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Star Trek: Chimera

Kaziarl

Commodore
Commodore
This is a story I wrote about four years ago, and for a school project. Haven't much looked at it since then, but I want to write more of it. I'm hoping I can get some good feedback here.


Star Trek:

Chimera

In the shadow, there is light

Chapter 1

Reconciliations







The doors to the Transporter Room opened up as a figure stepped through them. The human stepped up to the controls and looked around the room, it was a standard Transporter Room, but it seemed special to him, this was his ship after all. He was about 6'5", with dark brown hair, and hazel eyes. He proudly wore a red Star Fleet uniform, and had the rank of Captain pinned to his shirt. Although he was human, he had several Klingon decorations on his uniform, which usually made people curious about him. He looked around the room again while he was waiting for Guardian Station to signal him that it was Ok to begin transport.

[U.S.S.-Chimera, NCC-91010. This is Guardian Station Control; you have authorization to initiate transport.]

"Thank you Guardian Station," he said as his fingers danced over the controls. "Initiating transport now."

There was a low hum as the transporter buffer charged. The transporter pad began to glow, as light and energy began to coalesce and take shape. The form on the pad grew more definite and clear as the hum died away. All that was left was an Andorian in Starfleet uniform, about 5'7". He had blue skin and short white hair.

"Lieutenant Commander. Thirishrar ch'Thane reporting for duty sir." Said the Andorian.

"Welcome aboard Commander. It's been a while Shar; how's the head?"

"Much better since we last met," replied Shar. "The doctors at Starfleet Medical are amazed at my progress."



One year earlier, on a scouting mission they had done together in the Gin'Tak sector, an alien bio-probe organism had boarded the ship. It attacked Shar, and invaded his mind. At the time, Starfleet had thought it had caused irreparable damage, but six months later, Shar was put back on active duty.

"Well, I'm glad you're here, you are the best science officer I know," Said Kaziarl. "How about a tour?"

"I'd like that very much," he replied. "But do you think we could drop my things in my quarters first?"

"Of course," Kaz said with a grin as he picked up some of the cases. "This way."

Shar grabbed the other cases, and followed him out of the Transporter room.





The ship was in Delta Mode, ship night. The corridors where dark, the panels where dimmed, and the only sounds were the footsteps of Kaziarl and Shar.

"I noticed there aren't very many crew onboard," said Shar. "Where are they?"

"We're the only two on board, everyone else is a technician from the star base," he said. "Veldan, the first officer, will arrive later today, and the CMO tomorrow," he paused as he came up to a door. "Ah, here we are, home sweet home."

Shar entered the room, followed by Kaz, who set the cases by the bed. The room was sparse, with only a few standard decorations. Shar walked around, looking to make sure everything was as it should be, right down to the laboratory connected to the room.



"Good," he said, satisfied. "All is exactly how I ordered it."

"Of course, nothing but the best for the best science officer in the fleet."

"You flatter me; I'm only second best since the scouting mission." Said Shar with a smug look.

"Maybe you think so, but I can't think of anyone better for the job." Kaz replied. "Now, where to go first…” Kaz could see the hope in Shar's eyes, like a child at Christmas. Shar felt like he could explode while he waited for Kaz to say it. He had looked at the specs for the Chimera while on route, but he could not wait to see the ships laboratory in person. Finally, Kaz said where they where going.

"How about the science lab?"

"Yes Sir!" Shar said, enthusiastically, as he headed towards the door. Kaz smiled as he watched Shar headed to the science lab.



As Shar walked to the science lab, he could sense that the technicians where tense, almost afraid. He couldn't understand it, he had only seen good things about the ship; so why was everyone on edge? Shar decided to dismiss the feeling for now, but he could sense something else… something that was not quite there… Kaziarl watched Shar as they walked through the corridor. He could always tell if something was on Shar's mind; it was his antennae, they twisted slightly when he was troubled.

"Shar, your poker face is showing," Kaz said. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing, just nervous I guess," he said, unconvincingly. "New ship and all."

"Right… well, in any case, here we are." He said as he stopped in front of the science lab. Shar's composure immediately changed. His eyes lit up, and he took on the look of a child in a candy store. The doors to the lab almost did not open up fast enough as he ran through them. As he walked through, he saw the different display screens around the room. In the center was the main science console, where all the scientific data anyone could need could be brought up. To the left of the door, was a small room for studying quantum phenomenon. Shar did not know what to look at first, everything here

Was better then he could have guessed from the schematics.

"Well?" asked Kaz "What do you think?"

"I think I'm in haven. This small lab could rival some of the major Andorian Science Institutes."

"I'm glad you like it," said a new voice. Kaz turned to see a female Klingon standing in the doorway, she was wearing a Starfleet uniform, and had the rank of commander pinned to her collar.

"Veldan," he said smugly. "I was wondering when you would show up." Veldan looked at him and grinned, they had not known each other for very long, but already they had a "You hit me, I'll hit you, and we'll get the ship home in one piece"

Attitude.

"Good evening Captain and good evening to you Commander."

"Shar, this is Veldan," said Kaz. "She is the XO."

"A pleasure to meet you Commander." Said Shar, as he bowed his head slightly.

"The pleasure is mine." She replied, as she turned to Kaz. "Captain, I received word from the technicians, they are ready to start the core."

"Thank you," replied Kaz. "Oversee the startup, and let me know when it's done."

"Aye sir. There is one more thing…,” she said hesitantly.

"Let me guess." Kaz said, a little disappointed. "The ghost?"

"Ghost?" Shar exclaimed as his face when cold.

"Don't worry Shar," said Kaz. "It's just a silly superstition."

"The technicians seem to think it's real." Said Veldan as she handed a PADD to Kaziarl.

"From: Chief Technician DeWight, Star Base 414. To: Captain Kaziarl, U.S.S.-Chimera NCC-91010, docked at Star Base 414. Subject: Remote startup of warp core, U.S.S.-Chimera NCC-91010, docked at Star Base 414." Kaz looked up from the PADD. "Is he serious?"

"Very," said Veldan. "They have even said they won't start the core unless it's remotely."

"In the name of Khaless, this is ridiculous!" Kaz exclaimed as he tossed the PADD aside.

"Ridiculous or not." Said Veldan. "He wants an official response from you."

"Excuse me," interrupted Shar. "What ghost?"



Kaz let out a sigh of frustration as he began to explain the Chimeras violent first mission, and how they became her second crew.

"During her maiden voyage, she was patrolling the neutral zone, before the Romulans joined the war. At one point, they received a distress signal from a civilian cargo transport. The Chimera responded, and gave aid to the crew, what was left of it anyway. Two days later, Starfleet lost contact with the Chimera, and her crew. She was adrift since then, until she was found about three weeks ago. She was in complete command lockdown, the crew was dead, and there where strange energy readings all over the ship; and the captains' final log was cut off abruptly. Lately, the technicians have been feeling uneasy, tools disappear and reappear at random, an area that has been repaired is taken apart, and no one knows who did it, and

Other things like that.” As he finished, he looked at Shar, to see his reaction.

Shar took this all in, wondering why a Starfleet captain would lock down a seemingly good ship like that. It took him a moment to process everything, and then a look, almost of fear, invaded his expression.

"What kind of energy readings?" he asked.

"They never found out," answered Veldan. "The readings vanished soon after the ship was found; they never got to study them."

"And the log?"

"It was saved," Kaz replied. "Unfortunately it gives almost no insight as to what happened"

"I'd like to hear it anyway," Shar said. "If that is all right."

"I don't see what it would accomplish, but very well.” Kaz said, as he reached for his combadge. "Computer, play back the captains log for stardate 29432.5, Captain Thouglar, of the Chimera."



There was a short pause, and then some static came over the comm.

[This is Captain Thouglar… imera… it has been tw… eeks since… cargo… ghter…]

"Can you have the computer clean that up a bit Sir?” Shar asked.

"I'll try.” Kaz replied as he moved to a console.

[Since then, there have been unexplained energy signatures, and some of the crew has gone missing. Where they could go on a ship that we cannot find them, I do not know. Other problems have come up as well; some of the ships systems have shown tampering. I have stepped up security, but there are only 14 of us left; 14 of what used to be 150. I am going to try to send a distress signal. Right now, I have the computer in complete command lockdown, only myself, or a recognized admiral from Starfleet can unlock the systems. It appears that these energy signatures show up only when whatever is making them moves through a-] He did not get to finish his sentence as the sound of phaser fire came echoed through the room. Shar's face went blank as he heard the last words the captain had ever made. Veldan just lowered her head in solace of the lost crew. Only Kaz tried to bring some good feelings in the room.

"No worries Shar, what ever the readings where, they're gone now, and we are a long way from where the ship was lost."

"Right…" replied Shar with an uneasy grin.

"Well, I've got some reports to go over, then an appointment with the Guardian Station Commander," said Veldan. "And Kaz, you have an official report to make."

"Ugh…” Kaz dropped his head; he did not want to deal with this. "I could order

You to do it."

"Sorry, I'm busy." She said as she ran out the door.

"Great" he muttered. "Well, Shar, when you're done here, we can tour the ship some more."

"I'm ready now," said Shar. "I'd like to see the bridge now if you don't mind."

"Of course," said Kaz, then he stood and thought for a moment, looking at one of the storage lockers. He walked over to it and pulled out four metal rods, and set them up in the center of the room.

"What are those?" asked Shar.

"They're Hyper-Dimensional Space-time Folders," he replied. "H-D Folders for short. They are still experimental and short range only, which is why we are here."

"Starfleet wants us to see if we can improve on them I bet." Shar said sarcastically.

"Exactly," he said as he finished setting up the HD Folders. "I don't know the exact science, but I can tell you it's some ride." He made some final corrections, and then turned to Shar. "You ready?"



Shar did not even have time to answer, before the HD Folders kicked into action. The walls began to warp, and stretch forever in every direction. An instant later, everything around them compressed into a single point of light, then returned to normal, with one major exception; they where not in the lab anymore, they where on the bridge. Shar could only stand there, speechless, and in awe of what just happened. Unlike a transporter, he felt nothing; it was as though he did not move at all, but they where on the bridge. It took him a moment to adjust, as he turned to Kaz, who had a large grin on his face.

"What did I tell you?" he asked. "Quite a ride, isn't it?"

"That it is Sir." He replied, still unsure if he was able to move yet. Shar looked around the bridge. Towards the front, he saw the Helm/Ops console, in the center; the captain's chair was on a raised platform. To the port side of the bridge,

He saw the Engineering and Science stations. On the starboard side, he saw the Tactical and Communications consoles; Kaz and Shar where in the aft area of the bridge, where there was a conference table.

"This looks like a defiant class bridge.” Shar said.

"And with good reason," Kaz replied. "The Defiant class and the Chimera class were commissioned at about the same time; when the dominion came into the picture. They where also designed for the same purpose originally, to combat the Borg. At the time, Starfleet was not worried about differing designs, so all ships of this size that where

Designed and commissioned at about the same time periods, have similar designs."

"Makes sense," Shar said. "That way they don't have to remember so many different designs, they can just recreate the same thing over again, and send them into battle almost immediately."



Shar walked over to the science station and brought up some data on the sensors. He stared at them for a moment, running some calculations through the computer.

"These can be improved; I'll send my ideas on to the engineer once he or she arrives.” Shar commented.

"Good" Kaz said, sounding relieved. "That's exactly why I asked for you. I knew you would get the job done, and get everything running at its best.” Shar's antennae twisted again, as the science console beeped.

"Energy surges, but from what?" Shar said, puzzled.

"Let me see." Kaz ordered, as he moved to the console. "Odd, the scan shows them moving through the corridor, not the power conduits."

"How is that possible?" Shar asked.

"Your guess is as good as mine. Look there!" Kaz yelled, pointing to the screen. "It moved through a wall."

"Yeah, I see it." Shar said, looking at sensor readout of that area. "Vertiron Particles?"

"Vertiron?" Kaz thought for a moment. Operating on a hunch, He began looking through the database, and then looked at Shar. "Look at this, a report from the Enterprise-D. Two crew members were fazed by a transporter accident."

"Yes, Geordi LaForge, and… Ro Laren?"

"Yeah, that's the one. According to this, whenever they passed through a wall, console, or any other object, they left traces of Vertiron particles."

"Yeah, I remember now, and to counter the effects they used anti Vertirons."

"The Enterprise was responding to a Romulan distress signal; the Chimera was patrolling the neutral zone.” At that moment, Kaz's face turned hard, and cold. "They're here, on the ship."

"We don't know that Sir.” Said Shar, still working at the controls. "But we can find out."

"What are you thinking?"

"If we flood the ship with Vertiron particles, it should de-phase them."

"Good idea, but easier said then done. We would need to get to engineering, and the Romulans would probably resist us the whole way."



As they discussed what they should do, the com Panel signaled an incoming message.

[U.S.S.-CHIMERA NCC-91010. This is Guardian Station; why have you disengaged the docking clamps?]

"What!" Shouted Kaz, as he ran to the Engineering console. "The warp core is coming online, and the tactical systems are charging."

"We have to do something, and fast!"

"Guardian Station, This is Captain Kaziarl, of the U.S.S. Chimera, we have a tactical emergency. We believe there may be Romulan spies on the ship," he paused for a moment, and then looked at Shar. "Shar, what ship did you come in?"

"The U.S.S. Aztec."

"It'll do. Guardian Station, have the U.S.S. Aztec follow us at a distance of 5000 kilometers order them NOT to fire on the ship, just to keep us in there sight. We will try to rectify the situation on this end."

[We read you Chimera; the Aztec is on her way now, and good luck.]

"Computer, when we jump to warp, locks out all command functions except environmental controls. Authorization Kaziarl Omega 559."

"How are we going to get to engineering?" Shar asked.

"We could use the transporters, do a site-to-site transport," Kaz said. "Beam in at different areas of engineering."

"Might work, but we would be vulnerable for a few seconds."

"True, so I guess that's out of the question." Kaz stood there and thought for a moment as Shar brought up a map of engineering.

"What about this," Shar said, pointing to the screen. "We beam into the Jefferies tube adjacent to engineering. Then run in to the main and environmental control systems."

"Good idea.” Replied Kaz as he reached for his COM badge. Kaz looked up as the lights dimmed, and all the screens went blank as Kaz felt the ship jump to warp.

[Command Functions are now locked down, and can only be released by the Captain.]

"We'll have to use the emergency units; the transporters are locked down along with everything else." Kaz said as he walked over to a storage locker.

"We better hurry; it looks like there is a group of them headed this way."



Kaz removed to short-range transporter units from the locker. Handing one to Shar, who began to set the coordinates, Kaz began to do the same for his own.

"You take hatch 42a, I'll take 41b," Kaz instructed. "You head for the environmental control systems; there you will need to release the safeties."

"And you'll head for the main console to release the Anti-Vertirons."

"That's the idea, hopefully we'll surprise them enough to give us time to release the particles, and then I'll unlock the command functions and order the computer to beam the Romulans to the cargo bay.” Kaz made some final adjustments, and then looked at Shar who finished his at the same time. They gave a quick nod, and then activated the transporter units. When he

Rematerialized, Kaz took a quick look around. The little room was dark, and it took a moment for his eyes to adjust. He grabbed a phaser out of the weapons locker in the Jefferies tube hatch, and then tapped his COM badge.

"Shar, do you read?"

[I read you.]

"Good, grab a phaser, and then let me know when you're ready."

[Ready now Sir]

"All right, remember what you have to do, head for the environmental controls…"

[In addition, release the safeties; I got it Sir]

"Perfect, on 3; 1… 2…"

[3]



Kaz ran out the door, and headed for the main console, almost immediately, a Romulan appeared in front of him; it was like a ghostly image coming to life. Kaz did not react fast enough as the Romulan tackled him, but Kaz eventually overpowered him and broke the Romulans neck. Kaz looked over to see Shar, surrounded by three Romulans. Kaz quickly aimed and took out two of them, as Shar fired on the third and kept running to the environmental controls. It only took him a moment before he announced that the safeties where released. Kaz ran to the main console and accessed the environmental controls from there to release the Anti-Vertiron particles, but a Romulan appeared behind him.

"Captain, Look out!" Shar shouted as he fired on the Romulan.

"Thanks Shar, I owe you a drink.”

"Just release the particles."



Kaz ran his fingers over the controls effortlessly as the computer announced that the Anti-Vertirons has been released. Around him, Romulans began to appear. 10… 20… the just continued to appear. Kaz reached for his phaser as he began to take out the Romulans.

"Computer, release the Transporter functions; Authorization Kaziarl Omega 559."

[Transporter functions released]

"Beam all the Romulans on the ship into the cargo bay.” Shar was fighting off six Romulans when he heard Kaz give the order. The Romulans he was fighting disappeared before his eyes as he tried to catch his breath.

"Does that mean it's over?" he asked with what little breath he had.

"Not quite, Computer, release a sedative into the atmosphere of the Cargo bay. Then release all command function. Authorization Kaziarl Omega 559. Shar, you go to the bridge. Drop us out of warp and hail the Aztec, apprise them of our situation. Computer, change my security code to the secondary clearance code."

"And what will you be doing?"

"Talking with the Romulan Commander." Kaz replied as he walked off.



As Kaziarl walked to the Cargo Bay, he saw images of his past; he would look down and see grass, look at a panel and see reflections of the people he once knew. As he stepped off the turbo lift, he was suddenly in another time and place years ago, when he was 4 years old, and lived with he human parents on a federation outpost near the Klingon/Romulan border. He could still remember that horrible day, all those years ago. On his 4th birthday, a dark shadow loomed in the sky; it was like a giant bird the uttered forth green flame. He remembered the screams in the distance as buildings were disintegrated in an instant. He remembered the fear in his parents' eyes as they hid him under a piece of debris; looking back he wondered if they knew they were about to die. As they finished hiding him, the Romulans beamed down and began to slaughter the people around them. His father tried to protect everyone, as did his mother, and they were both killed for it. All Kaziarl could do was watch as his father fell to the ground, dead, with his eyes still open and looking straight at Kaziarl.

He continued to hear the screams in the distance as another shadow appeared in the sky, releasing streams of red fire on the giant bird. The great Bird of Prey fell as more aliens beamed down to confront the Romulans. As the last Romulan fell, the debris that hid Kaz was lifted away. Kaz could now see that the new aliens were Klingons, this one being a female. She reached down out to him and pulled him out of the wreckage.

"What is your name young one?" She asked. Kaz just stood there, staring at her; then out of the corner of his eye, he saw a dead Romulan. The hatred and rage overwhelmed him as he went to attack the fallen Romulan, and the Klingon had to stop him.

"You have much hate child," she said. "You will come with me, so I can teach you to use that feeling to your advantage, and someday you will heal that hole in your heart."



Kaz stopped in front of the cargo bay doors, wondering if what he was about to do was the right thing. He knew that Starfleet would interrogate them, but weather or not the Romulans would say anything, or if he would hear any of it, he did not know. He paused for a moment, trying to control his rage. Finally, he cleared the atmosphere in the bay, and unlocked the doors. There were fifty Romulans total, 13 of which were dead. He walked around until he found the commander, a female, and drug her into the corridor. Keeping his phaser trained on her, he reached out with a hypo to revive her, then stepped back as she awoke. She groaned as she moved her hand to her forehead. Slowly she opened her eyes and looked around, still trying to get here bearings. When she saw Kaz, he face went cold, and rigid. She hid all her emotions, just as her training taught her to do. After a while, Kaz broke the silence.

"So, are you going to tell me what in the name of Khaless are you doing on my ship?” He asked. "Or should I start killing your friends locked in my cargo bay?"

"Starfleet would never condone such action," She replied. "You're bluffing."

"Am I?" he asked in complete neutrality. "Computer, beam one of the Romulans in the bay into the corridor."

There was a low hum as a Romulan centurion materialized near the commander. She looked at him, wondering if he was dead.

"Oh don't worry, he's not dead," Kaz said as he aimed the phaser. "Yet.” Kaz pulled the trigger, and a red beam of energy reached out and covered the unconscious Romulan. In a moment, the Romulan was gone, and the commander screamed in rage."

"KRENOK!" she yelled, turning her eyes on Kaz. "You heartless dog, he did not deserve to die like that."

"And believe it or not, it pained me to do that.” He said, as his gaze met hers. "But believe this also, I will kill every Romulan in that bay, unless you tell me what I want to know."

"Why are you so willing to go against your superiors?"

"Because I witnessed my parents slaughtered by Romulans when I was 4," he said. "Something like that stays with a person for the rest of there life, it eats away at their very soul."

The Romulan looked Kaz directly in the eye; she could see the rage that was there, tearing at his heart.

"I understand your hatred, but none of us are that old. With the war, there has been such a need for military; most of the commanders are young and inexperienced."

"War? The war is over."

"What! Who won?"

"The Alliance drove out the Dominion in a final assault on Cardassia Prime 2 months ago."

"Then… Romulus?" she asked, hesitantly.

"The Romulan Empire joined the Alliance 2 weeks after this ship was lost.” The Romulan turned away, unsure weather or not to believe him. They had been on this ship for a long time, and out of communication. It was possible that the war was over, but why would the Romulans turn on the Dominion?

"Captain, unless I know for certain if the war is in fact over, I cannot tell you anything about our mission.” She explained. "If you would allow me to contact my superiors, I could confirm your claims.” Kaz thought for a moment, he had grown up not trusting Romulans, but something about her told him to trust her.

"Very well," he said, still keeping his phaser on her. "We'll call your boss from the bridge."



It took 3 hours to find someone who knew the commander, and her mission. Finally, they got through to an Admiral Toran, who was none to happy to see the commander.

[Commander Setal, I see you have violated your orders, and broken radio silence] he said in a harsh tone.

"Yes Admiral," replied Setal. "I apologize, but certain information has come to my attention that had to be verified."

[About the war, I know] he replied. [The war is over commander, and the Romulan Empire has joined the alliance. You know what you have to do.]

"Yes Admiral," She said in an almost robotic tone. "We have failed the Tal Shiar, and the Empire, and will act appropriately.” Setal gave a quick Romulan salute as the admiral closed the channel.

"What do you mean 'act appropriately'?" asked Kaz.

"My people are Tal Shiar operatives, just as I am.” She explained. "The Tal Shiar does not tolerate failure, and by not capturing this ship, and violating orders by contacting the admiral, we have failed. We now have two options, either wait extradition, at which time we will be executed; or terminate our lives, here and now."

"What!” Kaz yelled. "That's ridiculous!"

"Why do you care Captain," She questioned. "You would have every last one of us killed."

"Maybe there is another way," Kaz offered hesitantly. "A way that would benefit both of us. You are right, I would like to see you die, but what would be the point? It would not bring my parents back. Someone once told me that I need to control my rage, and seeing more people die today would not help me do that."

"What do you suggest?" she asked inquisitively.

"Join my crew."

"Are you sure that is wise Captain?" she asked. "You hate us for killing your parents."

"Yes I do," he replied. "But I think it's time to leave the past behind, and think about what is to come. If our two peoples are to work together for the future, we must heal the wounds we carry in our hearts first; and I think it's they way my parents would have wanted it."



Setal could only stand there, watching him for a moment. She was not sure what to think, but the look in his eyes told her she could trust him, she could tell he was tired of hate.

"Very well," she said, holding out her hand. "I accept."

"Welcome aboard.” Kaz said with an awkward smile, as he clasped the hand of what had for so long been his enemy.
 
Well, thats it. The start of it anyway. I know it's still not very good and needs some work, so I'm hoping I can get some advice from other writers.
 
Sure, I'll read your story and post some comments. One piece of advice though. Probably the best way to get people to give you feedback on your stories is to give them feedback on theirs (it also helps you see how other people write Trek fiction...and in looking at and critiquing other work, you improve your own.)

So, get in there and read some stories.

Insert shameless plug disclaimer here:

There are many fine authors who post here, but in addition there are several who post stories set in a common Trek universe. In my humble opinion, only slightly influenced by the fact that I have been honored to join the group, they are some of the best writers here.

So check out stories by Cejay, DarKush, David Falkayn, Dnoth, Gibralter, HyperionReborn, The Lone Redshirt, Xeris, and myself (Dulak). Enjoy.
 
Dulak said:
Probably the best way to get people to give you feedback on your stories is to give them feedback on theirs

Well, I can honestly say I read your story about the Shepard. It's great. Far better then mine, and I love the characters.
 
What class is the Chimera? What class is her home-port in the Gamma Quadrant?

My suggestion is to go with a "Legacy-Class" starship by Galen of SciFi-Meshes.Com

Legacy_RedSpace.jpg


For your "Miranda Station" starbase, I'd go with an Alexandria-Class (advanced) shipyard designed by Jason Tinsley.

sb99-planet.jpg
 
Actually, I think it was a decent first effort. Some minor grammatical and tense problems, but nothing that couldn't be fixed once you've written more and started being able to self edit.

A little more distracting were a few procedural problems which seemed to conflict with standard Star Trek usage. i.e. Use of the Chimera's Hull (NCC) number in standard communication traffic. It doesn't tend to happen in any of the shows, so in your story it kind of strains the all important suspension of disbelief.

Also, instead of telling us via dialog, that Shar was "The best science officer in the fleet." Illustrate that point with some action on his part...or at least be more specific in some examples of why the Captain thought that. Merely hearing accolades of how good he is twice in as many paragraphs seems a bit contrived.

(re. Look at some of the feedback from early in the Shepard: Recovery story dealing with Dulak's computer skills. Readers here tend to be a bit skeptical of overly competent characters..at least until the characters can prove themselves.)

I also was a little apprehensive about two new pieces of technology introduced in one episode. The HD Folders and short range transporters. They also seemed to serve the same function, and when the time came to use the SR Transporters, the crew seemed to forget that five minutes ago they had used an another method of moving throughout the ship.

Introducing occasional technology/aliens etc. is OK, but you've got to sell it. One of the constraints of FanFic is that no matter what you do, you've still got to make the reader believe you are writing in the Trek universe for instance. In some respects it's harder than writing original fiction. Seems nice to be able to reference transporters and have readers know what they do...but that familiarity comes at a price. The price is that you have to keep them believing that you are firmly in the Star Trek universe.

Well, I'm not writing a dissertation here. Take my comments constructively where you can. They are my opinion, nothing more. I am no authority on either writing, or Star Trek fan fic.

Overall, I think your premise had promise and will be following your story, when I have time. Keep writing and remember, while comments are nice, you are untimately writing for your own satisfaction (one final benefit of Fan Fiction as opposed to more commercial writing...)

:)
 
Hellsgate-
First I'd like to thank everyone for their advice. I know this story still needs alot of work, which is why I decided to put it up here regardless of my apprehensions... I like the design you suggested for the station. However the Chimera has already been given a class. If you go to the stexpanded universe wiki site and look up the USS Chimera you will see her there. She is the prototype of her class, the Chimera class, and she is similar to the Defiant in aspects of size and flexability.

Dulak, I know, this one is a little heavy with detail. I just didn't know where to put it. Thats one of my hurdles when it comes to writing. The HD Folders are something that I wanted to introduce, but not use regularly... yet... I have alot of ideas running around in my head, and I'm not to sure what to do with them.

The use of the official designation comes from memory of one of the movies I think, when the USS Enterprise was leaving spacedock they called the enterprise by it's name and registry number. I could be wrong, like I said it's from memory, and it has been a while. The letter of request was trying to show how far the technicians were going to get off the ship. I was trying to illistrate the fact tat they had tried discussing it with the captain, but have now had to go to an official statement.

Again, thank you for your advice, I will try to improve my methods.
 
There is also some back history for Shar. A previous mission that him and Kaziarl were on that resulted in an accident that nearly cost Shar his life and his mind. It goes into a little more detail as to why shar feels inadequate, and why Kaziarl is trying to reassure him. Again, I just don't know where to put it.
 
Why not write it as a "flashback" in the next chapter, simply by adding a stardate & location at the beginning of the chapter in order to establish that you've taken a moment to fill in some noticed-at-the-last-second potholes in the story arc.
 
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