Some People Are Jerks/Help Me Understand

[Gryffindorian]

I've always been an introverted guy, mostly keeping to myself and avoiding large groups or social situations. That's just me. I enjoy solitude and value peace and privacy. But as I get older, I feel I'm also getting somewhat antisocial, and certain negative interactions with some people aren't helping.

Today I just got back from an afternoon walk. Since my elliptical machine is currently down, I've been walking outdoors lately at this business park in a nearby city. It's mostly a commercial district for a lot of small to midsize corporate offices, with a fantastic view of the San Francisco Bay. There's a nice two-mile strip overlooking the water where people can be seen jogging, walking, biking or fishing.

So on my way home today, I decided to drive over to Harbor Bay to take a quick stroll. About 30 minutes later, I was walking back to my car along a pathway for bicyclists and pedestrians alike. There were two men ahead of me, both of whom were dog owners walking their pets. I passed by a rather adorable, slow-walking dog that was unleashed, and I was just minding my own business. The owner, a middle-aged man said to me, "He's no danger to you!" in a sort of sarcastic tone. I just smirked at the guy and walked right past him. As I walked farther down, I could sort of hear him complaining to his friend about me.

I thought, what an unusual and unpleasant thing to say! What could possibly have brought it on? I suppose I could've confronted the old jerk and said, "What the hell is YOUR problem?!? I didn't say or do anything. I didn't say, 'Go put your fucking dog on a leash.' I don't give a shit about your pet!" I could've made it into something nastier that would've completely ruined an otherwise nice afternoon, but I just walked away, not saying anything.

Maybe some of you can explain this to me, but what the HELL is wrong with people?!? What could I have possibly done to upset that douchebag? I usually treat people with respect and courtesy (except those giving me a bad attitude), and I could not for the life of me think of what I did to elicit such rudeness. The guy didn't appear to be drunk or crazy, so I have no other explanation for his behavior.

What say you? How often do you come across special people like that, and how do you deal with them? I may not have seen the last of him, but when our paths cross again, it won't be pleasant.

 

[Kestra]

Well what did he say when he was complaining to his friend?

 

[Ar-Pharazon]

It's a simplistic answer, but like you said, "some people are jerks".

You shouldn't spend energy worrying about why, there could be lots of reasons for it.

Though, I'll get into it with anyone if they're being truly asinine.

 

[Gryffindorian]

I couldn't hear much of what he said, but he called me an "asshole," which would've been enough for an average guy to walk up to him and punch his face. He was visibly upset about something I did (or didn't do).

EDIT: What the guy initially said was completely random and unexpected. "He's no threat to you!" I didn't say or imply in any way the dog was. I thought he was cute, but his owner was a total jackass.

 

[Mr Silver]

I had some lady racially insult me today because she didn't realise I was in front of her in the queue. I just laughed it off and got on with my day, sure it pissed me off, but it wasn't worth getting upset over and causing a fuss.

Just don't give "jerks" your attention by rising to their unjustified bullshit.

 

[Gryffindorian]

It's a simplistic answer, but like you said, "some people are jerks".

You shouldn't spend energy worrying about why, there could be lots of reasons for it.

Though, I'll get into it with anyone if they're being truly asinine.

Aye. I'm just mystified in really bad way.

EDIT:

Admiral M, you're a lot more patient than people here in the U.S.

 

[Mr Silver]

^ Yeah, when it's directed at me. I find it much harder to not get assertive and confrontational if it's directed at friends and people I care about.

 

[Kestra]

I couldn't hear much of what he said, but he called me an "asshole," which would've been enough for an average guy to walk up to him and punch his face. He was visibly upset about something I did (or didn't do).

EDIT: What the guy initially said was completely random and unexpected. "He's no threat to you!" I didn't say or imply in any way the dog was. I thought he was cute, but his owner was a total jackass.

You need to calm down dude. Honestly, his initial comment doesn't sound like anything bad. It's the kind of thing someone could say jokingly with a smile on his face! I wasn't there to see what happened, obviously, but I feel like you're making a huge deal out of situation that you aren't even that clear on.

Who knows what made him make that comment? Maybe you looked like you were scared of the dog and giving it some distance. Maybe the owner is used to people being nervous around his dog and was just letting you know that his dog wasn't a threat.

The asshole thing is really unclear since you didn't hear anything else and it's difficult to know if it was even directed at you.

People have misunderstandings all the time. We don't communicate perfectly. What you thought was a sarcastic tone might have been something else. Your smirk might have appeared to be saying something else to the guy. At the end of the day, there's not much to go on here so you shouldn't make a big deal out of it.

And honestly being called an asshole isn't enough for an average guy to walk up and punch someone. There aren't many valid reasons to punch someone, and this doesn't come anywhere near it.

You need to drop this instead of getting more worked up about it while people here egg you on. That's exactly the wrong way to deal with it.

 

[Kelthaz]

I couldn't hear much of what he said, but he called me an "asshole," which would've been enough for an average guy to walk up to him and punch his face.

Yeah, don't worry about it. You'll get more assertive with time and learn how to stand up for yourself. For example, just last week I was getting my hair cut and while the hairdresser was ringing up my bill, she rolled her eyes at a little joke I made. I mean, what a bitch, right? So I roundhouse kicked her right through the window. Of course, I left her a generous tip. It was a nice haircut after all.

 

[TEACAKE'S PLEATHER DOME]

Maybe some of you can explain this to me, but what the HELL is wrong with people?!? What could I have possibly done to upset that douchebag?

I think you need to get that elliptical machine fixed.

 

[DonIago]

Molehill, Meet Mountain.

 

[sidious618]

I feel like I'm missing part of the story here.

 

[Nerys Myk]

It's possible others have made comments about the dog not being on a leash and the guy had a knee jerk reaction to you looking at the dog.

 

[Tom Hendricks]

Could it be his reaction was based on an iterped reaction on your part. Most people don't randomly say things like this unless they perceive something from the other party. I'm not saying you actually reacted in anyway, just that HE perceived a reaction.

 

[Locutus of Bored]

Admiral M, you're a lot more patient than people here in the U.S.

No, not really. It's pretty standard for the vast majority of people not to instantly launch into a Wild West bar fight when they're insulted; even here.

 

[TEACAKE'S PLEATHER DOME]

If someone calls you an asshole and you punch them in the face that's assault where I live.

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Of course people are jerks. But you don't answer that with more jerkiness. That way lies madness, or at least broken noses.

What you've got to do is fight back passive-aggressively. For instance: I am spending two weeks in New York City, and I see jerks every day. But there's ways around that. Such as, when your subway car is invaded by the jackass selling pirated DVDs, you wait till the train arrives at a station and then is about to leave again, yell out "THEY'RE ALL FAKE!!", and book it out of the subway car.

You feel better, and no harm done.

Note: This also works on 8th Avenue with the weirdo hawking "free NFL tickets," or the ticket scalpers outside any major stadium.

 

[Gryffindorian]

Thanks, everyone. Going back to what Kestra said about the way I looked at the dog, i've thought about that, and maybe that was the trigger. Did the owner somehow think that I felt threatened by his little dog? Nothing could be further from the truth. And even if I was scared, I did or said nothing that might have offended him. I didn't yell, ”Shoo! Get away, you sick animal!”

At this point, I don't have any details to add. I'm not going to dwell on it, but I would rather it didn't happen again.

 

[sidious618]

Dude should have had his dog on a leash, though. It's dangerous for him should the dog do something and it's also dangerous for the dog.

 

[Jono]

Maybe it was the smirk that made the guy think you were the jackass.