First of all, don't you think you're treating this a tad too personally? Secondly, there are two important differences between the Klingon Civil War and the current situation in the Star Empire. Firstly, the Romulan involvement in the Klingon conflict was subversive, hidden. The Federation dragged the foreign manipulation of events out into the light. So far, the involvement of the Federation and the Klingons in Romulan affairs has been totally overt and above the board: offering themselves as mediators, or making official diplomatic recognition of Donatra's splinter nation. Secondly, the Klingons are allies and the Romulans are not. When it became obvious that the Klingon government that being attacked by an internal faction allied with an outside power, the Federation was able to respond per their pledge of mutual protection against Romulan aggression. The Federation has no such treaties with the Romulans, which is really the Romulans' fault and not lack of good faith on the Federation's part; if the Klingons choose to invade Romulan territory, the Federation could certainly voice it's discontent and maybe even put economic pressure on the Klingons to halt hostilities, but they have no grounds on which to intervene militarily.
Fictitiously yours, Trent Roman