Star Trek Fan Rules:
- Thread starter Praxius
- Start date
Rule #1701: Enterprise. Because.
Rule #-i∏ / e
The amount a Trek fan loves Star Trek is directly proportional to the amount of time he spends criticizing it.
The amount a Trek fan loves Star Trek is directly proportional to the amount of time he spends criticizing it.
1702. The ideals of liberalism and humanism are correct. All others are incorrect and worthy of hateful and categorical commentary, eye-rolls and other forms of mockery. It's hard to believe this even has to be a rule, but there are a lot of uneducated, incorrect people out there.
1703. Religion is bad. In the future, there is no religion because we have risen above all of it. It's all mythology now. We look back on it and laugh. Oh, do we laugh. We are better. We have faith (faith of the heart).
1704. Bajorans are stupid, whiny and boring. And oh...did they not get the memo about Rule #1703?
1705. If it's not Kirk and Spock seeking out new life, it's not Star Trek. Might as well call it something else.
1706. Star Trek has "source material." It is holy. Any story that does not include the main characters and ideas of that "source material" is not Star Trek.
1707. If a new film comes out with a character called "Kirk" and a character called "Spock," and the characters don't fully resemble the characters in the "source material," and the primary story is not about them seeking out new life, it's a good idea to groupthink and come up with reasons why it still can be considered "Star Trek."
1708. The spin-offs are not "Star Trek." They might as well drop "Star Trek" from the titles.
1709. The "Star Trek" spin-offs sucked and will be forgotten, especially those that followed TNG, because Nielsen. No other argument needed.
1710. The new JJ films are awesome, because popularity. No other argument needed. This, by the way, automatically cancels out any opinions to the contrary.
1711. Enterprise sucked so hard it was canceled. And if you mention TOS was canceled, you must be a yuppie.
1712. There is no TOS. It's called "Star Trek." It does not matter if people are just using "TOS" to make it easier to discuss. We don't care. It's not "TOS." It's "Star Trek." And you should remind people of that fact randomly and often.
1713. There is no "Star Trek universe." It's just Kirk, Spock, the Enterprise and their adventures. They created stories, not a universe. They couldn't have done both. That's crazy.
1714. There is no continuity. Do you see any continuity at all? I don't. In fact, the amount of continuity is so laughable that they should recast and rename every character, alien and ship in every episode of every series and film each time, because you never recognize them from one moment to the next. You'll have to keep a journal of every inconsistency because they're all earth-shattering changes and will completely confuse you at every turn. You have to keep reminding yourself, for example "...oh yeah, this is Star Trek. Oh yeah, that's Janeway. She is a Starfleet Captain in Kirk's future and in the same general era as TNG and DS9. I keep forgetting because there is literally zero continuity." Just write yourself a note, set some reminders in your phone, or tie a string around your finger to help yourself remember.
Follow these rules and you will always be right.
1703. Religion is bad. In the future, there is no religion because we have risen above all of it. It's all mythology now. We look back on it and laugh. Oh, do we laugh. We are better. We have faith (faith of the heart).
1704. Bajorans are stupid, whiny and boring. And oh...did they not get the memo about Rule #1703?
1705. If it's not Kirk and Spock seeking out new life, it's not Star Trek. Might as well call it something else.
1706. Star Trek has "source material." It is holy. Any story that does not include the main characters and ideas of that "source material" is not Star Trek.
1707. If a new film comes out with a character called "Kirk" and a character called "Spock," and the characters don't fully resemble the characters in the "source material," and the primary story is not about them seeking out new life, it's a good idea to groupthink and come up with reasons why it still can be considered "Star Trek."
1708. The spin-offs are not "Star Trek." They might as well drop "Star Trek" from the titles.
1709. The "Star Trek" spin-offs sucked and will be forgotten, especially those that followed TNG, because Nielsen. No other argument needed.
1710. The new JJ films are awesome, because popularity. No other argument needed. This, by the way, automatically cancels out any opinions to the contrary.
1711. Enterprise sucked so hard it was canceled. And if you mention TOS was canceled, you must be a yuppie.
1712. There is no TOS. It's called "Star Trek." It does not matter if people are just using "TOS" to make it easier to discuss. We don't care. It's not "TOS." It's "Star Trek." And you should remind people of that fact randomly and often.
1713. There is no "Star Trek universe." It's just Kirk, Spock, the Enterprise and their adventures. They created stories, not a universe. They couldn't have done both. That's crazy.
1714. There is no continuity. Do you see any continuity at all? I don't. In fact, the amount of continuity is so laughable that they should recast and rename every character, alien and ship in every episode of every series and film each time, because you never recognize them from one moment to the next. You'll have to keep a journal of every inconsistency because they're all earth-shattering changes and will completely confuse you at every turn. You have to keep reminding yourself, for example "...oh yeah, this is Star Trek. Oh yeah, that's Janeway. She is a Starfleet Captain in Kirk's future and in the same general era as TNG and DS9. I keep forgetting because there is literally zero continuity." Just write yourself a note, set some reminders in your phone, or tie a string around your finger to help yourself remember.
Follow these rules and you will always be right.
In am emergency, do not confuse an actor with his/her role. E.g.: If Nimoy has a heart attack, don't massage his kidney.
Rule #666
Bend over backwards to paint what you don't like as a complete failure. Voyager went seven seasons? What a complete failure, unlike Deep Space Nine which successfully lasted seven seasons!
Bend over backwards to paint what you don't like as a complete failure. Voyager went seven seasons? What a complete failure, unlike Deep Space Nine which successfully lasted seven seasons!
This applies to writers as well.
