Seems Odd to Me *blink*
- Thread starter Adm_Hawthorne
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My classes haven't been in formal psychology, just workplace management styles and dealing with different personality types, etc. But I would have called your example a very hard style aggressive, it's an insult, a put down, followed up by dismissing completely the other person's POV and ignoring their feelings.
Oh, and a comment about the Original Post, it's years since I've read Miss Manners, but I remember it was common for the writers to dress up their language, pretty much how Miss M would answer in a overly proper descriptive. So I don't really read anything in how they worded it, they are just controlling snobs looking for affirmation.
Oh, and a comment about the Original Post, it's years since I've read Miss Manners, but I remember it was common for the writers to dress up their language, pretty much how Miss M would answer in a overly proper descriptive. So I don't really read anything in how they worded it, they are just controlling snobs looking for affirmation.
I'm such an addict to these kinds of columns: Miss Manners, Dear Abby, Dear Margo, etc.
It's like a mini-Jerry Springer episode in each post.
It's like a mini-Jerry Springer episode in each post.
The way you phrase it, it seems like you're describing parents who are trying to protect their son from mistakes that can hurt him, but which it might be better for him to learn from his mistakes. That could be construed as a form of love and concern for their son.
Forgive me for disagreeing, but this has nothing to do with protecting a loved one. This is simply control, plain and simple. It has nothing to do with what they feel is best for their son, it is them wanting to control his life. Pure selfishness, there. That's all.
M
Mr Cool Dude
Guest
I must be in the minority, then.
Of course, I could never live with my sweetheart if marriage first was a requirement.
Even still, the amount of insulting things in this letter keep stacking up, don't they?
Philip Larkin - This Be The Verse
They fuck you up, your mum and dad.
They may not mean to, but they do.
They fill you with the faults they had
And add some extra, just for you.
But they were fucked up in their turn
By fools in old-style hats and coats,
Who half the time were soppy-stern
And half at one another's throats.
Man hands on misery to man.
It deepens like a coastal shelf.
Get out as early as you can,
And don't have any kids yourself.
They're parents.. 'nuff said.
Some are pretty laid back while some are as uptight as they can be.
Cake though was a thread here some time ago where a link was posted about a prank phone call where a young jewish woman who went to college in LA, SF or whatever called her parents in New York to tell them about her new boyfriend.
They didn't take kindly to him being black and lost it.. father screaming at the top of his lungs into the phone for her to immediately come home while her mother had a near nervous breakdown (not because she had a boyfriend but because he was black and non-jewish). Matter wasn't helped much by the person playing the black guy goading the dad with some choice remarks.
Compared to that these parents are ok.. a little overprotective and old-fashioned but nothing to worry about.
Personally as soon as i earned my own money steadily i was in a position to tell my parents off when they overstepped the line.. it was difficult at first but they changed a bit too.
Some are pretty laid back while some are as uptight as they can be.
Cake though was a thread here some time ago where a link was posted about a prank phone call where a young jewish woman who went to college in LA, SF or whatever called her parents in New York to tell them about her new boyfriend.
They didn't take kindly to him being black and lost it.. father screaming at the top of his lungs into the phone for her to immediately come home while her mother had a near nervous breakdown (not because she had a boyfriend but because he was black and non-jewish). Matter wasn't helped much by the person playing the black guy goading the dad with some choice remarks.
Compared to that these parents are ok.. a little overprotective and old-fashioned but nothing to worry about.
Personally as soon as i earned my own money steadily i was in a position to tell my parents off when they overstepped the line.. it was difficult at first but they changed a bit too.
Did the letter say the kid was going to die?
The fake boyfriend wasn't even supposed to be black, he was said to be of Italian descent. Everyone seemed to think it was hilarious, but nobody seemed to want to draw attention to the fact that the Jewish dad was a bigot of epic proportions.
No.Did the letter say the kid was going to die?
When she says this, in the letter:
she means that she has no intention of speaking to or meeting her son's live-in girlfriend until either A) the two of them are formally married, or B) something terminal has happened to her son and she can no longer easily avoid having contact with the girlfriend. She didn't say he was going to die; it was just her feeling that it was going to have to come to that before she'd speak to the woman her son hadn't "made an honest woman" by marrying.
To me, that is just the worst of the worst. This is her son she's talking about here, not some random guy off the street. She would rather not interact with her child than to see the woman he clearly cares a great deal about.
That concept is baffling to me. I really have a hard time wrapping my brain around it.
That concept is baffling to me. I really have a hard time wrapping my brain around it.
Just because one is related to someone by flesh and blood does not guarantee a lifetime bond. I have an older brother (I'm the youngest of five) who has been estranged from the family for close to 20 years. It's his choice, and the rest of us certainly don't go to bed at night fraught with worry and distress about it. Then, our sister, who is the oldest, has been scamming people for years and is a downright bitch. We remaining boys figure she is a sociopath. A couple of years ago, I was dumb enough to move her in with me as she'd been unemployed due to an injury and her landlord was proceeding to evict her. I quickly learned that she's lazy, manipulative, and wants everyone to abide by *HER* demands. I booted her out of my house with plenty of advanced warning; however, she spun it to our parents that I kicked her out for no apparent reason, and they judged me quickly as the asshole. Mind you, she waited until I was at work before trashing my house and stealing almost everything I owned (furniture, dishes, cooking utensils, etc), and I haven't spoken to my parents in over three years. Again, I don't go to bed at night in angst over it, because I was not put on this earth to make them happy nor to do their bidding.
Long story short -- we're here to live our lives as we see fit and not by someone else's standards.
"Concubine?"
Every day I wake up thinking it's the 21st Century, and every day I'm reminded it's still the 19th.
My one ambition for today is to try to use the word "concubine" in normal conversation.
I understand this more than I care to go into great detail on here.
However, his parents are choosing to interact with him, and he's choosing to allow the interaction. This indicates to me that a relationship does exist on some level. As such, it leads me to be baffled that you would love your son to be concerned but not enough to be involved.
That double standard makes my head spin.
What about this is making your head spin? You've essentially answered your own question. The parents don't approve of their son's lifestyle choice (eg shacking up) and have basically issued an ultimatum - get married or we'll have no contact with you *unless* something bad happens. Like some of us have stated earlier, passive-aggressive.
No.Did the letter say the kid was going to die?
When she says this, in the letter:
she means that she has no intention of speaking to or meeting her son's live-in girlfriend until either A) the two of them are formally married, or B) something terminal has happened to her son and she can no longer easily avoid having contact with the girlfriend. She didn't say he was going to die; it was just her feeling that it was going to have to come to that before she'd speak to the woman her son hadn't "made an honest woman" by marrying.
Ah, I misunerstood when reading. The woman has a stick up her ass and she needs to live in 20th century. She knows nothing about the woman and is making a lot presumptions about based simply on her living conditions (unmarried and with her son) and she wants nothing to do with her unless she has to be with her? No wonder he son moved to the otherside of the country.
I have the right to have a head spinning moment at such an outrageous double standard.
I was never asking for clarification of the whys and hows. I asked if anyone else found this as jacked up as I did.
In other words, you've never had direct contact with narrow-minded and controlling people? Not a criticism, it's a direct question, because I can understand this woman's thinking as I've been exposed to her type.
I live in the South.
I'm a homosexual.
I'm out.
One half my family is Catholic and the other half is Southern Baptist.
Yeah, I have, in fact, been in direct contact with narrow-minded people.
This is me... on a discussion board in a forum designed for light discussion ...being irritated, annoyed, offended, and slightly saddened that this type of person does exist. I'm not shocked that they do. I'm not 5.
The fact they do exist does not prevent me from having head spinning moments at their existence, however. I am still allowed to give a 'what the f*ck' shout over it.
Hmm, I don't know what to say. I can't understand why you're so perplexed by it, but whatever.
Yikes!
I don't know why this thread has become adversarial--everyone is pretty much in agreement that the parents in the original letter are closed-minded douchebags. I don't think there's anything wrong with taking an example like that and pointing out the stupidity of it. Hell, how many threads around here are just people bitching about things they don't like about life? Controlling, meddlesome parents are definitely up there in the list of life's annoyances.
Personally, I have no problem with threads like this. Jerkoffs should have bright lights shone on them so we can all have a laugh at the errors of their ways.
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