Somethings you don't want to see...ever

[Mary Ann]

One of the woman had dressed as a German Barmaid complete with short skirt and tam. And here she was, captured in high resolution digital glory, perched on the edge of the bar, her skirt hiked-up, with her vagina hanging out. But before all of you get excited let me describe her. She was 50, bleach blond, built like Ms. Balbricker, addicted to the tanning bed and didn't know the meaning of a bikini wax. Needless to say it looked like two old pieces of fuzzy beef jerky, surrounded by cottage cheese, melting down the front of the bar counter. I almost snapped the keyboard in half trying to delete that picture. I couldn't get it off the screen fast enough. *shudder* Now it is forever burned into my cerebrum haunting me in nightmares from the seventh level of hell.

Egad, you've just triggered a flashback of my own. Years ago I went for a girls' night out with some work colleagues and in the car park of the club our supervisor yanked up her skirt and said, "I don't have any knickers on!". She was at least wearing sheer tights, but as well as being a 50-year-old with a tanning bed habit she'd also had 5 kids, so the tights weren't really helping to, erm, keep everything together. The rest of us were traumatised!

 

[the 4th hanson bro]

Needless to say it looked like two old pieces of fuzzy beef jerky, surrounded by cottage cheese, melting down the front of the bar counter.

While the image is disturbing, the description is hilarious.

I was meeting with clients one day to finalize their investment portfolio or put their life insurance in place. The clients were old hippies who had been to woodstock. He was wearing khaki slacks and a button down shirt. She was wearing a crocheted sweater that she had made herself. Apparently she hadn't had time to crochet a bra, because about half-way through the meeting, her right nipple poked through the sweater at the table. It looked like it was pointing at my materials.

 

[Tribbles]

I'm going to Tennessee next weekend on vacation. I've been worried about bears; maybe they shouldn't be my biggest concern!

Hey I'm going there myself next weekend on vacation as well! Camping in the Smoky Mtns.

My guess is that a can of bear repellent works on mountain folk just as well.

Cool! I'm hoping there is some fall color by next weekend. If you're camping in a tent, you're much more brave than I am. We are staying in a condo near Gatlinburg, and I'm still worried about bears milling about the complex. Seriously, though, it looks like a beautiful area. I've never been, and I can't wait!

 

[Wynterhawk]

I'm going to Tennessee next weekend on vacation. I've been worried about bears; maybe they shouldn't be my biggest concern!

Hey I'm going there myself next weekend on vacation as well! Camping in the Smoky Mtns.

My guess is that a can of bear repellent works on mountain folk just as well.

Ooo. I love camping... though I do need to get another one person tent. Are you tent camping?

 

[SmoothieX]

Yeah, I'm bringing my airplane tent. As in, the pup tent I can stuff in a suitcase and bring along on the plane with me, as opposed to the larger tent that fits my wife, me, and 2 dogs, and luggage comfortably, where I can actually stand up.

When we fly somewhere, we kinda go minimalist, tent that's a tight squeeze for a married couple, sleeping bags, flash lights, and that's it.

I always have this mild fear that I will unzip the tent during the night to go pee, and see a bear munching away at my campsite, but the only things I've seen in this situation is a racoon or a fox.

I came around a bend to see a black bear at 30 feet away while in the Canadian Rockies, I just went the other way. A grizzly went through my general campground (not my specific site) in Denali last year, and I had a pair of coyotes right right in front of me in the Tetons one time on a trail.

Just be smart and cautious about things, and you will probably be fine and maybe see something amazing.

 

[scotpens]

. . . I was meeting with clients one day to finalize their investment portfolio or put their life insurance in place. The clients were old hippies who had been to woodstock. He was wearing khaki slacks and a button down shirt. She was wearing a crocheted sweater that she had made herself. Apparently she hadn't had time to crochet a bra, because about half-way through the meeting, her right nipple poked through the sweater at the table.

Good general advice: Women wearing crocheted tops should wear something underneath. Unless they look like this chick.

 

[RJDiogenes]

^^ Who is that?

But I really don't want to see Granny Clampet get her perv on while the kiddies are get theirs on.

There may be snow on the roof, but there's still fire in the furnace.

 

[F. King Daniel]

It's been ages, but isn't that a pic from the remake of The Time Machine?

 

[Locutus of Bored]

Yep, that's Samantha Mumba from 'The Time Machine.'

 

[RJDiogenes]

Oh, yes, I remember. She was about the only good thing about the movie.

 

[FPAlpha]

Awesome though i agree with the OP.. one doesn't need to see that. It's in the same vein as seeing your dad putting it good to mom (thankfully i've never had to experience that) or to see some really nasty chick doing it (and i don't mean the good nasty).

Once, when visiting Paris, we walked through the artists quarter Montmartre and a really old and ugly hooker slapped my ass (if she were 30 years younger and not so used up i might have gotten an ego boost).

 

[Mistral]

I was riding my bike once and crossed some train tracks. I saw a kitten that had tried to do the same thing at the wrong time. To this day, I don't know how it managed to hang on as long as it did, as I hadn't heard a train in an hour. The front half was fine-and I'll never erase the image of the back half from my mind. Or what I had to do next. I was only about 14-15 at the time...

 

[Starbreaker]

The last time I was at a laundromat this toothless old woman asked me to help her move out of her apartment because the crackheads were shooting at her.

Her husband was telling my mom about how he beat some guy to death in an alley with a pipe.

 

[Teelie]

I lived in Tennessee for a few years although it was on a military base in Millington a few miles outside of Memphis so we rarely had contact with "country folk." It wasn't a bad place to live but it probably wasn't average for the state either.

 

[RJDiogenes]

I was riding my bike once and crossed some train tracks. I saw a kitten that had tried to do the same thing at the wrong time. To this day, I don't know how it managed to hang on as long as it did, as I hadn't heard a train in an hour. The front half was fine-and I'll never erase the image of the back half from my mind. Or what I had to do next. I was only about 14-15 at the time...

That's horrible. But you did the right thing.

 

[TorontoTrekker]

For the record, I've gone through rural Tennessee, and I've spent a weekend in Chattanooga, and I've never seen this.

I think I'm glad.

(My ex-bf was born in Germantown and grew up in Memphis, and he's never mentioned anything like this, either. Probably a good thing.)

 

[AstroSmurf]

I spent two years in Nashville and I never saw it either. But if you go into some of the rural areas of the Appalachians...


And all this talk about bears is making me laugh. In the small development I am living at the moment, bears have become so common place that hearing them tromping around on the porch in the middle of the night is nothing. The trash stays locked up, the cats are fed inside and you never venture out into the yard at night without turning on the house flood lights. Several years ago the neighbors accidentally left their garage door up over night. When they came out to leave for work the next morning they found a black bear sitting in the middle of the hood on the Volvo eating the trash. I still don't think the insurance adjuster figured out how to list the damage on the car hood for the claim. "Mauled by Fat Ass Bear" was probably not on his form.

 

[RJDiogenes]

You have bears tromping around on your porch at night like squirrels? That sounds like some post-Apocalyptic nature-strikes-back movie.

 

[F. King Daniel]

Years ago one of our cats brought in a little field mouse, and the damn thing got away from her, immediately hiding behind a sofa. My mother and I came up with a brilliant plan: I would flush it out, and she would trap it under a sturdy carboard box. We'd then slide a thin bit of card under, carry the thing outside and release it. The perfect plan!

I flushed it out. Mum brought the box down - a little too late. Sort of.

She cut the mouse in two .

 

[Lindley]

Once I was driving along a minor road in Vermont, and passed a woman walking with two of her children. One was in a stroller, the other was a little girl of perhaps 3.....stark naked. On the side of the road.