Let's face it. If you feel insulted by a compliment like "You have a lovely wife", then, quite frankly, it's your loss, and I don't give a damn. You sound like someone who looks for opportunities to feel offended.
Sayings that you hate now
- Thread starter Miss Chicken
- Start date
Here's one I hate:
"Stay cool" (if it's hot) or "Stay warm" (if it's cold).
I always want to say back, "You know? If you hadn't said that, I'd have been standing outside freezing my ass off, but now that you fucking REMINDED me to stay warm, jackass, I guess I'll do it!"
And of course this:
[yt]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7vmknnXoOJk[/yt]
"Stay cool" (if it's hot) or "Stay warm" (if it's cold).
I always want to say back, "You know? If you hadn't said that, I'd have been standing outside freezing my ass off, but now that you fucking REMINDED me to stay warm, jackass, I guess I'll do it!"
And of course this:
[yt]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7vmknnXoOJk[/yt]
I don't exactly hate it, but it really puzzles me when I'm in the US and at every shop the staff asks "How are you today?" I am never sure what I am expected to say. I'm aware that it's just a phrase but would it be acceptable for me to speak the truth (not that well, I have a horrible headache, but thanks for asking) or am I expected to follow the hollowed American tradition of white lies and say "thanks, I'm fine" even when I'm on the verge of dying?
That really depends on how much of a follow-up conversation you want to have.
My customers ask me how I'm doing all the time, and I've gotten so bored with the question that my standard answer is now, "Oh, you know," and then I walk away.
That, or I say "Can't complain," which is always followed up with the even more annoying, "It wouldn't matter if you did."
Just say "fine, thanks, how are you" and be done with it? I don't get why you have to label it negative with "lie".
And then, you might try to speak the truth by saying "no I have a headache" and may realize that the other side actually cares.
Btw, do you also have an issue with TV and radio news anchors greeting you with "Good morning/day/evening"? They can't see you, they don't even know you, why are they wasting their time?
I usually go with "not too bad." That's probably accurate most of the time.
Good idea!
@RoJoHen: that'd be mean. After all they are just doing their job
Jarod, I meant no insult. I was given to understand that "white lies" is an official term for an untruth you are expected to say in certain social situations.
This is one of these cases where cultural differences between countries suddenly become obvious.
In my country we don't know the concept of white lies. So much so that we don't even have a word for them.
We do lie - to people we heartily dislike or when a lie is necessary to rescue or necks (we call the latter emergency-lies).
It all boils down to a question of etiquette. In Germany, the question "how are you" is used to start a conversation. You are supposed to tell the true state of your physical and/or emotional condition.
In a shop such a question would therefore be considered too personal and hence inappropriate. The staff will only say "good morning/evening. Can I help you?"
In the US it's different. But I am not certain what the proper American etiquette would be. Am I supposed to answer the phrase with another phrase (I'm fine, thanks. How are you?) or am I allowed to say the truth, at the risk of knocking the poor staff member off kilter?
At my visits to America I noticed that one is generally supposed to keep an unpleasant truth not only to oneself but to assure the other person of the opposite.
For example: "do I look fat in this dress?"
American hubby: "not at all! You look gorgeous!" Result: woman goes out in that dress and becomes the laughing stock of half the town.
German hubby: "well, since you ask, a little bit indeed. How about wearing the blue one? I think you look better in that" Result: wife wears blue dress that camouflages those of her curves that are not-so-perfect.
The difference is: Americans believe that an unpleasant truth always hurts equally bad. Germans believe that the truth will inevitably arise and that it's better to hear it from someone we like because they'll break it to us gentler than strangers.
Mind, I don't say either way is better. My point is that different countries have different etiquette and different ways of dealing with the same problem. This leads all too often to misunderstandings that are embarassing at best and can lead to flame wars at worst.
@RoJoHen: that'd be mean. After all they are just doing their job
Jarod, I meant no insult. I was given to understand that "white lies" is an official term for an untruth you are expected to say in certain social situations.
This is one of these cases where cultural differences between countries suddenly become obvious.
In my country we don't know the concept of white lies. So much so that we don't even have a word for them.
We do lie - to people we heartily dislike or when a lie is necessary to rescue or necks (we call the latter emergency-lies).
It all boils down to a question of etiquette. In Germany, the question "how are you" is used to start a conversation. You are supposed to tell the true state of your physical and/or emotional condition.
In a shop such a question would therefore be considered too personal and hence inappropriate. The staff will only say "good morning/evening. Can I help you?"
In the US it's different. But I am not certain what the proper American etiquette would be. Am I supposed to answer the phrase with another phrase (I'm fine, thanks. How are you?) or am I allowed to say the truth, at the risk of knocking the poor staff member off kilter?
At my visits to America I noticed that one is generally supposed to keep an unpleasant truth not only to oneself but to assure the other person of the opposite.
For example: "do I look fat in this dress?"
American hubby: "not at all! You look gorgeous!" Result: woman goes out in that dress and becomes the laughing stock of half the town.
German hubby: "well, since you ask, a little bit indeed. How about wearing the blue one? I think you look better in that" Result: wife wears blue dress that camouflages those of her curves that are not-so-perfect.
The difference is: Americans believe that an unpleasant truth always hurts equally bad. Germans believe that the truth will inevitably arise and that it's better to hear it from someone we like because they'll break it to us gentler than strangers.
Mind, I don't say either way is better. My point is that different countries have different etiquette and different ways of dealing with the same problem. This leads all too often to misunderstandings that are embarassing at best and can lead to flame wars at worst.
The question about how to respond is if you want to start a conversation. You said that, generally, it's not something you would be talking to a stranger about and I tend to agree. But it's your response that makes it a conversation rather than just a response acknowledging the fact that the person acknowledged you.
Although it's not entirely useless. Certainly, if it's something within the power of the person you are speaking to to correct, feel free to bring it up.
Although it's not entirely useless. Certainly, if it's something within the power of the person you are speaking to to correct, feel free to bring it up.
Rhubarbodendron, I think I like the German way you describe better than the American. I rarely ask people how they are unless I really want to know, but I'm not typical. "Fine, thanks" is the safe and usually-expected answer when it's a stranger asking. Think of it as a ritual, rather than a conversation.
I don't know about the rest of the buisness world, but at the small chiropractic office where I work we are told to ask "how are you today" as a way of making the patient feel welcome. As for the "appropriate" response, there isn't one. Whether they say I feel awful or just fine is up to them. Of course thats for a health care facility. I have no idea how someone in a grocery store would expect the customer to answer...
It should instead be followed up with, "You're right. You can't."
*sad panda* Washington State passed a bill that by the end of next year, plastic will no longer be available and stores will start charging for paper. Unless, of course; the customers have their own fabric, re-usable bags. I work in Snohomish County, which is one of three that haven't yet complied with that bill.
^I live on Camano, but I work in Stanwood.
Indeed. I live in the U.S and I still find that puzzling. However, we're just a bunch of courteous people trying to be friendly. I admit, I ask that question everyday at work. It's kind of an ice-breaker for what I do.
I try not to talk like that to customers at my store. If somebody obviously needs help, I'll ask them if I can help, but if they're just shopping, I'll keep my mouth shut. I don't see it as any of my BUSINESS how the customer is doing.
I'm not a big fan of small talk, obviously.
I'm not a big fan of small talk, obviously.
Haven't seen a paper bag here at all. Of course, we actually *use* our plastic bags beyond just bringing home the groceries. Usually we use them to seal up diapers, cat poop, or clothes that our 4 year old had an "accident" in. I wouldn't want to do any of that with a fabric bag!
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