Star Trek Continues, Episode 4 - "The White Iris"

Discussion in 'Fan Productions' started by BoredShipCapt'n, May 19, 2015.

  1. Warped9

    Warped9 Admiral Admiral

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    They did before. So I see no reason why they can't again.

    It's a challenge to temper criticism where it's deserved. I really like STC overall, but I fear they're falling into familiar traps. They need to get their heads out of being "huge TOS and Trek fans" and think about story. They need to look for inspiration outside of Star Trek just as TOS did. And that might include going beyond their core writing group for fresh perspectives.

    I think a lot of fans don't understand this because they get hung up on things they really enjoyed in the past and somehow believe if you revisit those elements then some of that greatness will be transplanted to the newer effort. No, it doesn't work that way. But it is easier to write than trying to craft fresh stories with new elements.
     
  2. feek61

    feek61 Fleet Captain Fleet Captain

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    Thank you Greg. Your support means a lot coming from you and your team; the leaders of the TOS fan-film industry!

    Also thank you to everyone else as well who enjoyed the episode! It's good to hear feedback good and bad.

    Sorry that you didn't care for the episode. Not sure why you think that the pass code activation was ridiculous; have you ever installed an operating system on your computer and needed a pass code to activate it? Just like on a computer; once the pass code was entered it unlocks the entire system so if there is a problem later they have access to the entire system to run a diagnostic or I guess they could call the Federation tech support!!! lol. Kirk set the password because it was up to his judgement to allow the planet to activate it or not.

    Again, not sure why you feel the Federation giving tech to a planet is not credible; it's been done all of the time throughout history. The United States sent billions of dollars worth of advanced equipment to the South Vietnam army. Besides no one said the planet was not advanced; obviously they would have had space travel and contact with other worlds so not sure where you are coming from on this. Again, sorry you didn't care for the episode but despite an overwhelming amount of positive feedback we can't make everyone happy.
     
    Last edited: May 30, 2015
  3. Warped9

    Warped9 Admiral Admiral

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    And he was going to broadcast this code on an open frequency?

    And just because the U.S. did things they maybe shouldn't have done doesn't mean the Federation will do the same thing. Indeed the Federation was supposed to be above repeating mistakes of the past. If you give one planet advanced tech then you already upset the balance of power we heard so much about in Trek.

    But this is minor criticism in the grander scheme of things in the story. It's quibbling. For me the main flaw is the overall execution of the main story idea. It was the kind of story that generally keeps me away from fanfic and fanfilms because I don't see it as really following in the footsteps of what TOS strived for.

    Don't get the wrong idea from my criticism. I'm not writing STC off. I'm just giving honest feedback and that includes when I think they could have done better. Hell, I can make legitimate criticisms of TOS when I think they could have done better.
     
  4. HarryM

    HarryM Fleet Captain Fleet Captain

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    This one worked for me, maybe since I am the sentimental type, and a big fan of "The Paradise Syndrome" (the end scene *always* gets me). I agree in principle that doing revisits of past episodes/themes/characters should be avoided, but in this case it was dealing with Kirk in a way TOS never did. We know from the Kobayashi Maru test that Kirk doesn't accept death/failure, so the past characters work here as a mechanism for Kirk to confront his "failures".
     
  5. Warped9

    Warped9 Admiral Admiral

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    I'm going to watch it again to see if me first impressions hold or not. Sometimes you like things more the second time around.
     
  6. Zaminhon

    Zaminhon Captain Captain

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    Great job by the production team. All the departments came together to create another strong and consistent production.

    - Todd Haberkorn is really owning Spock. He's kept that slight edge that he had in Fairest and that tone really works well for him in any universe.
    - Vic's emotional performance was powerful. Great job!
    - I'm looking forward to Chuck Huber's McCoy bounce, I know he can do it.
    - All the regular cast did a fine job. (Michele is sizzling in that scene.)
    - Great job by all the guest actors. I was most impressed with the elements that came together to reproduce Rayna's other-worldly quality.
    - The additional music really enhanced the scenes and were never a distraction.
    - Set design/ art/ prop departments exceeded themselves. I was really impressed with the Miramanee scene.

    My only criticism is that I wish there was another way to do those scenes without the Holodeck. Availability or not, I am not a fan of its use in TOS.


    .
     
  7. Warped9

    Warped9 Admiral Admiral

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    Yeah, the holodeck felt misplaced to me as well. And I agree the new music felt just right.
     
  8. Kelso

    Kelso Vice Admiral Admiral

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    Did they? So far they've brought back Apollo, Orions, the Mirror Universe, and Kirk's old loves. At this point I think they've made their intention clear. Each episode brings back something from the original series, and each episode is peppered with Enterprise references. I don't see any reason to expect a change.
     
  9. urbandefault

    urbandefault Rear Admiral Rear Admiral

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    I enjoyed the episode.

    It was pretty cool to include the little girl who does the YouTube reviews.
     
  10. Warped9

    Warped9 Admiral Admiral

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    Not the same. In "Lolani" the only thing revisted was the idea of an Orion slave girl rather than ressurrecting Vina or Marta. They used a basic element and built a whole new character and story around it. It didn't hinge on you being familiar with past episodes either. That's no different than showing other Klingons or Romulans yet not ressurrecting previous characters.

    But if they continue on the path of incorporating loud callbacks to previous episodes and as major elements of their stories then I will Be truly disappointed. They can do better and have shown it.
     
  11. UssGlenn

    UssGlenn Rear Admiral Rear Admiral

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    I enjoyed the episode. I noticed Kirk has the "I dream of Genie" bottle in his quarters. The only thing that bugs me are Spock's bangs. they look concave across his forehead when they should be convex.
     
  12. HarryM

    HarryM Fleet Captain Fleet Captain

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    One thing I thought could be better done is Kirk's injury, seems getting hit over the head should be an easy fix for McCoy. Maybe the guy should have tried to shoot Kirk with a "neural disruptor" but someone grabs him and it's only a glancing hit. Having a weird weapon used would make weird things happening to Kirk easier to accept.
     
  13. Rat Boy

    Rat Boy Vice Admiral Admiral

    I now have the urge to write every password I have down on a piece of paper.
     
  14. GSchnitzer

    GSchnitzer Co-Executive Producer In Memoriam

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    With nearly 50 years of Trek-universe development over all the different shows in the franchise, it has almost become this tortured, convoluted series of dramatic contortions to studiously avoid elements that have already been touched on in Trek. The only thing worse than revisiting old stuff is studiously and bizarrely avoiding touching on old stuff in some Reaction Formation way.

    Plus there really are large segments of Trek fandom that really want to revisit the familiar. We want to entertain them as well--not just the cool, smart, good viewers.
     
  15. Warped9

    Warped9 Admiral Admiral

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    Agreed.

    I picked up on a small continuity error. They reference Kirk's time on the Farragut when Captain Garrovick and 200 personnel were killed on Tychos 4. In "Obsession" that refers to an event set 11 years prior during TOS' second season. If STC is supposed to be during the fourth season then that event is now 13 years in the past and not 7 as stated in this episode.
     
  16. loghaD

    loghaD Lieutenant Commander Red Shirt

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    The episode also used the Orions to do something new and - in my view - very progressive, subverting one of Star Trek's longest-running throwaway gags and displaying it as something horrifying and demeaning, making Kirk and the whole crew feel shame over their complacency.

    I had some similar thoughts, and even more so I thought it strange that in spite of these strict precautions, he chose such a weak password (assuming it really was the whole password, and not just a piece of it that made him remember the whole thing).

    However, at the same time, it felt like the sort of thing that we might expect from a real TOS episode, so I didn't really mind.
     
  17. BoredShipCapt'n

    BoredShipCapt'n Rear Admiral Rear Admiral

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    Good catch.

    I'm now recalling that in "Turnabout Intruder," Kirk in Janice's body rather clumsily tried to convince Spock of his identity by making continuity references to "The Tholian Web" and "The Empath," instead of recalling something more personal. So even TOS writers could be fanboy hacks.
     
  18. Zaminhon

    Zaminhon Captain Captain

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    I am giving the Most Improved Actor award to Grant. He is no longer forcing his Takei impersonation and is sounding much more natural now.
     
  19. Kail

    Kail Commodore Commodore

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    I thought it was their weakest effort. No disrespect intended. I just found it boring, and the whole "Kirk gets hit on the head so he needs an experimental drug" thing unbelievable. Then a half delirious Kirk tell McCoy to give him the drug, and McCoy says "OK"? I don't think so.
    The one highlight...
    Kirk: People will think I'm crazy.
    McCoy: You are. That's why we like you.
    Very McCoyian line. Let's hope the next one will be a bit more original.
     
  20. Warped9

    Warped9 Admiral Admiral

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    I don't buy Kirk relieving himself of command in front of his bridge crew. No, I think it more likely he would have walked off the bridge and spoken privately with McCoy and Spock. That whole outburst on the bridge didn't ring true for me.


    Some of the f/x look a little too TOS-R style for my taste. The ship's phasers and deflector f/x are a case in point.

    Still upon a second viewing I have to temper some of my earlier criticism. The acting overall is better than those of my first impressions. That said I still think there are a few moments of awkward acting and some clunky writing. I still wouldn't rate it as good as previous STC episodes, but it's okay.

    But my main criticism still stands. This isn't something that TOS would have done or at least not in this way. It's much too contemporary a story in terms of overall sensibilities and in certain parts of the writing. Succinctly I still think it feels much more like a TNG episode than a TOS one.