Seems Odd to Me *blink*

[Yeoman Randi]

You'd think that they would be happy enough that he lives in San Francisco and is heterosexual.

"Honest woman?" These people need to get a grip.

Yeah, they sound very old fashioned to me. To even use the term "honest woman" pretty much dates them.

True story: When my boyfriend (who is now my husband) moved in with me we went to his parents house to get some of his things. His mother pulled herself up and said,

"I always knew my son would one day leave me, but i never thought it would be like this!"

I really wish we had a vomiting emoticon.

PS, she also had shit fits when we weren't married in a church by a priest. And she continued to press us through the years to renew our vows by a priest until her dying day.

PSS. All her nieces/nephews etc that WERE married in a church by a priest are all divorced. The husband and i are the only couple still together. For 30 years.

Eventually i did come to love the woman but boy i have to tell you, did i want to tell her to go fuck herself that day. It really was time for a colorful metaphor!

 

[Spot's Meow]

What an insulting letter. He's "gone native" and in "his part of the country"? When they so nonchalantly insult an entire region of the country like its just a fact of life that we're all blasphemous sinners out here, it is not difficult to see why they don't like the situation their son is in. What really bothers me most is that they just ASSUME that she is a bad person with no morals who is clearly corrupting their son. They don't even KNOW her! And do they have that little trust and faith in their son that they assume all his choices in partners will be crap? What judgemental people.

It does seem odd to me, not surprising of course, but odd that anyone could sit down and write this letter without realizing what a selfish controlling parent they are. Thankfully I know no people like this in my life. But of course that's to be expected out in this part of the country!

 

[doubleohfive]

Seems Odd to Me *blink*

 

[Robert Maxwell]

Oh man. If you guys think this is bad, listen to Dr. Laura's radio show sometime. One of her hot buttons is going off about "shack-up honeys". The righteous indignation that spews from her mouth is endlessly entertaining.

 

[Mr Cool Dude]

I think most parents try to influence their adult children. I think it's just something you have to put up with.

 

[Adm_Hawthorne]

I think most parents try to influence their adult children. I think it's just something you have to put up with.

I must be in the minority, then.

Of course, I could never live with my sweetheart if marriage first was a requirement.

Even still, the amount of insulting things in this letter keep stacking up, don't they?

 

[sbk1234]

What an insulting letter. He's "gone native" and in "his part of the country"? When they so nonchalantly insult an entire region of the country like its just a fact of life that we're all blasphemous sinners out here, it is not difficult to see why they don't like the situation their son is in. What really bothers me most is that they just ASSUME that she is a bad person with no morals who is clearly corrupting their son. They don't even KNOW her! And do they have that little trust and faith in their son that they assume all his choices in partners will be crap? What judgemental people.

In my experience, the self-rightous people who tend to judge others and look down their noses at them often prove to be the most immoral people of all. My brother-in-law's ex-bitch used to spout off about her high morals and all. Eventually he found out she was cheating on him. To this day, she can rationalize that it was his fault because he worked a lot to keep a roof over their heads and feed their children.
Unfortunately there's no arguing with people like this.
It's a big part of the reason I spend more time with my dogs.

 

[M'Sharak]

You'd think that they would be happy enough that he lives in San Francisco and is heterosexual.

I get the notion they'd be distinctly uneasy with a word like "heterosexual" for the reason that it implies another term which would make them really uncomfortable.

"Honest woman?" These people need to get a grip.

They need to break out of the 19th century, but I'm not sure I see that ever happening.

 

[propita]

Oh, Hubby and I "lived in sin" for NINE years before marrying. Mom and Dad were not happy and I was almost disowned--he wasn't Jewish. But neither of my older siblings married someone Jewish (well, my sister-in-law converted, but she doesn't follow a single rule beyond having her sons circumcised--no bar-mitzvahs, no Sunday School), and that was before Hubby and I "shacked up."

They were also unhappy that we were living together, but when we finally did say we were getting married, their first question (like a lot of people we knew) was, "Is she pregnant?" No. Hubby needed medical insurance for school.

My parents learned to love him, pretty much as a son, and respect him. Which is sometimes more important.

 

[John Picard]

They were also unhappy that we were living together, but when we finally did say we were getting married, their first question (like a lot of people we knew) was, "Is she pregnant?" No. Hubby needed medical insurance for school.

Marriage of convenience, eh?

 

[K'Ehleyr]

To the OP all I can say is it's a very blinkered view.

My parents used to let my girlfriend stay in the spare room when I was a teenager, but when we were sure that my parents were asleep she would sneak into my room (she was only human after all) and we would set the alarm so she could get back to her room before my parents woke up. One night we forgot to set the alarm and my mother walked in with a cup of tea for me to find us in bed together. The look on her face was one of great disappointment.

She tried to give me the whole "my house, my rules" lecture later on, but it was hard to take it seriously with my father standing there grinning like the Cheshire Cat.

The 'my house my rules' lecture doesn't seem to cut it anymore.
The question is do you let them do it outside or at home?
I've not come across 17 yr old Son 'in flagrante delicto' yet!
But I let him and his older friends drink alcohol and I often get a whiff of a distinct herbal smell from his room.
I don't like it ~ but they're going to do it somewhere and I'd rather they did it somewhere they didn't get arrested.
Unfortunately that's the position I find myself in and I can't see an answer.

 

[propita]

They were also unhappy that we were living together, but when we finally did say we were getting married, their first question (like a lot of people we knew) was, "Is she pregnant?" No. Hubby needed medical insurance for school.

Marriage of convenience, eh?

Actually, kinda. Cause he was without insurance for a year by that time (COBRA had run out) and pharmacy school required insurance--Hubby figured marrying me was cheaper than the $1000/yr the school would charge.

I had to ask him, "Well, do you wanna just do it?" and I wasn't asking about sex. But it's been 23 years together, counting those nine, so...what the hell. I'm happy. He's happy. And we're not imposing on anyone. That's all that matters.

And I've told him I want to celebrate our 25th Anniversary in 2012. I don't care that it's not a wedding anniversary. We've been together and it's been just us. No "we were on a break" or anything.

 

[Danoz]

My parents used to let my girlfriend stay in the spare room when I was a teenager, but when we were sure that my parents were asleep she would sneak into my room (she was only human after all) and we would set the alarm so she could get back to her room before my parents woke up. One night we forgot to set the alarm and my mother walked in with a cup of tea for me to find us in bed together. The look on her face was one of great disappointment.

She tried to give me the whole "my house, my rules" lecture later on, but it was hard to take it seriously with my father standing there grinning like the Cheshire Cat.

That is a really good story-- haha-- and well told. Kudos

 

[Danoz]

I grew up taught that live with someone you weren't married to was inappropriate and immoral. They're just "shacking up" -- a clear sign that a couple was engaging in premarital relations . My parents have since liberalized (having my kid brother "come out" his Junior year of high school will do that to reasonable people)-- and at 25 I can't imagine they would have much problem with me living with somebody-- particularly if she wasn't crazy.

 

[RJDiogenes]

"Concubine?"

Every day I wake up thinking it's the 21st Century, and every day I'm reminded it's still the 19th.

 

[Colonel Green]

They're not comfortable meeting their son's "concubine", but they have no problem associating with their whore-monger of a son? Typical

 

[Miss Chicken]

When my youngest son was about 24 I let his girlfriend move into my house. I quite liked her even though she was bone lazy. The only real problem apart from that was she was so loud when they made love that I would have to turn the TV in my bedroom up to block out the sound.

It didn't work out in the long run and my son and her eventually broke up.

 

[John Picard]

"Concubine?"

Every day I wake up thinking it's the 21st Century, and every day I'm reminded it's still the 19th.

Come to Oklahoma, where sometimes the 17th Century is the norm.

 

[Kirk's_Tights]

Parents need to GTFO. If he was a 16 year old kid, yeah, step in, but the guy is an ADULT and if his woman is bad for him, he needs to learn on his own.

Man, I hate it when parents just can't let their kids grow up. Everyone goes through shit, just let the guy learn the many lessons in life on his own. He doesn't need mommy and daddy to hold his hand anymore.

 

[LaxScrutiny]

Simple and common example of passive-agressive:

Person A insults Person B. Person B is hurt/offended. Person A says, "What? Can't you take a joke?"

Which is different from "I was only joking," which could at least be impliedly apologetic, depending on Person A's assholiness.

I'm not sure where you are getting your notion of what passive-aggressive is.

Your example is pure aggressive behaviour. Person A says something hurtful, and then further criticizes person B with another put-down for their feelings. The behaviour is brutal if you have to put up with regularly.

Passive-aggressive has nothing to do with this. A "classic" example is telling your teenager to clean their room, they say "OK, I'll do it tonght" and then don't do it. They do not argue, they agree with you, every reason you give them they will find perfectly logical, but in the end they refuse to do what you ask, while avoiding any conflict over it. The behaviour is aggressive because in the end, one person is in control of the situation, and that person is the passive-aggressive who gets their way every time without a fight.