a place on the ship called the ‘sweet spot?’”
“Ah,” Suki said, nodding in understanding. The sweet spot was the name for the spot on the ship between the artificial gravity generator and the bow plate, where the gravity canceled out and reversed. “I understand.” A place like the sweet spot would naturally be a place someone like Ty Lee, acrobat as she was, would visit. “Carry on.” With that, Suki left the room and walked down the corridor and into the turbolift. As the turbolift hummed, traveling to the spot where she could easily take the maintenance shafts to the sweet spot, she began to wonder just what was going on with Ty Lee. She’d been…moody and distracted since the end of the battle. Of course, she wasn’t entirely sure that an element of brooding wasn’t normal for Ty Lee, as fighting on the opposite sides and only encountering her once to boot didn’t give you a lot on the person. She’d had a knack for knowing when there was a problem with one of her people, however, and her instincts were telling her something was wrong. It was her duty as the commanding officer to ensure that all her people were fit for duty, so she was going to see what was wrong and what she could do to help.
That and the fact that I’m pretty sure it has something to do with Azula, she thought to herself. There haven’t been many people around here who haven’t had all the significant events in their lives revolve around her in some way. Some, longer than others. Though I don’t understand why Ty Lee and Mai stayed with Azula even though they both clearly hated her. What hold over those women did she have? Why didn’t they just walk away? It was something that had gnawed at her ever since she first received the revelation that Ty Lee had changed. That she’d at last broken ties with Azula, ties that, if the entity that had taken Ty Lee’s form was to be believed, and she had no reason to doubt her veracity, should have been broken a long time ago.
The turbolift door opened and Suki stepped out into the corridor. As she walked through the corridors of the starship, she noticed that the dozen or so Starfleet crewmembers on that deck, walking through the corridors as they set about on their myriad of tasks, paid no more attention to her than they did to anyone else. The idea was somewhat off-putting though vaguely comforting in a way. She had genuinely become a member of the crew. It was that acceptance that led to no one paying her any attention when she walked over to the small circular door on that deck that led to the vast network of maintenance crawlways, throughout the ships. There was a similar door on the deck she’d just left but that was the one closest to the “sweet spot.” Opening it she began her climb through the service crawlways of the starship Enterprise. After she crawled through what seemed like the hundredth crawlspace and reached the top of the one hundred and fiftieth ladder, she finally found herself facing the small, burnished metal door that hid her destination. Crawling over, she was about to open the door when she heard; faint though it was, the unmistakable sound of sobbing. Concern washing over her for her newfound friend, she slapped the entrance panel. The door slid aside with a groan and she stared up into a large cylindrical space. The sobbing was clear now, the sounds of a woman’s anguish reverberated through the room clear as a bell. She peaked her head out of the hatch to look around, and there she was. Ty Lee crouched on the ‘ceiling’, actually the bow bottom side of the bow plating, as though she was standing on the floor in the normal gravity environment of the rest of the ship, crying her eyes out.
“Ty Lee,” Suki said. Abruptly, the other woman’s tears ceased and she looked down at her, a sense of shock in her tear-glistened eyes.
“Captain,” Ty Lee said, addressing her by her title. “What are you doing here?”
“Finding out where you were?” Suki said, the annoyance at what was going on softened by the fact that she seemed to be in genuine emotional turmoil. “I gave you an order to stick to the mess hall until you and the rest were fully briefed on the ship.”
“I’m sorry, Captain,” Ty Lee said, shoving herself off the ‘ceiling’ and allowing herself to float back to the floor. “It won’t happen again.”
“What’s wrong, Ty Lee?” Suki asked, sighing.
“It’s everything that’s gone on in the last few hours,” Ty Lee said, shaking her head. “A few hours ago, I was banking everything on a last-ditch plan to secure our own freedom, a plan that had very little chance of success no matter how well I planned it. And, in the metaphorical blink of an eye, I find myself free due to outside help, and not only that, forgiven for everything I’ve done, when I can’t even forgive myself, and I don’t know when I ever can.”
“That day will never come,” Suki said authoritatively. “Somewhere inside you, you knew what you were doing was wrong. There was a voice that screamed at you, begged you to stop what you were doing, but you saw no way out. You felt you had no choice; you had to do what you did. So you started convincing yourself that the people you hurt deserved their pain, you turned a blind eye to that pain and that suffering, and squelched the voice that was telling you it was wrong.” The emotional memories of her own foul acts, committed against the wrong target, tore through her at the moment, and she came close to breaking down herself, before she pulled herself back
“My entire life I’ve known Azula,” Ty Lee said to her, her voice haunted, using the opportunity to get her past with Azula off her chest. “And my entire life I’ve been her pawn, her plaything. Even when we were as young as five she learned that she could break someone through a combination of punishment and reward. I was a nice girl in my crèche days, whenever Mai or Azula asked something of me I would do it. Whenever I didn’t do something like get her a glass of water because it was naptime or I bungled and poured her cranapple juice, or demonstrated a skill she lacked, she would…discipline me. Not on the spot, no. Never on the spot, at least when we were younger. At the time, she was quick to figure out that in the presence of adults, she would be disciplined herself so she waited. During playground time she would ‘accidentally’ burn me. Whenever we weren’t in the presence of adults, she would ‘discipline’ me on the spot.” She gave a derisive smirk, “I once did a perfect handstand, and she shoved me to the ground, and probably would’ve pummeled me if Mai and Zuko hadn’t been there.”
Suki sympathized with her onetime enemy, but she still didn’t understand something, “If Azula really was that horrible, why did you wait until she was about to kill Mai before cutting ties with her? From what Zuko’s told me, Mai apparently had cut her ties with Azula when she saw her reaction to Ozai burning him during that Agni Kai. It would’ve been a simple matter to just up and leave in the middle of then night once, and never come back. Or fake your deaths and head to Ba Sing Se.” Suki regretted her words, the moment she said them. If Azula was willing to hurt them personally, she was more than willing to hurt their families to keep them in line.
It was something Ty Lee wasted no time pointing out. All pretense of rank forgotten she fixed an angry glare, a glare filled with, not hate, but just pure disbelieving anger at a stupid question, on Suki and said, the tears in her eyes almost dried, “If that bitch was willing to hurt us, she wouldn’t hesitate to hurt our families.” She gave another derisive smirk, “You know, Mai and I actually considered doing that, once. But there was one thing holding me back.”
“You’re families,” Suki said quickly, feeling like an idiot for bringing up something so blindingly obvious. “It was a stupid quest-,”
“You know Mai has a little brother right?”Ty Lee said, smoothly overriding her.
“No,” Suki said genuinely.
“She does,” Ty Lee said nodding. “Cute boy named Tom-Tom. An infant. She would’ve had no compunction against ordering his death, she would’ve carried it out herself, and she would’ve done it entirely out of pure spite. I also have siblings that could be at risk, I have eight sisters. The youngest is Talla, a girl of five. Dead ringer for me at that age. She would’ve died a painful death, purely out of spite. Spite, and the fact that that… thing, takes enjoyment out of inflicting pain.” Neither one of us could stand leaving knowing that innocent people, children, were going to die to punish us and to slake that damned and damnable woman’s desires for blood.” The anger in her voice suddenly died, the rage disappearing from her face and she said, her voice hollow once more. “I’m sorry,” she said, “I shouldn’t have done that.”
“It’s okay,” Suki said, putting her hand on Ty’s shoulder. “It was a stupid question.”
“Something that didn’t happen isn’t the worst thing, though,” Ty Lee said, her voice hollow. “The worse thing she did, the thing that kept me from openly defying her to her face, was done to me. That is what really kills me. I was a coward. I could’ve killed Azula any number of times over the years. I could’ve rid mankind of a mortal threat, and I didn’t. Because I was a coward, because I was afraid of a repeat of that dark day.”
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