Rename An Episode!

[MeanJoePhaser]

The Retconning
Starfleet's official recorded history is in doubt when recently discovered ancient Bajoran writings reveal that Capt. Johnathan Archer (Scott Bakula) made contact with the wormhole aliens over 200 years prior to Sisko and enlisted their aid in defeating time travelling, Pagh-Wraith possessed, alien nazis who, in violation of temporal accords, used future technology to help 22nd century Cardassians become a major military power.

 

[The Laughing Vulcan]

Valley Aunt

The California bronzed kids of Red Squad that have been crewing the Valiant behind enemy lines for months, face their toughest challenge when Captain Snot-Nosed-Brat's aunt beams aboard to beat two shades of shit out of them all, for being so fucking annoying. Nog gets a smack too for good measure, and Jake laughs his head off at the sheer justice of it all.

 

[MyCylon]

Prophets in Space

Civil war breaks out on Bajor as news of a sequel to "Muppets in Space" becomes public. The all-star Muppets cast is reunited in a parody based on the life of the Emissary. Kermit the Frog is set to star as one Captain Sisko with Miss Piggy playing Kai Winn at his side.

A first teaser trailer quickly spreads, showing Captain Sisko / Kermit having a nervous breakdown: "It's REEEAAAAL....Applause, applause, applause!"

 

[AdmiralGarak]

Time's Orca
The Prophets, coincidentally the creators of the whale probe from ST4, conjur a new Emissary and Orb to guide the superior form of life on Earth. Unfortunately, they miscalculate. Their Emissary arrives high above the surface of the planet, which is not a naturally tenable position for an Orca. Consequently, the Emissary has little time to come to grips with being the Emissary, before it has to come to grips with not being the Emissary any longer.

Curiously, the only thing that the Orb of the Orca thought was, "Oh, no! Not again."

 

[The Laughing Vulcan]

The Hound of Dr Boyce

It has been tradition since the early days of Starfleet for there to be a canine mascot for the organisation. The first was a beagle named Porthos, but the current title holder is the dog that once belonged to the Doctor of the Enterprise under Pike. It also holds the galactic record for the oldest dog in the Galaxy. It's DS9's turn to host Starfleet's mascot for the next month, only no one has told the Klingon chef that dogs aren't ingredients.

 

[MyCylon]

AdmiralGarak said:
Time's Orca
The Prophets, coincidentally the creators of the whale probe from ST4, conjur a new Emissary and Orb to guide the superior form of life on Earth. Unfortunately, they miscalculate. Their Emissary arrives high above the surface of the planet, which is not a naturally tenable position for an Orca. Consequently, the Emissary has little time to come to grips with being the Emissary, before it has to come to grips with not being the Emissary any longer.

Curiously, the only thing that the Orb of the Orca thought was, "Oh, no! Not again."

What about the petunias? What about the petunias?!?

 

[MyCylon]

"Cheers!" to the Prophets

Miles and Julian get together for a fun evening of darts and drinking at Quark's which soon turns into drinking and darts. Everything is good and well until the Chief decides to bring a toast to the Prophets:
"Here's to the Prophets: Their children don't know the first thing about brewing but their female Majors are hot! I should know - I almost slept with one. Cheers!"

 

[MeanJoePhaser]

Imagine "The Stand"
After Jadzia is killed by Captain Trips (guest star Ted McGinley), a distraught Sisko has visions of an old woman who tells him to "come to Hemmingford Home and bring all your friends". Written and directed by Richard Bachman.

 

[MyCylon]

Wow! We're through six seasons

So, here's the roundup with great stuff as usual, methinks :

At Times, You're Bland
Rakes and Shovels
Nuns and Fathers
Behind the Times
Favor the Bolded Text
Sacrifice Of Virgins
Your Corduroy Ignited...
Bowel Resection
Magical Portability
The Magnificent Bon Jovi
Lambada
Who Mourns for Porn?
Fart Beyond The Stars
One Little Shit
Honour Among Thieves
Range of a Dart
Thongs Tighter Than Heck are Right
Ink Physician
In the Cell, Dark Knight!
His Sway
The Retconning
Valley Aunt
Prophets in Space
Time's Orca
The Hound of Dr Boyce
Cheers! to the Prophets

 

[The Laughing Vulcan]

Shades and Cymbals

Sisko realises that it's time to resurrect the band, but without a drummer after Jadzia's death, there's no hope of hitting the big time. That's until a cool Bajoran guitarist from the 25th Century shows up in a telephone box with a pair of shades. When Sisko tries them on, he can see a mystical line pointing to the stars, where the fabled drumsticks of B'Hala are located.

 

[MyCylon]

Fatter image

Miles and Keiko get into a fight when she finds out he's been playing around with a picture of hers in Photoshop and posted it on the station's intranet...

 

[The Laughing Vulcan]

Take Me Out Of The Hollow Sweet

The Wabbitations of the planet Ae'Aster IV have invaded the station, and are trapping the crew in giant chocolate confectionary, to be taken back to their own world and secreted in a giant garden. It's up to Molly and her sweet tooth to save the day.

 

[AdmiralGarak]

Kringleless
The final installment of the epic saga.

Worf hangs up his sleighbells declaring that the whole "Santa Worf" running joke has gotten stale. Now who will fill his shiny boots? With Christmas Eve looming near, the replacements just aren't shaping up well.

Santa Quark insists that the orphans should be happy that he's offering such a reasonable price for his toys.

Santa Sloan's elves are stymied when he classifies the list of who's been naughty and nice. They're the lucky ones, though. After all, nobody's seen hide-nor-hair of Santa Tain's elves.

Santa Smiley is too busy tinkering with his sleigh to deliver toys, Santa Patrick answers the requests of each small child that sits on his lap with "That's a stupid wish!", and the less said about the sort of toys that Santa Intendant places in the kiddies' stockings the better.

 

[The Laughing Vulcan]

Buffy, Faith and the Great TV Marathon

After watching seven straight seasons of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, the station command crew (all except Sisko who complained that it wasn't really like that for African American vampires back in the twenty-first century) all go Buffy crazy, start a fan BBS on the station computer, start wise-cracking and suffering from latent teen angst, and wearing moody leather coats and walking moodily down the promenade in slow motion.

Sisko bans TV when Worf the Jem'Hadar slayer replaces the hand phasers with pointy wooden sticks.

 

[MeanJoePhaser]

Once More Son of the Beach
Retired lifeguard Notch Johnson (Timothy Stack) joins the Defiant's crew to help rescue the Federation's most cunning linguist, Johnny Queefer (David Arquette), from the Dominion.

 

[The Laughing Vulcan]

The Sleigh of AR-558

Worf is persuaded to dust of the old red suit and fake stomach, and head out to give all the nice kiddies on the front lines their gifts. Trouble arises when Santa Worf learns that the elves, Rom and Quark, have sold all the biogenic weapons and replaced them with candy canes.

 

[MeanJoePhaser]

Oven Mitt
Major Kira stumbles across a cult of Bajoran heretics who worship an old Arby's mascot.

 

[The Laughing Vulcan]

It's Only A Wafer Thin Moon

Sisko comes up with the latest plan to defeat the Dominion, feed them to death. He enlists Garak to don the waiter's uniform as he cooks up a massive repast to sate even the grandest of appetites. The piece de resistance will be a confection par excellence. In his eagerness, he forgets that neither the Jem'Hadar nor the Founders eat, and the Vorta don't have taste buds.

On the bright side, exploding Breen look like Gremlins in the microwave.

 

[MeanJoePhaser]

Prodigal Fodder
Sisko decides he finds Ezri Dax too annoying to be around and transfers her to a front line combat unit.

 

[The Laughing Vulcan]

The Emperor's New Bloke.

Who would have figured it, Kahless clone is gay. Having killed his previous lover in the heat of passion, he visits DS9 to put the moves on Worf, but instead finds himself attracted to Quark...