Sexy or Creepy?

[MANT!]

Well stated TSQ...

Each adult should set their own standards..
It just happened that when I kissed my (now) wife for the first time I felt that
"Fortune favors the foolish" and REALLY kissed her..like the man in TSQ's story...

It just happened that in her culture, one shows interest by being a bit more "forward"
than in American culture..I'd actually done the correct thing!

and now we have a happy marriage..

Dear wife didn't think I was creepy..she thought I was interested..and interesting for having done something often done in South American culture..

 

[iguana_tonante]

So, I'm not buying your argument that it was a cultural misunderstanding. And, no I'm more than a tourist in France. I have some family there.

Are you trying to tell me that you know my culture better than me ? That's going to be funny

Well, he was telling tsq he knows what happened to her better than herself, so it stands to reason that he knows France better than the French. Same logic there.

 

[O'Dib]

Well stated TSQ...

Each adult should set their own standards..
It just happened that when I kissed my (now) wife for the first time I felt that
"Fortune favors the foolish" and REALLY kissed her..like the man in TSQ's story...

It just happened that in her culture, one shows interest by being a bit more "forward"
than in American culture..I'd actually done the correct thing!

and now we have a happy marriage..

Dear wife didn't think I was creepy..she thought I was interested..and interesting for having done something often done in South American culture..

I did the opposite of what one should with people from that culture. There was a hot Latina at Uni who talked in class about having been abused as a kid, so I thought showing interest would be met with suspicion. And I must've figured she was a man-hater, 'cause I interpreted her aggressive advances as actual hostility, and did nothing. Then she called me gay, and that was the end of that.

 

[Amaris]

Sometimes it's difficult to gauge interest. I found out a few years ago that one of the girls who was in my group in high school had a huge crush on me, and I never knew. As it turns out, I had a bit of a crush on her, too. I didn't push it because her family was very strict. She didn't push it because she didn't think I liked her like that. Signals are a pain in the ass.

 

[iguana_tonante]

I had troubles with that when I was a teenager, too. Now that I'm older and wiser, I just assume that anybody wants a piece of iguana, and I have yet to be proven wrong.

 

[Amaris]

I had troubles with that when I was a teenager, too. Now that I'm older and wiser, I just assume that anybody wants a piece of iguana, and I have yet to be proven wrong.

Hmm. This could work.

Seriously, I'm interested in a lot of people, but I have this code of behavior and it's so ingrained, it's sometimes very difficult to push past it and take a chance, even though intellectually, I know taking chances are the only way to success. I just don't want to offend anyone.

Or land in jail.

 

[MANT!]

Shock therapy may help...

 

[Kestra]

Sometimes it's difficult to gauge interest. I found out a few years ago that one of the girls who was in my group in high school had a huge crush on me, and I never knew. As it turns out, I had a bit of a crush on her, too. I didn't push it because her family was very strict. She didn't push it because she didn't think I liked her like that. Signals are a pain in the ass.

Just make your interest known in an non-offensive way. If they are interested, they'll follow up.

 

[RAMA]

I didn't vote, I could see both arguments, but I feel ultimately it's your personal opinion, if you enjoyed it, and made that apparent to the other person, then it's not assault, however I'm still leaning towards a vote of creepy.

Just today I was at a car dealership and the woman (not unattractive) was talking to me in a friendly tone, and next thing I know she wrapped both her hands around mine and started pulling me slightly towards her..I was somewhat irked, but I didn't really say anything. My wife was 30 feet away but couldn't see. I wonder if this kind of thing would have been seen differently if a man had done it to a woman.

Typical sales technique. Work in a touch and it's proven that they'll get more sales, larger tip, or whatever.

Mr Awe

There were no sales involved, it was a warranty issue where they may not even have had any money involved from me at all.

 

[Guartho]

I believe dealerships get paid to do warranty work.

 

[Trekker4747]

Signals are a pain in the ass.

This.

I've struggled with it all of my life.

 

[Kommander]

Signals are a pain in the ass.

This.

I've struggled with it all of my life.

Watching other people interact, I see every signal, no matter how subtle. If I meet people that are together, within seconds I can tell how strong their relationship is, if they have problems, whatever. I'm not perfect at it, but I'm wrong less than 1% of the time.

With my own interactions and relationships, I'm almost completely oblivious. This is especially frustrating.

 

[Emher]

Sometimes it's difficult to gauge interest. I found out a few years ago that one of the girls who was in my group in high school had a huge crush on me, and I never knew. As it turns out, I had a bit of a crush on her, too. I didn't push it because her family was very strict. She didn't push it because she didn't think I liked her like that. Signals are a pain in the ass.

Ain't that the fucking truth.

 

[ares93]

Sometimes it's difficult to gauge interest. I found out a few years ago that one of the girls who was in my group in high school had a huge crush on me, and I never knew. As it turns out, I had a bit of a crush on her, too. I didn't push it because her family was very strict. She didn't push it because she didn't think I liked her like that. Signals are a pain in the ass.

Ain't that the fucking truth.

Amen brother!

 

[Mr Awe]

Sounds like you're both assuming French culture is one massively uniform monolith of uniform uniformity.

Not really. I was actually going to write that some women will accept those situations and some don't but I changed my post several times to not state the obvious etc etc...But that was not my initial objection to Mr Awe's post. I wanted to say that when the guy said he wanted to kiss her, he meant exactly what he did, there was no manipulation. That's my initial objection.
For some reasons, Mr Awe reacts like he wants to teach me morality instead "what is acceptable, what is not acceptable, what is expected bla bla bla"

You're just not paying attention. The kiss wasn't the big deal. Clearly the groping. But, you're playing thick ,so I'm guessing you won't get this either. That appears to be your debate "style". Have fun.

Mr Awe

 

[Mr Awe]

Mr Awe, I just want to make one more effort to get something across to you, as you don't seem to be aware: it is tremendously demeaning, patronizing, and hurtful to insist upon continuing with this hyperbole. What happened on that bridge was not manipulation, assault, abuse, molestation, or harassment. Even if you cannot personally comprehend this fact, out of respect to me, as a woman who has actually experienced real assault, abuse, molestation, and harassment, and out of respect for others who have experienced real assault, abuse, molestation, and harassment, at least try to be more aware about your usage of such terms, and concede that as the person to whom this happened, that I am not a naive idiot, or a little girl who needs protection, and that it is my right as a competent, grown woman to determine my personal boundaries, whether or not they agree with what you would feel comfortable with, or what you assume "most women" would deem appropriate.

You misunderstand. I'm not judging you at all, just him. He lied to get what he wanted. You may be happy with the outcome, as is you're right. But, it is my right to feel that what he did was wrong. He manipulated someone. That doesn't diminish you in any way. It certainly is not meant to insult you. I don't think you are naive at all.

Mr Awe

 

[thestrangequark]

^Again, there was no lying (at least no apparent lying...he might have been in town longer than he said, perhaps I didn't really look like someone he went to school with, there's no way for either of us to know that), there was no manipulation, and to continue to say as much is certainly insulting to me, and certainly implies that I am naive.

 

[MANT!]

Just remember, Mr. Awe knows ALL!!

 

[Mr Awe]

^Again, there was no lying (at least no apparent lying...he might have been in town longer than he said, perhaps I didn't really look like someone he went to school with, there's no way for either of us to know that), there was no manipulation, and to continue to say as much is certainly insulting to me, and certainly implies that I am naive.

I wasn't referring to those things that he said. He asked for a kiss. Is that all you got?

At any rate, I've said all that I'm going to say. We're each entitled to our opinions.

I am sincerely glad that it was a positive experience.

Mr Awe

 

[Amaris]

^Again, there was no lying (at least no apparent lying...he might have been in town longer than he said, perhaps I didn't really look like someone he went to school with, there's no way for either of us to know that), there was no manipulation, and to continue to say as much is certainly insulting to me, and certainly implies that I am naive.

I wasn't referring to those things that he said. He asked for a kiss. Is that all you got?

At any rate, I've said all that I'm going to say. We're each entitled to our opinions.

I am sincerely glad that it was a positive experience.

Mr Awe

The difference being that hers is more informed since she was, you know, there.