Social Skills

[RoJoHen]

I used to be unbelievably shy until I started working at a restaurant where I was forced to interact with lots of people face-to-face for hours on end. Between the customers and my crazy co-workers, I definitely learned to break out of my shell.

I'm still a bit awkward, though. I am terrible at small talk. I've been a bartender for the last 4 years, so you'd think I'd be better at it, but I'm not. The problem is that I really don't care about anything these random people are talking about.

Few people do. I certainly don't. You can still learn to enjoy the process, the to-and-fro of the social chit-chat, without actually remembering any of what they're saying for more than a few minutes though.

However, two friends of mine really DO remember this stuff. You can plonk either of them down next to someone at a dinner or a party, and they will extract insane amounts of information from those around them, and remember a majority of it. I'm always astonished when, at the next social occasion, they will be able to regurgitate the information and pick up the conversation from where they left off. They're both brilliant to take along to any function for this very reason (as well as being nice people, of course!)

I really do think women have a brain (or more accurately, social attitude) more suited to this functionality. Both those friends are female, and while I have met other ladies who can also perform this trick, I have never ever met a man who can do it.

Men small-talk operates purely on a functional/incidental level, no matter how skilled they are at doing it, and it takes several repetitions to actually retain the information long-term!

I am actually a fantastic listener and remember things very well. The real problem is that, while I can listen to these people talk for a long time, I never have anything to say in response. They look at me like I am knowledgable or care about what they're talking about and hope for me to chime in with my opinion, and all I can usually muster is an awkward "Yeah."

 

[KimMH]

Extremely fluid on the outer layers, with a less fluid core.

A social person could learn to abstain from contacts with other people, but in the short term he will still be a social person without social contacts. Given enough time, they will become more and more of a loner, until they won't be a social person any more. The same is true for the opposite, of course.

kind of like the difference between temperament and personality. temperament seems more integral to a person's character - personality can vary based on situations. both can change over time but temperament seems to be a foundation personality builds upon.

 

[MetalPants]

I swore this thread wouldn't turn whiny, but here I am after another failed date in a bar. Yeah it may be the alcohol, but I am tired of crappy dates. Is it to much to ask for a pretty girl with at least a modicum of intelligence to be interested in me? I mean I am at least decent looking and I don't have problems getting dates,:if only they were sane and had some sense about them

 

[RoJoHen]

a pretty girl with at least a modicum of intelligence

Forget about dating. I have a hard enough time finding this at all!

 

[MetalPants]

Besides tonight, the last date I was on the girl didn't know who Mozart was.

 

[iguana_tonante]

I am terrible at small talk. I've been a bartender for the last 4 years, so you'd think I'd be better at it, but I'm not. The problem is that I really don't care about anything these random people are talking about.

Few people do. I certainly don't. You can still learn to enjoy the process, the to-and-fro of the social chit-chat, without actually remembering any of what they're saying for more than a few minutes though. [/QUOTE]Word.

Extremely fluid on the outer layers, with a less fluid core.

kind of like the difference between temperament and personality. temperament seems more integral to a person's character - personality can vary based on situations. both can change over time but temperament seems to be a foundation personality builds upon.

Sounds good.

 

[Emher]

Fluid and changing. Otherwise I'd still be sitting at home as much as I possibly could. Or be extrovert and hyper like I was when I was about five.

 

[Cheapjack]

Mine have been fixed since about age seven, I guess. I'd be a more socially skilled person, if I had somebody. Though, I'm quite good at pretending to be insensitive. I've started to talk to people again and to listen.

 

[KimMH]

Sounds good.

 

[Cheapjack]

Does the ability to remember names, get any bettter? That's really hard.

I feel I've got better, considering I've enncountered a hell of a lot people who were almost totally self centred and very skilled at hiding it and appearing sociable. And, very good at getting you to put your foot in it.

Getting away without losing a limb, and still being able to interact, is good. Not everybody's like that.

 

[Holdfast]

I am terrible at small talk. I've been a bartender for the last 4 years, so you'd think I'd be better at it, but I'm not. The problem is that I really don't care about anything these random people are talking about.

Few people do. I certainly don't. You can still learn to enjoy the process, the to-and-fro of the social chit-chat, without actually remembering any of what they're saying for more than a few minutes though.

Word.

I somehow knew you'd understand.

Does the ability to remember names, get any bettter? That's really hard.

If you actually WANT to remember their names (not always the case), the old salesman's trick of using it several times in consecutive sentences while talking to them works well to reinforce the memory. Don't keep doing it with every sentence afterwards though, you start to come across as having a weird fixation on their name...

 

[Tora Ziyal]

If you actually WANT to remember their names (not always the case), the old salesman's trick of using it several times in consecutive sentences while talking to them works well to reinforce the memory. Don't keep doing it with every sentence afterwards though, you start to come across as having a weird fixation on their name...

Yeah, if someone I've just met uses my name even twice in a short period of time, I assume they're doing it as a "technique."

 

[goofy]

I have to agree with strangequark. they're fluid, depending on the level of an illegal or legal but still mind altering substance. go to planned parenthood for official statistics.

*snix*

 

[Bisz]

Very fluid. Our social skills are very much shaped by our surroundings, be it at school, work or home.

 

[Cheapjack]

Learning to do what people want you to do, socially,when exactly they want you to do it, is difficult. When you do it, you really leap ahead. And you get results. If you struggle or refuse, you end up putting your foot in it. Well, I do. But it sometimes takes months and months before I do. I take Spock as my primary role model, from about age seven, cos it seemed a good thing to do, given my surroundings. But Spock fenced socially in conversation and I just pretend I don't understand and come across as arrogant.