Emperor Kuzco: Tells the Klingons they threw off his groove. Winds up here. Again.
Random characters' Kobayashi Maru
- Thread starter F. King Daniel
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Second attempt: Knowing what a whiny puss his XO is, as soon as the Kobayashi Maru's distress signal is received Jellico whips out a hand phaser and stuns the bastard, then says to the bridge personnel, "You do as I say, when I say, or you join him! Anybody got a problem with that?" The helmsman starts to say something. Jellico stuns him. Everyone else shuts up. Jellico takes over the helm himself and runs the rescue the way he originally intended, saving the KM's crew.
Christopher Pike: Fills his mind with hate and gets himself captured while letting Number One rescue everybody.
Col. Jack O'Neill: Leads a four-man team through a wormhole onto the Klingon ship holding the KM's crew, rescues them, and tells the Klingons "Give my regards to Kahless, assholes." before escaping and letting Major Carter use a nearby sun to blow up all the Klingon ships.
Commander Bill Adama: Stares at the Klingon ships. The Klingons pee themselves and turn over the hostages without a fight.
Admiral Ackbar: Yells out "Its a trap! Concentrate your fire on that super Klingon cruiser!" The cruiser is destroyed...but the hostages were aboard. Test failed.
Jack Reacher: Beats every Klingon within an inch of his life. The Klingons surrender the hostages and beg forgiveness. Reacher says nothing.
Yzma: Tells Kronk to pull the lever. Kronk pulls wrong lever. Yzma and Kronk get beamed into a dungeon while the ship is destroyed.
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The only problem with most of the scenarios I'm reading here is that they are all scenarios where the character wins. The KM is no-win! Expound upon how they LOSE!
Different situation. Picard was saving his own man AND a Romulan. He wouldn't have taken the risk if it were just his own man.
[Kirk]I don't believe in the no-win scenario...[/Kirk]
Hannibal Lecter: Surrenders his ship on one condition - that the Klingon commander joins him for dinner.
Kylo Ren: Loses badly. Then has an epic temper tantrum, slicing up the simulator room with his light saber and force-choking his classmates and instructors.
Kylo Ren: Loses badly. Then has an epic temper tantrum, slicing up the simulator room with his light saber and force-choking his classmates and instructors.
Don Draper: Skips town and steals the identity of somebody who died in a mishap with the test, and becomes an executive on Madison Avenue. Because this device isn't a spaceship... it's a time machine. It goes backwards, and forwards. It takes us to a place where we ache to go again.
Kor
Kor
But it believes in you.
Kirk could have not believed in STD's either, but that wouldn't have helped him if he didn't use a Khandom or if he didn't have McCoy.
There's no way to actually beat the no-win scenario. That's not the point. The point is to see how you face failure.
(When real life failure struck in ST:II, it was Spock that saved the day. Kirk sat on the bridge waiting to die like the rest of them.)
Here's a question: what did Kirk do the first two times he took the Kobayashi Maru?
Star Trek's future is a utopia paradise where all STDs can be cured.
Failed. Probably in a very similar manner to how Saavik failed in TWOK, too. I'm sure that the second time around he tried a completely new tactic that failed just like the first time, which confirmed Kirk's suspicions that the test was actually impossible to beat.
And thus a plan was hatched...
Arpy, go rent a sense of humor, willya?
I don't need a dissertation on the purpose of the test. I've seen the movie dozens of times. I heard the talking points.
You should not be taking this thread this seriously. Who cares how any of the characters actually do on the test?
No.
Arpy, go rent a sense of humor, willya?
Now answer the question. What did Kirk do the first couple times he took it?
...and what part of "Khandom" wasn't funny?
No.
Now answer the question. What did Kirk do the first couple times he took it?
He died!
Captain Gary Johnson: Claims both the Federation and the Klingons are terrible, and that Starfleet shouldn't be the galaxy's policemen, and stands down. Everyone on the Kobayashi Maru dies. The Klingons attack and destroy his ship anyway. His final score of 7% on the exam is still the best anyone from the planet Libertaria has ever managed. Somehow manages to lower other testee's scores through some kind of osmosis.
James R. Kirk - Rips his shirt, then rams Klingon ships into a black hole. While the Klingon ships take their sweet time to get out of the black hole; Kirk shoots an asteroid which smashes into them. This entombs them in the black hole forever. The sad part is Kirk and the Klingons used to be best friends.
No.
Now answer the question. What did Kirk do the first couple times he took it?
No, because this thread isn't about a serious philosophical discussion about how anybody passes or fails the test.
Back on topic:
Tim Tebow: fires one torpedo that misses every Klingon ship by a country mile, then takes a knee and thanks god for the opportunity. Klingons are too busy LOLing to threaten the KM. Victory!
Ryan Lochte: fails horribly but claims it was because he was robbed at phaser-point by Orions.
Anthony Weiner: fails horribly because he was sexting Lt. Saavik.
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Actually, Mr. Current Events, it's whatever you want it to be.
But I guess I've have to [Khan]Explain it to them...[/Khan]
Kirk Attempt 1: Sends general message of intention to save stranded vessel, enters Neutral Zone, is ambushed, fires at will, abandons ship, half the Klingons and all Federation citizens die. Takes it personal.
Kirk Attempt 2: Doesn't cross Neutral Zone; seduces Klingon captainess, but ultimately fails as she only has eyes for her lieutenant Vixis; talks K't'inga computer into self-destructive lustback loop; is killed by Enterprise computer, jealous of the attention he gave K't'inga -- Kirk may have any fleshling, but 'ship only with her.
Upon failing in art of seduction, he understands the system is rigged. Formulates final strategy...
EDIT: goddamn autocorrect
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