Script blunders!

Discussion in 'Star Trek - The Original & Animated Series' started by Don Drutherford, Jun 6, 2020.

  1. Therin of Andor

    Therin of Andor Admiral Admiral

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    As I said, I am sure the last time this was brought up, someone did check the shooting script. Of course, some online scripts are transcribed from audio.

    The JA Lawrence adaptation for Bantam is corrected. It says:

    I recall this episode has numerous errors. At the last minute, Barbara Baldavin suggested that "Mary Teller" become her previous character, "Angela Martine", but Kirk calls her "Teller" before the name change, and then later her new boyfriend calls her Angela.
     
  2. Lord Garth

    Lord Garth Vice Admiral Admiral

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    "The Corbomite Maneuver"

    Balok was supposed to remind them they had one minute before he'd destroy them. Sulu would've replied with "I knew he would". In post-production, they forgot to add in Balok's one-minute threat. So Sulu's "I knew he would" sounded like it came from out of nowhere.

    I'm not too crazy about some of their choices, but if TOS-R fixed an easy-to-fix honest mistake like this, that's something I would've been okay with. It's pretty obvious that was just a screw-up.
     
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  3. Grant

    Grant Commodore Commodore

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    Also not a script blunder but an actor or director error in corbomite maneuver is when Balock says the names of Bailey and McCoy he looks at Bailey when he says McCoy and he looks at McCoy when he says Bailey.
     
  4. ZapBrannigan

    ZapBrannigan Rear Admiral Rear Admiral

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    Not knowing about production dubbing errors, I spent my childhood thinking "I knew he would" referred to Kirk's apology to McCoy. Meaning "I knew the Captain would apologize." It was the only thing that made any sense.
     
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  5. Grant

    Grant Commodore Commodore

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    The funny thing is when they snatched the Balok puppet line of "you now have one minute" for the trailer they probably misplaced it.
    The other one that really annoys me is when Charlie says "when I came aboard!" the second and obviously mistaken time at the end of Charlie X.
    It's just so pointless and out of left field and wasn't in the script.
    Shoot if you want a thread that has Unlimited possibilities for comment it would be "editing errors in Star Trek the Original Series"
    Those would probably out number script blunders 50 to 1
     
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  6. Harvey

    Harvey Admiral Admiral

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    Sturgeon's outline was approved by NBC late during production on the first season (December 15, 1966), but he didn't deliver the first two acts of his 1st draft teleplay until March 29, 1967. Roddenberry told his agent flat out on March 15, 1967 that Sturgeon would be cut off and another writer would be assigned to write the script if he didn't deliver.

    In other words, Sturgeon blew any chance for the episode to be made during season one by taking months to produce a 1st draft teleplay. His reputation for a laborious writing process was well-earned.

    Regarding Blish's "Amok Time" adaptation, it was done for Star Trek 3 and was written well after the episode was made. I doubt Blish was sent an outline.
     
  7. ZapBrannigan

    ZapBrannigan Rear Admiral Rear Admiral

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    That's a good point about the Balok line probably going astray due to the trailer.

    It's funny, but I never thought the second "When I came aboard!" was out of place. It was panic talk. When you're desperate to be believed and have only seconds, you repeat your words, even part of a sentence, hoping it will stick the second time. He's too scared to think straight and make cogent arguments, so he's getting whatever words out he can.
     
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  8. Maurice

    Maurice Fact Trekker Premium Member

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    I doubt they misplaced the loop. It was just a goof.

    As to Sulu's line...
    Screen Shot 2020-06-07 at 9.00.48 PM.png

    But CAVEAT EMPTOR, Roddenberry apparently did a lot of rewriting on location so who knows what Takei was supposed to say?
     
  9. Grant

    Grant Commodore Commodore

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    I might tend to agree that the second time he said it was possibly intended except if my memory is serving me right the second time he says it he's not on screen. It's a shot of the rest of the crew reacting to his pleas. So something tells me that they had an insert shot of the crew reacting to his begging and they felt like they had to add an extra line of dialogue for the crew to be listening to as they show their empathy towards him.
    Another editing error that drives me crazy is in naked time when apparently at the director's behest they switched Kirk and Spock being alerted to the dog being split into two much earlier in the cut. Except both Spock and Kirk cannot put two and two together and conclude the same thing has happened to Kirk already! They have members of the crew claiming that Kirk is running around the ship assaulting people and acting like a madman then they're confronted with a dog that has been split into two one is insanely vicious and the other is completely Meek and between the two of them they don't immediately look at each other and say oh s*** that's what happened to me. And they do another six or seven minutes following that before they realize that there are two Kirks. Not Spock's finest Hour for logical deduction
     
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  10. alchemist

    alchemist Captain Captain

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    Briefly, in Sturgeon's final draft, Spock and Kirk enter the elevator from the bridge (Sturgeon used the word elevator) and its doors close. Spock then asks Kirk where they are going and he replies that it depends. They then have a conversation about the course change and, at the end of it, Kirk orders Spock to sickbay. Kirk exits, doors close, Spock says "Sickbay," and the elevator begins to move.
     
  11. TIN_MAN

    TIN_MAN Fleet Captain Fleet Captain

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    Ah, OK. thanks alchemist.

    So it seems my suspicion was correct, just not exactly as I thought.

    It seems as if in this draft the intent was that Kirk returns to his quarters, and Spock continues to sickbay possibly/probably on another deck? So perhaps in a later draft someone, probably Fontana, added the "deck 5" voice command to Kirk's dialogue to indicate as much, but then in a still later draft the scene was altered to how we see it in the final version, and the "deck 5" dialogue remained, even though it ended up looking like sickbay was on deck 5, despite that not being the intention?

    So, still a bit of a script blunder in IMHO, since I believe Fontana was the one who originally decided that Kirk's quarters was on deck 5.
     
  12. alchemist

    alchemist Captain Captain

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    I'm not sure I'm tracking you. Kirk stepped back onto the bridge, not his quarters.
    In both the June 3 and June 5 versions, after Kirk and Spock enter the turbolift, Kirk says deck five and, after arriving there, Spock gets out and goes to sickbay. Kirk continues on. My read of these scripts is that sickbay is on deck 5... right or wrong.
     
  13. Maurice

    Maurice Fact Trekker Premium Member

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    The Enterprise interior is almost as confused as that of the Seaview. ;)
     
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  14. NoGrave Dug

    NoGrave Dug Admiral Admiral

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    No that wasn't a mistake. Sulu is responding to the comment from Dr. McCoy of:

    McCoy: "... That you had other things on your mind? My fault. I don't know how you kept from punching me in the mouth."

    To which Sulu ultimately replies:

    Sulu: "I knew he would..."
     
  15. Mr. Spook

    Mr. Spook Rear Admiral Rear Admiral

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    Nah, then Sulu would have said it sooner and before he said "one minute." McCoy says his line and then there's a pause in any dialog, just music and a shot of the chronometer. Finally, Sulu tells them they reached the one minute mark. Far too much time in TV terms to be responding to McCoy. And who is he talking to? There's nobody in the navigator's seat yet. However, if you actually take Balok's "one minute" off the trailer and onto the episode, it works perfectly.
     
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  16. NoGrave Dug

    NoGrave Dug Admiral Admiral

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    He's talking to Kirk and McCoy. And yes, I too think it was awkward the way it played out in the scene; but it does make sense in the context of the dialogue of that entire scene; and also lets the audience know that it's a small Bridge and you can't whisper anything that the crew on that Bridge can't hear.
     
  17. Mr. Spook

    Mr. Spook Rear Admiral Rear Admiral

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    If you're looking for an in-universe explanation for why it exists, sure, but if the novelizations are taken from the script, the book has them saying it in unison. I'm sure someone here, maybe @Harvey or @Maurice has a copy of the script.
     
    Last edited: Jun 9, 2020
  18. Maurice

    Maurice Fact Trekker Premium Member

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    It's a well-known dubbing error. It's very clear in the script that what's supposed to happen is Sulu is supposed to say "One minute," as Balok announces "You now have one minute."

    From The Roddenberry Vault we know they filmed the, er, unfortunate dialog that follows it...

    Screen Shot 2020-06-08 at 6.53.32 PM.png Screen Shot 2020-06-08 at 6.53.08 PM.png

    What's interesting was I cracked open two drafts of the script to check this. The above is from the May 20,1966 draft. A few weeks earlier the the May 3 draft has less Sulu lines and there's a Lt. Easton at the navigator's station and Bailey at communications. In the final script Bailey's character becomes a combination of him and Easton, and Uhura gets stuck in at communications with very little to do except say her catchphrase.
     
    Last edited: Jun 9, 2020
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  19. Grant

    Grant Commodore Commodore

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    There is no way he was talking about McCoy and Kirk. Clearly an editing error
     
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  20. Mr. Spook

    Mr. Spook Rear Admiral Rear Admiral

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    Yup that awful dialog is quoted verbatim in Star Trek 12. Thanks @Maurice

    Even with the cringeworthy "inscrutable Oriental" discussion, what I hated was that Sulu could say..."you know...those images on celluloid stuff" before someone had to say "cinema" and "movies." He even says he watched them, yet "celluloid" stuck in his brain instead of "movies" or "cinema" or even "entertainment tapes."

    It's like saying "he opened that...you know, the wooden panel with hinges and a handle...?"
    "A door."

    Just terrible. Wisely cut.
     
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