Yeah, I do that sometimes, too, Kestra. I mean hold myself together until someone is sympathetic. Depending on who that someone is, I may feel relieved or just foolish.
Sayings that you hate now
- Thread starter Miss Chicken
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And then walk away because they know you don't want to hear anything else from them anyway.
No, you then hug the person and let the person talk if they want to.
But we don't want to hear any forms of "I understand", "It could be worse" and "It will get better" during that.
You guys are condemning people for trying to let you know that they care with the basic sayings everyone fucking says in these situations. "It's gonna be alright", and stuff like that. Man, miserable people can be so damn egoistical at times.
A saying doesn't get any less annoying, or more justified, the more people say it. If anything, the opposite applies.
What's annoying for you doesn't have to be annoying for others. There's no facts here, only opinions. And blaming people for using sayings you personally don't like is pretty arrogant.
That said, I'll keep saying "It's gonna be alright" and "It will get better" when someone is in trouble.
I don't think Mr Laserbeam meant to blame people for using sayings he dislikes. What he meant, I believe, is that sometimes there is a phrase that you really dislike. And if it's a popular one and lots of people say it all the time, it gets even more annoying. It's like screeching chalk on a blackboard. Once in a while is bad enough, but imagine you'll have to hear it all day long...
While "it's gonna be allright / will get better" is a comfort at times, in a situation that you are certain won't improve its use is not really appreciated. It always depends on the situation. For example, it would be pretty foolish to say it to someone who's on the verge of dying. It might, however, be helpful with a kid who fell and hurt a knee.
The problem is, imo, that many people use those phrases without thinking. It's just like saying "Gesundheit!" when someone sneezes. It's something you do automatically, because it's what one does. But you don't consider first that it means "good health to you!" and then very deliberately wish that to the sneezing person.
Thoughtless phrases, if recognized as such, can hurt more than insults because they indirectly tell us that the other person doesn't really care about us but reacts only automatically and without conscious thinking.
If you manage to put some feelings behind the words, it's a completely different matter. Then it's really a comfort
While "it's gonna be allright / will get better" is a comfort at times, in a situation that you are certain won't improve its use is not really appreciated. It always depends on the situation. For example, it would be pretty foolish to say it to someone who's on the verge of dying. It might, however, be helpful with a kid who fell and hurt a knee.
The problem is, imo, that many people use those phrases without thinking. It's just like saying "Gesundheit!" when someone sneezes. It's something you do automatically, because it's what one does. But you don't consider first that it means "good health to you!" and then very deliberately wish that to the sneezing person.
Thoughtless phrases, if recognized as such, can hurt more than insults because they indirectly tell us that the other person doesn't really care about us but reacts only automatically and without conscious thinking.
If you manage to put some feelings behind the words, it's a completely different matter. Then it's really a comfort
"All you do is fuck around on the computer all day" / "All you do is play games on the computer all day" - Yep, that's exactly what I get paid for by clients to do, fuck around on the comp all day. Soon as I finish this brochure that I got the contract on two days ago and is do tomorrow, update this online catalog, and do about 3 hours a day of online classes for new certifications, I'll get back to that game of Star Trek Online you say me playing on my lunch break for all of 15 minutes before the phone rang.
"Working from home is so easy, all you do is sit around and get paid to do jack shit, you got it made." - just fucking die already, please. I'll trade my contract to contract freelance (and dwindling) income for your week to week paycheck with benefits, then you can sit at home trying to drum up contracts, deal with the headaches of clients that know piss all about what they want, then sweat when some client fucks up legally and you find out when they call in a panic about legal threats and, oh by the way, they've put you in the middle cause you did the work for them.
"Working from home is so easy, all you do is sit around and get paid to do jack shit, you got it made." - just fucking die already, please. I'll trade my contract to contract freelance (and dwindling) income for your week to week paycheck with benefits, then you can sit at home trying to drum up contracts, deal with the headaches of clients that know piss all about what they want, then sweat when some client fucks up legally and you find out when they call in a panic about legal threats and, oh by the way, they've put you in the middle cause you did the work for them.
Seer, I totally agree. As a freelance video editor it can be up or down in the jobs department. I love when my mom Skype's me and wants to go on and on and I'm like I have to get back to work and she's all, "you work from home and have plenty of time to chat."
Problem is a lot of employers do and so do people that don't get the "work" part of "work from home" when you tell them what you do. "So you want to be on contract...well, yeah we know the ad called for telecommuting, but isn't that the same thing as freelancing?"
Exactly. Say less, listen more to the person who's hurting.
I agree. It's all about the context.
Thoughtless phrases, if recognized as such, can hurt more than insults because they indirectly tell us that the other person doesn't really care about us but reacts only automatically and without conscious thinking.
If you manage to put some feelings behind the words, it's a completely different matter. Then it's really a comfort
Yup. I've had people say things to me that would normally infuriate me, but the expression on their face spoke way more clearly than their inept words, and I was fine. I could even laugh afterwards, "I can't believe he said that, and I actually felt better!"
Something I've found in the last two and a half years is that the people who said little more than, "OMG, I'm so sorry!" when they first learned of my crises tended (notice I said "tended"; these are not absolutes) to be the ones who listened, or just sat with me while I cried, or provided practical assistance. They are the ones I will be eternally grateful for. The ones who initially said the most tended to be the ones who in the long run were less supportive, both emotionally and practically.
Ironically, the least helpful/reliable were the ones who started out with the most enthusiastic variations on, "Please let me know if there's anything I can do to help. Anything at all!" Anything apparently except what I actually needed -- mostly simple stuff, like a ride to a doctor's appointment. I suspect that on some level they were making the offer more to feel good about themselves than anything to do with me.
"What can I do to help?" is a wonderful thing to say -- when you really mean it and act on it. Otherwise, it goes on the hated sayings list for setting up false expectations.
(Okay, rant over.
)
Oh, joys of freelance work! When I worked as a translator, my mother kept asking when I'd get a "real" job. If my job wasn't real, then why was I making 3x more than she did in her real job?
No doubt, I don't think either of us was trying to say that all people who work from home are freelancers. I think we were both lamenting about the attitude people have towards people who work from home.
Those people are such fun when they have a bad day. That face of dawning realization that their "passion" is actually work and work isn't all that fun.
Here's some for all the writers in the house:
"What's so hard about writing?"
"400 pages, big deal I could do that in a couple hours, it's not like real work"
"Why don't you right one of those (insert hot book of the moment) they make a mint"
"Writer? Fuck sell one book and you're set for life."
"You got rejected? Maybe if you wrote like (insert popular fad author of the week) you could sell a book."
"You know what your problem is? You just need to do it, just write a book and sell it. Why's that so hard?"
Or any variation of the above.
I say "you're so good looking" instead of gesundheit or "bless you". If the person has seen Seinfeld, I'll get a chuckle, if not
"Fiscal cliff".
Must they use such a melodramatic phrase? "Oh no, look at all the finances going off the fiscal cliff, into the canyon. We'll all be doomed."
I get so tired of media fear-mongering about this or that next big crisis. Yet I keep tuning in to the news because I like to keep informed about current events.
Must they use such a melodramatic phrase? "Oh no, look at all the finances going off the fiscal cliff, into the canyon. We'll all be doomed."
I get so tired of media fear-mongering about this or that next big crisis. Yet I keep tuning in to the news because I like to keep informed about current events.
^Along those lines, "global warming." I'm not saying that I believe in it one way or another, but I get tired of the term being thrown around any time the weather is slightly warmer than normal.
It's in the 60s today, which is unseasonably warm for December. My Facebook is full of people blaming global warming and the fact that we're killing the planet.
Weather =/= Climate. Sometimes the weather is just weird. I'm sure it'll be below freezing in no time.
It's in the 60s today, which is unseasonably warm for December. My Facebook is full of people blaming global warming and the fact that we're killing the planet.
Weather =/= Climate. Sometimes the weather is just weird. I'm sure it'll be below freezing in no time.
This.
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